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[Harry Baldman]

On the road leading to the university...

James is somewhat relieved that his enemy is not a horrible monstrosity of some sort for once. Well, it's still a monstrosity, but hardly horrible. Smiling at his unusual fortune, James tries to eliminate the filthy mollusc with his superior weaponry!

[James vs. Giant Snail: 2+1-1 vs. 5-1]

He wants to put the ridiculous thing out of its misery, but it is just too hilarious to look at to kill immediately! It's kind of cute, to be honest.

[Giant Snail vs. James: 1-1 vs. 5+1]

The snail menacingly inches toward James! James stops laughing for a second to make a devastating counterattack!

[Counter attack: James vs. Giant Snail: 1 vs. 5-1]

He's about to do it, but the look on the snail's face is just too clueless for him to go through with it! James can't hurt something as absolutely hilarious as that! It would ruin the moment!

[Counter counter attack: Giant Snail vs. James: 3-1 vs. 2+1]

The snail is really enraged now! It actually seems to be going forward now! Given a few hours, it might actually reach James! Hah!

Meanwhile, back at the university...

Jordan, having had his fun with the peasants, decides to look for a way into the university itself!

[Building choice roll: 3]
[Search roll: 5]

He finds the Illusion Department! The front door is barricaded shut! The window right next to it, though, is not. Makes sense. Wouldn't want the place to get stuffy, you know. Illusionists have style, unlike some of those other people.

In the lair of the abominably old Head Diviner of the University of Magic...

Samuel lets out a mental sigh!

[Expressive sigh roll: 3]

Being composed of his thoughts, though, it isn't very raspy and sounds halfhearted at best.

~What now?~

~Oh, just bemoaning my luck. Nothing to be worried about. Say, would you happen to have any magical goods you'd like to part with for coin?~

[Head Diviner reaction roll: 6]

~Nothing I'd like to sell, I think. Plenty of junk I'd happily unload on you, however! Here's the key to the attic - take anything you want. You'd be doing me a favor, to be honest.~

He presses a key into Samuel's hand!

[Greenstarfanatic]

Get in? Maybe?

[mesor]

Hack it to pieces with my armberds.

[TopHat]

Walk off to the university, leaving behind the snail.
On second thoughts ((that snail is too cute))
Try to take the snail as a pet.

[Harry Baldman]

At the entrance of the Illusion Department...

Jordan feels that different objectives should never get in the way of some burglary on the side! He opens the window and slips inside the building!

Oh my, there appear to be many places he can go. There are signs that say "To Lecture Halls", "To Practice Rooms", "To Students' Quarters" and "To Residents' Quarters". Many places to rob! Probably many people to kill, too.

[Illusionist awareness roll: 5]

Suddenly, Jordan is accosted by three illusionists dressed in colorful robes appearing out of nowhere! Guess they were guarding the place after all.

"Who are you? You're not one of the peasants!"

Meanwhile, in the forgotten depths...

Leon is not about to die to some creature he can't even see! He will chop that bastard to shreds!

[Leon vs. Thing: 2+1 vs. 6+1]

He can't quite reach the blasted thing, whatever it may be! He flails impotently like an animated shishkebab!

[Thing vs. Leon: 4+1 vs. 6]

Fortunately, the thing can't really do anything more to him either, as all attempts to pierce the halberd-enriched Leon merely reward the thing with nasty gashes across its limbs!

[Acclimatization roll: 1]

The constant chittering sounds made by the thing make it really hard to discover anything else about the room you're in or your captors!

At the location of a grand battle...

James can't bring himself to eliminate the snail, so he decides to do the next best thing: enslave it!

[Snail abduction roll: 5-1+1]

James picks the snail up by its shell, the whole thing not being very heavy, and runs off toward the university! The snail provides a nice bit of shade from the rising sun! Double win!

[Caerwyn]

Samuel will give a curt bow, and head to the room specified. Let's see what's in there!

[Harry Baldman]

In the lair of the abysmally ancient Head Diviner...

Samuel, never too snobbish to accept FREE STUFF, takes the key and immediately runs to the attic after taking a quick bow! He slides the key into the attic door's keyhole!

He twists the key once, then again. The door is unlocked! He opens the door!

[? roll: 3]

A small cloud of dust erupts from the door. It doesn't really bother Samuel at all. He goes in and gets to searching!

[Search roll: 1]

Damn it all, there's only useless crap here! Anything that may have even been vaguely magical has lost its properties long ago! Samuel kicks a nearby statue of a mage in frustration!

