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[Harry Baldman]

In the streets if the Tuskless Capital...

Vincent looks up from his enchanting piece of literature and notices that his metal friend has done a bang-up job killing the tribesmen! He would high-five his friend if he was not entirely covered in sticky, icky blood, so he opts to instead silently congratulate him from a distance instead. The metal guardian just shrugs.

Okay, back to business. And by 'business' Vincent means 'looting'. Firstly he picks up the Torus of Murder and sticks it on top of his torus staff. Then he looks at the dead people and rifles through their belongings.

[Loot roll: 6]

Although the tribesmen mostly have various pointless odds and ends on them, one particular item stands out - the oldest-looking of the tribesmen seems to be carrying some kind of odd fetish, a feather-covered piece of wood with an actual bird's beak sticking out of it. There is something... unusual about it, Vincent thinks. Like it has some sort of power within it. Hm.

He also examines each of the tribesmen for signs of innocence.

[Tribesmen roll: 1]

All of them look to be men in their thirties, forties or fifties. No young, innocent types among them. Pity. Well, their blood has kind of mixed together anyway, so there was probably not much use to be had from them either way.

[miauw62]

Spoiler: Kevin Cooker (click to show/hide)

Name: Kevin Cooker (surprise!)
Gender: Male
Archetype: Skeleton
Biography: Kevin was a famous jester, so famous that he got to amuse the king. Sadly, he failed in this, as the king was not amused by bad jokes about excretion, so he was burned. Awww.

((I'm going to give this another go.))

[Firelordsky]

Vincent shall research the fetish while continuing to explore for places of loot and grandeur.

[Harry Baldman]

At the scene of an act of gruesome destruction...

Vincent goes off on yet more adventure while researching the wicked-looking fetish in his hands! How industrious!

[Identification roll: ?]

He is positive that it is indeed difficult to say what it does. Could be anything, really, what with those feathers and all that nonsense. Standard tribal artifact, as far as he is concerned. Oh well. Vincent finally starts to look where he's going and proceeds to explore, metal friend in tow!

[Exploration roll: 6]

He finds what looks like an encampment! It's full of tribesmen and tribeswomen as well as tribeschildren! One of the fellows in the village looks to be decorated with a lot more feathers, plus he seems to have a spear with an elephant tusk at its tip! He is also covered in lots of tacky tribal jewelry, but Vincent assumes that that's normal.

[Firelordsky]

Wave to them and approach them.

[Harry Baldman]

Near a primitive encampment full of filthy, bloodthirsty, tuskless savages...

Vincent waves to the friendly-looking people in the nice village!

[People attention roll: 1+1]

They don't seem to be paying any attention to him. Oh well. Better approach anyway. What harm could it do, you know? He briskly and optimistically trots up to his soon-to-be-friends!

He gets closer and closer, now only about forty feet away from the people. He keeps waving and generally seeming like a skeletal chap you'd genuinely like if you only got to know him!

[People attention roll: 6+1]

Suddenly, one of the people looks at him and is visibly shaken by the sight! A friendly skeleton, here of all places? He can't help but yell at this truly horrifying realization! All heads in the village turn to him, then to Vincent!

[People reaction roll: 3]

As Vincent gets perilously close to the village, the villagers mobilize! They pick up spears, bows and hatchets and point them at him and his metal friend who, it should be added, is still covered in far too much tribesman blood to be easily identified! They look quite confused, but not outright hostile. It seems that pulling out their weapons is a knee-jerk reaction to these people. How uncivilized of them.

[Firelordsky]

Try to gesture to them that my metal-friend and I come in peace and don't want to take all their magical items and artifacts.

[Harry Baldman]

Right next to an encampment of confused savages...

Vincent, after carefully thinking about his further course of action, decides to try and lie about his intentions!

[Nonverbal communication roll: 3]

Problem is, he's not really sure how to express "we come in peace" in gestures! Peace is such a complex concept, involving so many intricacies and peculiarities. In the end, Vincent just throws his hands up and shrugs.

[Village reaction roll: 3]

The villagers are equally confused. They don't really seem to understand that diplomacy is a two-way process.

[Xantalos]

*pant*
Read this in one day, and HOLY CRAP IS FUNNY. Anyhow, character sheet.

Name: NIKLAS
Gender: MASCULINE MALE
Archetype: Zombie
Biography: Niklas was a Viking Chef! He traveled all around the world, showing all other nationalities of chef that Viking was best nationality to become CHEF. Unfortunately, Ninja Chef got jealous and killed him via backstabbination. Now Niklas has risen from the grave, his one mission: to become BEST CHEF. Also kill that ninja guy.

Oh, and shouldn't the waitlist be on the first post so people don't have to bug you about who's where on it?

[Harry Baldman]

*pant*
Read this in one day, and HOLY CRAP IS FUNNY. Anyhow, character sheet.

