Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Starver]

Knock knock

Who's there?

Me

Oh nice. Haven't seen you in a while. Come on in and have a beer.

[TD1]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
I said, "who's there?!?!"
*Walter White shakes his head on the other side of the door.*
Knock knock.

[methylatedspirit]

I got baited by a master baiter known for causing mass debates here. My mast soon abated.

[pisskop]

better than some kind of mastahcheese

[smjjames]

This one:

Back to politics, Betsy Devos is the actual fucking satan devil and I'll fight everyone on that.

Hehe, betcha think ye'r funny.

Give him a week to figure out how to bill separated families for daycare. Because, obviously, refugee jail is just summer camp.

Its a summer camp to help those with ADD.  A concentration camp, if you will.

Bad joke, come on man. XD

[Iduno]

Sure, that's in bad taste, but it's actually almost a good joke.


Kind of like the "What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves (the guy who played Superman in the movies)?" joke from however many years ago.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Christopher Walken

It's poking fun at what would be a tragedy if it didn't happen to a rich person, but the homophones make for a decent pun. Although by now it's stopped being timely.

[hector13]

It’s only funny if you know Christopher Reeve was crippled when he was thrown from his horse.

For a given definition of funny, I guess.

[TheBeardyMan]

What do you call a search engine for finding household cleaning products?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Toilet Duck Duck Go

[Kagus]

My wife and I are celebrating our Tachyon anniversary, we were married next year!

[Arx]

My wife and I are celebrating our Tachyon anniversary, we were married next year!

I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.

[pikachu17]

Werner Heisenberg is driving his car when he is stopped by a police officer.
The officer asks "Did you know were moving at 90 M.P.H?"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Heisenberg takes the ticket and drives away, being careful of his speed now.
"Oh, great. Now I don't know where I am."

[Arx]

Werner Heisenberg is driving his car when he is stopped by a police officer.
The officer asks "Did you know were moving at 90 M.P.H?"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Heisenberg takes the ticket and drives away, being careful of his speed now.
"Oh, great. Now I don't know where I am."

There is a great, allegedly true, story about one of the professors in my university's physics department, revolving around this joke.

Said professor was slightly drunk and exceeding the speed limit, when he was stopped by a police officer. For whatever reason, whether just to lighten the mood or in a genuine (really weak) effort to avoid the ticket, the professor complained that he couldn't know how fast he was going without losing track of where he was.

The police officer replied, deadpan and in a thick Afrikaans accent (replace with your local stereotypical country bumpkin accent): "You, sir, are not a quantum object."

[Iduno]

Kagus is learning math now (congratulations). I'm just dy-ing to find out how far he gets.

Also, my favorite version for the Heisenberg joke is "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but I know exactly where I am."

[Kagus]

Q: If you put a kilo of iron and a kilo of feathers on a scale, what weighs the most?



A: The scale.

[Arx]

Q: If you put a kilo of iron and a kilo of feathers on a scale, what weighs the most?



A: Yo momma.

These jokes are still relevant, right...?