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[Harry Baldman]

Some hours before in the lair of Bernie...

Vincent tries to inform Bernie's sister of his findings!

[Nonverbal communication roll: 3]

He gestures awkwardly, trying to express the potential lethality of the knight-monk-nuns!

"What? You found... women, I guess? And they tried to kill you?"

He also tries to inform her of the chalice of infinite blood!

"And there was a chalice that had liquid in it. So? Did you even go to the university?"

Vincent shakes his head!

"You do know where it is, right?"

Vincent points to the southeast!

"It's to the west, actually."

Vincent strikes his skeletal face with his palm!


In a dank basement...

Samuel, trapped in a basement with no hope of ever leaving, tries to morph a wall!

[Samuel magic roll: 6-2]

Hooray! The wall becomes sentient and grabby!

"I SAY, WHO AM I? WHY AM I HERE? WHY CAN'T I MOVE?"

Samuel tries to convey to the wall-creature that there are some cultists that need mashing!

[Nonverbal communication roll: 1]

"AH, I SEE. THANK YOU FOR THIS INFORMATION."

[Wall vs. Samuel: 6+2 vs. 5+2]

Samuel gets clipped by the wall's stone fist, which sends him flying into a corner!


Inside the Mind Citadel of James...

James, not feeling very threatened, begins to mockingly sing and dance!

[Mockery roll: 2]

"Hah! You can't hurt me, Incarnation of Hatred! That's because you're an idiot, and a poopyhead at that! Nyah-nyah-nyah!"

[Inky hatred roll: 2+3]

James feels his arm uncomfortably heat up from the inside!

[TopHat]

Rapid Kinetic Impulse Therapy! Then ignore the citadel!

[Harry Baldman]

Inside the Mind Citadel...

James weakly punches himself in the arm! Doesn't work. Guess he needs inspiration for that! Oh well. More ignoring, then!

[Will roll: 1]

Wait, but what if the Incarnation has something useful for him? Like gold or something? That would be cool! Maybe there's candy as well! And a new face too! James gets so excited he can't help but move upwards on the staircase, beside himself with anticipation!

He gets to the fourth floor! Oh dear. There's spikes and fire and ash and really unpleasant looking torture instruments around! And in the center of it all, Inky is perched on a throne, burning brighter than ever! He turns to James!

"Took you long enough, asshole! Now you PAY!"

[Inky hatred roll: 2+3]

James' arm, already unpleasantly hot, begins bubbling and leaking as the flesh of it begins to melt! It's highly uncomfortable!

[James will roll: 1]

James begins to scream and flail around, bits of melted flesh flying everywhere!

"That looks extremely painful! I'm quite glad, you know. After all, if this is your reaction to the beginning, I wonder what you'll say about the main course!"

[TopHat]

Ah, well, proof this isn't real BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE ARM STUPID! SO HOW CAN THE OTHER ONE BE MELTING? HAHAHA STUPID MINDSPACE GETTING IT ALL WRONG AND PROVING THAT YOU DON'T EXIST. HAHAHA

[Harry Baldman]

Inside the Tower of the Mind...

James realizes that he shouldn't have an arm, anyway! So how could it be melting? He distinctly remembers a beavergoat chewing it off, then falling victim to a retaliatory beavergoating! Ha! He has it!

[Argumentation roll: 5]

"You couldn't have melted my arm! I didn't have that arm because a beavergoat chewed it off! Silly Incarnation of Hatred, you can't even get my anatomy right!"

"You know, that is a good point. Guess I should stick to body parts you actually have, huh? How silly of me."

The flame of the incarnation dims noticeably!

"Anyway, back to business."

[Inky hatred roll: 2+2]

James gets poked in the belly with a white-hot poker!

[Will roll: 6]

He punches himself in the face with his single fist to cancel out the burning! It works!

"This is getting somewhat disappointing. I was expecting more of a reaction, you know. It's almost enough to make a mind-fragment feel inadequate!"

