Whiskey time!
*5 gulps later*
now I remember why I hate Whiskey Q_Q
(some vod-coke later)
Okay. My stomach is doing way worse than my head, but I am definitely buzzed. I'm just... gonna start. Proofreading and excessive backspaceing: disabled.
*looks around* ...this is my work? I did this? Why is that guy injured? Why is the wrestler attached to his battleaxe? Why is there a wide-openwall into the forge... oh. Nevermind it's sealed. No wait... the wall is being eaten by tree roots. Fix that shit! With.... more walls? Sure.
Remind me oto smack whoever used this creepys-ass texture pack. The walls awre screaming, the bugs are teleporting corpses, and the granite is bright white. Sheesh. Can't even figure out whih walls heave metal in them.
I don't get why these dwarves are ocmpliainging so much about plump hemlet spawn, we have lots
Stupid Dwarves are causing cave-ins by knocking down trees. Dumbass noobs...
Okay so... I was going to try to start making a tower... which needs metal... so I need to dig around under the caves. I'll just head for the magma sea and try to dig down between the lava-y bits, WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
you know I wonder if the plump helmet problem can be fixed with barrels or bins or something
MAKE ALL THE CONTAINERS
Well, I'm sure our manager will get right on that, in the mean time, our clothier has come down with a mood
wait... huh? There's two of me. There's a Kaliche and a Shoruke. I thought all but the Doomed To Die me died?
Whatever, I'm going to eat my other snacks while the clothier makes his rocks socks or something. Stuff's called "milk suzu castella", and I have no fucking idea what it's supposed to be, but it's covered in sugar and seems mostly edible, so I'll take it.
It's worth almost 25,000 ‼
I mean ☼
Marco the Polo has named his battleaxe erishsomething. Wait, you're purple, you're a... something else. Wait, you're the manager? You're supposed to be managing, stop that thing that you're doing with the military right now.
what the actual fuck, why are ALL of our organizers in the military?
Wait... organizing combat drills helps you organize the business records? Seriously? Is that a thing?
Fuck everything I quit.
HAHA no I don't. New manager.
*I* shall be the new manager! By which I mean Kaliche, not Shoruke. And not the acutla me, that'd wouldn't work.
I'll put his new office nearish the farms so that other overseers can find it.
...That seems like a bad Idea but I can't decide why
the humans are here to trade!
haha pffffft dumbasses...
now should I steal all their stuff or actually trade
hmm
nah they don't really get pissed off very fast if you just steal from them
at least the elves didn't
in previous versions of the game
... MORE VODKA!
I wonder if shuddering compulsively at every drink is a bad sign.
Our trader is also in the militrary. Genius. Let's see if he dgeos.
Course he doesn't hesa too busy soldiereing no activity. Fine anyone can trade ets just get this over with.
Hey, did you know potatoes grow up on top of volcanoes? And they are teal and have pink backgrounds. Shit's weird.
know what I like about the humasns? You can take every thigns thiey have and all of its uselefsul, not like the elves. so I did. I took everything. Anyone know what to do with 12 avnvils?
Makybe I'll go through the depot inventory later and designate things to get melted but... not right now.
Ah yes, butcher all the pets before I forget. Including the giant dingo. That sounds like a fuephamism.
I know, I can explore around the magma sea faster by having someone breach it with a channel. Don't worry I'll put a door there and then I'll build a wall behind it when it's done wso we're safe. nothing can go wrong and we lwon't lose a miner right?
Migtratnts are here "despite the danger". Pfffft. It's Dwarf Fortess, there's danger wherever you left too.
Wow are migrants are a bunch of scrubs why do you all suck
8 migrant s in all. up to 83 dwarves.
okay back to doing... what was I doing. besidesa drinking vodcoke
oh yeah the magma
let's watch and see if we lose someone!
woo, someone got freshied bad. they sent one of the peasants to dig that chaneln. Then he ran like a motherfucker. Wood doors, though. How do they work.
got a question: why do magma crabs have "wings"
they live in lave shouldn't they lave hfins or something
okay this magma sea thing is going really slow werhe's some metal I can actually see
hmph. Well let's start twith this obsidain.
nt metal but it looks cool
Aha! We do have a secon farm area!