[Unpredictable magical effects roll: 1]

The statue comes to life and begins chanting menacing-sounding words in a voice that logically resembles grinding stone!

[Statue magic roll: 4+1]

Samuel feels himself being lifted off his feet and chucked out of the attic door with astounding speed! While currently unhurt, he hears the statue coming out of the attic!

[Stair structural integrity roll: 6]

The stairs to the attic hold up surprisingly well, considering their age! The statue keeps coming down without stopping!

[Greenstarfanatic]

Try to talk my way out of the situation. If it doesn't work, eh, more blood.

[Caerwyn]

Samuel will shy away from the 72d18 of blunt damage, and get the hell out of there! GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS WHOLE PLACE! Find some peasant and practice imploding his insides or something.

[Firelordsky]

Look around for another entrance.

[Thecard]

Well, good to know this updates while I'm not at my computer. 
Anyways, here's my character:

Name: Clip-Clop
Gender: Male
Archetype: Skeleton
Biography: He used to be a great knight.  Well, he only really retreated, but he was good at it damnit.  His horse was his best friend, and had gotten him out of many scrapes.  Unfortunately, he took a wrong turn while running away.  He and his horse fell down a pit, and died.  They were found much later, and both of their bones were dumped in a grave.  That hasn't affected Clip-Clop much, aside from replacing his hands and feet with hooves.  The only sound he can really make is a "clip-clop" of his hand-hooves.

That good?

[Harry Baldman]

In the Illusion Department building...

Jordan is faced with a terrible dilemma: kill the mages now or kill them later?

[Fast talking roll: 4-2]

"I say, fine chaps, I'm here selling these fine books," he says, producing his copy of "Mad Science Throughout The Ages".

"Books? What in the bloody hell are you talking about? We're in the middle of a siege here and you're... by the gods, what is that awful stench?"

"There's a good reason for it, you see!"

"What?"

[Jordan vs. Lead Illusionist: 5+1 vs. 6-2-1]

Jordan lops the illusionist's arm off with his axe, then kicks him away! The illusionist lands on the ground, bleeding and screaming!

[Illusionist morale roll: 6-1]

One illusionist bolts while yelling for everyone to mobilize while the other one begins casting a magical spell of some kind!

[Illusionist magic roll: 1]

He makes Jordan totally invisible! Oh crap.

[Illusionist mobilization roll: 4]

Four more illusionists, including the one who ran away earlier, burst into the entrance hall!

"Where is the intruder?"

"Uh... it's a bit of a funny story, you see..."

Meanwhile, at the top of the Divination Department...

Samuel is up the river of excrement with no method of altering his course, so to speak. There is only one thing left to do: RUN!

[Samuel common sense roll: 2]

Realizing there's no time to waste, he runs back to the Head Diviner's room!

~Back already? Did you take anything?~

~Well, no, to put it politely.~

He leaps through the window he entered from feet-first!

[Falling roll: 4+1]

He lands perfectly, rolling and bending the knees in exactly the right ways! Damn it feels good to weigh but a fraction of an ordinary human being!

~I say, what's this? A statue? Come to life? I thought that you'd died being all stoned like that, Marcus!~

[Magical duel: Marcus vs. Head Diviner: 6+1 vs. 1+1]

Samuel hears rapid chanting of extremely powerful words come from the third floor! He can feel the discharge of magic even at this distance! The next thing he notices is the Head Diviner sailing through the air. Not coming through the window, mind you, but the wall right next to it. A not inconsiderable amount of debris falls from the third floor, followed by the Head Diviner himself.

[Head Diviner fall damage: 2-1-1]

The Head Diviner lands on his head, which splatters on the cobblestone. Not a pretty sight.

[Diviner morale roll: 1]

You also hear four *poof* sounds right afterward.

Far away from all this violence and mayhem...

Vincent deems the strange singing maiden place worthy of investigation! He looks for an alternate route of entrance!

[Vincent search roll: 5]

Aha! There is a pipe in the moat that you could use to enter the compound completely undetected! It probably hasn't been taken care of because it's full of water and thus somewhat protected from human invaders!

He walks down into the moat and crawls through the submerged pipe to get to the other side! He emerges in a well! The bucket is lowered, so it is a simple matter for Vincent to get right out. He now appears to be in a basement of some kind.

[Firelordsky]

Explore the basement and look for any treasure and loot.

[Yoink]

((At least Samuel isn't limited to the loot in the attic, now. On the other hand he has to contend with the statue before he can nick any of it... ))

[Thecard]

This is definitely one of the more hilarious RTD's I have seen.