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Author Topic: Life Begins At Death - Epilogue: We Live And Live Again  (Read 565174 times)

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1275 on: November 27, 2012, 12:23:24 pm »

Inside the Kingdom of Slime...

Samucane ponders the possible upsides of sexual realignment as he tries to summon up some legs for his cane-wall!

[Magic roll: 4+1]

Legs do indeed appear on the wall! They raise the wall by a fraction of an inch and speed away at a manageable speed for both Samucane and its golem!

[Magic roll: 3+1]

Said speed being quite considerable, as Samucane floats quickly and the golem keeps up with it very nicely!

[Navigation roll: 1]

However, it might not have been entirely wise for Samucane to surround itself with a wooden wall, as he can't see a damn thing outside of it! It hears a loud crash and sees that they are currently moving underneath a slimy ceiling!

[Crashing roll: 2]

They ram into something rather soft and squishy!

[? roll: ?]

It begins to emit a low-pitched hum that gradually fades away!

[? roll: ?]

Nothing else seems to happen! Well, maybe they had better stop now. Perhaps they could give the authorities a call and explain the situation. They'd probably understand.


Overlooking a scene of terrible violence...

Mike rapidly approaches the whip man and sends her army of puppies at him!

[Pup obedience roll: 1]

They don't seem very enthusiastic about this! In fact, they snap out of whatever spell Mike had put on them and look about confusedly!

[Pup idea roll: 1]

Ooh, bones! The puppies run over to the scattered body parts of Monty and try to get their share!

[Puppy scavenging roll: 4]

They take all of Monty's ribs and his dismembered arms, leaving but a spinal cord and two halves of his skull behind, then escape to whatever nooks they can find!

[Left Monty will roll: 6]
[Right Monty will roll: 1]

The left side of Monty's skull coils up its spinal cord like a spring and flies at the whip man! The other one just lies around looking dead!

[Left Monty vs. Whip Man: 6-1 vs. 5+1]

Though incredibly impressive, the leap doesn't really help him much, as the whip man just steps aside, letting the skull fall to the ground! With that done, he throws some of his water on it for good measure!

[Whip Man vs. Monty: 1+1 vs. 3-1]

The disembodied head of Monty rolls away speedily as the water hits the ground! It begins to smoke and melt the cobblestones!
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miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1276 on: November 27, 2012, 12:26:49 pm »

((You asked for help. I hope you're enjoying it.))
Mike will reorganize her pups and make them attack the whip man!
((CMON DONT DIE DONT DIE DONT DIE.))
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1277 on: November 27, 2012, 01:00:03 pm »

Sam will summon a few guiding canes, to float outside the wall and serve as "Eyes".
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TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1278 on: November 27, 2012, 01:34:31 pm »

((why do I have -2 to communication? My tounge regenerated, remember.))
Nod and ask him what his bidding is.
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1279 on: November 27, 2012, 01:57:45 pm »

Inside the Kingdom of Slime...

Okay, it may have failed again and again, but Samucane will create its scouting canes! It has to work eventually!

[Magic roll: 6+1]

It summons a veritable army of scouting canes, all directly linked up in an all-seeing overmind that just so happens to be Samucane itself! Soon enough the canes have spread throughout the Kingdom of Slime!

[Will roll: 5]

Despite the incredible stress, Samucane manages to retain complete control of all the canes! It now can see everything that happens in the Kingdom of Slime! It also now knows that the gate that leads to a tunnel close to the surface lies to the north!

[Alarm roll: 1]

The slimes are understandably shaken up by the vast amounts of canes popping up everywhere! They mobilize and form a single attack force to go and destroy the only thing that could have caused all this - Samucane! Oh boy, Samucane seems to be an enemy of the state now!


On the streets of Dielnin...

Mike briefly considers her chances against the whip-man.

The whip-man gives her a very suspicious look! It appears he has a theory of some sort! And now he's going to test it! Oh well. Mike goes off to find her puppies!

[Whip Man vs. Mike: 6+1 vs. 2+1]

Flying pentacles pierce her shoulder, stomach and thigh as she turns away! Oh my, that looks quite bad! The sharp flying objects soon spin around in mid-air and return to thrower, who catches them and mentally high-fives himself for horribly injuring a little girl!

