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I am small and neutral, like Switzerland

[Kamin]

FYI if you lose your only pick and the caravan dont bring one buy some copper crap and smelt it down.

MARC! Don't tell us how to live! This is !!DRUNKFORT!!

[MarcAFK]

Well I would suggest melting down the skulls of elven traders but for some reason you can't make tools out of corpses.

[Kamin]

Well I would suggest melting down the skulls of elven traders but for some reason you can't make tools out of corpses.

On this point, we are in full agreement.

Damnable Elves and their non-metal skeletal structure...

[Shoruke]

Well I would suggest melting down the skulls of elven traders but for some reason you can't make tools out of corpses.

On this point, we are in full agreement.

Damnable Elves and their non-metal skeletal structure...

Pffft. You just need more fey moods, and make a pick out of bone at the craftdorf's shop. How do you think the first anvil was made?
Incidentally, our anvil is probably in the lakebed along with those corpses and a bunch of our other supplies...

[Naryar]

I feel as if I need to get trashed to understand this turn.

[Bobnova]

Okay yougys I just kilelde oput only miner and lost his pick. Think you mightweanna skip myturn. Lava is ahrd.

Nono, that's not how this works.
No miner? No pick? AWESOME SURPRISE FOR NEXT OVERSEER!
I haven't actually had a chance to read the whole turn yet, but I can assure you that you are doing things correctly!

[sean_hyer]

Okaay. Good morning, and oww my head. Putting everything in one place for your viewing pleasure. Including the last part, which I never posted on here.

I actually wimped out before the whole year was up. We are doing okay-ish, I think. Two more deaths (still no clue what happened to Shoruke), but lots of migrants. And they bought a pick.

What did I actually get done? Hmm. I connected the land to the fort with a tunnel. I walled the merchants in the depot. I made a bunch of memorials (but didn't make one for Shoruke since he died later). Think that's about it?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Right. I'm gonna take a shot every time I think 'I'm not drunk enough for this'. Or whenever I feel like it.

-fortress loads-

Okay, I'm not drunk enough for this. Why do these stairs go so far down oh right for dirt to farm. It's not like there's not enough water to irrigate stuff with xD

Waah all the dwarves have names I can't make one of me waaah I need another drink. Totally. This isn't just an excuse at all.

You think I should take a picture of every shot? You won't see this until after the fact, so I don't know why I'm asking you. But sure. Why not.

I have yet to unpause the game and I've taken two (four?) shots. Think I've taken stock of things. We're gonna make someone outside into a cook so they can use all the food we harvest. Maybe I should make a brewer as well, but then I'd need to make a carpenter to make barrels and then we'd have a whole new fort up here.

Waittaminute. I just had a thought. Why am I building bridges to get across to the main bit of the fort when I can instead have them tunnel up under me? It's GENIUS I tell you! Muahahahaha! MINER! I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU!

Why have we got no hotkeys? We need hotkeys. F1 shows me a bunch of drowned dwarves, and I guess I ought to memorial those. Eh. Later.

Why is my miner farming? Stop farming! Mine! Graar! There. Disabled everything but mining. Need another drink.

Remembering that I have no tolerence and have just had, like, 8 shots, I think I'm gonna stop drinking for a while. If I'm not completely smashed in, like, 20 minutes, maybe I'll have some more.

The miner is already almost there. Whose crazy idea was the bridges, again? WHAT ARE YOU DOING MINER I TURNED OFF ALL YOUR HAULING WHY ARE YOU LEAVING TO GO HAVEST PLANTS?

Dammit, I can't remember how to make only farmers harvest. Gimme a munite.

Fuckkk, can't find it. Right! That's my rule! It costs a drink to look at the wiki! Muahahahaha you're all fucked!

Ah-hah! Trial and error ftw! It's 'o' -> 'h'!

What the hell he's still harvesting make him stip make him stip make him stop! Graaah! I guess it doesnt cancel oncoing orders ih man I am drunnnnk aaaaah.

Well now he's back to mining and he better not stop this time or so help me. Yes, I would kill our only miner over a trifling thingy, why do you ask?

Why is outr cook not cooking oh the trout is raw gimme a minute he is a fish preparer why have we got a fish preparer and not a fisherman oh wait otherway around umm why have we got a fish preparerand not a fish preparing workship umm fishery?!?! The last dude whas silly

Does anyone know what happens to dwarf corpses when they are underwater and it freezes? Do they vanish? I guess they do Waittaminute does anyone know when I started? Huh I dunno. I#ll play unti; it all freezes and then thaws that seems fair.

