I would like to share a story. Last evening, a friend of mine showed with booze, with the intend of learning dwarf fortress. We had no desire to generate a new world, so I simply took the DRUNKFORT worldgen and continued from the failed dongfort. What follows is the story of the strangest bull fight ever.
It begins as a normal tutorial, where I almost try to create something functional. Then whiskey and random naming happens, and we suddenly have a fort made of Salt-pepper (saltpeter), lime wood, apple-cinnamon logs, coffee branches, and tea workbenches. the fort is ran by scrooge mcduck, who is ordering nothing but gems and goldpieces, and names random monsters ''golddrain''. He's claimed every single room in the fort.
The fort is delicious, but nobody has any actual food. The hunters, including myself, venture outside to hunt a bull. they shoot him once, anger it, run out of bolts and run away. here comes fatty, the cook girl,. Fatty is slow. the hunters ran away while she gets trampled by an angry bull. Begin the construction of a giant inverted goauld pyramid. the whole army is now made of Jaffas from stargate. The bull enters the fort. it hungers for blood. Scrooge mcduck is trampled, but doesnt die. He's just... exhausted. under the bull. The bull is also exhausted and passed out.
its an arid map during the dry seasopn. everyone is hungry, thirsty and exhausted. For 4 months, people show up in the middle of the farm to punch a buffalo. they are accompanied by 8 dogs. Huntrs shoot it a couple of times, go fishing, wander the fort, chat with friends, go to sleep, and repeat. Everyone is exhausted, thirsty, and nobody is getting injured. After two months the buffalo's left ear is bloodied.
The manager is still stuck under the buffalo and cant escape. The doctor is called bonebabe. she is a dissector, a bone doctor, and a bone carver. girl has issues is what I'm saying. Soon the whole fort is buuilt around people punching the buffalos. Woodcutters chop the nearest trees, haulers get it close, crafters make some bolts, hauler store them near the buffalo, and each morning the hunters grab some wooden bolts, shoot the buffalo for two hours then go take a walk. Everyone is slowly turning into a bodybuilder by just punching the beef thing. the greatest fighter is DateRape-San, who'se both a great kicker, great wrestler, great ambusher, and excelent liar. He's also proficient with spears.
People set the stockpiles near the beefalo because its simpler for people who need drinks. Or food. We want to quit but we cant. we need to know how it ends. People complete the goauld tower, then use it as an observation tower to check on the fight. We cut all the trees that block the view. The fight is so long, the crafters are slowly building a hundred crossbows to practice bow-making, just so eventually we'll have weapons good enough to injure it. the courtyard is covered in 800 logs, crossbows and quivers. out of 25 dwarves, twelve are fighting the bull constantly, and the others are industrializing the fight. Some people actually took the time to build a depot, trade for an anvil, then trade for metal, then build some furnaces, made some coal, then built some forges, then created new weapons just so the army could eventually kill the fucking thing.
Then, on the 28th day of the twelvth month, the game crashed right before it could save, two days before autosaving. we will never know how this battle end. nobody will ever win. somewhere in an alternate reality of drunk fortress, a single fortress exists in limbo, where the entire colony is dedicated body and soul to the constant punching of a single buffalo, a fight that will never conclude.
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1240286 times)