[Mike endurance roll: 5]

Mike soldiers on, however, and tries to locate her puppies!

[Search roll: 4]

She finds most of them in a doghouse near a burned home!

[Reorganization roll: 5]

She manages to scream the little buggers into submission once more and sends them to attack the whip man! The whip man looks quite surprised, though somewhat satisfied at the little girl's return!

[Puppies! vs. Whip Man: 2+2 vs. 1+1]

They bite, scratch and mutilate the man a bit, forcing him to retreat slightly!

[Man endurance roll: 4+1]

He doesn't give them any more ground, though, and stands tall against any potential attackers!


Inside the lair of Bernie...

James attempts to ask what his master's bidding is!

[Verbal communication roll: 5-1-1]

"What is your... uh... bidding, uh... master?"

Bernie looks at him for a second, then speaks!

"Go north, find Lake Victory. There will be a temple to Rysinia there. Find the Steel Maiden and summon me when you do. Make sure you do absolutely nothing to the Steel Maiden first! Summon me with this, will you?"

He hands James a box!

"Don't lose it. I only had two!"
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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1280 on: November 27, 2012, 02:05:31 pm »

Try to cast magic to get a better tounge, ask for a map, memorise map with glasses.
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

miauw62

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1281 on: November 27, 2012, 02:09:42 pm »

Mike will command her pups to finish the bastard off!

((>Samucane spends 5 turns trying to create scouting canes, creates 2
>Wants to create two scouting canes to easily see, creates 500. I love this RTD.))
« Last Edit: November 27, 2012, 02:11:18 pm by miauw62 »
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1282 on: November 27, 2012, 02:48:39 pm »

Quick! All of the canes shall fuse, and combine with the Steel Golem to create a powerful...Uh...Thing! Well, almost all of the canes, ten or so will help guide the wall to that gate, and to leave!

I know, right? For the love of all that is unholy, how did I manage to survive this RTD with such TERRIBLY good and bad rolls?
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1283 on: November 27, 2012, 03:07:48 pm »

On the streets of Dielnin...

Mike orders her puppies to take the fellow down by any means necessary! There is no mercy in war!

[Puppies! vs. Whip Man: 1+2 vs. 3+1]

The puppies, however, are a bit too unsettled by the bladed whip he man seems to be handling with surprising ease! It reminds them of the horrible creatures their mother warned them of should they not compete adequately between themselves!

[Whip Man vs. Puppies: 2+2 vs. 2+1]

The whip man tears a single puppy in half with his whip! The rest push forward to attack!

[Puppies! vs. Whip Man: 5+2 vs. 5+1]

They bite him softly on the leg! The man hardly notices!

[Whip Man vs. Puppies!: 3+2 vs. 5+1]

The puppies manage to retreat a bit before the man can whip them again, then charge!

[Puppies! vs. Whip Man: 4+2 vs. 5+1]

The man deflects the charge by looking menacing and cracking his whip like some kind of puppy slavemaster!

[Whip Man vs. Puppies: 1+2 vs. 6+1]

The whip man is about to whip them again, but the puppies are too fast! They ferociously leap at him!

[Counter attack: Puppies vs. Whip Man: 4+2 vs. 4+1]

They scratch him slightly with their paws! A slight victory, but still!

[Puppies vs Whip Man: 4+2 vs. 2+1]

One of them rips out a large chunk of his leg!

[Whip Man endurance roll: 4+1]

That guy is pretty persistent, Mike has to admit! He doesn't even slow down!

[Whip Man vs. Puppies: 2+2 vs. 3+1]

The puppies manage to avoid his strikes, though!

[Puppies vs. Whip Man: 2+2 vs. 3+1]

They can't find a good opening in the man's defenses, though!

[Whip Man vs. Puppies: 5+2 vs. 5+1]

The whip man uses the disorder to rip apart another pup with his whip! Only seven left!

[Puppies vs. Whip Man: 4+2 vs. 5+1]

That guy fights like a demon! Not even a horde of puppies can bring him down!

[Whip Man vs. Puppies: 6+2 vs. 2+1]

Suddenly, the whip man roars and leaps forward, slicing one puppy in half and decapitating another with a well-aimed whip slash! Another one gets stomped into the ground by his mighty boot and a final one gets kicked away into the distance, splattering on the ground some thirty feet away!

