Well what a start. Better rename the other dwarf to lord Mr Tacos. If this game ever survives, we'll be able to quote ''ord mr tacos saved the fortress forever''. fuck you, hypotetical historians!
Ok why is there a forgotten beast living inside a giant used condoms. Will wall off. Can i use Dwarf therapist? it crashes. better hope lord mr tacos knows how to mson ize cause i cant find the profession nd task thing place. go lord mr tacos! they call him a gem setter cause he will set thing rgiht!
Ok more migrants. will try to make use of them.
Thank you google, found how to do professions nd labor, too lazy to do ut for all dwarves. lets hope lord mr taco can cover EVERYTHING
wait i have to do a whole yer thats dumb. plus i forgot there is more than one category. each dwarf gets one full category. except you, mister animal trainer guy. get to the fishsing. i designated some fishing places.
At this point my general strategy is to gather all the food, and hope someone designted stockpiles for them. otherwise we die. our survival is powered by the same force keeping hulk's boxers in one piece: hope
wait, no, we have TWO metalsmith guys, thats dumb. you. go. smooth. EVERYTHING
Mid summer: What is this room for, and why is it currently on fire.
Ok, i have iders. after much stuff, learned how to tell workshops to do things. Q. the answer was q all along. why did nobody tell me before. i may be able to play DF without the tools after all.
-Dwarves are working, slowly getting the migrants to be useful, making blocks and barrels, always useful.
-deleted part of the scruffy's mark, only lightly. simulating the passage of time, erosion and shit. immersion is important. Time eroion, get on it toady person. kthx.
-ran out of booze. roomates are having friends offer, overed some beer. but accepting would mean talking to random strangers. Cannot do. instead ill open this old bottle of crappy booze i keep with me after moving from three different places. its called... erhm...paradise island runner silver. worst shit ever. otherwise id havedrank it before.
the things i do for love. this shit tastes like poison.
Someone in this fort should make beer. you. make beer. i hope the farms are working, not gonna micromanage that shit
Late summer:
=Own booze tastes like shit dwarf making virtual booze. cant be worst. random room still on fire. at this point i dont even care. probably a cat or some shit.
Just LOOK at it, it's just constantly on fire. apparently full of bed. beds are wood. wood is love, wood is life. life and love are burning nonstop in our halls and nobody gives a single shit. this is the death of soul. this is drunk fortress.
-My booze tastes more and more like chocolate. probably cause ive been eating those terrible chocolates. well, more like biscuits. swiss pack, full of andom flavors the shitty ones are left. shitty biscuits drowned with leftover shitty booze, what a wonderful metphor for the migrants that just showed up. Welcome, you are the worst of all. maybe by living long enough here, you'll be tolerable and taste like chocolate too.
no crime we are the perfect society. an ydillic community doing jackshit, made of shitty booze that tastes like chocolate. WTF LEFT HAND WHY DID YOU STOP TYPING GHHH
Found the crypts. im not exactly sue how long this place hs been running. imma guess, more than a month we started with 2 dwarves, including lord mr tacos. i doubt the crypts are adequate for the hypothetical number of corpses my mind can conjure. Gonna expand the crypts.
someone make coffins please. many of the. Took me like 5 minutes to find that room back, the least you an do is get on the job. thanks.
-Nobody does it. Lord mr tacos, i can only depend on you. you alone mus build coffins.
Late summer
Liten people, please dig out the new crypt. someone will have to do it eventually. why not you? enlist in your local crypt-digging crew now!
-i guess they dont like the design. cmon guys, its a crypt. honor your fucking potential deads?
hey, we solved the idlers problem JUST KIDDING everyone just went to sleep. wonder where they sleep. do we have bed? Ma, i should tell them to dig bedrooms and make beds to replace the ones burning. that way they have some jobs theyll refuse to do when they wake up.
Well there you go, mayor Uggi. you have an office now. stop red texting me. rude.
-entire fort woke up. found the bedrooms btw. thats the place i ordered smoothed like half an hour ago. Shame i coudnt find it faster, the fort has like 3 layers. anyway, ordered the idlers to smooth the main hall. or whatever we call those 16 huge dumb rooms straight out of DF 2d.
Early fall:
turned the burrow off. now people can wnder where they please and i guess die? doesnt matter. people arent iddlers anymore. go make THE FUCKING CRYPTS.
ugggh, really. Everyone is drinking, or on break. I guess i cant blame them. im a poor example. or a great example. depends if youre a dwarf or not
ok screw things, we are building a wall. gotta do something of this year im given. Lord Mr tacos, get your folks on the job. Uggh we dont have any blocks, even tho i asked for them. guess well make a wooden wall, because nothing in this fortress is ever on fire for no reason uh.
-that fucking childa, get off the walling space. uggh. thats your name now. fuck you, and fuck your parents.
-been chugging those swiss biscuits like they were water. maybe they are? Life is strange.
-Dem traders have arrived. good thing i didnt wall off the trade depot. yet.
