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Author Topic: Life Begins At Death - Epilogue: We Live And Live Again  (Read 546348 times)

TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #765 on: November 14, 2012, 12:49:59 pm »

((come on.))
Carry on pummeling
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Greenstarfanatic

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #766 on: November 14, 2012, 12:56:14 pm »

KILL THE NABPIE.
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #767 on: November 14, 2012, 01:02:13 pm »

Sam will raise morals, by enchanting the peasant armies weapons with...Canes! Turn them into canes of pain!
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #768 on: November 14, 2012, 01:36:16 pm »

Inside the Magical Weaponry and Armor Department...

Even as a snail, James will not admit defeat! He tries to murder the fellow once more!

[James vs. Swordsman: 6 vs. 2+1]

He slides the entire left hand of the swordsman into one of his five snail-mouths, turning it into a fine paste with the horrible rasp of death hidden within!

[Swordsman endurance roll: 4]

The swordsman gazes at his missing hand and strikes after briefly hesitating!

[Swordsman vs. James: 5+1 vs. 3]

He slices off the snail head that ate his hand! Can't have that happening again!


Inside the lair of the insidious Nabpies...

Jordan sneaks up on the Nabpie!

"I say, why are you fooling around with this backgammon nonsense? Checkers are clearly superior!"

"Now, I'm not the biggest fan of backgammon myself, I just-"

[Jordan vs. Nabpie: 1+2 vs. 2+3-1]

To say that Jordan completely misses would be a great understatement! He's actually closer to hitting Bernie than the Nabpie, in fact!

[Nabpie reaction roll: 5]

"-feel that backgammon has several interesting qualities that give it a certain lasting entertainment value. I mean, play five games of checkers and you already have seen everything the game can offer, essentially. Not so with backgammon. In fact..."

The Nabpie continues to extol the merits of backgammon in comparison to checkers! Jordan is clearly beyond the point of caring, however. Bernie leans in to Jordan!

"Awfully thick sons of bitches, aren't they? Backgammon grand masters, though. All of them. Guess they've had several thousand years of practice."


At the gates of the king's palace...

Samuel attempts to improve the equipment of his fanatic army! Something more caney would be nice!

[Magic roll: 5]

Each member of the mob now has a magically empowered cane in his hand! Bolstered by this sudden bit of luck, they charge at the guards!

[Mob vs. Guards: 3+5 vs. 6+2]

The guards, however, stand firm and let none pass, whacking the occasional courageous individual backwards!

[Crowd morale roll: 1]

The spirit of the dance appears to have left the crowd and they are all standing still! Hmm. What to do, what to do.

[Morale raising roll: 4]

Samuel begins dancing again! The crowd joins in! This, however, is a less fast-paced dance! The Dance of the Patient Barbarian Horde!
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #769 on: November 14, 2012, 01:39:39 pm »

Swing again while he's distracted!

((How about you just auto me to just swing at the guy whenever I'm in combat, unless I say otherwise. It's all I really do.))
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #770 on: November 14, 2012, 01:52:37 pm »

Sam shall lead the assault! Kill! KILL! KIIILL!...Well, not the king though. But everybody that's not allied with Sam shall...Well, hopefully not die. Try to minimize casualties.
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TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #771 on: November 14, 2012, 02:18:16 pm »

Finish him off
((I miss my nice combat bonuses:())
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #772 on: November 14, 2012, 02:22:53 pm »

Near one of the easily distracted Nabpies...

Jordan skillfully feigns interest to keep the conversation going!

"You are not a very seasoned checkers player if you dare say it is a game of no subtlety or depth! Why, it has more subtle intricacies and potential for strategy than any other game I have ever played!"

"Now, don't be daft. It is clear to anyone that-"

[Jordan vs. Nabpie: 4+2 vs. 2+3-1-1]

Jordan manages to hit the Nabpie hard! Lots of dark essence spills from a gash in its near-intangible body!

[Nabpie endurance roll: 2]
[Nabpie reaction roll: 6]

The Nabpie shudders visibly!

"Oh dear. There appears to be a breeze coming from somewhere! Most unusual! I had better find the window and close it!"

"Get to it, good chap!"

[Jordan vs. Nabpie: 4+2 vs. 4+2-1-1]

Jordan strikes once more and draws dark-blood in very much the same way!

