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Author Topic: Life Begins At Death - Epilogue: We Live And Live Again  (Read 564999 times)

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1545 on: December 05, 2012, 12:40:45 pm »
In a burning forest...

Mike stashes all his stuff in his pockets! Then he tries to go through the forest fire!

[Fire bypassing roll: 3]

He quickly runs through the blaze, and when he's on the other side, he notices that his robe's on fire!

[Robe non-flammability roll: 6]

Holy crap, this thing is actually fire-resistant! Ordinary fire stands no chance against it. Magical napalm is another thing entirely, yes, but at least this is a small victory for Mike!

He travels onward, and eventually reaches Yellowglen!

[Yellowglen people roll: 6]

There sure are a lot of people around. In fact, some of them seem to be pointing deadly-looking crossbows at innocent-looking treehuggers wilderness conservationist-survivalists.

Well.


Inside a basement...

Samucane tries to blast off!

[Magic roll: 1+1]

It remains on the ground completely motionless! The four standing men cast a knowing glance at Welt, who seems to also remain mostly unmoving. They nod and attack!

[Men vs. Samucane: 5+2 vs. 3+1]

They begin to stomp on Samucane! Oh dear, that'll leave a crack.

[Welt vs. Samucane: 5+2 vs. 2+1]

Welt comes down on Samucane like a hammer, almost snapping it in half!

[Samucane endurance roll: 5+1]

Samucane, despite nearly being snapped in half, remains steadfast in its existence!


In Dielnin...

James looks for a handy signpost to show him the way to the next town!

[Search roll: 1]

He wanders through town for an hour or more before totally ascertaining that there are, in fact, no signposts around.

Well, that's just totally... dandy.

[Will roll: 3+1]

He barely restrains himself from going on a murderous rampage. Uh, another murderous rampage.
Logged

TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1546 on: December 05, 2012, 12:42:23 pm »
Head off in a random direction, hoping to find a town.
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Quote from: Onyxjew944 on January 11, 2013, 08:45:48 pm
I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1547 on: December 05, 2012, 12:54:12 pm »
Mike will hide and wait for something to happen. If these people know his face, it's probably for all the wrong reasons.
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Quote from: MonkeyHead on May 25, 2014, 05:36:03 am
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1548 on: December 05, 2012, 01:27:27 pm »
In Dielnin...

James chooses a random direction to go in!

[Random direction choice roll: 5]

He decides that going north like Bernie told him to would be a sound plan! He rolls that way for a while!

[Encounter roll: 2]

That is, until he is stopped by a strange-looking individual on the road!

The individual suddenly asks him something!

"Say, would you like to test out my new crossbow?"


Outside Yellowglen...

Mike tries to hide!

[Hiding roll: 2]

He decides that hiding in plain sight will work best! After all, who would expect him to be on the road? Nobody, that's who!

[Situation roll: 5]

"Hand over the booze, or we start shooting!"

"I'm afraid we don't have any."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"Do you have anything else of value?"

"Well, we have a vast supply of magical scarecrows."

"What?"

"Scarecrows. You know."

The treehugger explains to the brigand what a scarecrow is while the brigand just stares dully! He obviously doesn't have any idea what a crow even is, let alone how to scare it.
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miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1549 on: December 05, 2012, 01:32:21 pm »
Mike will ignore this situation and search around the town for good stuff that could defend him.
((And yes, i consider Samucane to be the most powerfull.))
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Quote from: MonkeyHead on May 25, 2014, 05:36:03 am
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1550 on: December 05, 2012, 01:40:24 pm »
Terribly sorry, but I've already got two. I say, do you have a map I could borrow. Jut for a second.
((ditto. As soon as he stops getting literally curb-stomped by an angry mob and his creation.))
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Quote from: Onyxjew944 on January 11, 2013, 08:45:48 pm
I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1551 on: December 05, 2012, 02:04:13 pm »
On the road to Yellowglen...

James politely refuses the offer to wield the crossbow!

[Reaction roll: 4]

"No, you have misunderstood me. I don't want to test you as a wielder. I want to test you as a target!"

James thinks about this for a second.

"Hey, do you have a map I could borrow?"

[Man reaction roll: 3]

"Maybe I do. I will have to shoot you before I can trust you with any maps, though. Them's the rules."


In Yellowglen...

Mike decides to ignore the volatile scarecrow situation and go on to loot the village while nobody's looking!

[Escaping notice roll: 6]

Completely entranced by scarecrow-related banter, the people around don't notice him at all! Weird, that. Oh well. Looting time!

[Looting roll: 4]

Mike finds vast quantities of booze (so the treehuggers outside were lying!) and magical scarecrows! These guys don't seem big on personal security. Damned treehuggers.

