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[WealthyRadish]

What do you call a motorhome salesman? A wheeltor.

Exquisitely awful, well done.

[Bumber]

What do you call a motorhome salesman? A wheeltor.

Exquisitely awful, well done.

The worst puns are the ones that aren't even real words. Completely unclever.

[Carsomyr]

I told my wife ten puns in a row to try and make her laugh, but no pun in ten did.

[Carsomyr]

My wife can be quite violent. The other night, she threw some chopped lettuce at me, and that was just the tip of the iceberg...

[Carsomyr]

I'm going to give up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?

[Carsomyr]

A steam train enthusiast committed suicide yesterday by throwing himself in front of his favourite locomotive. His tearful widow said 'He was chuffed to bits'.

[Kagus]

A bartender is enjoying his day off from work and taking a leisurely stroll in the park when he comes across an elderly gentleman sitting on a bench, weeping silently. Concerned, he goes over to check on him.

"Hey, sir? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

The man sniffles a bit and looks up.

"Well, you see... I'm 78 years old, and I recently remarried a woman 50 years my junior. She's a real bombshell; great tits, legs that go for miles, the whole package... And she just can't keep her hands off of me!"

Somewhat taken aback, the bartender responds "But that sounds amazing! What's the problem?".

The older fellow wipes a tear from his eye and says "I can't remember where I live".

[scourge728]

And then it turns out he's really 85, and his wife died 20 years ago, and he doesn't remember any of it

[Eric Blank]

The scary part is, thats entirely possible. Dementia/alzheimers is not fun

[Starver]

I was looking up at the dark sky, early this morning, with its multitudinous pinpricks and smudges of light that were everything from far-off galaxies to relatively nearby planets, and all wondering where I might find the closest star to Earth.

Then it dawned on me.

[hector13]

Ken Dodd died.

He was once investigated by the Inland Revenue for tax fraud.

He said they should stop bothering him ‘cause he lived by the seaside.

[Carsomyr]

Ken Dodd died.

He was once investigated by the Inland Revenue for tax fraud.

He said they should stop bothering him ‘cause he lived by the seaside.

My favourite Ken Dodd one-liner...

'My father always knew I'd be a comedian. When I was born, he said 'Is this a joke?'

[Akura]

In a recent D&D solo campaign, a fighter was tasked with clearing out some undead from the local cemetery. Under the midnight moon, he arrives and soon runs into the leader of the undead pack: a wight created from a particularly loathsome individual, one that the people in town never liked and would be happy to see him back in his grave to stay. The battle begins, but the wight rolls a natural 20 and scores a critical on the following roll. A critical hit table is consulted, the result: the fighter took a blow to the eyes. Unable to see, the fighter is quickly overwhelmed and torn apart by his opponent.

Spoiler: In short (click to show/hide)

He was blinded by the wight, ripped up by a douche in a rumble in the night.

[Starver]

Reminds me (without the contrivedness) of a tale I saw posted up on a society noticeboard in a university in '89 or '90, I think it was. Not that it matters, except maybe back-identifying the D&D edition they may have been basing their game upon. Anyway, it boils down to something like...


Various characters are dungeon-crawling, looking for treasure and traps and XP, presumably with an element like random-encounter cards dealt out from a pack. One of them opens a door that the GM's deal indicates opens onto a Void. The player tells the others "there's Nothing in here, guys!".

[SOLDIER First]

I remember a similar story about a put-upon rogue being used as the party’s trap monkey. They lowered him into a pit and I believe he touched some kind of Orb Of Instantly Being Killed. The GM said he had just enough time to shout two syllables before he died, so the rogue says:

“All clear!”