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[Reelya]

I hear that ladies are smart enough not to eat Tide Pods, but it's hard to deter gents.

[TheBeardyMan]

Why should you only poison the first two courses of a meal?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Because poisoning the desert is just ricin on the cake.

[Sheb]

What do Jews and sneakers have in common?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's much easier to find them in 39 than in 45.

[KittyTac]

What do you get if you drop a piano on a playground?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A flat minor!

[EnigmaticHat]

What do Jews and sneakers have in common?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's much easier to find them in 39 than in 45.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I don't think that joke works in the US, size 39 shoes would be for a 15 foot tall giant.

[Eric Blank]

No but our shoe boxes are labelled with both european and american standards, so most people recognize you must be talking about the european standard when you start using huge numbers that dont make sense

[Starver]

Only most of Europe. I'm size 10(ish, may need to go up one because of my overly wide-spread feet) UK which is apparently 11 by US measure and 44 under the mainland EU one. (And, one presumes, Eire.)

https://xkcd.com/927/


No wonder we want out of the EU. We won't toe the line, we won't be down at heel, they are our arch rivals and I'm using this platform not to flip-flop about the issue, I am not a sneaker, but to show them the sharp end of my tongue, laced with much polish as we boot out the stubborn mules and idle loafers before they clog up our lives.   Sorry, what was the pointe again?

[Reelya]

Europe is clogged up by all the shoe-related paperwork. EDIT: damn, missed that you already got a clog one in there.

[Rolan7]

Was talking with our GM about Drow in his setting.  While cruel and capricious, they apparently have amazing metal concerts and paintings.
"Presumably painted in blood, largely."
"Of course.  The color changes as the blood ages, making a sort of living artform."
"I suppose with strange elven, even death may dye."

[hops]

Was talking with our GM about Drow in his setting.  While cruel and capricious, they apparently have amazing metal concerts and paintings.
"Presumably painted in blood, largely."
"Of course.  The color changes as the blood ages, making a sort of living artform."
"I suppose with strange elven, even death may dye."

Groan

[Bumber]

A hotel is hosting a Christmas Chess tournament, and the manager is in the foyer to welcome guests. He overhears the first competitors coming in... 'No one stands a chance against me, I'm a chess God...' Then another player says 'My ELO is beyond compare...'. Yet another is heard saying 'I can win this blindfold...'

Eventually, the hotel manager shouts 'Right, the lot of you, OUT!'

'But why?' they ask, 'we're here for the Christmas tournament!'

The manager says 'If there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!'

[Carsomyr]

Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered with chocolate and nuts, and believe they may have found Pharaoh Rocher.

[TD1]

Either that, or someone celebrating Valentine's day.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what is wrong with me but this is the terrible jokes thread so it's fine, right? Heh...heh..he?

[Carsomyr]

A guy from the IT department arrives at Arnold Schwarzenegger's office and says 'I'm here to upgrade your system to Windows 10'.
Arnie throws him out, saying 'I still love Vista, baby!'

[scourge728]

ptw