Is it bad that I spend most of the time not eeven looking at dwarf fortress and instead just typing on this tingey> thatwas meant to be a question mark but I'm not allowed to fix typ[ois Aaah more typos

Halp halp all the types are here aaaah I misspelt typos aaaaaah ahahaahaha this is funnnb oh no a b where did the b come from. Lets try again. Screw apostr thingies how do you evens pell that woed. Apostraphe? Apostrophe? Hmm thos look wrogn. Google! Oh ophe is right. Huh.

Waittaminute I am playing dwarf fortess here. Pausepausepasue. Gimme a sec.

Goodnews guys the miner made it. I dont know (screw apostrphe thingies) how you guys dod anyhting like this.

Waittaminute I say that too much why is the miner wait not fishery dude why is the dishery not built yet> How would you even in a foreign l;anguage? I am failing at English xD Uhh I'm gonna turn offff his fishing that's wayyyyyyyy too many f's (andy's (hehehe andys's ^^)) uhh what was I doung oh wait yeah fisheru dude lemme turn off his fishing so he builds the fish cleany place.

huh. We have two fish cleany dudes. Fishy dudes. Whatever. I turned off only one of their fishy labors/ I cheat by using wwarf therapist. Wow my spelling is shot. Hehe shot I needanother shot waittaminute this is a bad idea I said earlier ah scewit shot. I'kll takeapicture this time. Oneofyou betterhave shown me how to uplaod puctures.

maybe I should pausethegame naahhhhh. Howdid you guys get anything at all done like this I am being so dumb okay wait I'm gonna pauser the game. There. Paused. Shot! Whyismyphonestucktothecomputer? Screwthespacebar. Leggo! Hehe lego but with mroe o's! g's! Whatever! Ain't nobody got time ofr that disconnect thingymajabber youknowwhatimean screwspacebars!

    I dunno why I even what I appatently hit tab ah well screwit I dunnowhy I even am drinking I know I oughtn't. I wonder if I'm gonna make myself sick.

Miner! Why aren't you moving!

Ohwaitthegame is pasued.

Goodnewsguys! Miner made it! Uhh I dyunno what i'm meant to do now. Hiccups make typing on a laptip hard.

Carpenter! make a door and lotsa barels!

Waittaminute! How did s-dude i forgethisname type in japanese if he has an english keyboard? He musr have a japanese keyboard but he was also typing int english! It's a mysetry for the ages!

Oh fusk the game is tsill paused. Space bar!

Guys spacebar isbt' working I think I broke it. Oh wait I wwasinnamenu I guess I clicked on the screen. Escape! Ahahahahaah! It lives!

Lemme pause it forraminute I just realised my rule suckes aint nobody got time for the forum when drunk. Hmmm. Waittaminute you guys gotta add me to the todwarf list unless I get midrants i'll probly get migrant its cool nvm/. Uhh what was I dong? ahaha dong! Oh wait yeah. my rulle sucks I'mma thing og a new one.

ahaha waow m y typing sucks too I guess it really does get wrser when I am drunk xD

Uhh guys I dunno what I am meant to do. issti;ll paused. Huh. Headfeelsfunny aint been drunk in solong. Screw you sacerpbarr. You only puase r gamer lemme unpause

Oh no its esc again screwyou s[acebar!

This is gonna be silly I'm too talky when I'm dtrunk so its really really long oh no i forgot an apostropeh screw you capslock oh waitthat does have an s i thought that was a typo!

Lemme pause it. I dunno what wmy wdarves are doing. Waittaminute i said screw capslock. No capsolck. aaarch its a reflex I alwats hit it this is harrrdl

What was I doing again.

Huh oh right yeah fishery. Yo Dude. Don;t makeadishing. Makeafihsrey. I'm nevergonnafishnishmeturn. Screwyouspacebar.

Ithinkigottoodrunkthis is badddd. Aaaaah.

Not getting anywhere. Too drunk. I'ma just unpause it forever and seewhethappens.

Whaddya mean i cant bildadoor i needadoor!? I havea carpenters workshop building soors whyanit he builta door? Ohwaitisstill puased. Aaah wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too drunk. Tahts' enough y's I think!

Why w0nt you unoaubs oh wait its ec again isnt it gimme a sec

yeah esc worked. What didI wanna do again?

Why is f3 a button for dead people? Who dumbass did that? Oh waitthatwas me. I'll beamazed if youguys can readthis. Every otherspacebar apartenyly.

