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[LordPyrrole]

A horse walks into a bar.

Many people get up and leave as they see the danger in an animal being in a public place.

[H4zardZ1]

What kind of building that likes to taste something?

Pub-lick building.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

What kind of building that likes to taste something?

Pub-lick building.

What kind of building is condemned and demolished for public indecency?

Pube-lick building.

[SealyStar]

A guy goes to eat at a fancy steakhouse. The waiter has just given him his menu when he notices a dirty man in a tunic and a fat woman with a sweatshirt walking up to an occupied table. He looks at the waiter and asks, "What are they doing here?. The waiter silently gestures to the odd pair.

First, the man kneels before the diners at the table and grovels before them to share their food with him, addressing them as "m'lord" and "m'lady".

Then the woman begins ranting about how she wants to kill all men, then says that gender is an oppressive system, and that transgender people are scum.

"It's what they ordered," says the waiter. "The serf and TERF."

[Tawa]

So, a guy is trying to lift a hundred-pound bag of manure, and his friend goes over to him to ask a question, and is met with a frustrated "Not now!" So his friend bugs him again a few minutes later, and the guy tells him "Shut up!" His friend tries to get his attention again, and he sets down the bag of manure and turns to him, a tired look on his face.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

He says, "I'm sorry, man, but this is some heavy shit I'm dealing with right now."

[Spehss _]

So, a guy is trying to lift a hundred-pound bag of manure, and his friend goes over to him to ask a question, and is met with a frustrated "Not now!" So his friend bugs him again a few minutes later, and the guy tells him "Shut up!" His friend tries to get his attention again, and he sets down the bag of manure and turns to him, a tired look on his face.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

He says, "I'm sorry, man, but this is some heavy shit I'm dealing with right now."

That was the biggest load of shit I've ever heard. 10/10

[hector13]

Where do post office workers go on holiday?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Parcelona

[acetech09]

The cats got kicked out of the competition for having unfair advantages.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Of course. They were cheetahs.

[hector13]

Where do Italians with large areolas come from?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nipply

[H4zardZ1]

What do a psychopath miner say before caving in someone's skull?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"I'll turn your skull into mine!"

[Ultimuh]

What did the ent Treebeard call the 56th chemical element?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

BARIUUUUM

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yeah I know, that was terrible. Also, I don't know all of the elements. So you may bash me for being incorrect.

[IcyTea31]

A man from a big city was visiting a friend in the countryside.

"Is mortality high around here?", he asked.

His friend answered: "The same as in that big city of yours. One per person."


A journalist was interviewing a shepherd.

"How many sheep do you have, actually?", the journalist asked.

"3956," the shepherd answered.

The journalist was surprised at the accuracy. "How do you count them?"

"Well, first I count the legs and then divide the sum by four," came the answer.

[scrdest]

A man from a big city was visiting a friend in the countryside.

"Is mortality high around here?", he asked.

His friend answered: "The same as in that big city of yours. One per person."

I like this one.

[H4zardZ1]

Let's test 2-way jokes here.

Eleven was uneven.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Isn't that odd?

A man with a s word said:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Get a way from those guys, they'll teach you!"

[IcyTea31]

A woman walked into a pharmacy and asked the (male) pharmacist for cyanide, "And make it snappy!"

The pharmacist, naturally, was concerned about such a request and asked what she would need it for.

"To poison my husband," came the answer.

Befuddled, the pharmacist said, "I can't sell you cyanide to murder your husband! It's against the law! I'd lose my license and we'd both go to jail! No, absolutely not, I can't give you any cyanide!"

Silently, the woman pulled out a photograph showing her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the photograph for a moment and then deadpanned, "Why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"