Name: NIKLAS
Gender: MASCULINE MALE
Archetype: Zombie
Biography: Niklas was a Viking Chef! He traveled all around the world, showing all other nationalities of chef that Viking was best nationality to become CHEF. Unfortunately, Ninja Chef got jealous and killed him via backstabbination. Now Niklas has risen from the grave, his one mission: to become BEST CHEF. Also kill that ninja guy.

Oh, and shouldn't the waitlist be on the first post so people don't have to bug you about who's where on it?

It should. But it isn't yet. But it will be. Next chapter. Yes.

[Xantalos]

*pant*
Read this in one day, and HOLY CRAP IS FUNNY. Anyhow, character sheet.

Name: NIKLAS
Gender: MASCULINE MALE
Archetype: Zombie
Biography: Niklas was a Viking Chef! He traveled all around the world, showing all other nationalities of chef that Viking was best nationality to become CHEF. Unfortunately, Ninja Chef got jealous and killed him via backstabbination. Now Niklas has risen from the grave, his one mission: to become BEST CHEF. Also kill that ninja guy.

Oh, and shouldn't the waitlist be on the first post so people don't have to bug you about who's where on it?

It should. But it isn't yet. But it will be. Next chapter. Yes.

Another master of the art of speaking in fragments, I see! Fortunately for you, I respect you too much to challenge you to a duel of short sentences.
Huzzah!

[Firelordsky]

Screw diplomacy, kill them and take their blood.

[Harry Baldman]

Outside a savage village of savagery...

Vincent decides that there's no need to lie about his intentions anymore and just opts to kill all the natives! He swings his staff in a wide arc in the general direction of the village!

[Torus of Murder roll: 5]

The villagers can hardly react as 5 sharp rings of steel tear through the village, each severely wounding a person, then returning to Vincent's staff!

[Villager 1 endurance roll: 1]
[Villager 2 endurance roll: 4]
[Villager 3 endurance roll: 1]
[Villager 4 endurance roll: 6]
[Villager 5 endurance roll: 2]

Two of them are instantly decapitated, another has his spine severed below the chest! One more gets superficially sliced along the leg, resulting in some light bleeding. Another villager is sliced right through the abdomen, but she remains standing! In fact, she chooses to yell and charge at Vincent!

[Villager morale roll: 1]

She is the only one to do so, however. The rest merely elect to run very much like a mage would run from the Horrible Magic (And Sometimes Flesh) Devourer of the Nightmare Realm.

[Metal Guardian vs. Berserk Villager: 4+2 vs. 6-1]

The metal guardian slaps the foolish villager away as Vincent goes for another murderous torus volley at the escaping villagers.

[Torus of Murder roll: 5]

The torus flies off and splits in half, hitting an entire two villagers!

[Villager 1 endurance roll: 4-1]
[Villager 2 endurance roll: 5-1]

One of the villagers stumbles and bleeds profusely while the other just keeps running, albeit at a slower rate. Hm.

[Firelordsky]

Finish killing them and loot them for any artifacts.

[Harry Baldman]

Behind a rapidly fleeing population of seemingly innocent villagers...

Vincent tries to create another volley of pure murder to slay the villagers!

[Torus of Murder roll: 5]

The torus splits in mid-air once again, this time into four razor-sharp blades that tear into four different villagers!

[Villager 1 endurance roll: 2]
[Villager 2 endurance roll: 1]
[Villager 3 endurance roll: 4]
[Villager 4 endurance roll: 3]

This time, only one of the four villagers hit by the torus manages to keep running. The rest are either hideously maimed or disemboweled by the hit! There seem to be about ten of them left running, including the chief. This is not acceptable to Vincent, as he really, really needs some blood, man.

[Villager escape roll: 5]
[Vincent pursuit roll: 4]

Damn, they're pretty fast. It's almost like they're running for their dear lives or something. They put a sizable distance between themselves and Vincent, though he could probably still catch up to them if he hurries!

[Villager escape roll: 5]
[Vincent pursuit roll: 3]

Not really feeling up to a sprint, Vincent decides to just let them be for now. They might come back later, you never know. No need to overexert his tireless, durable undead bones. Yep. No need at all. He then goes back to the campsite and searches for items of interest.

[Loot roll: 6]

He finds a really cool-looking totem. It's got lots of scary faces on it. Bones, too. Lots of bones. And even bony little wings! How wonderful! No confirmed innocent blood around here, though. It is entirely possible all the women that died were floozies, you know.

[Metal Guardian vs. Berserk Woman: 2+2 vs. 5-1]

Vincent's metal buddy is about to finish off the crazy lady that wants Vincent dead, but the woman tumbles away from it, utilizing this opportunity to charge and strike at the metal man!

[Berserk Woman vs. Metal Guardian: 5+1 vs. 2+2]

She manages to charge into the metal man, toppling it like a drunk priest of Narcillicus over an Altar of Beauty!

[Metal Guardian recovery roll: 1]

It seems the metal fellow can't get up again! How awful! It'll need some assistance before it can go anywhere, and the woman's not about to give it any!

[Berserk Woman vs. Metal Guardian: 2+1 vs. 3+2]

She kicks the metal man, hurting her foot rather badly, it seems.