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[LeoLeonardoIII]

FF gives them mental confusion. I love it.

[pisskop]

joke is spoilered for sensitive eyes.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I know what a great sport he is, a laugh a minute in fact.


An English ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to Taffy.
 
  'Good day, mind if I talk to your dog?'
 
  Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English bastard.'
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
 
  Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'
 
  Taff: (look of extreme shock)
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)
 
  Dog: 'Yep'
 
  Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
 
  Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
 
  Taff: (look of utter disbelief)
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
 
  Taff: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
 
  Horse: 'Cool'
 
  Taff: (absolutely dumbfounded)
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)
 
  Horse: 'Yep'
 
  Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
 
  Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'
 
  Taff: (total look of amazement)
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
 
  Taff: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a F****ng liar !!!

[tahujdt]

I've got a funny joke about Jonestown. I'd post it here, but the punch line is too long.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

joke is spoilered for sensitive eyes.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I know what a great sport he is, a laugh a minute in fact.


An English ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to Taffy.
 
  'Good day, mind if I talk to your dog?'
 
  Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English bastard.'
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
 
  Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'
 
  Taff: (look of extreme shock)
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)
 
  Dog: 'Yep'
 
  Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
 
  Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
 
  Taff: (look of utter disbelief)
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
 
  Taff: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
 
  Horse: 'Cool'
 
  Taff: (absolutely dumbfounded)
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)
 
  Horse: 'Yep'
 
  Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
 
  Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'
 
  Taff: (total look of amazement)
 
  Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
 
  Taff: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a F****ng liar !!!

SO GOOD

[martinuzz]

How does one call a catcholic priest in an al Quaeda training camp?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A suicide missionary

[tahujdt]

If he were standing on the side of an underground waste pipe, he'd be a sewerside missionary.

[Morrigi]

How many Ukrainians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK 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CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK

[acetech09]

Not really a terrible joke, but this is a website that sells bulk candies. And I'm pretty certain almost every jelly belly flavor contains at least one pun.

For example, chili mango:

http://www.candyconceptsinc.com/Chili-Mango-Orange-Jelly-Belly--10-Pounds_p_2552.html

You can spend hours just browsing the jelly bean puns.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

$6 a pound seems unconscionably overpriced. They're trying to sell in bulk to stores that will display and sell the candy by weight, so how will that store be able to get $10-$12 a pound for candy that's barely worth $5 per pound in small quantities? Amazon sells 4 lb sealed containers for $20.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Spoiler: A doctor occasionally slept with his patients. The little devil on his shoulder told him that occasional breaches of the physician-patient relationship were okay. (click to show/hide)

 The little angel on his other shoulder reminded him that he was a veterinarian.

[Helgoland]

Why are communist states bad at birth control?

Because in that field the means of production are still in private hands.

[Megaman]

"Comrade, if we are on the road to Communism, why are we so hungry?"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Idiot! Who eats on the road? We will eat when we get there.

[Yoink]

What do you call the woman who fell through a meat grinder?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Patty.

[Avis-Mergulus]

"Comrade, if we are on the road to Communism, why are we so hungry?"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Idiot! Who eats on the road? We will eat when we get there.

In the time of the Czars, power was passed from father to son. Now, in the TsK KPSS, it is passed from grandpa to grandpa.

[smirk]

Why don't Russians like hip-hop?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You can't make proper Borscht if you keep dropping the beets.