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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 701114 times)

Darvi

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #135 on: November 23, 2012, 08:58:31 am »
Two geneticists are talking about their jobs. "I managed to create a breed of rabbits", starts the first, "that procreates extremely fast." "Impressive", replies the second. "How fast?" "Well at first, I had this pair of young rabbits, right? The next day, they were fully grown and started mating. On the third day, they had already given birth to another pair of rabbits. On the fourth day, the first pair had given birth to a third pair of rabbits, and the second pair had already grown up. On the fifth day, I had three pairs of grown rabbits and two of young ones. And so on."
"You know what", the second geneticist says after reflecting for a while, "I think you might be fibbing."
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Neonivek

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #136 on: November 23, 2012, 09:00:51 am »
Yeah!... he should have more fully grown rabits then that.

I guess he got hungry between counting.
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Darvi

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #137 on: November 23, 2012, 09:03:12 am »
No, the numbers are quite right. 0+1, 1+0, 1+1, 2+1, 3+2...
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Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #138 on: November 23, 2012, 09:05:22 am »
The pattern breaks when the rabbits start to die of old age, unfortunately. Unless they're also immortally unaging rabbits.
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Jimmy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #139 on: November 23, 2012, 09:07:54 am »
The joke is in the punchline, a.k.a Fibonacci Sequence.

One final mathematics one:

A statistics center is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B.Sc. in statistics.

All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"

The pure mathematician: "It's one."

The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0.999999999."

The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"
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Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #140 on: November 23, 2012, 09:14:57 am »
A Turing Machine walks into a bar.
The Bartender says "What can I get ya?"
The Turing Machine says "I can't decide."
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Darvi

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #141 on: November 23, 2012, 09:21:30 am »
Quote from: Jimmy on November 23, 2012, 09:07:54 am
The joke is in the punchline, a.k.a Fibonacci Sequence.
Dammit, it wasn't terrible enough!
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Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #142 on: November 23, 2012, 10:23:41 am »
Quote from: Jimmy on November 23, 2012, 09:07:54 am
One final mathematics one:
That predisposes that the number is countably finite.

Here's one where the mathematician isn't the winner.

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are one end of a bar, drowning their respective sorrows.  A beautiful woman enters the establishment and sits down at the other end.

"Guys, " says the barkeep, "That's my sister there.  I don't want you pestering her.  I'm not going to stop you moving seats, but if ever I turn my back and find when I turn round again that any one of you has moved more than half the distance towards her I'm sending you all packing."

The mathematician has a think, then unhappily decides to stay where he is.

The physicist has a think, looks at his watch and sighs, deciding he hasn't got an infinite amount of time to spare.

The engineer has a think, and smiles happily to himself as he contemplates shortly being close enough for all practical purposes.
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #143 on: November 23, 2012, 10:35:43 am »
An Irishman walks out of a bar...

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Quote from: Max™ on July 20, 2016, 06:17:12 pm
This conversation is getting disturbing fast, disturbingly erotic.

pisskop

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #144 on: November 23, 2012, 10:44:02 am »
Quote from: Urist McScoopbeard on November 23, 2012, 10:35:43 am
An Irishman walks out of a bar...
and into a pub.
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Pisskop's Reblancing Mod - A C:DDA Mod to make life a little (lot) more brutal!
drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
PKs DF Mod!

UltraValican

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #145 on: November 23, 2012, 10:44:15 am »
A few years ago, I saw a waitress with one leg. I asked her what her name was, and she said: Call me Peggy.

Why couldn't Adam and Eve gamble?
God took their Paradise away.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A Chinese city tried to defend itself from the Mongol horde.
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Would you rather be an Ant in Heaven or a Man in Hell?

Neonivek

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #146 on: November 23, 2012, 11:27:26 am »
Ohh I see, the Chinese City tried to defend itself, but we know the Chinese are pacifists and thus wouldn't try to defend themselves from an attacker... and the Mongols being masters of disguise would actually attack under the guise of a flock of seaguls.

The joke is ingenius!
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RedKing

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #147 on: November 23, 2012, 11:48:04 am »
Yeah, I don't really get that oneself myself.
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Quote from: MaximumZero on October 26, 2012, 11:28:55 pm
Remember, knowledge is power. The power to make other people feel stupid.
Quote from: Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Science is like an inoculation against charlatans who would have you believe whatever it is they tell you.

Elu

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #148 on: November 23, 2012, 11:54:03 am »
Quote from: Neonivek on November 23, 2012, 11:27:26 am
Ohh I see, the Chinese City tried to defend itself, but we know the Chinese are pacifists and thus wouldn't try to defend themselves from an attacker... and the Mongols being masters of disguise would actually attack under the guise of a flock of seaguls.

The joke is ingenius!
Ehm... what?

Why the sloth never smile on photos?
.
.
.
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Dwarf Fortress, a game which learning curve is a Himalayan trail covered in blood. and alcohol. on fire.

English is not my mother tongue, please point out my mistakes and help me improve it : )

Neonivek

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #149 on: November 23, 2012, 11:55:29 am »
Quote
Why the sloth never smile on photos?

because you see sloths actually find cheese to be a rather sad food. So much so that when anyone says "Cheese" the sloth goes "What a terrible thing to say" and frowns.
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