Outside the lair of the supremely irascible Bernie the Necromancer..Bruce, intending to betray his undead compatriots, decides to look for a weapon! He spots one in
Jordan's belly! He goes for it!
[Jordan vs. Bruce: 6+2 vs. 5-1 (distracted by shiny!)]
Just as Bruce reaches for the sword with his right arm, Jordan lops it off! Stolen blood spurts from the stump!
"I say, keep your dirty claws off my sword! I got it from the officer over there in fair combat!""Aagh! Gaah! The pain!""That's what they all say! Ignorance does not make you innocent!""Aagh! You bastard! YOU BASTARD!""Don't you start too! I swear, it's always the same with you louts!"Samuel, feeling his comrade's pain, decides to end the annoying yelling of that silly officer!
[Samuel vs. Officer: 4+1 vs. 3-2 (horrifically dismembered and bleeding badly)]
Samuel unleashes a beating of unholy proportions on the officer, caving in his skull and splashing his brains on the surrounding halberdiers!
[Halberdier morale roll: 1]
The six halberdiers that were preparing their sneak attack forget what they were doing! The halberdier on the ground sobs quietly! The
recruit chooses to desert rather than face anything like what he just witnessed! All are
shaken! They all take a few steps back!
Samuel chooses to use this window of opportunity to finish off the downed halberdier!
[Samuel vs. Halberdier 1: 1 vs. 6-2(beaten and shaken)]
However, the downed halberdier leaps up to his feet before he can reach him and lunges at Samuel with a desperate scream, tears flowing down his cheeks!
[Halberdier 1 vs. Samuel: 5-1(shaken, not using halberd due to hysteria) vs. 6+1]
The halberdier makes a valiant leap, but Samuel is far too quick to be caught by that trick!
[Counter attack! Samuel vs. Halberdier 1: 6+1 vs. 2]
Instead, he pounds the halberdier into the ground with his cane, leaving a barely recognizable pile of bloody viscera!
[Halberdier morale roll: 1-1(from previous experience)]
The halberdiers all stare at the remains of their most recently dead compatriot, having unwillingly witnessed the terrifying spectacle in its entirety! They all turn tail and run!
Jordan and Samuel, riding high on a wave of grotesque atrocities, decide to pursue and eliminate as many as possible!
[Jordan vs. Fleeing Halberdiers: 4+2 vs. 1-1 (shaken)]
[Samuel vs. Fleeing Halberdiers: 2+1 vs.
1-1(shaken)]
Samuel catches up to one halberdier and trips him up, then whacks him with the cane until he stops moving! Jordan, however, may have a disadvantage in mobility, but he makes up for it with sheer style and flair! He spins and leaps behind the halberdiers, slashing at their legs, knees and spines! Four of them topple to the ground like felled trees, whereupon they are quickly beheaded by the Zombie Guillotine himself. Finally, he hurls his axe into the back of a final halberdier, splitting his poor heart in two! He quickly reclaims the axe and yells after the panicking escapees:
"Do come again, I'm sure we'll have jolly good time once more! Cheerio!"In the forest of madness...James, at a complete loss on how to deal with the
wild hare on his face, decides to just nursery-rhyme it into submission!
[Who wants to sing:
3-2]
"Twinkle, twinkle, little AARGH OH GODS WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS oh wait, I remember."[Forgive me, oh gentle gods: 2-1]
"Almiria, I invoke the ancient and sacred right of TAKE-BACKSIES! Nyah nyah nyah, can't go around that!"You get the feeling that if the gods could directly spit on you, they definitely would.
Goddammit, now everybody is going to say that I fix rolls. I wouldn't go as far as cursing random.org's mother (after all, look what happened to James), but I've got half a mind to write them an angry letter. HOW DARE RANDOM NUMBERS CONFORM TO RANDOM GUESSING!
So yeah, I apologize to the waitlisters that random.org decided to be good to the players for now. At least it still hates James!
Author
Topic: Life Begins At Death - Epilogue: We Live And Live Again (Read 565449 times)