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[Bauglir]

It was inevitable.

Most on-topic post in the entire thread. Seriously, man, I cannot congratulate you enough. Fucking nailed the essence of terrible jokes.

Anyway, I've got a contribution.

Spoiler: What's the difference between a man and a bird? (click to show/hide)

A bird can breathe through its pecker.

Man, that conversation at work got weird.

[crazysheep]

gem from twitter:

Spoiler: What shoes do paedophiles work in? (click to show/hide)

White Vans.

[hops]

Where can you always find a dog with no legs?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Right where you left him.

Why don't you ever find hippos hiding in trees?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They're pretty good at it.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pie?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A Jew is an individual of semitic origin, the pie is a baked pastry with fillings.

[My Name is Immaterial]

Where can you always find a dog with no legs?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Right where you left him.

Why don't you ever find hippos hiding in trees?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They're pretty good at it.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pie?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A Jew is an individual of semitic origin, the pie is a baked pastry with fillings.

Spoiler: A man walks into a bar. (click to show/hide)

He says ouch.

Other, not related, bar jokes.

Spoiler: Two dyslexics (click to show/hide)

walk into a bra.

Spoiler: A lawyer, a priest, a rabbi, an imam, a blonde, Bush, and a dog walk into a bar. (click to show/hide)

The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Spoiler: A horse walks into a bar. (click to show/hide)

The bartender says "Why the long face?"


The horse never asked to look like that.

Spoiler: Two men walk into a bar. (click to show/hide)

You would have thought the second one would have ducked.

Spoiler: A pickle walks into a bar. (click to show/hide)

The bartender says, "Hey, you're a pickle! What are you doing here?"
The pickle says, "Well for starters, I'm celebrating the fact that I can walk."

If you haven't noticed, I love walk into a bar jokes.

[kaenneth]

NSF Work or Lunch.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A man goes to a whorehouse, and asks "How much for your best whore?"

"$100"

"Too much, how much for an average whore?"

"$20"

"Still too much, how much for sex from your cheapest?"

"$1"

"That's still a bit pricey, how much for a handjob?"

"25 cents."

"Well, I only have a nickel, can I eat her out for that?"

"OK."

So he goes to the backest of back rooms, and there is the fattest, ugliest whore ever, and he proceed to go down on her.

Then he finds a piece of corn, and says "ewww, I think I'm going to throw up!"

"Funny, that's what the last guy said."

[Helgoland]

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and proceed to order an absinthe and a whiskey. They then discuss at great length the impact of the Burning Shrub story on Jewish theology in the early middle ages, until the barkeeper, unable to control his curiosity any longer, interrupts them: "So what's the deal with you two guys?" "Well", answered the rabbi, "we made a bet how you'd react to the joke having no punchline."

[Worldmaster27]

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and proceed to order an absinthe and a whiskey. They then discuss at great length the impact of the Burning Shrub story on Jewish theology in the early middle ages, until the barkeeper, unable to control his curiosity any longer, interrupts them: "So what's the deal with you two guys?" "Well", answered the rabbi, "we made a bet how you'd react to the joke having no punchline."

Minus five points - I laughed.

[Helgoland]

Cool - I just made that up

[Reelya]

If you haven't noticed, I love walk into a bar jokes.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A bear walks into a bar.

"Gimme a drink!" says the bear.

"We don't server your kind in here." says the bartender.

"Come on gimme a drink!" growls the bear.

"Look, I said we don't serve bears." says the bartender.

The bear is furious and rears up, then comes down and takes a huge bite of out the bar.

"Now, gimme a goddamn drink or else!" shouts the bear.

The bartender just looks annoyed: "Look i just told you we don't serve bears, and we certainly don't serve bears who are on drugs!"

"What? Wha...? That's racist," says the bear, continuing with "and what do you mean 'on drugs'? I'm definitely not on drugs!"

The bartender raise an eyebrow. "Oh no ...?" he says.

"Look, I clearly saw that bar bit you ate!"

[Recluse]

What do you call the Mad Arab's cookbook?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Necronom-nom-nomicon.

[hops]

Why did H.P. Lovecraft cross the road?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Trust me man, you don't want to know. Just walk away and forget you ever saw anything.

"Waiter, waiter! There is a dead squid in my soup!"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"It's not dead, Sir, just dreaming."

[Gamerlord]

Why did H.P. Lovecraft cross the road?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Trust me man, you don't want to know. Just walk away and forget you ever saw anything.

"Waiter, waiter! There is a dead squid in my soup!"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"It's not dead, Sir, just dreaming."

The first was meh but the second was actually pretty good.

What do you call the Mad Arab's cookbook?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Necronom-nom-nomicon.

Goddammit you made me laugh and no one around me will understand that joke when I explain it.

[Yoink]

*Knock knock*
Who's there?
Cthul.
Cthul-who?
Yeah, now let me in already.

[Tawa]

* Tawarochir ♥ Lovecraft jokes

[kaenneth]

I posted this on 4chan today, it's probably pretty offensive.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> Be 19
> Be in army
> Be at my post
> Bill Murray appears!
> He presses 'Launch' button
> Malaysian Airlines flight explodes
> "No one will ever believe you."

also is already a salted snack.