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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 701143 times)

Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #120 on: November 23, 2012, 07:54:41 am »

@Jimmy: WTF is that Batman joke about? Is it related to some sport?

Darvi

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #121 on: November 23, 2012, 07:55:51 am »

It's natrium (or sodium for you peeps). Or Na for short.
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Jimmy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #122 on: November 23, 2012, 08:07:28 am »

Quote from: Wikipedia
Sodium is a chemical element with the symbol Na (from Latin: natrium) in the periodic table and atomic number 11.



Probably too nerdy for someone without a highschool or later level chemistry knowledge.
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Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #123 on: November 23, 2012, 08:09:28 am »

I finished HS chem, just never saw thing with green dots for electrons before. Maybe my textbooks 20 years ago didn't draw the sodium like that ;D
« Last Edit: November 23, 2012, 08:12:02 am by Reelya »
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Jimmy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #124 on: November 23, 2012, 08:11:47 am »

Me, I see an inner ring with 2, a second ring with 8, and then facepalm at the pun.
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Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #125 on: November 23, 2012, 08:15:53 am »

All electrons are naturally green.  That's why all those old computer screens had green text on them.

More modern screens use a special technology to paint electrons all the other different colours.  But then there was no room for the voice-synthesis circuits that used to read out the text that was being written on the screen by the monomaniacal AI at the other end of the modem-line.  *nodnod*
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Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #126 on: November 23, 2012, 08:17:29 am »

Funny but I had an amber screen.

Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #127 on: November 23, 2012, 08:20:08 am »

You must have been using prehistoric electrons, then, originally preserved in tree-resin.
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Jimmy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #128 on: November 23, 2012, 08:27:21 am »

A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward to the moment the conductor shows up.
Suddenly one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!"
All the mathematicians disappear into one washroom.
The conductor checks the ticket of each engineer and then knocks at the washroom door: "Your ticket, please."
The mathematicians stick the one ticket they have under the door, the conductor checks it and leaves. A few minutes later, when it is safe, the mathematicians come out of the washroom. The engineers are impressed.
When the conference has come to an end, the engineers decide that they are at least as smart as the mathematicians and also buy just one ticket for the whole group. This time the mathematicians have no ticket at all...
Again one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!".
All the engineers rush off to one washroom. One of the mathematicians goes to that washroom, knocks at the door, and says: "Your ticket, please..."
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RedKing

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #129 on: November 23, 2012, 08:36:31 am »

In my day we had to hand-make our electrons out of stone.

And on that note,

Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

Q: Where does bad light end up?
A: In a prism.

Q: What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect?
A: Go out at and look at cars. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
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Remember, knowledge is power. The power to make other people feel stupid.
Quote from: Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Science is like an inoculation against charlatans who would have you believe whatever it is they tell you.

Jimmy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #130 on: November 23, 2012, 08:38:47 am »

A mathematician, an engineer, and a computer scientist are vacationing together. They are riding in a car, enjoying the countryside, when suddenly the engine stops working.

The mathematician: "We came past a gas station a few minutes ago. Someone should go back and ask for help."

The engineer: "I should have a look at the engine. Perhaps, I can fix it."

The computer scientist: "Why don't we just open the doors, slam them shut, and see if everything works again?"
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Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #131 on: November 23, 2012, 08:43:50 am »

(Mathematician/etc jokes (now twice-ninjaed) reminds me of several other jokes, including one about making cups of tea, but let's try this other rail-based one...)

An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a (different) train heading into Scotland.  The astronomer is looking out of the window and sees a black sheep standing in a field.  "Well," he says, "It appears that Scottish sheep are black".

The physicist looks and corrects him, "No, in Scotland there are sheep, some of which are evidently black."

The mathematician looks out and informs his fellow travellers, "I think you'll find that in Scotland one sheep, that we can observe, and that one side of it is black!"


@Redking: I'm tempted to Four Yorkshiremen you, but it'll just end up with "I remember when all this was fields..." ;)
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Darvi

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #132 on: November 23, 2012, 08:46:33 am »

And then a Philosopher, who happened to travel inside the same carriage, asks "What sheep?"
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Jimmy

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #133 on: November 23, 2012, 08:50:11 am »

You can never have too many mathematician jokes. So to continue the theme of sheep:

A mathematical biologist spends his vacation hiking in the Scottish highlands. One day, he encounters a shepherd with a large herd of sheep. One of these cuddly, woolly animals would make a great pet, he thinks...

"How much for one of your sheep?" he asks the shepherd.

"They aren't for sale", the shepherd replies.

The math biologist ponders for a moment and then says: "I will give you the precise number of sheep in your herd without counting. If I'm right, don't you think that I deserve one of them as a reward?"

The shepherd nods.

The math biologist says: "387".

The shepherd is silent for a while and then says: "You're right. I hate to lose any of my sheep, but I promised: One of them is yours. Have your pick!"

The math biologist grabs one of the animals, puts it on his shoulders, and is about to march on, when the shepherd says: "Wait! I will tell you what your profession is, and if I'm right I'll get the animal back."

"That's fair enough."

"You must be a mathematical biologist."

The man is stunned. "You're right. But how could you know?"

"That's easy: You gave me the precise number of sheep without counting - and then you picked my dog..."
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Neonivek

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #134 on: November 23, 2012, 08:58:15 am »

Hmm that joke really doesn't make sense.

But I'll assume that it functions via joke logic.
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