-gonna sell them used clothes guess thats the only thing our lazy dwarves ca manage to produce without effort. ho doesnt like ugly soiled clothes? not these merchants thats for sure.
''Let's dicsuss your situation!
''I'm wasted on 7 years old 5 bucks false rum, and cornerstore wine. plus some beer that apparently tasted good but now tastes like water. fuck you alexander keith. you suck
''well, i guess everyone is just drunk too?''
Mid autumn:
Ok, i get it, you guys dont want to dig the lower crypt. maybe its unreachable maybe you guys are friggin pussies. I expected better of you, lord mr tacos. setting things right my ass. Now, we need another place for a crypt. maybe youll dig this one. if that keeps on, well have crypts everythwere. maybe thats the key mayb when everyone know we have so many crypts nd coffins, theyll know we fear not death, and be creeped out and not attack. much simpler than setting an army
-Come one mayor uggi, i ordered the chair delivered to your place. do i have to tell you everything. yes, its yours, have a fucking office now. whats that weapon racks? ugggh.
-traded all the cloths and all our gems for some metal, a pick and some lobsters. i guess we should elect someone as broker? uggh dont want to set up another office.
-Carpenter workshops still o fire. i guess its just how this olace rolls now.
foudn out access to most of the fort is blocked by pillars. migh be related to everything being on fire, and the forgotten beast lurking about. not touching that shit doesnt matter, we're digging a new fucking crypt regardless. once people kill that shit, miners will spent three years digging all the crypts i designated.
-new migrants, one enters martial trance and shoots something called a capibara. not really a native english speaker, not sure what that is. you got into the army, good job. others you all miners. dig. the fucking. crypt.
-nevermind thats the merchant. you guys suck. dig the CRYUPT
-Good job, the only spot you engraved is the access to the crpt i asked to be mined. teamwork applied to inneficieny.
Late autumn:
-not sure the wall is actually walling off anything. BUT we have so much wood, who cares . keeps lord mr tacos busy.
-oh look ghosts. too bad nobody built the crypts i asked, cause now we have no slabs, nowhere to put em, and no fucking stone. enjoy your fucking huanting, idiots.
-Mayor got his weapon rck, but he still complins blah blah blah poor room wants better. Almond wood EVERYTHING is fine, budy, dont complain.
Well, here we are, haunted by the ghosts of christmas past, present, future, imperative, and subjonctive.
-some dude taken by a fey mood. hopes he needs ghosts, because thats basically what we have right now. put 4 to rest. 3 more spawned. it like an hydra made of ectoplasm and screw yous.
-Uggi the mayor wants figurine. does he not realise there are ghost around. what are you five. get a life, loser.
Early winter:
...well that sounds bad
...that also sounds bad
...so does this
Mid winter:
Annnd werewarthing is gone. killed like 5 dudes, injured half the survivors. i could just lock them up, instead ill let them turn. we are a werewarthog colony now, yo. full of ghosts.
Giant-ass art of the fort still burning.
-Cant give water to the injured because our water froze. A frogotten beast in the caverns, dont think im going there. better hope you turn next full moon and heal, peons, otherwise you are boned. heard the ghost legion is recruiting.
Late winter:
water just unfroze. what kind of water unfreezes in winter. Get it together, weather, you are a fricking mess.
Early spring:
not very awake anyore. Drinking doesnt solve problem. was lied to.
Getting weird combat messages. Pretty sure half the fort is definitely a werewarthog by now. Oh well.
At least we'll get a pretty wall when im done.
slabs are complete, people just wont haul them. they really dont care. must finish the wall. I guess they like ghosts.
Mid spring:
wow look at those slabs, look at this crypt. isnt that the best crypt we have? definitely. thats thanks to its unusually high BEING DUG OUT attribute, setting it appart from all our other crypts.
-oh great, the elves. bet theyll love what i did with the forest. i am Ozzimandwarf, drunk of drunks. look at my wall, ye mighty, and despair.
Bridges not wire coorectly, could not crush elves with it, or luck em out. gonna build new ones that dont just disapear when pull levers
ugh wall imperfections, gotta FIX FIX FIX
Deconstruction takes forever. its a plank, just kick it.
everyone is now on break, cause all they did for a year was build the wall. Oly lord Mr tacos is working. lazy asses.
Bridges are made of wood. cause no stone. we are terrible dwarfs. someday someone will increase the crypt and we'll have maybe a boulder. then itll be one less ghost. this is so dumb.
-Brige is work Good at raising, good at flipping dwarves. hank armok it wasnt lord mr tacos. lor mr tacos is
fine guys
Also, elves are stuck. guess we are keeping that wagon. yo.
Been putting those ghosts to rest ike a nanny with her pockets full of morphine.
It's mid-mid spring and things are moving uber slow. i need water. i need sleep. dont want to wait another month, so...
here's the save:
http://dffd.wimbli.com/file.php?id=10329Merry chrismass and stuff.
Poll
Author
Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1241554 times)