Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Mr. Strange]

My job.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

but seriously, all I have is real world stuff that has happened to me. It would fit right in, though...

[LeoLeonardoIII]

I found this on a Laffy Taffy joke list, which I looked at because my girlfriend really likes taffy, and she bought some Laffy Taffy, and I've been terrorizing her with awful Laffy Taffy jokes. But this one is hands-down my favorite.

Spoiler: What do you call a cow with no legs? (click to show/hide)

Ground Beef.

It's best if you sort of sing the punch line, I have found.

[The Darkling Wolf]

Spoiler: What do you call a cow with no legs? (click to show/hide)

Ground Beef.

Spoiler: What do you call a cow with two legs? (click to show/hide)

Lean beef

[LeoLeonardoIII]

I will have to try that out on her tonight. Will report my results.

I should start a thread in Forum Games: Give me weird things to say to my girlfriend.

[Pnx]

My brother shared a bunch of cheesy jokes with me today, a lot of them are not things I'd want to share but here's a couple of the tamer ones for you guys.

Do you know what a plateau is?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's the highest form of flattery.

So Patty goes to his friend Shamus, who runs a TV advertising agency, he asks him to run an ad for him advertising his nails, Shamus tells him "Don't worry, I'll take care of it all, you can watch the ad at home for yourself."
So later on Patty is at home and sees the ad come on the TV, it's an ad showing Jesus Christ nailed to the cross, and the slogan goes, "Patty's Nails, they'll hold up anything."

Patty is absolutely pissed about this, he goes to his friend Shamus and chews him out for running the ad. Shamus apologises and tells him, "Don't worry, I'll fix this, I'll run a new ad just for you, free of charge, and there won't be any nailing anyone to anything in this one."

So Patty goes home, and later on he sees the new ad. It depicts a man in a robe with a flowing beard running down a street, being chased by two roman centurions, the slogan goes, "Should have used Patty's Nails."

[martinuzz]

the WWF has been secretly training kungfu panda's in the Chinese mountains, teaching them to help preserve their species. So far, half the world's total panda population has died in sparring accidents, as well as 168 volunteer girlscouts, who were assisting the project. The WWF speaks of a succesful program, since, with half of the world's panda population gone, there now is more funding-per-panda to spend on the survivors, and they didn't really know what to do with the girlscouts anyways.

[Gamerlord]

My brother shared a bunch of cheesy jokes with me today, a lot of them are not things I'd want to share but here's a couple of the tamer ones for you guys.

Do you know what a plateau is?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's the highest form of flattery.

So Patty goes to his friend Shamus, who runs a TV advertising agency, he asks him to run an ad for him advertising his nails, Shamus tells him "Don't worry, I'll take care of it all, you can watch the ad at home for yourself."
So later on Patty is at home and sees the ad come on the TV, it's an ad showing Jesus Christ nailed to the cross, and the slogan goes, "Patty's Nails, they'll hold up anything."

Patty is absolutely pissed about this, he goes to his friend Shamus and chews him out for running the ad. Shamus apologises and tells him, "Don't worry, I'll fix this, I'll run a new ad just for you, free of charge, and there won't be any nailing anyone to anything in this one."

So Patty goes home, and later on he sees the new ad. It depicts a man in a robe with a flowing beard running down a street, being chased by two roman centurions, the slogan goes, "Should have used Patty's Nails."

Both of those are simulataneously brilliant and reprehensible.

[Remuthra]

What do you call a loaf baked from grain grown in the shadow of the pyramids?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Wonder Bread

[itisnotlogical]

What do you call a robot whose software has frozen?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A SNOWbot!

[Sigulbard]

Knock knock
     Who's there?
Dave
     Dave who?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dave broke down crying as his grandmother's Alzheimer's had progressed to the point where she could no longer remember his name.

[smirk]

Serious jokes? Oh yes, I have a couple of those. Not sure how well they work in text format, though.

----------------

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My wife died of cancer last week."

---------

A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is tearing his family apart.

---------

A priest, a rabbi, and an imam all walk into a bar. Their neighborhood has been hailed as a model of ethnic and cultural diversity.

[Helgoland]

A priest, a rabbi, and an imam all walk into a bar. Their neighborhood has been hailed as a model of ethnic and cultural diversity.

This one could use a twist ending. A car bomb, perhaps?

[smirk]

A priest, a rabbi, and an imam all walk into a bar. Their neighborhood has been hailed as a model of ethnic and cultural diversity.

This one could use a twist ending. A car bomb, perhaps?

I dunno, they don't all hafta be dark. The twist is the same in all three anyway; setup for boilerplate joke/serious take on normally unquestioned part of the premise.

Also, on a completely different tack:
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Pokey-mon!

[Descan]

I think this is my most popular topic.

... Seems fitting. I love it.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

A continuation:

Spoiler: What do you call a cow with one leg? (click to show/hide)

A balanced meal

Spoiler: What do you call a cow with three legs? (click to show/hide)

Tri-tip

Spoiler: What do you call a cow with five legs? (click to show/hide)

A bastard, for getting into my Viagra