I'm getting rid of it it's causing weay too much message spams
obtw yesaja is the mayor now I guess
grats
have fun lol
can omeoen expalsins to me why having less farms makes here be more maessage spam about seeds
whoa we're under attack by giant mosquitos
I totaalyy understand that, mosquitos suck
there's only one? okay. ATTENTION MARKSDUDES GET THAT MOTHERFUCKER
just as soon as I figure out how to aim the game while drunked.
Someone is watching a kicking demonstaration. Maybe he can be on the ow my balls show from that movie
on of the camels is missing. that's odd I thought I ordered all the animals butchered I wonder what happened
okay so, we have 160 some pulmp helmet spawns
but people keep complaining we dont have any
so I checked
turns out the dwarves are just carrying around bags of mushroom seeds
and being all like "fuck yu my mushroom seeds go make booze fruits with ur own"
so... I dunno what to do.
how do I make dwarves let go of their plump lhelmet spawns
I forbade the bag so he dropped it maybe thatll help
'tis autumn btw
and I'm on my second triple of vodcoke
and we are all goin to die
okay okay calm down I can do this. *finish drink off*
fuck.
I mean... okay.
so they've got one squad and I have three. We got this. Let's go.
DORF ARMY DEPLOY
umm where do I deploy them
the bridge? Sure let's try that
I think these goblins need charging lessons
they be like "chaerge nvm chaerge"
aww they went right for the pasture hill. jerks.
oh, good, there's another entrance under the bridge. great.
oh and the goblins did bring more than one squad apparently. Hmm.
okay I closed the door by the farms that might help...
do you know what? a burrow might actually help right now. I usually hate burrows but they might help right now. EVERYONE
TO THE BOOZE
EXCEPT THE MILITANTS YOU GET TO DIE
unless you win. Go you guys.
where... do we keep the booze?
okay found it
so we've lost... uh... 10 dorfs? Sure.
...and counting.
ohey so uh
guess what entrance the goblins are going for...
Goblins and Dwarves clash!
we're winning? bullshit
I mean uh
go us
except the dead recurits you guys suck
at least there's graves for you... maybe? I dunno if we're out yet we have a lot of dead people
meanwhile, mechanic gets fey mood. Have fun with that.
why are there dwarves fighting outside I said to-
fuck it. everyone outside!
NO NOT EVERYONE just the fighters calm yur tits
my vodka bottle's empty. Luckily I have another
given we're at war, I'd say a triple and a half vodkacoke is appropriate
(whoa that's strong stuff)(makes my nse burn a little)
okay so
mostly over
we uh... won. I think. except the dead guys.
2 invaders left, each dorf squad has at least 3 guys left. move out!
victory is ours! we have 17 fighters left out of... uh. twenty something.
down to 52 dorf total
but hey, Kaliche (doomed to die) is still alive!
and the dorf caravan is here! haha they're going to love us.
"hello right this way please ignore the corpses and stolen gear"
"and the giant mosquitos"
go figure, we ran out of grabes
so... more... sarcphogi
okay so... what do I give the dwarves
all of the loot I can think of is stuff I stole frmo the humaosn
so we should wait...
we have food
good food
masterowkr food
but should we even bothr
YES sell food buy berries repeat and get more food
and plump helmet spawn, jesus
anyone can trade because the borker is broken
hahaha i love it
the broker
got broked
haha
no but seriusly get well soon whatever your name is
dat mech is making a thing in the mechanics shop out of two rocks
I WONDRRE IF ITS AMECHIANISM
20 jobs to bring stuff to depot
nobody doing it cuz corpses
awesome
a 6k mechanism with a picture of the baron on it. WHY would you put a picture f the baron on a mechanism
"hey boss dude"
"ya wat"
"I put yur face on my priceleess artifact cuz ur a bro"
"oh cool what artifact"
"its a mechanism that we'll link to a lever and a gear somewhere it'll be completely invisble JUST LIKE YOU SHOULD BE OOOOOOOH"
everyone who goes outside to haul corpses gets horrified of all the corpses. pansies.
