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[ExKirby]

Yes, gentlemen, I have taken it upon myself to reintroduce the most classic of games to our society. And so, I present to you, Tacticus. Let us begin, shall we? From the Provincial Settings III book, I shall establish a map for us-specifically, a 12 by 12 grassy plains. Upon it, as by the Classical Creatures Compendium, I shall place a lone Elephant.

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Who shall attempt to slay this mighty beast?

[Armok]

From the same compendium, I play a murky pool, and then a Giant sperm whale in said pool.

[ExKirby]

Ah, Armok! Good to see you again! Here, let me modify the map for you.

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[Darvi]

I use the dreaded recursive banana loop to summon an infinite army of infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters.

Yes I know you hate it. Yes I know there's an unofficial rule forbidding this tactic. Yes I know that you can go suck a male genital.

[Dragor23]

I place a blood-hungry dwarf, clad in candy armor with a candy mace (harhar) , directly next to the elephant.

[NUKE9.13]

Man, what. Provincial Settings III?

That shit is totally broken.

You cannot seriously be playing with those rules.

Whatever happened to standards? I mean, the good old fashioned Standard Rules of Tacticus, Edition Fifty-Seven, Disputed Version.

Under those rules, ANY and ALL Pachyderms must must make at least one diagonal move per semester, in a strait line, until they are either dead or hit an obstacle.
Which, I think you'll find, results in the Elephant charging the Giant Sperm Whale (with disastrous results)

[OREOSOME]

I place a Human swordsman/crossbowman, and have him Stand guard towards the elephant.

[ExKirby]

Oh, Darvi, what will we do with you...? Well, one monkey per square, they can't swim with the typewriters and the Elephant can use his Rage Strike to clear a space for the new dwarf! The elephant then makes the diagonal chatge to the next monkey, leaving space for a knight.

mmmmmmmmmmmm
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mmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmm@Emmmmmm
mmmmmm@mmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmm.
mmmmmmmmmm..
mmmmmmmmm...
mmmmmmmm...W

[Zrk2]

Code: [Select]

mmmmmmmmmmmm
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mmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmm@Emmmmmm
mmmmmm@mmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmm.
mmmmmmmmmm..
mmmmmmmmm.U.
mmmmmmmm...W
I deploy a lone human swordsman, pursuant to Avatars and Ancillaries V3.14.

[Darvi]

I invoke the Highlander addendum from the July 1864 edition of the Tacticus monthly magazine to drop a packet of peanuts into the field and let the pachiderm and simians fight to the death over it.

There can be only one!

[scriver]

I place Taricus sitting in a tree. It's in a book somewhere.

[Darvi]

Except there's been a rule update a couple days ago that forbids him from going anywhere near any of my (and only mine. It's a long story) units. Which, oh dear, is everywhere. Look around the news section of the official Tacticus homepage, it's written somewhere there.

[RedWarrior0]

Bwahaha, you fools. You've triggered my Trap Card!

You see, According to The Last Words of Jesus on the Game of Tacticus as Interpreted by Augustine of Hippo with the Aid of the Necronomicon, Forty-Sixth and a Halfth Edition, Web Format, when the presence of Taricus is nullified due to rules and infinite loops, a player may activate "Typewriter Apocalypse" and destroy all lesser primates before summoning a Typewriter Colossus Adorned With Flesh and Blood and Menacing with Spikes of Banana. Which I shall do.

[NUKE9.13]

I invoke the Highlander addendum from the July 1864 edition of the Tacticus monthly magazine to drop a packet of peanuts into the field and let the pachiderm and simians fight to the death over it.

There can be only one!

Right, okay.

Hang on.

I'm going to invoke "Ius Temere Alea"

[5,6,10]

Right. The monkeys bond together into a massive amorphous blob of screeching simians and outdated word processors. (MABOSSAOWP)

I don't have the Pachyderms VS Blobs supplement, so someone else will have to deal with that.

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Bwahaha, you fools. You've triggered my Trap Card!

You see, According to The Last Words of Jesus on the Game of Tacticus as Interpreted by Augustine of Hippo with the Aid of the Necronomicon, Forty-Sixth and a Halfth Edition, Web Format, when the presence of Taricus is nullified due to rules and infinite loops, a player may activate "Typewriter Apocalypse" and destroy all lesser primates before summoning a Typewriter Colossus Adorned With Flesh and Blood and Menacing with Spikes of Banana. Which I shall do.

What?

Bull! You have to give written notice before using The Last Words etc. You actions are invalidated until approved by a supreme judge of Tacticus!
Also I just spent too long lining up dots to undo my stuff.

[RedWarrior0]

Blast! Foiled again!

((After all, as anybody knows, the position of Supreme Judge is relegated to any person who has won exactly seventy-seven games of TACTICUS straight, which, to my knowledge, has not happened))