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Author Topic: Life Begins At Death - Epilogue: We Live And Live Again  (Read 564101 times)

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #540 on: November 09, 2012, 11:34:07 am »

Ah god the pigs the pigs! Must not show fear, must not give in to temptation!
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #541 on: November 09, 2012, 11:58:36 am »

Inside the diseased depths of a vampire's mind...

James knows that you must never show fear in this kind of situation! If you show fear, the pigs know exactly where to bite to get your heart!

[Will roll: 6]

He punches himself in the face several times to get the fear out! It seems to work! Now the whole thing seems fairly ridiculous instead of ridiculously terrifying! That's a start. James resists the temptation to get a drink and keeps lying on the ground in a fetal position, eyes shut tight and ears kept plugged with fingers!

Hey, wait, James has both of his arms! How come? Must be the whole journey to the center of the mind thing. He unplugs his ears and opens his eyes to get a better look at his new arm! It looks kind of like the old one, to be honest.

[Citadel roll: 6]

He hears footsteps coming from above! They're coming closer! Suddenly, a familiar feminine voice speaks!

"He's here! Wonderful! Aw, but the poor dear looks like he's suffering! This place is too much for him, Piggy!"

"I tried to get him to have fun, but he seems dead set on remaining square as an Almirian priest!"

"I'll take him to my floor! It's so much nicer than this place, I think. Won't be as stressful for the little guy."

"But I tried to make it as nice for him as possible! I swear, sometimes I have no idea what this guy is about."

"Maybe he'll like my floor better!"

"Optimism. I like that. Especially in victims."

They both laugh heartily! James feels himself get lifted up by strong hands and carried upwards!

When he looks around, he sees that this floor is very different! All the walls are painted in bright, cheery colors and have flower patterns! Oh my! And there's his host! It's...

It's James! Just a woman!

[Will roll: 6]

James punches himself so hard he goes unconscious for a bit! When he wakes up, he sees that the woman-James is standing over him!

"Hi, James! Feeling better?"
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #542 on: November 09, 2012, 12:34:54 pm »

Sam will miraculously find this puzzle boss' weak-point, and destroy it?
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #543 on: November 09, 2012, 12:54:38 pm »

Inside the Tomb of the Ancient King...

Samuel, disappointed at the creature's apparent immunity to dying, tries to find a weak point in its defenses!

[Intelligence roll: ?]

Doesn't look like it has any. It's made of hands, for the love of Narcillicus! You can only hit it in the hands!

Samuel does so!

[Samuel vs. Creature: 3+1 vs. 1+4]

The creature, despite having no obvious eyes, seems to stare at Samuel earnestly while he pounds the thing!

[Creature reaction roll: 4]

"HONESTLY, WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT? IT'S GETTING ANNOYING. I AM QUITE BUSY, YOU KNOW. BEING THE PERSONIFICATION OF GREED IS HARD WORK."

[Magic roll: 2+3]

Samuel is gently pushed backwards by some magically summoned hands!

[Villager initiative roll: 4]

The villagers, having agreed on a plan, decide to act!

[Villager looting roll: 5]

While Samuel provides a distraction, the villagers steal as much gold, jewels and magical items from the tomb as possible!

[Villager loyalty roll: 1]

Having done all this fine looting, they all decide to run away as quickly as possible before the thing notices!

[Creature attention roll: 5]

The creature turns its gaze from Samuel for a second!

"SNEAKY LITTLE BUGGERS. GUESS I'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM."

[Creature magic roll: 1+3]

Two of the villagers get torn to shreds by disembodied claws!

"ONLY TWO? MUST BE OFF MY GAME."

[Villager escape roll: 1]

Seeing two of their compatriots get torn apart makes the other three villagers stop and gawk at their horribly mutilated remains!

"AH, THANKS FOR STANDING STILL. SPARES ME SOME EMBARRASSMENT."

[Creature magic roll: 6+3]

The creature briefly glows with clearly godlike supernatural power, large fiendish hands appearing and pulling the other three villagers away from the exit and toward the hellmouth! They get pulled right through! Gee, whatever's in there must be pretty terrifying, as the screaming goes on for quite a while until finally stopping.

"WELL, THAT'S THREE SOULS FOR ME TODAY. NOT A BAD CATCH, EH?"

[Creature intelligence roll: 2]

"SO, WHERE WERE WE. YOU SEEM TO WANT SOMETHING ELSE, YES?"
« Last Edit: November 09, 2012, 01:03:16 pm by Harry Baldman »
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miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #544 on: November 09, 2012, 12:54:46 pm »

((Would that count as incest?))
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #545 on: November 09, 2012, 12:58:02 pm »

((Depends on the timeline. Would be incest in this case, I think.))
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #546 on: November 09, 2012, 01:02:34 pm »

Ignore the She-James! She doesn't exist!
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #547 on: November 09, 2012, 01:08:55 pm »

Sam...Will, uh...Ask if the creature can empower his magic?

Not the VILLAGERS!!...

Nooo...
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #548 on: November 09, 2012, 01:25:12 pm »

Inside the Tower of the Mind...

James tries to ignore the strange womanly form of... himself? She-James cannot be real!

[Will roll: 1]

"YOU DON'T EXIST! NEVER HAVE! YOU HAVE NO BEARING ON MY LIFE!"

"Don't I?"

"YOU DON'T! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A FEMININE SIDE!"

"Never did?"

"NO! NEVER!"

"Not even when you wore your sister's wedding dress?"