Ahaha I am waytoodrunk. Waywayway too drunk.

I'ma try t get spacebar right at least. WHat is going on in game>

pause! Miner! Getbacktodiggingbigroom wait apscebar. Miner! Get back to diggin bug room you were diggin. Don;t know what is for. But diggit!

Whydoi have acpslock pressed nothing is working I still wanna go b ack and fixed tyupos.

Gottapee gottapee gotta pee.

Huh shouldupause it noneed!

I lived ahaha whose carsy idea was this screw you all I dunno who i should balems ot screwyouall! Muahaha! Wattaminute game isn;t paused.

Howdoicheck tye calender?m Well anyeay nothings frozen yet soi'mall good.

This fort is soscrewed its noteven funny expcept its funny too many ps' but i cant fiz it.

Why I am so drunk? I only had 4 shots! Well, maybe 8? And then a few drinks before and I have no tollerence!

ehehe I have a cunning plan

Nect tume I will do the take a shot a beer a minute forever thigny. It'll be awesome.

Man I hoep I mnt fgonna be sick I dont like being suck. Sick. Whyisthegame fearking paused unpause!

Huh the kitchen isnt working because some ofthefish is too dangerous to get to. Howdoyou forbit stuff?

Whereis the kitchen getting fat from to render fat? Didi kill something>?

I'm a make drinks ahaa I am useful!

Ihopewe have abrrels I think I tolda carpenter to make them lemme check!

Yesidid! Ahahhahaha!

Iwarned you I was talky hwne I was drunk! So no complaining!

Shouldi be taking screenshots? Screwthat i don't even know how puctires work! I'm sure you can work it out from my drunkern ramplings!

Qhy are you smlal forterss game? Get bug! Maximise! see I have magic secretyl!

I really thinkiought to have dug more rooms or something.

lastdude mayhave kuilled lotsa people but he atleast madestuff. Everyother space is plentyright?

What fo you mean dangerous terrain> Dig! Dig!

OhwaitI designated to edge of the magme things shute thatstheworkd for digginf,

Thank gord i mean armok for dwarfs being clever.

Wait fuck is too late. Theres smike. Tha dangerosu terrainw was because he'd have to work in magme. hopehe lived. This room is lost. Whatever magma doesnt do pressure I'ma just makeanother.

Hehe DJ is down staris. I think I wasn;t meant to get thisdrunk.

Waitfuckithinkits too late. Think mr naryar minder bit the dust already. Hmm. Quick! Newrandomdragon! Youreaminer now quick grab his pick before it is consumed by the lava and all is lost!

Okat, he didnt makeit in time. We';re all screwed. Maybe the caraven will haveapick. Hasit come yet?

Warned everybody on the forums. Gon make a chable and tair for a bookkeeper to show them hiw screwed weare. I'llshowem. I'llshowemall. Muahahahaha!

Needa goto the bathroom. Berightback, random dudes! And (hopefully not) ladies!

Okay, survived the loo.

I think I need more parcative at this. Practice. OR less drinsk.

Fishy dude, we've run outta fish! Gobacktofishing!

Whyis q notworking? Ohwait I have capslock on! Capslock! Go off!

Whyisittaking so long foru to build that chair/

Ohwait the game was pausing. Seeat I never pausignd it that tiem. Chairisdone now.

Muahaha soon we will have a bookeeper!

Bottom room is done flooding with lava! Time to see if i am right about pressure! If Iam wrong this is gonna be messy xD

Okay, I thin this could have worked if I;'d been slightly less drunk> mebbe I'll try later. I think mygame is doomed now.

But seriously, useaminer to rescuethe stuck dudes. Bridges are a waste of time.

Why is the missing dude labeled 'minor' not 'miner'? I thinkthe game has a type guys?

Shorkue! Now u havean office! It's the eniter floor of above the farms so it's a very nvce office! Tellus how screwed we are! I command it!

Wiat, you were already a bookeeper. Huh. Maybethere was already an office. And a crapenters. hehe crap. *carpenters. Eh. Whaverver. Now there';s another.

Okay, everything is gonna get moved from the food stockpile next to my new kitchen to the old pile.

While I'm attit, goodbye newkitchen. We can justuse old kitchen!

Good news guys! Iwaas right! lava has no rpessure so therest of the fort is safe!

Badnews, we still havenopicks

I havta work out how to see the date. Iknowhow to dothis but Iforget.

There should be a fastforward button on this thing.

