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[NJW2000]

Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered with chocolate and nuts, and believe they may have found Pharaoh Rocher.

This was physically painful.

[MrRoboto75]

Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered with chocolate and nuts, and believe they may have found Pharaoh Rocher.

This was physically painful.

Bone Hurting Puns

[Carsomyr]

In travel news, the M25 was closed earlier after a lorry carrying a consignment of wigs overturned. Police are combing the area.

On an update to the Glasgow murder enquiry, Detective Inspector McTaggart issued a statement saying he was looking for a suspect with one eye. If unsuccessful, he'll use both eyes.

[Carsomyr]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, and one says to the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

[Reelya]

Two cannibals are eating a cop, and one says to the other, 'Tastes like pork.'

[Carsomyr]

A guy is in a bar, and notices a pirate next to him... a typical pirate, with a wooden leg, hook hand and an eye patch.
'I hope you don't mind me asking' says the guy, 'but how did you get your injuries? What happened to your leg?'
'Aaarrr!' says the pirate, 'I was walkin' the plank, fell overboard, an' me leg was bitten off by a shark!'
'Nasty' says the guy. 'What about your hand? Why the hook?'
'Aaarrr, I got into a fight wi' Long John Silver, an' he cut off me hand with his cutlass!'
'Ouch... what about your eye?'
'Aaarr, I was in the Crow's Nest scannin' the horizon fer enemy ships, and a seagull shit in me eye!'
The guy says 'But surely you wouldn't lose your eye just from that?'
Pirate says 'Aaarrr, I'd forgotten about the hook...'

[Carsomyr]

I got a text last night, and it was just the letters 'GNBA'... I thought it was bang out of order.

[Carsomyr]

I was lying in bed looking at my wife, and said 'You know, you remind me of the Lottery'

'Why's that?' she replied, 'do you feel like you've won the jackpot?'

'No, I wish you'd roll-over'

[Carsomyr]

Got home from work the other day to find the wife in the kitchen, stripped from the waist up, rubbing lotion onto her boobs.

'What on earth are you doing?' I asked.

'It's the latest product..."Breast Enlarging Cream"...only £50!' she replied.

'50 quid! All you needed to do was get some toilet-roll paper and rub it up and down your cleavage' I said.

'Why would that work?' she demanded.

'Well, it's worked on your arse...'

[hops]

Pirate: Cap'n, the seas be calm today.
Captain: Are.

[KittyTac]

One of the lines from the upcoming MLP and Star Wars crossover: "May the horse be with you."

[Eric Blank]

How the fuck are horses supposed to into space

[hector13]

Using the horse. Duh.

[Starver]

Air-launched.

[hops]

Air-launched.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4f9m4OYkCY