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Author Topic: The story about dwarven beasts killer. [Chapter 4 (5) added]  (Read 2510 times)

Volfgarix

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The story about dwarven beasts killer. [Chapter 4 (5) added]
« on: September 22, 2012, 05:50:18 pm »

 Well, I created my adventurer, because I'm impressed of Hugoluman's kobold story and I finds fun in being one man army.
 I hope you will like it.
 I will add the next chapters in first post from time to time.

Spoiler: Prologue 1/3 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Prologue 2/3 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Prologue 3/3 (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Outlook (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Chapter 1 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Chapter 2 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Chapter 3 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Chapter 4 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Chapter 5 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: October 02, 2012, 10:10:58 am by Volfgarix »
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Volfgarix

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2012, 06:42:10 am »

First chapter added.
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ff2

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2012, 02:08:07 pm »

I can tell english isn't your first language.
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GoombaGeek

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2012, 02:16:36 pm »

I can tell english isn't your first language.
Nice capitalization, champ!

Good story, Volfgarix. If there are any mistakes it just makes it sound more awesome, so don't worry.
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My wooden badge was delicious.

Volfgarix

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2012, 03:29:55 pm »

[...]
Good story, Volfgarix. If there are any mistakes it just makes it sound more awesome, so don't worry.

Thanks, I will continue working on it.
Anyway, Chapter 2 is here!
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Volfgarix

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2012, 01:22:11 pm »

Chapter 3 added.
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ff2

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer. [Chapter 3 added]
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2012, 05:47:01 pm »

Seriously, the mistakes here are so bad they're funny.
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Boozebeard

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer. [Chapter 3 added]
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2012, 06:05:31 pm »

Do these have any screenshots to go with them?
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Volfgarix

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer. [Chapter 3 added]
« Reply #8 on: September 27, 2012, 12:23:30 am »

Do these have any screenshots to go with them?

Nope. I played this earlier and killed some monsters and later I got idea about writing story.
Sorry for my mistakes :-[
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Volfgarix

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2012, 02:45:15 pm »

Chapter 4 added.
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Thecard

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.[Chapter 4 added]
« Reply #10 on: September 28, 2012, 09:16:32 pm »

I'll admit, your spelling and grammar could use a little bit of work, but this is looking really good.  As long as your story is coherent (and it is), I don't see much of a problem.
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I think the slaughter part is what made them angry.
OOC: Dachshundofdoom: This is how the world ends, not with a bang but with goddamn VUVUZELAS.
Those hookers aren't getting out any time soon, no matter how many fancy gadgets they have :v

Volfgarix

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.[Chapter 4 added]
« Reply #11 on: September 29, 2012, 03:28:00 am »

Well... Somebody can give here examples of my most seen mistakes? I want fix it.
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smirk

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.[Chapter 4 added]
« Reply #12 on: September 29, 2012, 05:06:05 am »

Chapter 4 is absolutely hilarious! Also:
Quote
then he butchered this with steel spear, of course, he can do it with copper dagger, but steel is sharper.
I hope you meant that as dry humor, because it was great =P


Grammar-wise, be sure to use articles. For instance, instead of saying "spear stuck in wound", it should be something like "the spear stuck in the wound". You could also use possessives and make it "Urist's spear stuck in the monster's wound" (Since "Urist" is a proper noun it doesn't need an article, but "monster" is a regular noun and does need that "the").

Also, be careful with verb tenses. English is a huge confusing glorious mass of non-standard forms and rule exceptions, so for example, at the end of chapter 2, the past tense of "spit" is not "spitted" but "spat", and the past tense of "take" is not "taked" but "took". There's... really no help for these 0_o  You might just need to bookmark dictionary.com, or something.

Keep writing; the story is awesome and it's good practice!
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When i think of toady i think of a toad hopping arround on a keyboard
also
he should stay out of the light it will dry out his skin
his moist amphibian skin
.

KrEstoF

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.[Chapter 4 added]
« Reply #13 on: September 29, 2012, 05:24:46 am »

Quote
- Please! Kill me! - monster cried.
- Well... nope, die in pain, son of dog.
rofl   :D
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Volfgarix

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Re: The story about dwarven beasts killer.[Chapter 4 added]
« Reply #14 on: September 29, 2012, 09:13:23 am »

@smirk
 Thanks much for help.
 Anyway you're lucky you haven't to learn my native language, I think it's really hard to learn as second.
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