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Author Topic: Life Begins At Death - Epilogue: We Live And Live Again  (Read 557010 times)

Firelordsky

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #150 on: October 30, 2012, 03:44:38 pm »

Grab a weapon and a cloak off from the many dead men. Then go to the Necromancer.
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #151 on: October 30, 2012, 03:47:42 pm »

Look around the area for Bernie, and show him the head, confirming that the deed has been done.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #152 on: October 31, 2012, 03:19:55 am »

In the deep, dark woods...

James decides that he's had enough of the hare on his face! Time to remove all of it with his halberd!

[James vs. Hare: 2 vs. 3+1]

The hare remains steadfast and refuses to let go! It really likes James' face and would love to stay there for as long as possible! James swats at it impotently while just keeps on savaging! Soon he might not even have a face anymore!

[Intelligence roll: ?+1-1]

Wait a minute, why would the gods accept take-backsies? That's something a child would think of! James is embarrassed at his own foolishness! Also, he is beginning to consider the hare as more of a nuisance that has forcefully attached itself to what remains of his face. He almost thinks of it as not an enemy at all, more like an overly clingy acquaintance!

[Hare savaging roll: 3]

The hare half-heartedly holds on to James' face, biting out a small hole in his cheek!

Meanwhile at the bloody battlefield in front of the lair of the notorious Bernie...

Bruce is not defeated yet! He may have lost his arm, but the war is not over yet! Despite his two comrades having handily beaten a squad of soldiers!

[Bruce will roll: 6]

Bruce jumps to his feet and launches himself at Jordan, screaming like a banshee!

[Bruce vs. Jordan: 4 (no arm) vs. 4-2]

He sends Jordan flying to the ground and punches him repeatedly with his single arm! It doesn't work very well! Jordan looks more bemused than anything!

[Jordan vs. Bruce: 5+2 vs. 6]

However, the brief bemusement doesn't last, as Jordan whacks Bruce with his axe's handle, making the bleeding vampire roll off him! He gets up and resumes gazing at his handiwork in pride! That is, until he remembers that he really has more important places to be!

Like at Bernie's! He proceeds inside! However, he notices the glow on his axe dissipate!

Meanwhile, Samuel is picking up the adventuring slack by looting all the slaughtered people!

[Looting roll: 5]

Fortunately, as the soldiers were going on a nightly outing, they packed lots of money! Samuel finds 257 copper coins, 35 gold coins, plus the officer was wearing a jeweled amulet worth who knows how much! Also, he grabs the bloody levy leather armor off the downed halberdier's corpse, it being the one of the only sets of armor without any missing bits! It does have a bit of viscera clinging to it, however! The skeleton puts the bloody armor on, wearing it almost like a badge of pride!

Vincent, despite getting what he believes to be a bit of a dirty look from Samuel for not fighting (though that might just be his own bit of guilt), joins in on the looting! He takes the officer's dark blue cloak and fetches a halberd!

Both skeletons then go inside the mausoleum and find the necromancer. They find Jordan there, holding up the head of Skip Rogers!

"I say, this was the chap you were looking for, right?"

"Yes! Ahahaha! Hot damn, you did it, guys! Who's laughing now, you son of a bitch? Nobody humiliates Bernard von Glautzenheiser and lives, you hear me! Nobody! So, how'd you get him?"

"Well, the chap was in the inn, like you said. I went in, asked the fellow politely if he knew anything about Skip Rogers. He said yes indeed, he is Skip Rogers! I said jolly good, could you tell me more about yourself? He said yes, then started going on about how this lady was quite spiffy and grand, then dropped to his knee and popped the question! I said good show, chaps! Then I chopped his bloody head off with my fine axe here!"

"Wait, he popped the question?"

"Yes, ring and all! And then I chopped his bloody head off. Pay attention, dear chap."

"What did she say?"

"Something to the tune of 'Yes, Skip, as long as a zombie gentleman doesn't chop your bloody head off, I will marry you!' And then I chopped his bloody head off. Guess the engagement's off then, eh?"