[Nabpie endurance roll: 6]
[Nabpie reaction roll: 5]

"Wait, the breeze! It's coming from your way! I don't remember this tomb being so drafty before! Did you leave the door open?"

"Ashamed as I am to admit it, I very well might have, friend! You had better go and see!"

It shambles off to the entrance!

[Jordan vs. Nabpie: 2+2 vs. 2+2-1-1]

The Nabpie gets another nasty gash in its shapeless form!

[Nabpie endurance roll: 1]

The Nabpie stumbles and descends low to the ground!

"Oh dear. The breeze, it's too strong for me! Be a good sport and close that door for me, will you?"

"Absolutely, good chap!"

[Jordan vs. Nabpie: 2+2 vs. 1-1-1]

Jordan brings his axe down on the creature one last time, making it dissipate! Victory!

"Well, that was amusing to watch. There do appear to be tons more of these things, however. Let's get out of here while we can."


Outside the gates of the king's palace...

Samuel leads the seemingly well-choreographed procession of partying guild members straight into the gates of the castle!

[Mob vs. Guards: 3+5 vs. 3+2]

The guards get savagely beaten by the mob, then viciously trampled as the mob bypasses the gates! Samuel rides on a particularly influential chamberpot emptier into the courtyard! Here the mob is met by a much larger band of guardsmen supported by crossbowmen!

[Guards vs. Mob: 1+3 vs. 5+5]

The mob, however, advances too rapidly for the guards to do anything!

[Counterattack: Mob vs. Guards: 5+5 vs. 2+3]

The mob beats the guardsmen into a bloody pulp and dances on their mortal remains!

[Crossbowmen vs. Mob: 5+3 vs. 4+5]

The crossbowmen load their crossbows, but the mob quickly boogies out of the line of fire! They ascend to the battlements!

[Mob vs. Crossbowmen: 1+5 vs. 4+3]

A few of the mob members get a faceful of crossbow bolts while attempting to get to the entrenched crossbowmen, prompting the others to go party somewhere else for the time being!

[Samuel nonverbal peacemaking roll: 5]

Samuel signals the crossbowmen that they shall not be harmed if they leave at once! After all, the mob outnumbers them four to one and is currently impossible to hit safely, so they really should just give it up and go become mercenaries or something!

[Crossbowmen patriotism roll: 1]

The crossbowmen are intrigued by this idea! So intrigued, in fact, that they choose to start their career as mercenaries immediately! As Samuel's well-armed and beautiful assistants! The reward for their service being the ability to take whatever riches they can get their hands on (provided Samuel doesn't call dibs first)!


Inside the Magical Weaponry and Armor Department...

James goes for the kill!

[James vs. Swordsman: 1 vs. 2+1]

The swordsman, still bleeding profusely, steps away!

[Swordsman endurance roll: 3]

He stumbles a bit! Seems like the massive blood loss is getting to him!
« Last Edit: November 14, 2012, 02:31:00 pm by Harry Baldman »
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #773 on: November 14, 2012, 02:28:15 pm »

Lead Bernie out of the tomb to safety!
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #774 on: November 14, 2012, 02:31:07 pm »

Samuel shall signal that the King must not be killed, but EVERYTHING is available to his loyal mercenaries! WHATEVER loot, wenches, wine or frivolities they desire, they may have it all; - Samuel wants none. He just needs the King alive.

HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED
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TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #775 on: November 14, 2012, 02:47:17 pm »

Finish him off, take sword.
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #776 on: November 14, 2012, 03:01:23 pm »

Inside the terrible den of backgammon known as the Nabpie Lair...

Jordan leads the way as Bernie follows behind!

[Encounter roll: 5]

Nobody seems willing to bother him with any backgammon, possibly because he looks more like a checkers person! He safely makes his way back out to the mausoleum with Bernie!

[Bernie benevolence roll: 2]

"Okay, now that we're out, you can go right back in and kill the rest of those Nabpies. Can't have them messing around here with that mind-blowingly boring and stupid game of theirs. And they'll probably try to get me again! Can't allow that. Might not have a disposable minion around to rescue me. Now get in there and kill anything that moves. Come on out if you need repairs, though."


In the courtyard of the Royal Palace...

