Turn, 12: The turn with a number of cowards, and broken moral event horizons. BECOME POSSESSED BY MY OMNICIDALIST ALTER EGO FROM YOU AT FINAL BOSS - IT BEING WHAT IT IS, NONEXISTENCE DOESN'T HINDER IT
GIVE THE UNIVERSE SEVERAL THOUSAND ANTI-ANUSES, MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE TO GIVE THE UNIVERSE AN ANUS.
HACK INTO THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE AND TURN WASTE MATTER PRODUCTION IN COLON TO OVER 9000
(5) POSSESION OCCUR. (5) DAMN. (5) APPEARANTLY THE UNIVERSE IS A COMPUTER SIMULATION, AND YOU DECIDE TO TWEAK THE VALUE OF WASTE PRODUCTION.
Exacuate self, and Axel, from the universe, going to a safer universe with no intelligent lifeforms, or life of any kind. Colonization, ho! Have the fleet shoot Xantalos until he stops existing.
(5) SUICIDE PACT SUCCESS! (5) THE REST OF YOUR NATION BEGINS EVACUATIONS TO UNINHABITED UNIVERSE. MOST OF THEM WILL GET THERE, QUITE IMPPRESSIVE FOR A ENTIER GALAXY EVACUATING THE UNIVERSE. (5) THE FLEET NUKES XANTALOS IS A FINE PASTE. THEN THEY NUKE HIM SOME MORE.
Bomb various orphanages and hospitals on the Sun.
"NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE ANTI BACON CRIME SQUAD! NOT EVEN THE SUN!"
Attack Yoink himself! Attack! Attack! Attack!
(5) PLOWING STRAIGHT THROUGH THE MORAL EVENT HORIZON, YOU START BOMBING LITTLE CHILDREN. THEY CRY AS THEIR LIVES ARE TAKEN FROM THEM BY A DERANGED TERRORIST. (5vs4,2) YOU PLOW PAST THE ARESIA AND THE GHOST DIVISION, INTENT ON KILLING YOINK. (5) YOU SHOOT HIM IN THE SHOULDER AS HIS CAR PASSES BY.
ENTROPHY AIN'T GOT SHIT ON A REAL NIGGA
SHOOT REALITY IN THE HEAD
(5) ENTROPHY AIN'T GOT NO SHIT WITH YOU. (5vs1000) THE GM, SICK OF THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE ATTEMPTING TO PERMA-END THE RTD, INTERVENES. REALITY KICKS YOUR ASS AND BANISHES YOU FROM THE META-PLANE.
GROW TO A SIZE TWICE THE SIZE OF THE SUN. DESTROY BOTH YOINK'S SUN AND CASSANDRA'S NEW PLANET IN ONE FELL SWOOP. OR EXPLOSION. WHATEVER'S COOLER.
(5) YOUR PRINCESS IS IN A DIFFERENT CASTLE! AND DEAD. YOU KILL HER ANYWAY. (5vs1,2,5) THE NPCS FALL, SAVE FOR THE JAPANESE, WHO SAVE THE SUN WITH THEIR RISNG SUN POWERS.
TO BALANCE OUT ANUS PROBLEM, GIVE UNIVERSE A NEW MOUTH.
FAR, FAR AWAY FROM ME.
(5) PROVING THE FOLLY OF NOT READING OTHER ACTIONS, YOU CREATE A NEW MOUTH, HALVING THE BRIEF TIME BEFORE THE UNIVERSAL IMPLOSION. GOOD THING IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING THIS TURN.
"OH, MY GOVERNMENT IS INEFFICIENT, IS IT? WELL FUCK YOU, TOO."
>MARTIAL LAW!
>ALL KNOWN MEMBERS OF ABCS ARE TO BE EXECUTED!
>GHOST SQUAD CONTINUE HUNTING DA_NANG! LETHAL FORCE AUTHORIZED!
>KIDNAP THE JAPANESE SCIENTIST GUYS, HAVE THEM WORK WITH MR TINKLES TO CREATE DIMENSIONAL POCKET/SHIELD/THING AROUND SUN TO PROTECT IT FROM DESTRUCTION OF UNIVERSE!
>SUN STILL REMAINS SAFE-HAVEN FROM REST OF FUCKED-UP UNIVERSE, BUT NOW WE SCAN NEW CITIZENS MORE THOROUGHLY.
JUST IN CASE WE ALL DIE, >MAKE HEARTFELT APOLOGY TO MY LOVER THE QUEEN. I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE FOR HER MUCH LATELY, WHAT WITH ALL THE MADNESS THAT'S BEEN GOING ON, BUT SHE... SHE... *TEARS UP* SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I LOVE HER.
>RETREAT INTO PRIVATE OFFICE AND CRY. CRY FOR MY FAILED RELATIONSHIP WITH THE QUEEN. CRY FOR HOW I'VE MISTREATED THE EVER-LOYAL MR TINKLES. CRY FOR THE IMMINENT DESTRUCTION OF THE UNIVERSE. CRY FOR ALL THOSE WHO HAVE DIED, WHETHER BY MY HAND OR DUE TO OTHERS.
>THEN STRAIGHTEN UP, DRY MY EYES, TAKE A SWIG OF STRONG LIQUOR AND GO TOUR OUR NEW ORPHANAGES WITH BODYGUARDS. BE SURE TO LET TELEVISION CREWS GET LOTS OF GOOD FOOTAGE OF ME HIGH-FIVING THE POOR WIDDLE ORPHANS.
