"You are all. Idiots."
Get the TV. Get out of here. Wave nonchalantly to the neighbors as I'm a repairman.
[1]In a fit of psychotic rage over the loss of his precious painting, D'nagirb bellows, "You are all
idiots!!" and grabs the television, whirling around and hurling it, in all its large, flat-screened plasma glory, clipping Joe the camera man on its way out the broken front door to land with a crash in the middle of the street.
That... Was quite an impressive throw, actually. Um.
Trait gained(Out of GM sympathy because you are so useless): Weaponized derpage: Good at throwing/wielding otherwise valuable stuff!Wear the sunglasses, pocket the wallet, smash into the nearest bedroom and STEAL STEAL STEAL!!!! Grab as much jewellery and baubles as I can fit in my pockets and TCL, then pull some drawers out and fill those with more stuff before placing them inside my TCL and rushing out the door and into the hallway!
[5] As D'nagirb chucks a hissy fit, Gom is lookin' cool as a cucumber. Well, a rather smelly, wrinkly cucumber that probably wouldn't be fit to sell, but still. He's got his sunglasses on(protecting his eyes from the hated sun), money in pocket and swaggers his way up the stairs onto the second floor, where he finds a conveniently-open bedroom door! Huzzah!
It appears to be a kid's room, and
[5] oh my. It is veritably
filled with the latest in electronic gadgetry! What a spoilt kid.
Shaking his scungy head and wondering just what is wrong with the youth of today, Gom starts doing laps of the room, shoving valuables into his trash can lid as he goes. He grabs a laptop,
[2] an alarm clock,
[6] a cage containing a
white cockatoo,
[2] a single sock,
[1] and a handful of candy wrappers (some still containing candy) along with a few desk drawers, balancing the lot in his trash can lid before turning for the door and stomping down the stairs.
[4] He makes it back to the war-torn living room, only to be confronted by the wild-haired figure of SqueeAch emerging from the kitchen, also loaded down with valuables!
Hobo stand-off initiated! Who shall be first to take their haul to the van?! Will the cooperate, patiently allowing one another to carry their stuff out, or will it end in hobo-violence??Items acquired: A whole bunch of valuable shit the GM is too lazy to describe properly!
Item acquired: Steel Cage(White Cockatoo)!"Auugh! Derfthwlabodfle Grasasplurt!"
Get the person on top of me off me through the clever and sophisticated application of nut-kicking, biting and wet willies if the need should arise! Also, use this tactic on anyone that gets in my way. Then, steal the lamps. STEAL ALL OF THEM. Take them to the van. Use the cheaper ones as weapons if I need to.
Showing an utter lack of sympathy for George's loss, Grasasplurt begins to thrash wildly beneath his feet, screeching with rage.
[4] vs [2] He sinks his teeth into the leg of his supposed assailant! He digs his teeth in deep and his victim eventually flees to a corner of the room with a yelp and a crash.
Grasasplurt jumps to his feet, glances around and rushes for the nearest lamp,
[1] only to discover it was smashed in the scuffle.
[6] He does, however, see another one over by the couch. He stumbles over to it, heedless of the broken glass and shreds of tablecloth he walks over as he stares awe-struck at its beauty. It is no mere lamp, it is
the lamp- the god of lamps, the greatest, most magnificent lamp the grubby hobo has ever seen.
He is filled with a sudden desire to take it, to posess it, to protect it from harm and become a better person to be more worthy of its love. He grabs it, gently, hefting it on one shoulder. He grunts under the weight; it's pretty heavy, but he is determined to manage.
Trait Acquired: Love of Lamp!
Item acquired: Really frickin' heavy lamp!"Uhh...I totally can't explain this."
Get up and run around, searching for some nice jewelry to run off with. And any small pets.
George is just struggling to stand from the wreckage when he feels a sharp pain in his lower leg-- he looks down to see some nutcase is biting him! Augh! This just gets worse and worse!