Samuel attempts to convey that he calls dibs on the King and possibly his family, who must be taken alive, and that no other dibs shall be called by him today! All this through the power of interpretive dance!

[Samuel nonverbal communication roll: 5]

An extremely elated form of gyration begins throughout the entire crowd! They feel emboldened at the thought of the absolutely ridiculous amounts of loot they'll be getting!

A unit of Royal Guardsmen runs out of the palace! They take up defensive positions as the mob advances!

[Mob vs. Royal Guardsmen: 5+6 vs. 5+4]

Many of them get savagely caned far more than any person with a reasonable hope of survival should! The rest seem very unsettled!

[Morale roll: 4]

They hold in place, though they don't seem very sure of themselves!

[Mob vs. Royal Guardsmen: 6+6 vs. 2+3]

The remaining guardsmen soon comprehend their mistake as the mob menacingly, though fabulously struts their way! They all get horribly mutilated and murdered by a steady stream of beatings! The unit of royal guards is obliterated!


Inside the Magical Weaponry and Armor Department...

James tries once more to kill the fellow solely responsible for his current state!

[James vs. Swordsman: 3 vs. 5+1]
[Counterattack: Swordsman vs. James: 5+1 vs. 5]

That is to say, himself! The swordsman dodges his inept flailing and strikes back, slightly notching James' shell!

[Swordsman endurance roll: 3]

The swordsman fumbles around his arm-stump, trying to slow the bleeding! He doesn't look so hot! James uses the opportunity to strike once more!

[James vs. Swordsman: 2 vs. 2+1]

The swordsman keeps backpedaling away! This time, he chooses not to counterattack immediately!

[Swordsman endurance roll: 3]

Or any time soon, really. He just keeps grasping at his arm stump impotently!

[James vs. Swordsman: 6 vs. 4+1]

James weakly rasps at the swordsman's foot! The swordsman winces in pain, but it is little more than a scratch, really!

[Swordsman endurance roll: 2]

The swordsman drops to his knees, the blood quickly draining out of his system!

[James vs. Swordsman: 4 vs. 4]

He falls backward to protect himself from James' rasp-mouths!

[Swordsman endurance roll: 2]

He gets even less and less healthy-looking! Doesn't look like he has a long time left to live! Better shorten it!

[James vs. Swordsman: 6 vs. 5-1]

James nibbles on the swordsman's face! The swordsman, however, seems to be already dead before James can get anywhere! Oh well, this goes down on his list as a victory anyway, even if by attrition!

He grabs the magical sword with his sole remaining tail!
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miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #777 on: November 14, 2012, 03:02:24 pm »

The crossbowmen load their crossbows, but the mob quickly boogies out of the line of fire! They ascend to the battlements!

You coulds say that they did
*sunglasses*
A safety dance.

YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
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they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #778 on: November 14, 2012, 03:11:06 pm »

Continue the assault! Sam will try and locate the king!
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter Two: Books, Baubles and Boyfriends!
« Reply #779 on: November 14, 2012, 03:22:07 pm »

In the courtyard of the Royal Palace...

Samuel and his mob of followers and crossbowmen go inside the palace! It's a bit cramped, to be honest, but the crowd keeps dancing like some kind of unusually stylish savage tribe! They are met inside by yet another troop of royal guardsmen! They charge!

[Royal Guardsmen vs. Mob: 5+5 vs. 5+6]

Their charge proves to be a waste of resources, as they just get beaten back handily! The mob marches towards the throne room, looting, killing and destroying everything!

[Mob vs. Royal Guardsmen: 6+6 vs. 5+4]

Try as they might, the royal guardsmen are simply no match for the fighting spirit and numbers of the mob! About half of them get killed!

[Guardsmen morale roll: 1]

They proceed to run like pathetic dogs! The crossbowmen open fire!

[Crossbowmen vs. Royal Guardsmen: 3+4 vs. 2+2-1]

The hail of bolts makes short work of the remainder of the escapees, leaving them completely incapable of putting up a fight! The Party Army moves onward! They see some barred solid metal gates leading to the throne room!

[Homewrecking roll: 2+1]

They chip away at the door for a bit, getting a few solid chunks out, but are far from getting through! Hm. The king's probably in there, Samuel thinks. Looks pretty well-secured!
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