[Puppy morale roll: 5]

The puppies, however, remain steadfast and undeterred in their assault!

[Puppies vs. Whip Man: 3+1 vs. 6+1]

They leap forward, but are met with yet another whip-slash!

[Counter attack: Whip Man vs. Puppies: 1+2 vs. 6]

The three puppies, however, expected such an attack, and dodge skillfully in order to perform an awe-inspiring coordinated assault!

[Counter attack: Puppies vs. Whip Man: 2+1 vs. 1+1]

Their efforts do not prove rewarding, though, as they only manage to scratch the man rather uncomfortably!

[Whip Man vs. Puppies: 4+2 vs. 1]

The puppies really look quite hopeless now! The whip man slices one in half from mouth to tail and completely dice the next one! Finally, he grabs the final one and proceeds to eat it whole, somewhat disturbing Mike!

[Whip Man endurance roll: 6+1]

He screams incoherently and charges at Mike, totally covered in blood and missing noticeable chunks of flesh!

[Mike escape roll: 1]

Mike just stands there in horror as the whip man descends upon her!

[Whip Man vs. Mike: 4+2 vs. 3+1]

He spins around and swings the whipsword, slicing across Mike's chest!

[Mike endurance roll: 6]

Mike begins to screech horribly!

[Spooky Howling roll: 1]

She screeches for a full minute before passing out in front of the man and slowly bleeding! The man looks on in confusion!


Inside Bernie's lair...

James tries to fix up his tongue, perhaps even make it better somehow!

[Magic roll: 6-1]

He casts Physiological Normalcy followed by Regeneration! Soon enough his tongue grows and becomes a very flexible, humanlike and supremely usable organ! He can now talk nicely! Better than the average person, even!

He asks for a map!

"Say, would you have a map?"

"No. Gave my only one to the three schmucks I already sent that way."


Inside the Kingdom of Slime...

Samucane, lord of a thousand cane-eyes, calls out to its minions! They shall fuse with the steel golem and form the One True Being! Samucane commands it!

[Magic roll: 3+1]

The canes congregate in the general vicinity of the golem, blocking out everything in a wide radius! Let the fusing commence!

[Creature creation roll: 1]

The canes come together and fuse into a truly mighty cane-tentacled creature of supreme might and terror, endowed with a thousand all-seeing eyes! As an unfortunate side-effect, though, it seems to have gone totally insane!

[Golem idea roll: 5]

It walks over to the massive amount of slime pooling on one side of the small kingdom! It speaks in a voice like ten thousand canes beating a single homeless man!

"HELLO! CARE FOR A DEMONSTRATION OF THE SUPREME KILLING ABILITY OF THE CANE GUARDIAN THE BEGINNING AND END OF EVERYTHING?"

[Cane Guardian vs. The Entire Bloody Kingdom of Slime: 3+5 vs. 6+5]

It attempts to smash everything! It does, but narrowly misses the slime!

[Kingdom of Slime vs. Cane Guardian: 3+5 vs. 5+3]

The Cane Guardian proves resilient to melting! Uh oh.

« Last Edit: November 27, 2012, 04:29:45 pm by Harry Baldman »
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1284 on: November 27, 2012, 03:15:20 pm »

Samucane will boost the Guardian's power with Cane-filled might! IT SHALL PREVAIL! And, uh, destroy all slimes or something like that.

Bugger all...
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TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1285 on: November 27, 2012, 03:22:27 pm »

Search through my hoard of books for a map. If found glasses-read it.
Then memorise some of the more useful spells (close wounds and a couple of offensive ones) by heart. Then set off either to the nearest town to look for a map if I haven't got one already, or towards my goal if I have one. Make sure to pass through woodland on the way, just to annoy Pascitarius.
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1286 on: November 27, 2012, 05:07:08 pm »

Inside the Kingdom of Slime...

Samucane decides to obtain some goodwill from the giant insane golem of magic instead of, say, escaping while the slimes are distracted. They'd probably find it anyway, with how its day's been going.