Hey, look, there's a stick lying around here! Doesn't look very magical or anything, though. Damned treehuggers.
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miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1552 on: December 05, 2012, 02:05:34 pm »
Mike will retreat to a safe distance and throw a fireball at the booze.
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Quote from: MonkeyHead on May 25, 2014, 05:36:03 am
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1553 on: December 05, 2012, 02:14:34 pm »
Sam will choose a space about a hundred meters away, and warp a cane-sized area into...Well, a cane teleporter! Then connect it to the same type of hole as of where Sam is right now, and dive through!
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1554 on: December 05, 2012, 02:17:33 pm »
Where will you shoot me? And what do I get out of it?
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Quote from: Onyxjew944 on January 11, 2013, 08:45:48 pm
I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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  • What do I care for your suffering?
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1555 on: December 05, 2012, 02:36:33 pm »
On the road to Yellowglen...

James considers the idea of getting shot for prizes! In theory, it's a genius idea - get rewarded for something that happens to you a lot anyway!

"Hey, wait a minute, what's the reward?"

"Uh... a map?"

"And where exactly will you shoot me?"

"Uh, probably in the... uh... whatever it is you have that isn't the face. Yeah, there."


Inside a basement of terror...

Samucane tries to fashion itself a cane spacewarp! Hopefully this will work!

[Magic roll: 2+1]

Samucane manages to relocate several feet from its previous position!

[Men vs. Samucane: 5+2 vs. 1+1]

The men break Samucane in half! Oh no!

[Samucane endurance roll: 4]

Samucane holds on, however!

[Welt vs. Samucane: 5+2 vs. 5+1]

Welt contributes by putting in a dent!

~Hey, play dead. And unsummon those scouting canes. Trust me on this.~


Inside the fabled liquor tent of Yellowglen...

Mike for some ungodly reason decides to set fire to the booze supply of the camp!

[Magic roll: 4+1]

And he does! A respectable-sized fireball hits the vast quantities of booze dead-on!

[Booze explosion roll: 4]

The result is a mighty smokeless blast and roar that only booze could produce! It obliterates the liquor tent and sets the remaining rags on fire!

[People reaction roll: 5]

The people, rather than investigate just who was responsible for this, decide to run away! They run off to various places in the forest! Good luck finding them now.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2012, 02:40:24 pm by Harry Baldman »
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1556 on: December 05, 2012, 02:59:36 pm »
Sam will desperately retry to make the temporal rift! HE MUST ESCAPE!
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1557 on: December 05, 2012, 03:03:57 pm »
Riiight.
Can I examine the crossbow?
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Quote from: Onyxjew944 on January 11, 2013, 08:45:48 pm
I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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  • What do I care for your suffering?
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1558 on: December 05, 2012, 03:47:21 pm »
In a basement in a village near the entrance to the Kingdom of Slime...

Samucane desperately tries to figure out a way to make a temporal rift!

[Intelligence roll: ?]

Maybe... ram a cane through spacetime?

[Magic roll: 2+1]

Samucane succeeds in summoning a cane that rams into spacetime! It transports him two seconds into the future!

[Men vs. Samucane: 6+2 vs. 1+1]

The men break off every bit of Samucane except the skull! Oh crap.

[Samucane will roll: 5]

Samucane manages to cope with its new caneless existence just fine! It feels out of tune with the cane forces of magic, but a new power has taken their place - skull magic!

Samucane is now Silver Samskull!

[Welt vs. Samskull: 5+2 vs. 1]

Welt squashes Samskull flat!

[Samskull will roll: 3]

Samskull feels somewhat under the weather, yes, but is still very much alive!

[Samskull luck roll: 4]

Suddenly, everything around Samskull twists and reshapes itself! Samskull finds himself in a familiar place!

It's the realm of the Demon Lord of Lies!

"JESTER! WHERE IS MY JESTER, DAMN IT ALL? I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A DEPRESSIVE STREAK, AND IF HE CAN'T CHEER ME UP, I WILL BE VERY DISAPPOINTED!"

[Lord of Lies perception roll: 4]

"WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT'S THAT ON THE GROUND? IT LOOKS LIKE THE SKULL OF MY JESTER'S CANE! A BIT FLAT, I HAVE TO SAY. MINIONS, FIX IT!"

[Minion fixing roll: 2]

The minions look at it curiously for a bit, then shrug.

[Lord of Lies reaction roll: 1]

"TOTALLY BUGGERED, EH? WELL, THROW IT IN THE VAULT."

Minions begin to advance on Samskull!


On the road to Yellowglen...

James asks if he can take a look at the crossbow!

[Man reaction roll: 4]

"Sure. Take a look."

It looks like a perfectly ordinary crossbow. Except it's painted jet black with flames on the sides.

"Painted them myself, you know. Amazing, eh? So when do I get to shoot you? Got a map that's burning a hole in my secret hiding place only I know about."
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1559 on: December 05, 2012, 04:05:55 pm »
Shoot the crossbow at a random passer-by (animal if needed). Inform him that the test is now complete.
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Quote from: Onyxjew944 on January 11, 2013, 08:45:48 pm
I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.
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