I am failing so so so so so so so so I wonder when I'll get bored of this so so so so so so so so so sos os os o so so so so so so so so so os os so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so okay im bored now so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so badly. I needa drink. But I've already had toomany of those.

Screwit.

Drink! And picture! Getunstuck you stupdi iphone thingy!

Thisone was fuller than the others because pouring drinks is hard.

Huh at least i didn't pause it thistime maybe we'll getta caravan soon. I would widen the path to the depot so we could getta whole caravan but, y'know. no picks.

Wait! I can unbuild the caravan stop thingy and build a new one! GENIUS!

Iwish I could rememberhow to see thedate. ButIcan'tlook at the wiki or I'll havta drink more and I'll die.

Oh wait I was coming up withanew rule. Screwthat. I'll just use that one. No looking at the wiki or more drinks. MUahahahaha!

o.O how have we imported 15,996 wealth? Did we rob the first caravan? Oooh there's a shortcut if you hit some hey I dunno which that opens the rightclick menu xD

Okay, autumn has come dudes and dudettes. Time for the caravan!

Waittaminute. My idiot dwarves havent build my new trade depot! Idiotdwarves I turn off everything but architecting and carpenting! Go! Buildmeatradedepot! I will trade your very lives for a pickaxe! Muahahahahaha!

Wait what gelding is a labor that's new?

New dwarf threapist is stupidI can't tell what labors are on and what are off.

Waittaminute. i'm feelingless drunk than I was. Shot!

Okay guys I think image uploading is gonna be a bust. So just telling you. Bottle of whiskey is halfempty. That is too too much.

Okay, Depot still isnt being build. Replacementtaupe, I'ma turn off all your ahuling! Go buildme a depot!

Nuu now replacement taupe is eating i wish i could disable thattas a labor

there is nothing to catch in the southeastern swamps so STOP BLOODY TRYING TO FISH IN THREM!!!

Good news immigrant kamin is building the depot for me cause whassisface is too lazy.

Gonna go pee again maybe caravan will be herwhen I get back ^^ (caravan is done!) (wait not caravan! depot!)

Aaaah random dragon is a ghost! Huh guess I shoulda made those memorials thigs! Stillgottime!

I just came up with the bestest song for this! http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=DSfYrPdTKVA#Mine%2C_Mine%2C_Mine

Wait! That reminds me of another one! But it's for later! This one is for starting!

Ahahahahaha! If the rule about the wiki isn't my rule, this one totally is! Listen to this: http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=ytWz0qVvBZ0#%E2%99%AA_Diggy_Diggy_Hole

For the entire time! Muahahaha!

Yayyy the caravan is here!

Looking at the goods I am moving to the depot, the elves came and we robbed them? I think? Whatever, now I can give it all to the dwarves for a pick! Muahaha!

I'm kinda tired now so I'm typing less. This isgonna be shorter Iguess?

Ooooh erson wans to talkat me!

'the world is thedsaem as ever'

Wennedapick! ihopeyoubrungus one! but justincase i request oneat max priority for nextduede. If heeven uses htis save.

ifoyucare, the nexxt caravan wants figurines, shell rigns, footwear, large gems and blocks

help i lost the caravan i think they died or left or something. okay guys seriously i think the caravan is busted it has a guard here but he is just sitting by the edge of the map and the caravan is not coming

Okay, this game is fucked.

Screwit whoneedssleepgottafinish

Whyarethere seeds inmyfodik stockpile makeemgoway new pile attat farm for seeds why isthatroomnot a suqira it oughtea beuai squkare Ikillyou actally notdrunk/dumb enogu to unbuild roominna caversn now. Stockpilecan stillbesquaretho

guys help uithign my rightareow keyis broken oh no wait iwas justpresign ah why wonthign key showu i was pressing 0/Ins by mistake

I tolly fcker notta fishin the swamp ikillyou. wonderifican burrow you inna magmafull room? issa goodplan die taco

goodnewsguys ooh spelttathat right ^^ anyway, we haveasmason now hecanmakeayus the thingies for memoriaksing people. dwarves.

thedwarf wongetin my magma brupow oh ghostie is back hurryuipwiththa rok thingines guys i sjust hadda awesomeidea you gottahearthus

when i built alla memorieal thingies i flodthisorrm with lava! muahaha! well fucjk postrsiophe we'll losea pick annanother espendble minre but screwit ahahahaha

whycan i make slabs of caveswlonw people dwarves waitno just peopls?