[Magic roll: 5+1]

Samucane creates a stream of pure cane essence and channels it into the mighty guardian! It firmly takes root in its essence! Cane-shaped light begins to continually stream from the construct and its voice becomes like a hundred thousand canes united in song!

"THE CANE GODS SMILE UPON ME, PUNY CREATURES! BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR MASTER!"

[Cane Guardian vs. Kingdom of Slime: 3+7 vs. 3+5]

The construct begins to slowly, but efficiently eradicate the slimes through judicious use of its magical power! The slimes retreat before the mighty cane magic of the golem!

[Kingdom of Slime vs. Cane Guardian: 4+4 vs. 2+7]

The slimes continue to attempt to eliminate the Cane Guardian! They don't really get any progress there, to tell the truth.

[Slime idea roll: 4]

The slimes seem to be retreating before the guardian! Samucane, watching through the guardian's eyes, notices a whole bunch of slimes forming up into a giant blob!

[Slime magic roll: 5]
[Slime shaping roll: 4]

The giant blob of slime bubbles and boils! It begins to glow like the sun itself! A totally alien-sounding, though perfectly understandable whisper nearly deafens Samucane!

~...beware, fool, for you face the might of the slime god...~

[Slime God vs. Cane Guardian: 4+6 vs. 1+7]

It slams a rapidly-formed fist of slime into the bulk of the Cane Guardian! The guardian stumbles backward, a hundred canes flying off its bulk!

[Cane Guardian idea roll: 2]

"YOU SEEM PRETTY GREAT, IF I MAY SAY SO MYSELF! I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH YOU! TRUCE?"

~...sure... why not... not really in a fighting mood anyway...~

The guardian shakes the Slime God's hand!

~...i'm glad we could reach a civilized agreement here... i detest violence, for it is most unslimelike...~

[Slime God idea roll: 4]

~...would you like to follow me to a nice pub in the demonic dimensions? it is so rare i get to spend time with an equal...~

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK ME TWICE!"

[Pair of godlike beings exit roll: 5]

The Slime God pulls open a portal to somewhere horrible! Both beings exit it in a quiet and gentlemanly manner, closing it after passing through.

An odd silence falls on the Kingdom of Slime this unique day. Both Samucane and the slimes seem to be utterly stupefied!


In the lair of the necromantically-inclined Bernie...

James consults his collection of books!

[Book roll: 2]

He appears to have grabbed the entire contents of the Man-Construct Romance shelf from the library. How saucy! Could be useful later, sure, but not really what he needs right now. What he needs is MAGIC! To this end, he sticks the books in his mass of flesh and pulls out his magic books from his shell!

[Memorization roll: 3+1]

He manages to memorize the words for the Wound Closing, Suffocation, Life-Quench and Raise Blood Pressure To Frankly Ridiculous Levels! He then leaves the lair in an orderly fashion!

Now, where could the nearest town be?

[Local knowledge roll: 1]

No idea. Random direction time!

[Random direction roll: 5]

It just so happens that he chooses to go eastward, which is exactly where he would find the nearest town! Within the hour, he has reached a town! It says "Faulk" on the town sign. James looks for a place likely to have a map!

[James will roll: 1+1]

Unfortunately, the town is so full of crossing paths that James feels terribly apprehensive just thinking about it! He can't bear to go in! Well, northward he goes, then!

[James travel roll: 4-1]

He feels the wild's intense hatred coming from all around him on the way, but it does not stop him. Neither does he speed up, though, and rolls at a pace that could only be described as totally lazy!
« Last Edit: November 27, 2012, 05:22:29 pm by Harry Baldman »
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Yoink

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1287 on: November 27, 2012, 05:38:04 pm »

"Oh, Hansel. You so silly!"

Distracted from his search for a moment by Hansel's plight, Timothy shall locate the nearest person and telekinetically launch them through the drawbridge to make an entrance for the bird.

>Then find someone else to ask about the metal lady!
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1288 on: November 27, 2012, 05:55:22 pm »

Carry on going until I reach a town. And then try to procure a map.
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Firelordsky

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter 3: Stealing Better Minions!
« Reply #1289 on: November 27, 2012, 07:20:48 pm »

Head into the office and orientate myself there.
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Country Name: Lindiria
Name: Sir Alexei Robret
Region: North
In Thirteen Colonies Game
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