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Author Topic: Love: To admit or be passive.  (Read 3428 times)

Trapezohedron

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Love: To admit or be passive.
« on: September 21, 2012, 07:00:43 am »

I've a crush. I've been trying to suppress it, but it's no use. I believe my crush also likes me, but that's just based on my observations and other people telling me that she feels the same way.

Now, being the introvert that I am, I try to admit, but it doesn't ever come out. Currently, I'm being passive, and yeah, it's not doing anything.

But to be honest, I believe my crush doesn't know much about me and vice-versa (which is the reason for passiveness), so I've been thinking about it ever since. Should I ever admit, or do I remain passive?

Getting to know her is an option, but I have trouble trying to fit in her group of friends so I don't do it much.
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Criptfeind

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2012, 08:35:38 am »

Don't be passive. Ask her out on a date. Don't worry about trying to worm your way into their friends. That will come naturally later, or not, it does not matter a whole bunch.
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ChairmanPoo

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2012, 11:20:37 am »

Don't be passive or she'll lose interest and move on.
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pisskop

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2012, 11:23:16 am »

Definately have to show interest back.  And, being a man means it typically falls upon you to make the first move.  Ask her to dinner, or over your house or wherever.

 Not to a movie hough.  You want her to spend time with you looking at you, not in the dark where she can just pretend she was alone.

My advice to you is to break the touch barrier asap.  I learned from experience that no touching = platonic friends.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2012, 11:29:15 am »

I learned from experience that no touching = platonic friends.
What, you never roughhouse with your platonic friends?

Anyway, if you think she's interested then go ahead and invite her to start doing things with you, and just you. Don't use the word "date", not yet anyway.

You've only got one life to live, no point in not acting.
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nenjin

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2012, 11:32:29 am »

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Don't use the word "date", not yet anyway.

Seconded. I know this woman who, I would swear, wanted to jump my bones in the worst way possible. Wrestling, absurdly flirtatious behavior....so I finally decided that I couldn't take the sexual tension anymore and asked her "Do you want to go out?"

Bam. Instant platonic friends. Even women that would like to go out with you need to feel like it's their decision, that they aren't being pressured into a yes or no answer. Or possibly, that many woman want something just slightly more romantic than what amounts to an agreement that's asked in anything other than a moment of real passion or affection.

I think this is why plenty of relationships start with necking and making out before either side mentions dating....because by that point, your hand has been forced by your loins. (Wow that sounds odd.)

So yeah. Break the touch barrier, ask her to do stuff, but avoid feeling like you need a straight yes/no answer. At least in my experience, women will say no by default to protect themselves from getting hurt....before they'll say "yes" on a whim.
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kaijyuu

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2012, 12:11:15 pm »

Yeah, as others have said, ask her out.

If she doesn't reciprocate, then well, you know you're wasting your time. Instead of not knowing, and constantly worrying about it, and dooming yourself to never getting the chance.
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MorleyDev

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2012, 09:06:34 pm »

I shan't suggest you use my exact moves, but I do suggest you just come out with it :)

For reference, move exact moves were to be having a regular conversation with her which shifted to relationships, which prompted me to just go "You know what, I would quite like to date you". Didn't go too well. By which I mean we had a long talk, spooned for a night, I got told that she was "not ready for a relationship again after her last boyfriend and not to wait for her but maybe in a few months we'll see how we both feel", and then she proceeded to f* with my emotions for the next couple of months before I got bored and declared "fuck this shit" and convinced myself to stop caring on that kind of level (or pretend I'd stopped caring, or believe I stopped caring).

That last part after the words "date you"...those are the parts I don't recommend. Ranting aside (Ish drunk so ignore it), I still say go for it. Being passive sucks and remember: If all else fails, just stop caring.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2012, 09:34:14 pm by MorleyDev »
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LordBucket

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2012, 09:41:52 pm »

Should I ever admit, or do I remain passive?

*sarcasm on*

No. Stay passive, hide in a corner and never tell her. Spend the rest of your life wondering "what if" and learn from this experience that it's safer to never take chances, so that the next time you have an opportunity to be loved you don't tell that next girl either and you spend the entire rest of your life lonely and miserable and die alone in a basement.

*sarcasm off*

Phlum

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2012, 10:01:16 pm »

It's all easily said, but soooo damn hard to do.

Don't be passive, that's bad, in just about every way possible.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2012, 10:14:11 pm by Phlum »
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Sirus

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2012, 10:01:49 pm »

Don't be like me, New Guy. Speak up and see what happens.
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LordBucket

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2012, 11:23:18 pm »

It's all easily said, but soooo damn hard to do.

Over time water that passes over a rock will dig a groove into the rock. The more water that passes, the deeper the groove will become. Water that passes through the groove will have an easier time than water first splashing haphazardly across the rock, seeking a path. Once the path is grooved, it becomes more difficult to find a different path.

If you act with courage, it will become easier to act with courage. If you shy away...it will become easier to shy away.

If you find it difficult to change, it is only because you have grooved a path in your rock.

Choose your path wisely.

rarborman

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2012, 01:20:31 am »

Trust me, you dont want to reach into the "what could have been" go after her, science has shone women want two things even if not admitedly, self confident masculine bruisers for basial genetics urge, and paternal males that care for the paternal instict...

Why you ask? Overies and cycle control a woman's intrest in men, its not the best situation but gonads control men so theres at least noone to blame for horrible relationships, except the people in it.

If you outright ask her and she says no to a date be not diswaded, be nice and caring and friendly and ask later.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #13 on: September 22, 2012, 01:33:27 am »

Trust me, you dont want to reach into the "what could have been" go after her, science has shone women want two things even if not admitedly, self confident masculine bruisers for basial genetics urge, and paternal males that care for the paternal instict...
Don't bring pseudo-scientific evolutionary psychology nonsense into this.
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Why you ask? Overies and cycle control a woman's intrest in men, its not the best situation but gonads control men so theres at least noone to blame for horrible relationships, except the people in it.
People aren't slaves to their sex organs, it is entirely possible to have an interest in someone based upon non-sexual qualities and similarities.
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Gunner-Chan

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Re: Love: To admit or be passive.
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2012, 01:40:07 am »

So rarborman confirmed for Hungry? Looks like it at least.

But on topic, yes. At least say you find them intresting. Staying dormant never got anyone anything but body fat and unfortunate stains.
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