[TopHat]

Carry on ignoring! Make him feel inadequate- because he doesn't exist. Hahaha

[Harry Baldman]

On the fourth floor of a vampire's subconscious...

James knows how to prevent melty death at the hands of the Incarnation of Hatred - ignore the bastard! Make him feel nonexistent!

[Ignoring roll: 4]

James turns his back to the foolish Inky!

[Inky hatred roll: 6+1]

Suddenly, James' sole arm explodes!

[James will roll: 6]

James knees himself in the forehead and falls over, but does not make a single sound! His eyes are closed and he looks completely peaceful!

[Inky reaction roll: 5]

"Oh, so that's the way you're going to be, eh? Rob me of the single bit of fun I could ever have in this blasted mindscape, will you? Fine, then!"

The Incarnation of Hatred turns around and goes to sit in the corner, darkly brooding the entire way! He isn't on fire anymore, just slightly aglow with something that really seems more sad than anything!

[Citadel roll: 2]

However, the peaceful tranquility of the room is soon broken by a voice from the floor above!

"Well, INKY, are you QUITE DONE with our HON-ored GUEST? I have SO MANY things to TELL him of the DARK-ness!"

Damn. Him again.

"I'm quite done, yes! He has insulted me and I don't feel like visiting any more torments on him! Even the Incarnation of Hatred has feelings, you know!"

Inky mumbles for a while! James hears strange footsteps!

[TopHat]

Ignore the footsteps and the lack of arms! It isn't real!

[Firelordsky]

Just write the events down on a piece of paper and give it to her, then go off to the west.

[Harry Baldman]

One step away from mortal peril...

James attempts to disbelieve his lack of arms!

[Will roll: 6]

He punches himself in the face to dissuade himself of this foolish notion of armlessness! Hey, it worked! He can punch himself in the face very nicely! He tries it again! And again! And once more for clarity!

[Endurance roll: 3]

His face does get sore and bruised, though! Well, not like it was his, anyway.

[Citadel roll: 1]

Suddenly, he is grabbed by horrible, horrible hands! At least he thinks they're hands! They're awfully slimy and gooey, to tell the truth. Maybe they're tentacles?

He is placed on a table! It feels like a nice table. James could really appreciate it if he wasn't so dead set on keeping his eyes closed!

"OH-pen your EYES, silly JAMES, o-PEN your MOUTH! I wish to SEE those be-YOO-tiful teeth of yours!"

[James will roll: 1]

James, remembering his experience in the woods, decides not to resist! It's so much cleaner that way!

"MY, my, I LO-ve when a patient is co-OPERA-tive!"

[Horror roll: 2]

Some sort of small creature is deposited in his mouth! It's... hairy? And highly mobile!

[James endurance roll: 2]

Damn, that burns! And itches! And feels like organs rupturing! The creature goes down his digestive tract, burrowing in deep!

[James will roll: 6]

James punches himself in the belly, shaking up the contents of his stomach!

[Parasite endurance roll: 2]

He feels something gasp within his belly! There is a sound of cracking and fizzling! Whatever is inside him, it seems somewhat neutralized now!

"First step: SUCCAY-USS!"

The... thing seems to move away from the table for a bit! It returns shortly afterwards!

[Horror roll: 4]

It tickles him with many feathers!

[James will roll: 5]

James remains steadfast, though, and doesn't even smile slightly!

"Second step: FUN! And SOME-what disap-POINT-ing! MORE TESTING!"

It once again leaves, then comes back!

[Horror roll: 6]

Another hairy thing, this one more fuzzy and cuddly and long-eared, is placed on James' belly! It sits there, not doing much! Oh gods, it's a hare!

[James will roll: 5]

James, however, has gotten past his fear of wild animals! Not even the proximity of his mortal enemy can shake him up now!

"IT! IS! CONCLUSIVE! This MAN is be-YOND my HELP! ON-ly SOMEONE better VER-sed in MAT-ters of the BRAIN can help this MAN! A REFERRAL is in or-DER!"