>RE-STABILIZE THE GOVERNMENT AS MR TINKLES RE-STABILIZES THE UNIVERSE. BRING BACK POLITICS.
EDIT:
>PROMOTE THE SMARTEST, MOST-QUALIFIED CITIZENS OF THE SUN TO REPLACE ALL THOSE POLITICIANS WHO HAVE DIED RECENTLY. REGARDLESS OF THEIR RACE, SPECIES, GENDER, AGE, PREVIOUS JOB, FAVOURITE FOOD, COLOUR, ANYTHING. AM EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES EMPLOYER.
>MAKE BIG DEAL ABOUT THAT LAST BIT IN PRESS RELEASE.
(5) THAT THEM THERE IS A LOT OF ACTIONS. (5) ALL KNOWN ABCS MEMBERS EXECUTED. (5vs4) JAPANESE SCIENCY PEOPLE KIDNAPPED. NOW ON TO MAKING SUNZILLA! (5) OR SAVING THE SUN, THAT WORKS TOO. (5) YOU CRY, BAWLING LIKE A LITTLE BABY, BROKEN COMPLETELY. BABIES LIKE THE ONE CORAI KILLED. (5) YO TOUR THE AREAS DAMAGED BY CORAI, AND HIGH-FIVE BURNED ORPHANS. YOUR POPULARITY SOARS. (5) POLITICS RE-STABILIZED, PEOPLE PROMOTED. (5) YOU ARE NOW SUPER-ANTI-RACIST.
>GHOST SQUAD CONTINUE HUNTING DA_NANG! LETHAL FORCE AUTHORIZED!
>HAVE BODYGUARDS STALL THE GHOST DIVISION WHILE SETTING UP THE REALITY BOMB
>TELEPORT ALL LOYAL SUBJECTS OF MAGITECH TO A NEW SHIELDED POCKET DIMENSION, INCLUDING COVENANT FLEET AND SANGHELIOS
>JUMP IN TO SHIELDED POCKET DIMENSION AND DETONATE THE REALITY BOMB, ANNIHILATING ALL UNSHIELDED UNIVERSES AND DIMENSIONS
>OR AT LEAST ELIMINATING ALL MEMBERS OF THE GHOST DIVISION IN ONE FELL SWOOP
TAKE TERRANS AND COLONISTS TO THAT SAFE UNIVERSE.
END WAR WITH DA NANG.
>ENACT CEASEFIRE, FOR NOW, AFTER REALITY BOMB DETONATION
>MAKE SURE LOYAL SUBJECTS STAY WITH ME
(5vs6) ABOUT TIME. THE GHOST DIVISION BREAKS PAST THE BODYGUARDS, AND MAKES A DRIVE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR LINES! THEY ARE BROKEN! (5vs3) YOU ESCAPE THEIR CLUTCHES, BUT THE BOMB IS DEFUSED.(5) HYPER-VIOLENT INTER-UNIVERSAL WAR HALTED. (5) THEY ARE LOYAL ALL RIGHT.
STOP CAPITAL UNIVERSE FROM DYING
REBUILD GOVERMENT.
TAKE TERRANS AND COLONISTS TO THAT SAFE UNIVERSE.
EVACUATE ALL ALLIANCE FORCES AND CITIZENS THERE AS WELL.
END WAR WITH DA NANG.
THEN CREATE NEW UNIVERSE AND TAKE CONTROL OF THEM.
(5) I'MA MAKE THIS SIMPLE, AND SAY EVERYONE IS EVACUATED TO SAFE PLACE.
USE NEW SCIENCES TO DEFY THE PRINCIPLE OF ENTROPY, SAVING THE UNIVERSE.
(5) YOU THROW YOUR BABIES AT XANTALOS'S HANDIWORK, ERASING IT! T IS NOW POSSIBLE TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE!
NPCSTHE ARESIA (3) PRAY. IT ISN'T ALL THAT HELPFUL, BUT IT MAKES THEM FEEL BETTER.
THE OBLIVIOUS COLONISTS (3) ATTEMPT TO GET ADJUSTED TO NEW SURROUNDINGS.
THE GHOST DIVISION (2) DON'T MAKE IT TO THE UNIVERSAL HEART IN TIME.
(3+1) FIGHTING HARD, THE JAPANESE NOT IN YOINK'S CUSTODY UNLEASH THEIR PLAN. CALLING UPON THE POWER OF THEIR ELDERS, THEY BUILD GIANT SPACE-SHIP, THE USS SACRED WIND, AND FLY STRAIGHT INTO THE UNIVERSAL HEART. THE SHIP DETONATES, TEARING A MASSIVE GASH IN SPACE, CAUSING MATTER TO SEEP THROUGH, RELIEVING THE PRESSURE. APPROXIMATELY HALF OF THE MATTER DETONATES, CAUSING SUER EXPLOSION. THE REST (3) BEGIN TO COALESCE.
THE UNIVERSE IS SAVED! FOR NOW, ANYWAY. NOW ALL THE PEOPLE WHO RAN AWAY INSTED OF STOPPING IT CAN FEEL LIKE WEENIES.
Poll
10 (30.3%)
Author
Topic: THE RETURN OF YOU ALWAYS ROLL FIVE: LONG NAMES. Y'ALL COMPENSATIN FOR SOMETHING? (Read 68562 times)