ohhye carvan is innotherdepot ahaha i just moved alla stuffouttathere oh waitnoididnt causemy dwarvesarelazyasfuc and isa goodthing thistime ^^

whyisorfarmrt alsoro broekt isstupid okay everyhtone can hrvestnwow

noooooooooooooooooooooooo i cant tradethesestupid goods stupidmercghnts whyucareif thegoodw werestolen nobodylieks elves amirite

screwyou i buildawall ahaha urallgonana die ahahahaha

goodnews the merchants brought 2picks

badnews well have to crew postrphe we'll havta waiitabutt to getat them hehe butt

ooohatsomepointthewrod froze neato ifwehaddapick itd go mineice and make badsas icestuff butwedont so iwont

ooooh allaslabsaredone thatwasnth sonhard wasit idunnohow thelast forters place diedeto ghosties is basalt really heavyteor soethngi cause thepeopsl dwarves move realrealslwo when theyhaveit

imboredguys i needa pick whenwill the caravan ppls go insane i never diddthis before always had a bajuillon rock crafts totreda

iwannakilltheat dude donni ehehe i haveacunningplan is alsoa weerwofl test ^^

uknow the badsas bost from the wreewlf in jarnia? here i'll google it aha screw you postrpeh gotit

oh bythewya google doesnt count for drinksalways imean only thewiki or id be deadbynow

"I am hunger. I am thirst. I can fast a hundred years and not die. I can lie a hundred nights on the ice and not freeze. I can drink a river of blood and not burst. Show me your enemies."

So i figue ifweleavea person dwarf enemyofthestate on the lake for a hundrednights andhe doesnt die he's awerewolf an we should killhim!withmagma!

fuck it canremember whoiwanted to kill o.Othinkigettingundrunk isundrunkathingywordthassit

waiittaminute guys ithingksomeoneelsedied whassface s-dude killed 5 and i killed 1 and nowthere are 7 dead ppl well 2ded and 5missing imtotired forthis shit

hurryup meltyou fuckingice i wannaw anna gotobed screwit ima goget cereal bettrebe melted wheini getback

fuck no fuckfuckfujck guys icounted and shoruek is thenewdeaddued he was theonyloone who got any fuckng tsuf done round htis fucking place were all fucked fucked ufcmked anni canteven seehowhe died

fucking fuckietima jusbuild a giant dong outta wood (tinyfrk a megaprject) (butgiantforradong) (notlike a mydong thasmuch bigger i mean for a gamedong)

howdu yuo removecinstructons again? gimmeasec aha gottit its with DN

ohcol migrants arehere hopetheres a lot ones a trader he's now shoruke i swearthere arenttheat mayn es in sovergn but hwatever

ohmigodthemigranmt boughtme a pick ahahahaha the fort LIVES

okay screwit icehadsnnt melted bytu amtired so gnite imdone wehavelotsamigrantstoname only namesd shoruke and me

waiittaminute why has the dwarf i made into me got a kill? 'Kamin999express'? whateverthinkinnamornign gnight.

Wow that is a long post. No wonder I didn't get anything done I spent the whole time failing at typing.

I think I will go with the 'costs a shot to look at the wiki' rule.

Oh, and the anvil is safe actually. Built into a forge outside the depot.

I'll upload the save as soon as DFFD sends me an email so I can activate an account.

[Kamin]

Sometimes, in my head, I pretend Toady reads this thread avidly and smiles upon us, sending all of the blessings to our besotted selves.

A man can dream...

[Taupe]

I actually wimped out before the whole year was up.

If you didn't, you probably weren't drunk enough.

[sean_hyer]

Okay, so DFFD apparently doesn't like me. It won't let me do anything without activating my account, and it won't send me the email so i can activate my account. Is there a 're-send email' button?

Screw it. Now I have a yahoo mail account I will never use again.

Here's the save: http://dffd.bay12games.com/file.php?id=10931

[MarcAFK]

Just make it your spam account like my yahoo is.

[Shoruke]

My plan for today involves another round of Drunk Fortress.
Assuming nobody beats me to the punch about 7-9 hours from now.

[Naryar]

nobody beats me to the punch

knowing you, it won't be punch

[Scruffy]

Will be drunk as skunk but most likely won't take a turn so it is all yours Shork

[Shoruke]

Well, I didn't end up going to Takadanobaba. But I did end up buying 0.75L of Vodka for $9! Japanese grocery stores are just awesome sometimes. Now if only the fish was cheaper than the alcohol.

Aftr some amount of drinking, I am now going to start drunk Fortressing. So... here I go. Let's see how New Guy did.