[Referral roll: 3]

"PAY-ging DOCTOR ILLOGIC!"

"What? What do you want? I'm kind of busy here! Oh, it's the guest! Fancy seeing him here!"

"IT is CLEAR that this MAN is in DIRE NEED of your HELP! If you do not HURRY, he may remain the WAY HE IS FOREVER!"

"Oh, it's that serious? I'll take him to my floor right now!"

James is lifted up by his arms and legs and carried to the sixth floor! He is placed in a nice chair!

[Will roll: 5]

He immediately stands up, unwilling to allow the horrid tendrils of comfort reach inside his brain!

"Listen, now, sit down! And open your eyes, will you? I decorated this place just for you!"

James ignores the unseen creature! He won't start looking at things until he absolutely has to! It can only end badly!


Fresh from an operation inside the mausoleum...

Vincent decides to write down his adventure! If bards can do it, why can't he?

[Literary eloquence roll: 1]

He chooses an adequate mode and tone of expression:

Thayr wurre deez bad beaches in dis monk-place N dey wurre meen and beet mi liek beeches al weiz doo dair wuz a gobulit uz will N eet hud latsablad een it!!!1! SOOOOOO MEEN!!?

She reads the note.

"That's... uh... nice?"

Vincent shakes his head vigorously!

"Not... nice?"

Vincent nods!

"Very, very not nice, then! Now go. WEST. You'll remember that, right?"

Vincent nods with enthusiasm!

...

"Well?"

Vincent, remembering what he just forgot, heads west! 24-hour journey, here he comes!

[TopHat]

Carry on ignoring them! They don't exist, so how can they change me? SUCKERS!

[Harry Baldman]

On the sixth floor of James' Mind Citadel...

James is not about to acknowledge the existence of something called Illogic! It may be inside his mind, but he'll do his damnedest to repress it as far as possible!

[Will roll: 1]

But maybe there is some insight to be gleaned from the recesses from his mind? Really, what harm could a look do? Just a peek - to see what the floor's like! Then he'll close his eyes again and it will be all right!

James opens his eyes!

[Will roll: 4]

Oh dear. The walls look salty, everything smells burnt sienna and tastes like the sky! James closes his eyes and attempts to shut out the sensations, but he can't help it! He can taste everything in the room!

"There now, isn't that better? Now you can taste the difference! Hee-hee! I have entered your mind, and I'm not coming out! I am everywhere, and nowhere. Let the session begin."

"Question one: when were you born?"

[Will roll: 2]

"Uh... sometime?"

"Good answer! Now, when did you become a vampire?"

[Will roll: 4]

"When a cursed pig bit me and killed me, thus dooming me to a life of undeath!"

"Now, that just won't do. You need to rid yourself of these illusions! Resist! Question three: what did you eat for supper?"

[Will roll: 5]

"Nothing! I am a vampire and do not eat! You are not real! You cannot harm me!"

"I'm not here to harm, you, James! I'm here to heal! Can you not smell my intentions? Question four: why are you here?"

[Will roll: 2]

"I'm not really sure..."

"Excellent! Doubt! That is good. We'll have you in perfect shape in no time! Question five: who are you?"

[Will roll: 5]

"I am James Lanthorn, and you are not! I am real, you are not!"

"And just when I thought you were beginning to see the light. Oh well. Question five: banana."

[Will roll: 1]

"Three! The answer is three! Wait, what am I saying?"

"Remarkable clarity for one of your state! Question six: you will go with the nice man or you will die screaming."

[Will roll: 5]

"No. I am not going anywhere with any nice men! There are no men! This is just the result of the Empty Mind Chant, a deranged fever dream!"

"Stop resisting, James. It'll be simpler that way. Question seven: no."

[Will roll: 4]

"THAT IS NOT A QUESTION! YOU ARE NOT HERE!"

