Still not even really the full joke.
"So, a captain of a ship is sitting there as his ship sails along. His first mate runs up to him. 'Sir, an enemy ship is on the horizon!'
'Bring me my red coat.'
So, the first mate brings him his red coat, and they win the battle without a single casualty. Afterwards, his first mate asks, 'Sir, when the battle began, why did you ask me to bring you a red coat?'
'Well, by wearing a red coat, if I were to be shot, the crew would not see the blood, and keep fighting.'
A whiles later, the first mate runs in again: 'Captain, 20 enemy ships on the horizon!'
'Bring my my brown pants.'"
This is what
really happened:
In the year 1716, the northern seas were assailed by a new, legendary pirate. The "Crimson Nightmare", he was called. Scourge of the seas. There were rumors about him, from the few survivors the Nightmare spared. They said that the Nighmare was nigh invulnerable. Swords and rifles didn't harm him. He did not bleed and he did not flinch.
Admiral Charleston of the Royal Navy was appointed to track down and kill the man responsible for the sinking of ever-so-many trade vessels. He set out with eleven frigates. Charleston's ship sailed forward, alone, hoping to bait his nemesis into a battle, and during the engagement, another ten royal ships will cruise over the horizon and send the pirate's ship to the Locker.
One morning, the Crimson Nightmare sees a single, lone ship through the fog. He smells treasure, so calls for his ship, full sail towards the target.
"First mate!"
"Yes, Captain!"
"Bring me my battle coat!"
For this was the blood-red shirt that earned him his name. Some supposed the shirt was blessed - or cursed, that bullets passed straight through whoever wore it, but caused evil bloodlust in the wearer.
During the battle, the pirate captain was mid-yell when he let out a grunt, then quietly retreated to his quarters. His first mate, worried, followed him. He opened the door to find the captain performing crude bullet removal on himself. The first mate was surprised! His captain was not invincible!
The captain looks up, acknowledges the mate's surprise, and says "Aye, it be the red shirt. It hides me bleedin' so my crew's morale stays high."
The first mate then says "I understand. However, ten more Navy ships have been spotted on the horizon!"
"Well, lad. Bring me me brown pants, will you?"
And to this day, nobody has seen the Crimson Horror bleed or defecate.
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Topic: Terrible Jokes (Read 715033 times)