You say that "it is most convenient", "natural", or otherwise best when a Male acts in accordance with Yang
, and a Female acts in accordance with Yin. That is the ideal, which fulfills the greater order.
No.
Forgive me. I think we're making progress, but I don't think I'm intending to convey precisely the same thing I think you think I'm intending to convey. Forgive me if I try to clarify.
I said that:
there is a "tendency" for biological systems to behave in concert with the more fundamental forces.
And I said that:
it's "very convenient" when masculine and feminine energy act together in unison, balance and harmony.
That's not the same as "best when a Male acts in accordance with Yang, and a Female acts in accordance with Yin."
Let's go back to the gravity/airplane analogy. There is a tendency for airplanes to not fly...because of gravity. You'd agree with that, yes? It's take a lot of effort to get an airplane into the air.
That
doesn't mean it's "best" for airplanes to not fly. It would be totally wrong to say that it's "better" to not try to oppose gravity and therefore we shouldn't build airplanes because it's not acting in harmony with the force of gravity. That's totally misapplying the idea. Yes, there's an observable, factual tendency for men to lean towards yang and women to lean towards yin...but saying that it's "best for male to act in accordance with Yang, and a Female acts in accordance with Yin" or saying that we "should strive towards these as ideals" would be making the same sort of error.
The tendency of male to yang and female to yin may be factual, just like airplanes tend not to fly unless you try really hard to make them fly, but it's not a "goal."
If you have a guy who wants to to be submissive, and a girl who wants to dominate him...that's fine. You have a correct matching of yin/yang. You have a male body that fits with a female body, and you have a desire to be submissive that fits with a desire to dominate. Everything fits together. It works. It's the relation of yin/yang masculine/feminine that matters...not that the behavior of the physical bodies matches any particular role.
if you completely free Yin and Yang from the ethical concerns of "Acceptable Male Behavior" and "Acceptable Female Behavior", then I think we can agree that any one exchange between two people or objects contains this proactive/reactive element. However, and again as others have said, as the sculptor shapes the clay, so too does the exchange between sculptor and clay change the sculptor, as they learn more about the clay, the shaping process, or the result of their action. Both parties in any exchange affect the other, and are simultaneously affected by them. Maintaining that balance, I would argue, is the true core of a healthy relationship.
I would agree with this. I'm not attempting to assert notions of "proper behavior." And in actual practice, humans are complex enough systems that we all have a mix of both masculine and feminine.
But I do make the simple observation that if you're a guy who is behaving in a generally feminine manner...you're going to have a difficult time attracting women who want to act in a feminine manner themselves, because you're not offering the masculine energy that they want. If your goal is to attract women who act in a masculine manner...you might be more successful. But...if that's your goal, then don't be surprised if they act in a masculine manner and use you in the manner that they want, rather than giving you the behavior that you want.
If you're in a male body and want to act feminine or in a female body and want to act masculine...I offer no judgement of propriety for your decision. But I offer you the suggestion that you not be surprised if you don't get the results you want. And in example I offer you all the "nice guys" out there trying so hard to be sensitive and caring and trying to be "one of the girls" and not push a girl into a relationship.
Is that method successfully getting them girlfriends? My observation is no.
Would they perhaps be more successful if they started actively pursuing what they want? My suspicion is yes.
tl'dr:
It's painful to have these conversations because there's so much emotional
baggage surrounding the topic.
For those who want the short version that doesn't require carefully phrased legal language and eastern philosophy...for people who don't want to argue over dictionary definitions or angrily fight against gender stereotyping:
Guys...if you're acting like a girl and don't have a girlfriend and if you're angry all the time because the girl you want is sleeping with guys who "don't love her like you do" but who do the very simple thing of
acting on their desires...then stop acting like a girl. Girls don't want girls any more than you want to have a boyfriend. If you want a girlfriend, then be her boyfriend. Don't try to be her girlfriend and don't delude yourself into thinking it's somehow more "respectful" to hang around on the outskirts and act like her servant and emotional punching bag. It's ok for you to have what you want, and she might be very happy to give it you. Make it happen.
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Topic: "Why don't women like nice guys?" (Read 43647 times)