"That was-"

"Every Sunday for a year?"

"Only for-"

"The entire afternoon?"

James screams in anguish! She-James cradles him in her gentle arms!

"It's okay, James. I know."

[Will roll: 2]

James whimpers and sobs softly!

[Citadel roll: 3]

"Better now?"

[Coping roll: 3]

James just keeps sobbing! However, there is the sound of stirring from the floor above!

"Best not to bawl too much, James. You will awaken the Incarnation of Hatred if you keep on acting like you do. He's not very nice."


Inside the slightly depopulated Tomb of the Ancient King...

Samuel realizes that fighting Big Handy is a bit of an absurd prospect. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join em!

[Nonverbal communication roll: 4]

He points to his cane and makes a bit of cane-shaped energy blast from it! The creature looks on with interest! Samuel then points to the creature, then himself, making various expressive gestures at every turn!

[Creature reaction roll: 4]

"YOU WISH TO... LEARN? LEARN MAGIC? WELL, I CAN'T REALLY TEACH YOU MUCH, BUT I COULD GIVE YOU A SMALL SHRED OF MY POWER. IN RETURN, I WOULD NEED A FAVOR. AND YOUR SOUL."

The creature examines Samuel carefully!

"AH. SOULBOUND, ARE WE? WELL, NO WORRIES, I CAN MANAGE A SMOOTH TRANSFER OF SOUL OWNERSHIP AFTER BOTH YOU AND YOUR BINDER DIE. AND THAT'S QUITE FAR OFF, IS IT NOT?"

Samuel looks at the creature quizzically!

"WORRY NOT ABOUT THAT. THE FAVOR IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT. I HAVE MADE MY OFFER. WILL YOU TAKE IT? I ASSURE YOU, ETERNAL DAMNATION WILL NOT AWAIT YOU. YOU WILL MERELY BECOME A DENIZEN OF MY REALM AFTER YOU DIE. MOST OF MY DENIZENS LIKE IT JUST FINE."
« Last Edit: November 09, 2012, 01:28:19 pm by Harry Baldman »
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #549 on: November 09, 2012, 01:34:37 pm »

Stop crying, convince self that this place doesn't exist.
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #550 on: November 09, 2012, 01:37:55 pm »

((I think awakening the Incarnation of Hatred may be the best thing to do if you want to get out of this situation.))
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Harry Baldman

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  • What do I care for your suffering?
    • View Profile
Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #551 on: November 09, 2012, 01:50:17 pm »

Inside the lair of She-James, the great and terrible...

Wait, why is James crying? None of this ever happened! She-James isn't even real! What does she know!

[Will roll: 1]

James tries to smile for a bit, but the awful truth hits him in the face like a brick wrapped in flower-scented fabrics - it's true! It's all true! Oh, why couldn't repression work JUST THIS ONCE!

The sheer disappointment makes James resume bawling with new intensity!

"There, there. It's okay. Don't be ashamed of it. It happened. There's nothing you can do about it but move on. Live with yourself."


[Coping roll: 3]

James, however, is unable to deal with the horrid truth just by hearing reassuring words! The issue is deeper than that! Admittedly, She-James does have quite a soothing voice.

[Citadel roll: 2]

The sound of stirring intensifies! There is a sound of footsteps and horrid burning! Another James appears on the staircase, leaving black footprints of ash! Well, at least he seems to be another James. He's a bit too on fire to say for sure.

"What's the ruckus about? Oh, the idiot has arrived. Look at him, crying like an infant. He disgusts me. I think I'll kill him to put him out of his misery."

"Don't do it, Inky. Wait your turn."

[Inky restraint roll: 6]

"Oh, all right. I'll just go up and prepare my floor. He'll be in for it then, I tell you. It's high time he paid. For everything!"

The Incarnation of Hatred rants as he ascends the staircase! James hears sounds of flames, screaming and presumably a lot of death to go with it!
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #552 on: November 09, 2012, 01:58:29 pm »

Bring rebound from misfortune into play! (6s are bad... Right?)
Pull self together. This is not real, it's just trickery! Find someone to blame to keep self motivated!
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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  • What do I care for your suffering?
    • View Profile
Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #553 on: November 09, 2012, 02:11:06 pm »

Bring rebound from misfortune into play! (6s are bad... Right?)

((You have five consecutive bad rolls (three will, two coping). Environment or NPC rolls don't count.))


In the vicinity of She-James...

James chooses to blame someone else for his crossdressing habits, thus taking the heat off himself!

[Blame direction roll: 3]

He blames She-James! Wait, She-James is part of himself! He's still blaming himself! Damn it all! James is about to resume crying, but he has one more trick up his sleeve - accuse his own mind of lying!

[Accusation roll: REBOUND FROM MISFORTUNE: 5]

"You are a liar, evil woman! You're trying to get me to lose sight of my goal! Snake-woman! Shrew! I will be leaving now!"

"If you say so, James. Eventually you'll accept the truth."

"AHAHAHA! CAN'T HEAR YOU! YOU'RE TOO NONEXISTENT FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO PERCEIVE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"

Having successfully muted out parts of his psyche, James does a victory dance!

[Citadel roll: 3]

A burning head pokes out of the stairwell!

"He coming? I'm getting quite impatient!"

"In a minute, I think."

"He'd better! If I have to ask one more time, I'm coming down to get him myself!"
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #554 on: November 09, 2012, 02:18:32 pm »

Samuel will nod, and sign the pact. Eternal servitude, after Bernie dies, or so it is. In exchange, power.
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