"Why must you insist on such delusions? Question eight: the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

[Will roll: 4]

"YOU CANNOT CONTROL ME! I AM FREE! YOUR QUESTIONS WILL NOT STOP ME!"

"You seem very broken up about this diagnostic test. Question nine: what do you expect to find on the next floor?"

[Will roll: 2]

"I don't know! You don't know, either!"

"Exactly! Now, for the final question: are you enlightened?"

[Will roll: 4]

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE, WRETCHED FIGMENT!"

"It seems that you shall be a difficult case to crack. Even with your altered perceptions, you still cling to a reality that, for all you know, might not be there. You also seem to have the persistent delusion that things make sense. It appears that yet another referral is in order."

[Referral roll: 3]

"PAGING DOCTOR FUN!"

"Yes? I'm here."

"No, you're actually a floor above me. Simple mistake to make, I suppose. It is MY FLOOR, after all. Now, will you take over for this one? I do have a lot of business to take care of."

"No, you don't!"

"You are correct, of course. It is not business. It is pleasure. I have to have some tea with my friend downstairs."

"Will you go fishing as well?"

"Yes, I will! It will be a great time for everyone!"

"No, it won't!"

"You are correct, of course. It shall be awful for all parties involved."

"I'll just collect the patient, okay?"

"Don't do it."

"Okay!"

A thing that tastes like an overgrown child and looks like cinnamon collects James and speeds to the floor above! This floor tastes like a playground, with mazes, jungle gyms and various other implements for having a good time scattered all around! Clearly this is some kind of insidious trap!

"Right, I'm going to teach you to loosen up, James! I am your inner child, after all."

[Caerwyn]

Sam is going to RE-TELL the wall that SAM is not a cultist, and that the WALL is supposed to kill the CULTISTS. Also, uh, give it canes to walk on or something. Magical canes.

[TopHat]

They do not exist! Resist! Resist! Resiiiiiiiist!

[Harry Baldman]

Trapped between a rock and an animated homicidal wall...

Samuel is dissatisfied at the wall's inability to comprehend simple instructions! He tries to convey his point once more!

[Nonverbal communication roll: 6]

He cavorts like some kind of deranged puppet pumped full of magical stimulants, explaining feverishly that it's the cultists the wall is supposed to kill, not its skeletal creator! The wall attempts to shrug!

[Building structural integrity roll: 5]

The building elevates, then falls without any sort of problem! Built tough, these homes.

"I HAVE A QUESTION."

Samuel listens intently.

"HOW IN THE BLOODY HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CHASE DOWN SOME CULTISTS? I'M A BLOODY WALL!"

Samuel shakes his head and proceeds to easily solve this problem!

[Magic roll: 4]

A pair of shiny new canes appears in front of the wall!

"AND HOW DOES THAT BLOODY HELP, YOU TWIT?"

Samuel shrugs!


On the seventh floor of the citadel...

James, whatever might happen to him, knows one thing: he did not and will not have any fun today, no matter what!

[Will roll: 6]

He punches himself in the groin! Yep! That's not fun! But that's the only thing he'll be getting today!

"What's wrong? Don't you want to make with the happy-happy?"

A low groan escapes from James' mouth!

"You don't like me, do you?"

James groans with approval!

"I knew it! Nobody likes me! Everyone hates me! Well, you know what? I hate you too! I wish you would die!"

[Inner Child hatred roll: 3]

However, the inner child's rage is far too petulant and immature to serve as an effective power source! James smells himself get lifted off the ground, but quickly drops back down!

[Inner Child reaction roll: 3]

"But... what am I doing? You must have fun! I must make you have fun!"

[Inner Child good intentions roll: 1]

A jungle gym animates behind the Inner Child and attacks him!

[Jungle Gym vs. Inner Child: 6+2 vs. 6+1-1]

The child almost dodges the metal construct's attack, but still gets hit in the shoulder! The child rolls away from the impact!

"Help me, James! I need you to save me!"