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[SalmonGod]

I miss ye internets of olde.  Things were different.  Back when the news ran a story about internet stalker-murderers every single day, only the coolest people dared socialize online.  Trolls and idiots were the exception, not the rule.  Authorities were horribly ignorant of technology, so the internet was more free.  I remember the magical birth of Napster.  Oh, the promise, which has somehow not been diminished even as it has been driven into hiding, as if it were an Occupy camp.

[Shadowlord]

Well, first Al Gore invented the Internet, and you see, it is composed of a series of tubes. And then there are the carrier pigeons.

[Aklyon]

I like Starver's post the most, though theres one or two things I can't figure out what they've referred to.

[Scoops Novel]

I remember the first time i went online. It was...

[LeoLeonardoIII]

... a dark time for my people. The sun shone just over the horizon for many moons, a faint crescent of beguiling light that led our hardiest men to quest for it. Why would it not rise and bathe us, nourish us, eradicate the darkness? Why would it not plunge beneath the waves like a freshly-forged headsman's axe and herald the final onslaught of wind and ghosts? Those men returned broken, having witnessed many shock videos and interminable Let's Plays, driven mad by visions of suppurating carbuncles and the drone of boring commentators. Our crops withered despite our prayers to our gods;
Etsy, the charlatan
Google, the expedient
Expedia, the also-charlatan
Fark, the retarded

Finally upon us stole a gloom so dismal not even a triple rainbow could banish it ...

[Scoops Novel]

Meanwhile in

[Zrk2]

...Nigeria a Prince was being deposed. He thought he could make it out okay, if only had had some kind westerner to help him funnel his money out...

[mcclay]

Lo, you fools talk about Trolls as if they were the scrouge of the Internet when in fact they were the bringer of hialrious lulz! From the bubbling mass of weaboo shit that was 2chan came the first, 4chan. Holiest of the holy cities of the Internet it blossmed into a great board over night, where much lolz (for the sacred lulz had yet to be invented.) and porn. And on one day the Trolls of the board lead great raids agianst their enemies. Oh for hours I could tell you tales of the Subeta war, the Longcat crusades, the raid upon the Hotel of Habbos and the battles agianst the furries, but all good things had to come to an end... For one day Moot, god of 4chan, was led astary by the furries and whiteknights and turned 4chan into a facist kingdom of darkness, outlawing the raids that had sustained its m/i/lltary for so long. On that day the forces of lulz struck out and /b/day happned, the great 4chanian civil war. For many hours it raged until finally 4chan was brought down, the great Caturday nap. Then what remained of /i/ scattred to the four winds, cursed to never find a image board to call their own, this curse continues to this day... But this is not the end of my story, far from it. Some other time I will tell your the tale of ED and its quest for lulz, the betryals of the Great Fat Bitch and their exploits against the enemies of lulz.

[moocowmoo]

In the primordial dawn, three gods vied in battle for the hearts of men. Their names were TV, Radio, and The Printed Word. One day the god of Peace was tired of all the bloodshed, and he came down and planted his seed into a human named Al Gore. Al Gore became pregnant with child, and in two months the Internet was born. Its birth cries were the waaaa of the 56k Modem. This child, destined to unite all mankind under a rule of drooling, mindless slavery, had many forms as it matured into Godhood. From its adolescent days of Prodigy and AOL, to the infinite headed beast that it is now, its growth and purpose are finally nearing completion. Millions worship It every day, slouched over in chairs, shirts stained with libations of soda, and neckbeards glowing in the radiance of the holy monitor. Tremble, ye mortals, for the reign of the Internet has only just begun.

[Pnx]

It was in this time that many great thinkers came together. They formed a society known as the blogosphere, and there they studied the many high arts of learning, and learnt much of cultural gene theory, of cuil theory, of conspiracy theory. They knew they were on the verge of unlocking the secrets of the universe.

[Starver]

...but would too often retire to their hovels, in order to watch videos of kittens doing cute things and pandas sneezing and somewhat naked people doing somewhat naughty things, instead.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

A great dispute erupted over whether it was better to watch cute kittens or sneezing pandas. This was quickly overshadowed by a larger argument over whether it was better to watch somewhat naked people or completely naked people. Blogs and fora exploded with rancor and recrimination. Eventually so much of the internet was drowning in impotent rage, hatred, and idiocy that at some point Fox News was in comparison not the worst source of information. Flocking to it like a dimly gleaming lightbulb almost buried in a lake of santorum, the nerdragers came. And the racists came. And finally the trolls came.

Thus began the Tard Singularity.

[Scoops Novel]

The first murmer of it's presence began with

[moocowmoo]

...a sound emanating from the depths of the internet's nether regions, a ghastly HURRRRRRRRRRRRRR that that sent all earth's beasts cowering in terror, fragmented now into the multitudinous chirps of Herp and Derp, like some sick game of "Marco Polo".