"Indeed! Now that Tammy is in an impressionable, Skip Rogers-less state, I can certainly press my agenda toward her better! Among, heh heh, other things. You have served me well, minion! You may ask a boon of me and I will do my best to grant it! Don't ask for freedom, though. I hate it when minions do that."

"Let me think for a second, m'lord, and I will get back to you on that."

The necromancer turns away smiling, whereupon he is accosted by Samuel! The smile on his face disappears.

[Bernie benevolence roll: 3-1+1+1]

Samuel shows him the note! It's the same one from earlier, but with a period crossed out and a word with a question mark added!

"Teach me magic now?"

He looks at the note.

"Didn't we talk about this already?"

Samuel hands him the treasures of the massacred soldiers!

"Ah, now you're speaking my language! Some common courtesy, that's what I wanted to get from you all along! You know, for that I'll give you a piece of advice: magic is an innate attribute, the ability to use one's life-force to alter reality itself. A human being can learn minor magic, but to truly master it, you need a focus. Foci allow people to perform most magic you see today. Without a focus, you're not a real magic-user. If you can get a focus and attune it to yourself, you might be able to gain some magical abilities. Now scram."

Samuel goes off into the corner of the room and stands there with Vincent while Jordan quietly deliberates.

"So, is that all of you, then? What happened to the rest?"

"Well, I chopped the lousy sword-stealing vampire chap's arm off, he's presumably still outside. Oh, and I electrocuted the ghost chap to death. He seemed to be peeved at me for some reason."

"There was another vampire. Where is he?"

All three undead shrug.

« Last Edit: October 31, 2012, 03:37:36 am by Harry Baldman »
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #153 on: October 31, 2012, 03:49:10 am »

Kill the hare. KILL THE HARE. KILL THAT ****ING HARE!
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Yoink

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #154 on: October 31, 2012, 03:56:08 am »

((Oh my goodness. That update was... Exhilirating in its hilarity. :)) Waitlist me, pretty please?))
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #155 on: October 31, 2012, 04:01:47 am »

((Oh my goodness. That update was... Exhilirating in its hilarity. :)) Waitlist me, pretty please?))

((I will. And thank you. Character sheet, please!))
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #156 on: October 31, 2012, 04:21:38 am »

James is alone (for now) and really should get moving, so I'll update just for him:

In a most foreboding area of the woods...

James wants that hare dead. He needs it dead! It has spited him for long enough!

[James vs. Hare: 2 vs. 4+1]

He manages to irritate the hare somewhat! Perhaps that wasn't the best idea!

[Hare savaging roll: 3+1]

The hare starts to mutilate James' face with newfound intensity, completely obliterating James' nose with its horrible, horrible herbivore teeth!

"AAGH, MY NOSE! YOU BASTARD MINION OF PACITARIUS, I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT!"

[Commotion roll: 3]

There is a sound from the cabin. It appears that if a vampire is alone in the woods and gets his face continuously mutilated by a wild creature, he will indeed produce a sound of great intensity!
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miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #157 on: October 31, 2012, 04:27:29 am »

((Oh god, this is hilarious.))
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Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #158 on: October 31, 2012, 04:40:10 am »

Die hare die! And apologize to the gods
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #159 on: October 31, 2012, 05:42:45 am »

In the woods of terror...

James is quickly running out of ways to express his hatred for the hare on his face! He settles for the gesture of attempting to halberd it to death!

[James vs. Hare: 5 vs. 4+1]

James manages to pry the stubborn creature off his face at last, making it fall to the ground!

[Hare morale roll: 4]

The hare decides that James, who still has a tiny bit of unmutilated face left, has clearly not had enough punishment for today and resumes its attack!

[Hare vs. James: 6+1 vs. 5]

The hare leaps at James' chest!

[Unguided wild hare missile: 3]

James is knocked to the ground by the hellishly proficient hare! However, the hare sustains major brain damage in the process!

[Hare brain damage roll: 6]

The hare goes berserk and begins to think it is a vampire itself, going for James' neck with the intent to commit diablerie and increase his own power, which is 14th generation at best!

