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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 716167 times)

Rose

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2235 on: May 16, 2015, 10:42:15 pm »

Why use "U" instead of "you" if all the other grammar is adequate.

And why the gratuitous use of smiley faces.
Whatsapp.
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Descan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2236 on: May 16, 2015, 10:44:31 pm »

Why use "U" instead of "you" if all the other grammar is adequate.

And why the gratuitous use of smiley faces.
It's the culture

The culture of really really new-to-the-internet folks.

:v
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Eric Blank

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2237 on: May 16, 2015, 11:54:29 pm »

"New to the internet" is no excuse for terrible grammar and overuse of smily face balls.

I say we hang them.
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Rose

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2238 on: May 16, 2015, 11:58:02 pm »

It all adds to the terribleness of the joke.
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2239 on: May 17, 2015, 12:25:29 am »

I say we hang them.
I'm a fan of a good old-fashioned beheading, myself.
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Hard science is like a sword, and soft science is like fear. You can use both to equally powerful results, but even if your opponent disbelieve your stabs, they will still die.

Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2240 on: May 17, 2015, 11:55:19 am »

Quote from: Whatsapp
This needs to be shared 😜😜

Son: Mom, U said that we
         are created by God
         and dad said that we
         have evolved from
         monkeys, Which is
         true?

Mom:   I told U about my
             side of the family
              and he told about
               his side of the
               family.
            😜😂😜😂

This makes me want to viciously, and without mercy, club this person who wrote this to a bloody end.

*sigh* I guess I should contribute a terrible joke as well...

How did the physics professor load the cars in to the Auto Transport Trailer?
He put the '92 impulse on top.

GET IT???
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This conversation is getting disturbing fast, disturbingly erotic.

Tack

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2241 on: May 17, 2015, 12:43:30 pm »

"You expect me to breath with all these steaks!?"
"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to dine."

*SILENT LAUGH*
"Well I wish to see a waiter because discourse is too rare."

In other news- jokes stolen from an ancient thread!

- All true famers are men outstanding in their fields.

- What has four legs and one arm?
A happy pitbull

- What's green, has four legs, and can kill a grown human by falling from a tree?
Pool table

- Where did little Suzy go during the air raid?
Eveywhere.

- What color were Suzy's eyes?
Blue. One blue one way, one blue the other.

- Why did the chicken cross the highway?
Who cares, it didn't succeed.

And finally:
An old farmer is sitting on his deck when he sees a drunk come stumbling around d the corner singing at the top of his lungs. He yells "Shut up ya bum!"
But he continues.
The old man now fed up with this gets up and walks away, but the drunk, enjoying this new game, pursues him, still bellowing classics at the top of his lungs.
The farmer takes this man on a merry chase, eventually reaching a river which he begins to ford.
The drunk starts to follow him, whereupon the farmer, having lost his nerve, turns around and dunks him.
He holds the drunkard's head underwater for a full five minutes, before judging him to be either dead or too waterlogged to cause him any more annoyance. Satisfied, he leaves the body to drift downstream.
Sadly though as soon as he exits the river he is met by more deranged singing.
Which just goes to show you can lead a drunk to water but you can't make him hoarse.

Part 3: 'Cos I just can't stop now.
These are all 4:00am originals.

Clyde the Daring Monster Hunter.

- Spotted some mermaids. He tried to rouse his crew, but alas they were men at ease.
- He wanted to hunt some Sirens, but alas he couldn't follow their tracks.
- Couldn't kill the Medusa. He was brave, sure, but she still petrified him.
- Took a contract to kill a Cyclops, but lost it in a red hot round of poker.
- Tried to fight a hydra, but couldn't get ahead of the curve.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2015, 01:54:48 pm by Tack »
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Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.

Sergius

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2242 on: May 17, 2015, 10:01:04 pm »

"How old is your girlfriend?"
"She's 52"
"What?! She's old enough to be your mother."
"Yeah, but she's yours."
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Rose

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2243 on: May 18, 2015, 12:05:24 am »

Another whatsapp 'gem'
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My Name is Immaterial

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2244 on: May 18, 2015, 12:08:31 am »

That's even worse than the version of that joke I had heard.

Descan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2245 on: May 18, 2015, 12:18:04 am »

How horrifically racist :V

It works just as well if it were a prison convict. :V
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Quote from: SalmonGod
Your innocent viking escapades for canadian social justice and immortality make my flagellum wiggle, too.
Quote from: Myroc
Descan confirmed for antichrist.
Quote from: LeoLeonardoIII
I wonder if any of us don't love Descan.

hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2246 on: May 18, 2015, 12:32:23 am »

Fixed for Descan.

Another whatsapp 'gem'
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Spehss _

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2247 on: May 18, 2015, 12:34:33 am »

Fixed for Descan.

Another whatsapp 'gem'
At first I didn't get it. Then I got it. That was terrible. Doubleplusterrible. Good work.
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Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2248 on: May 18, 2015, 02:07:02 am »

I heard about a death row inmate who said that they fpund Jesus in prison. I wonder what he did this time.
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a1s

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2249 on: May 18, 2015, 06:31:25 am »

I heard about a death row inmate who said that they found Jesus in prison. I wonder what he did this time.
Let's see:
1 count, fish and bread piracy
4 counts, Insurance fraud (the claimants turned out to be alive)
1 count, interfering with commerce

He also ran a number of unlicensed businesses:
Bootlegging
Medical practice
Fishery
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I tried to play chess but two of my opponents were playing competitive checkers as a third person walked in with Game of Thrones in hand confused cause they thought this was the book club.
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