[2] He gives out a yelp of hurt and sort of jumps blindly backwards, breaking another chair, a lamp and smacking into a wall in the process, but eventually freeing his leg. Ouch, that guy drew blood!
He gets up and tries to run around, but can only manage a pained limp.
[5] At least he manages to salvage a an antique-looking, sterling silver serving plate from the wreckage of the dining table. Score! Well, that makes him feel a little better.
Wound acquired: Bitten leg!
Item acquired: Possibly antique sterling silver serving plate!With mah glorious vittels I can cross the sea without scurvy.
SqueeAch felt that a man with a full belly was an empowered man. Looking around the kitchen, he didnt recoginse many of the appliances - there was some kind of metal hand warmer, a veiwtube that only showed pictures of vittels, a tube enhanced beard trimmer, a complicated looking metal jug, and some kind of satanic cow container. Whilst they were attached to the house by a lifeforce connector, they were easliy detached from the supply of demons that kept them going. With a yell to Dawg he proceeded to liberate these wonderful items from opression.
FUCKINHELP ME YOU FUCKINGFUCKBAG!
Steal any/all kitchen appliances possible, stashing them in the van before returning for my next move.
[6] Speechifying gloriously to the ceiling, the empty room and Dawg, Squeeach loads himself with armfuls of appliances; a toaster oven, a mixer, a shiny metal blender and- looking somewhat precarious atop the pile- a knife block filled with kitchen knives of various shapes and sizes.
Busy shouting at the still-gluttonising Dawg, SqueeAch makes a 'momentary' lapse in judgement and heads out through the main part of the house rather than taking the back door. This, of course, means he has to run the gauntlet of his maniacal, destructive teammates- all whilst carrying a tall load of kitchen appliances. No way this could end badly, right?
He takes one wobbly step into the living room, then another-- suddenly, Gom lands with a thud at the bottom of the stairs leading up! He observes SqueeAch from behind the black lenses of a pair of sunglasses! He is also heavily laden with the shinies!
Hobo stand-off initiated! Who shall be first to take their haul to the van?! Will the cooperate, patiently allowing one another to carry their stuff out, or will it end in hobo-violence??"... Better in an unknown and possibly eldritch place than with them."
Carefully proceed down the stairs, look for the lights.
[5] Dennis creeps down the stairs silently, lightfooted, like some kind of... Well, creep.
He reaches the bottom and flails about for a lightswitch, eventually finding one and flicking it on.
[2] Huh. Doesn't look like there's much of interest down here, at least not at first glance. A dodgy-looking exercise bike, a few pot plants and a couple of dusty styrofoam boxes. Such disappointment. At least his groin-hurt is lessening!
>Get some footage of the destruction in the living room, then follow Gom upstairs at a safe distance!
[1] Joe raises the camera and--
BAMF-- FLATSCREEN PLASMA TELEVISION TO THE FACE!
[camera integrity roll: 3] Joe collapses in a messy heap to one side of the door, but at least the camera seems mostly okay!
Item Lost: Consciousness!>Eat! Hrrrgh! EAT MORE!
[5] Dawg, ignoring its master's foul-mouthed commands to assist him, noisily polishes off the last of that spaghetti and makes its way into the kitchen's walk-in pantry, where
[
=5] it discovers a few bags of dry dog food, held closed by plastic pegs!
[6] Dawg is all liek, "bitch please. Pegs? Is that all you got?" as it tears through the plastic packaging and begins to feast. At least, that's what it would say. If it could talk. Maybe. Look, the point is, it eats way too fast, and well, let's just say barf happens. And then more eating. Goddamn that is nasty.
>Three more turns before twenty minutes is up! Keep stealing, people!
Concerned neighbours will be arriving next turn! Someone can be heard calling the cops! This update is lazy as shite and I am sorry.
Dunno if half of it even makes sense. Am tired.
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Topic: RtSWYCGYDPPHO (Read 6966 times)