[Hare vs. James: 1+1 vs. 1+1-1-1]

The hare nibbles on James' neck, drawing a considerable amount of blood in the process!

[Diablerie roll: 6]

Whether diablerie really works or the hare is just that insane, James cannot say! A hellish fire appears in the hare's eyes and it appears to crack a grin made of pure nightmares! As per vampire custom, it must now dispose of James as a witness to its heinous crime.

[Hare vs. James: 1+2 vs. 3+1+1-1-1-1]

The hare nibbles on James some more! He can't seem to summon up enough enthusiasm to kill his sire!

[Sire/Childe relationship roll: 3]

The hare realizes that James must die, but still feels guilty for what he is about to do!

James, meanwhile, attempts to make peace with his gods before he dies. For all his prayers, he only feels vague annoyance from the heavens in return!

[Hare vs. James: 1+1 vs. 5-1]

The hare hesitates in front of his sire! James uses the opportunity to get up!

[Commotion roll: 5]

The stirring in the cabin stops. Whoever might be inside is unsuspecting once more!
« Last Edit: October 31, 2012, 06:08:55 am by Harry Baldman »
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anailater

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #160 on: October 31, 2012, 06:07:44 am »

"Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"Grab a discarded weapon from the corpses, attack Jordan/the necromancer.
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Firelordsky

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #161 on: October 31, 2012, 06:11:28 am »

Throw cloak at Bruce's face to blind him and proceed to stab him. Show Skip's book of spells to the necromancer.
((All the fighting happens when I'm not here.  :'())
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #162 on: October 31, 2012, 07:00:57 am »

At the lair of the unusually delighted Bernie von Glautzenheiser...

[Bruce will roll: 3]

Bruce is beginning to feel very light-headed from all his blood loss and armlessness! But he will not let that stop him! He proceeds down the stairs after grabbing a halberd and tries to stab Jordan!

However, he is interrupted by a fast approaching object!

[Flying cloak attack: 6]

Bruce is blinded by a sheet of delightfully soft fabric hitting him right in the face! He gets tangled up in the cloak and drops to the ground like a stone, if stones could bleed increasingly rapidly!

[Vincent vs. Bruce: 4+1 vs. 6+1-1-1-1-1-1]

Vincent stabs through the cloak, piercing Bruce through the torso several times!

[Bruce will roll: 5-1]

Bruce, however, is still fully mobile and trying to get out of the tangled mess he's in!

[Vincent vs. Bruce: 2+1 vs. 3-4]

Vincent stabs the poor vampire some more! Soon enough the contents of the cloak become nice and squishy from the relentless stabbety-stabbing!

[Bruce will roll: 6-2]

What is up with this guy? Oh well, commence stabbity-stab.

[Vincent vs. Bruce: 4+1 vs. 6-4-1]

Ah, the pleasant sound of stabbety-stabbing. Vincent could do this all day. In a short while, the cloak has become more of a bag. A bag of undead organs separated through massive amounts of halberd-stabbing!

[Bruce will roll: 4-3]

The pile moves a little bit. Vincent kicks it for good measure, then it goes still.

Bruce has been turned into a thick red paste!

The cloak is sadly ruined, both by the relentless stabbing and what used to resemble Bruce a little bit. No amount of washing will get that much gore out. Oh well, easy come, easy go. He decides to showcase his loot to Bernard! He approaches, brandishing Skip's spellbook!

"What's this? A spellbook?"

He looks inside.

"Property of Skip Rogers?"

"I dare say he nicked it, m'lord!"

"Amazing! You don't know how much more pleasant you've made my life. Without this focus, none will make me dance naked ever again! Ha!"

He does a little victory dance!

"You deserve a reward, my minion!"

He looks at you expectantly.

"Oh, right. You can't speak. Silly me. Perhaps you could write your wish?"
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #163 on: October 31, 2012, 07:03:08 am »

Persuade the hare to join me! I am it's sire!
Oh, and try to stop the bleeding (rapid kinetic impulse therapy?)
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #164 on: October 31, 2012, 07:04:10 am »

((Cue "Teach me magic!"))
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.
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