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[killerhellhound]

Last post before bed help Gamerlord with his actions including doing !!medicine!! on him if he wants it

[Onyxjew944]

Check for abandoned houses.

[Harry Baldman]

In an alleyway of some kind...

Luke tries to strike up a conversation with the guy.

"Khhhello?"

[Robe Dude reaction roll: 4]

"You can talk? Wonderful! I bet you can understand what I'm saying as well, right? What is your name, critter? Do you have a name?"


Inside Bernie's basement...

Following Yorinnsud's departure, Mark feels a bit uneasy. Like he should have a buddy of some kind to compete in murder with. So he decides to leave the unconscious guy on the ground and head after his lady-friend.

It doesn't take long for him to find her. She seems to be evaluating a potential victim. Good ol' Yorinnsud. She never changes.


In an entirely different town...

Tom decides to look for some affordable housing. By which he means abandoned dwellings.

[Search roll: 4]

Well, there are quite a few. The town, very much like Emlocke, is entirely abandoned by its regular residents. There's big houses, small houses, opulent houses, hovels and many other places people somewhere would be proud to call their lairs.

[anailater]

"Kllluke, kzzombie, Kcchair Kmman kmmake kmmme kttalk knnormal kpplease"
Have delightful conversation, tell him my name, my zombiage, my chairness, and request the ability to speak normally..

[Onyxjew944]

Break into one of the houses, and loot it for the clothing I wanted. Also check for useful valuables. I.e. magical artifacts.

[Harry Baldman]

In an alleyway in Emlocke...

Luke tries to keep the conversation going.

[Speaking roll: 4]

"Khhluke, khhzombie... ahem. My name is Luke. I am a zombie. And also a chair man. As you can see, I am speaking entirely normally."

"Indeed you are! How cute."

[Robe Dude reaction roll: 4]

"So, nice weather we're having, eh?"


In an entirely different town...

Tom decides to break into a random house and search it for valuables.

[Break-in roll: 6]

He breaks in. Oh gods, does he break in. He goes to a random house, dropkicks a door straight out of its hinges and charges inside, then begins to look for stuff he needs!

[Search roll: 4]

He finds a mask on one of the tables of the house. It's a sort of black eye-covering mask with a strap on the back to prevent accidental unmasking. There are also some padded and oiled boots lying around. Finally, there seems to be something called a "Diary of John E. Capstone, Master Thief" lying on one of the bedside tables. Aside from these three items, there is very little of interest.

[Onyxjew944]

'Master thief? I think not. He didn't even trap his house!'

Wear the mask and the boots. Begin reading the diary. Check for where his loot is stashed.

[Harry Baldman]

Inside the house of John E. Capstone, master thief...

Tom puts on the boots. These turn out to be way more silent than walking around barefoot. Cool. He then puts on the mask and instantly feels totally unrecognizable, as any skeleton in a highly conspicuous mask reminiscent of gentleman outlaws normally would. Now he only needs to flay a mustache off somebody and he'll be set. He then sits down and starts to read the diary, paying attention only to particularly interesting entries.

Spoiler: The Diary of John E. Capstone, Master Thief (click to show/hide)

Entry 1

After much soul-searching I have finally realized what I shall do with my life. I shall be John E. Capstone, MASTER THIEF. I shall thieve things in the night, find loot no others can get and make all the ladies swoon. It is obviously a foolproof plan that will totally work.

Entry 2

Has it been a week already? I haven't stolen anything yet, but I'm getting there. I have gotten my wife to make me a mask and to pad my boots. I will have Rob oil them tomorrow. Maybe I can get somebody to loan me a cloak as well.

Entry 3

It's been another week, and I finally have my boots oiled. Lousy Rob and his stupid 'prior commitments'. Does he not realize that the life of an outlaw is harsh and rewards the quick? And I still don't have a cloak. Nobody wants to loan me one. They say I'm too shady. Cheapskates.

Entry 4

Cloak or no, I have decided to start my thieving rampage through the city. Do not worry, dear diary, you will be the first to hear about them.

The next ten entries detail a whole lot of petty theft throughout the city, the total lack of any response to such theft and how most stall owners didn't actually notice that their fruit was stolen before he got out of his disguise and pointed it out to them. The author chooses to believe that this is because he is just that good.

Entry 15

I have had enough of these simple crimes. I must move up in the world somehow. Steal something more valuable. But what?

Entry 16

It has been another week, but I finally have received a lead! There was a notice posted in the center of town about a Thieves' Guild being opened here. A Thieves' Guild! Amazing! I can't wait to join! My wife agrees that this is a good idea, as do my kids. Even Rob thinks I should join, and he's been nothing but unsupportive of my work from the very start.

The next entry is written far less legibly.

