Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[jocan2003]

Hello everybody,

I'm part of this community for a long time now and while i dont really feel comfortable talking about my sentiment, i know i have to for the simple purpose of freeing myself and perhaps receive help. Let's first talk about me, i'm far from being rich, im sacrificing a lot for my immediate family mainly for my little girl, my little princess and this is also the main reason i'm turning to you. My mother has cancer, nothing to do... she is dying and has about a year in front of her, the part that piss me the most is she lives far away from where i am and i have to way to see her wich pains me a lot. Since i received the news about a few month ago i cannot stand to hear about either mothers dying in movie, or anywhere else for that matter or cancer in general. I wish i could see a shrink but i just simply cannot afford it, look im not looking for money, im just turning into option B wich is seeking help and support elsewhere.

I dont have really good friend near me and those i can count are either 1. Living far away or 2. Unavailable 95% of the time due to work or other good reason. Sure some will say real friend make time but i dont want to impose myself to any of them because i know they too has their own problem. I heard in some TV-Show about shrink or attorney doing pro-bono work as they call it and i would like to know if its common before i hit my head into multiple wall asking and breaks whats left of my will. Do not worry i am not suicidal and i dont want to end my life no matter what happens, i have a saying that goes as such *The more pain you endure the better person you become*.

I'm not talking to my family either because i dont want them to suffer more than i do and i want to appear strong and supportive for them, but god know how many time i had tears when they spoke to me while i tried to support them, its like i was draining their sorrow and pain and absorbing it into myself. There is a limit i can do to help and that limit has been reached. Even as i write this i have hard time to find the right word as i am french. I would like to receive suggestion or help from anyone around if at all possible.

If you dont want to get involved feel free to not do so, my pain is not yours to share with me as i am a complete stranger, but for those who don't mind or can help it would be very appreciated. Also keep in mind that i have a rational mind so dont even try about religion, don't try to tell me she is going to a better place. The only thing i know is that a human is a biochemical power plant feeding of biological matter to produce energy to power the brain, pretty much like a computer, we are a very complicate bilogical computer, and what happens to a computer who stop receiving power? It turns off, total blackness, only to because a piece of expensive junk. That should tell you how much rational i am. EXEPT for the situation i currently am the only rational thing i can come up with is to not add burden to my family, they need support and currently i am the only one with the ability to do so even tho im far away. But that ability is pretty worned off and hitting my will.

Sure i still eat, take care of my girl and have fun with her, i still try my very best to be a good father and husband(boyfriend?, been 10year i live with the same girl) and i know that im slowly failing. I dont want to add my burden to my GF/wife either, i dont want to make her worry, hence why im turning to you guys, being too broke for a shrink im asking thing community to support me if any of you can.

Thank you for taking time to read that ugly wall of text hehe...

Have a nice day.

[ChairmanPoo]

France has universal healthcare insurance. Why don't you talk to your GP about getting professional help?

[jocan2003]

Im not from france i liuve in quebec/Canada

[somepants]

I don't know how much help I can be, but what sort of thoughts exactly make you feel sad? Is it a specific type of thought, and if so why does this thought cause you sadness? Does any particular part of the thought seems more sad than any other part? If you can take your pain apart and understand its exact nature, where it came from, how it feels, why it feels that way, it may help you let go of the pain.

You may also wish to examine the intellectual aspects of religion. Ignore the metaphysical stuff (afterlife, deities, etc.) and focus on what can be rationally argued for. Every religion has at least a little bit of well-founded reasoning in it. Making suggestions feels sort of weird, but I have found Buddhism to be full of such things.

If you haven't already, thank her for raising you.

[ChairmanPoo]

Im not from france i liuve in quebec/Canada

Canada has socialized healthcare. Why don't you ask your GP?

[jocan2003]

I didnt know if it included shrink, also for the religion stuff if its about the *way of life and message embeded* in it im slowly thinking about it. As for the bulk of my tought it always about her disapearing forever. And yes i already told her and keep telling her that i love her and that im gratefull for all she did.

[Dr.]

Hello jocan,
   I can't pretend to know what you're going through, so it seems almost absurd for me to give you any advice. You seem like a good rational individual in a predicament not easy for anyone to handle, and since you asked for it, I'll lend my support in any way I can.
   Death is a part of life... A sad fact. I've thought about it quite a lot, especially the past few years. Death is the end of this life, if nothing else. The beginning of a true unknown. It scares us naturally. I am sorry that this situation has come upon you and I wish there were a simple way to create happiness and make it all go away, but I have yet to find one. I think as we live, we encounter loss, whether it be something of chosen permanence or death. When your mother passes I know it will hurt deeply for you. The way you type about it, it seems obvious to me; and you are agonizing over these many difficulties in your life.
   If you really are seeking advice... the only advice I can offer is embrace what you have now. Do not disillusion yourself with permanence, it can go away. It will go away. But right at this moment your heart is beating blood. My advice is to look around you as you sit now and take in everything that is existing next to you and really consider it for a moment. Dust, the back of your hand with the veins trickling blood breathing life into you, and consider the possibility that while we have these great challenges and hardships, we are alive as we experience them and can choose how we handle them. Just from what I've read from your post I can say I have faith in you to be a good father. A caring son. A good man. Don't give up on creating that happiness for yourself and those you care most deeply for.
   I don't agree with you on something though. For a large portion of my life I tried to keep my feelings separate from my family. To protect them from the venom that I was feeling in my daily life. My hardships were nothing compared to yours and yet I could feel myself crumbling. That weight is too much. Your family is there for you. Your friends are there for you. It is okay to talk to them and I promise you it does not burden them but strengthens the bonds between you. Confiding in them is important. They love you.

I hope you can find peace of mind my anonymous internet friend. I wish the best for you and everyone close to you.

[Immortal]

I'm from ontario and I know you can see a counselor if needed. Book an appointment with your family doctor and tell him whats going on. If Quebec is like Ontario they hold mental health the same as physical. Even if you think they don't book an appointment and see what they say.
I'll keep checking back here. Also you don't need to stay strong, I was more then happy to hold my dad when my oma passed away.
Stay strong.