Entry 17

Turns out that there was indeed something fishy about a Thieves' Guild announcing their grand opening in the town square, as I and five other master thieves (though none quite comparable to myself) found out when we went there. There were no thieves. Just guards. Each of us was sent off on our way after they went about the business of chopping off the right arms of each of us. Fortunately, I am not defeated yet - I can write as well as steal with my left arm as well!

The next entry is written in far prettier and more elaborate handwriting.

Entry 18

My wife is currently taking dictation for me as I have fallen into misfortune once again. I followed a lead on a quieter, more hush-hush sort of Thieves' Guild. Surprisingly, this was a guard ambush once again. I and three other master thieves were sent home armless, the guards remarking on how opening a Thieves' Guild in the city does wonders to limit the crime rate. It seems that I will have to follow in the footsteps of the old masters and learn to steal with only my mouth. A harsh reality, but I am determined that it will make me a much better thief on the whole.

There seem to be tear stains all over the next entry.

Final Entry

This is John's wife, Lisa. John was beheaded today after his repeated headbutting of a fruit stand during an attempted heist was deemed a 'wholly unnatural act, contrary to the fundamental laws of human conduct' by the authorities. The nice executioner invited me for dinner afterwards.

PS. Oh, and John told me that his loot was hidden under our mattress in case I needed it to raise our children. Writing it down in case I forget.

The tale is an interesting one indeed, providing lots of insight in the mind of a true master of his craft. And it even points to loot. How kind of it.

[anailater]

"Yes it is, it is quite pleasant weather, unfortanatly you should know if you want me as a minion or pet, I'm already working for one group and double crossing another so I'm not the best team mate, on that note have you seen any mages with demon summoning books hanging around the church lately?"
Talking!

[Harry Baldman]

In an alleyway of some kind...

Luke keeps on running his mouth like some kind of magical locomotion device.

"Yes, it is, it is quite pleasant weather. Unfortunately, you should know if you want me as a minion or pet, I'm already working for one group and double-crossing another, so I'm not the best team mate. On that note, have you seen any mages with demon summoning books hanging around the church lately?"

The robed fellow thinks for a moment.

[Robed Dude knowledge roll: ?]

"Oh, I couldn't tell you myself. You should ask the nice man in the third house down from the temple. He seems like a knowledgeable fellow. I had tea with him not two hours ago, actually. He would know if there was anyone in the church, methinks."

[Onyxjew944]

'Wow, that was easy.'

Check for loot under said mattress.

[Harry Baldman]

Inside the house of John E. Capstone, Master Thief...

Tom checks under the mattress for some nice loot.

There isn't any. There's just lots of fruit. All of it is squished. Most of it is very, very far past its prime.

Clearly this man was a criminal genius of some kind.

[anailater]

"Ah thank you kind man, and thank you again for the body, its very hard getting around when a shark hammer has eaten everything but your head, but I showed the blighter I did, I ate his heart from the inside, Anyways I'm getting of topic, thank you and goodnight."
Head to he man he was talking abut, if its the demon summoner try to bite his head off, if its not ask him where the demon summoner is.

[Onyxjew944]

'Rotten fruit? Splendid.'

Strain the rotten fruit juice into one of the jars. Start removing nails from the walls and collecting them. Check the house for a backpack or other carrying container.

((Fermented fruit juice? Alcohol.
I don't need to mention which of alcohol's many properties I plan to exploit.))

[Harry Baldman]

In an alleyway in Emlocke...

Luke thanks the man profusely, then leaves. He heads over to the temple and locates the house the man pointed out. He knocks on the door.

[Door answerer roll: 3]

A very mean-looking guy in leather armor opens the door. Luke asks him a perfectly legitimate question.

"Excuse me, but would you know where I could find a qualified demon summoner?"

[Guy reaction roll: 2]

The guy closes the door.


At the scene of a horrible crime against humanity...

Tom goes ahead and squeezes all the juice he can get from the fruit into his lidded jars.

[Juice roll: 6]

There is a lot of fruit, plus the mattress doesn't seem very water-absorbent, so he manages to get several liters of the stuff. Mmm, rotten fruit juice. The very stuff of life, that. He then looks for nails in the walls to pry out.

[Nail availability roll: 5]

Fortunately, this house, shoddily-constructed as it is, provides a whole lot of nails for Tom to use. After a long session of prying them out with his bastard sword, he obtains about half a pound in total. Removing any more just wouldn't be safe, he thinks. Now to find a pack of some kind.

[Search roll: 1]

There are exactly zero backpacks around. Well, actually there is one. But he can only see it in a mirror. It is in his hands, and it seems to give its owner, Mirror-Tom, quite a bit of satisfaction. Look at that guy, lording his backpacked status over his mirror counterpart. What an asshole.