did I mention population is down to 52? so we lost... uh... 30? dofrs. Not so bad. could be worse.
protip: military.
and traps? and chokepoints?
hey do you know what, I hould work on those things
starting with the chokepoints
(I'm holding off on drinking for a while, my stomach is not doing well)
Hey, why is the hauling going so slow? Oh wait... right.
wait what happened to the tradrs
I got a "theyll leave soon" message and now they're just gone
except one marksdorf?
and scruffy, who is undead I guess. Fuck you scruffy
noooo come back we had such nice food for you some of it was masterwork I just wanted the plump helmet seeds
meanwhile, outpost liason is unimpress with military mayor doing military stuff instead of mayro stuff
"the traders have left"
NO SHIT they left like 3 minutes ago
stupid announcements keep up
Okay so I told the military to stop being military and...
I don't like where this is going. nobility sucks.
now on the one hand, more nobles means more stupid drunken hijinx trying to deal with them
on the other hand, less nobles measn less nobles
tough choice
lemme find a coin
which fucking side of a 5-yen coin is heads
okay theside with the wheat is tails
*flip* option b
we have ore migtratns?
well... okay
dumbasses
OH WOW the first one is a high master brewrer!
Many welcomes. Let's see if there's a spare room
yup, lots of people died and I think there wer e just unassigned rooms anyway
somehow
okay so we're up to 61 dorfs
so neot gain of... -14 dwarves
doin' good so far!
wait, theres solid gold ore in the mountainside?
just like
in the open
WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS
go ye forth ye little
um
just go dig the shit okay
it's winter! despite my best efforts, the dorfs still do not shut up about seeds
also the magma crab had triplets. go get em tiger
when did I start this turn? before the humans showed up, so... spring? early summer? whatever I'll go until spring. I can tdo this. *glug*
wow silt looks weird
"aaaaa" indeed
oh good. ghosts.
is someone working on the graves?
surprisingly yes. I think one of our masons is clairvoyant or something because everytime I chaeck we have more sarcophpeongi.
okay everyone set that shit up let's go it's montage time
hey they really did it, wow
now someone explain why there is plump hemet spawn gbags in the graveyard
the cook has been possessed! on a unrelated note I told the a squad to make the langurd s leave us the fuck alone
cook dude took over a raftderp shop
this is gonna suck
logs, logs, logs, leather, billon. hmm.
send military outside to fuck langurs
squad gets dizzy because they always train inside
dumbasses go play baseball in your spare time or something
mr. possessed cook guy made a 13000 $ earring
HOLY SHIT I JUST REALIZED
we have all these ghosts
and he got possessed
BY A GHOST?!?
o btw the graves are up there's no ghosts
also there's a giant here to fuck our shit up
...uh... kill that bitch I guess? go ye forth and verb nouns ye silly dworf... people...
why do I keep dtrying to do the olde english thing
oh fuck this giant walks like a laser beam
...and he tanks like paper mache. done. go hammer dude
I really miss being abel to recognize the different kinds of rock wall by just lioking at them
if I could make metal from the screams of the undrworld id be rich
cuz all the walls are like AAAAAAAAA
it's not often I have a good reason to name a file aaaaaaa.png
I should thank those goblins for shortening up the pets list. Thanks gobbos, you suck and I hate you.
I started work on a wind farm just above the main gate
gonna be awesome
I designated all the trees for clear cutting and I'm setting up some widn milss
wait a second
I asked them to build machines
and they're doing it
clearly I'm not drunk enough. *glug*
ever have one of those moments where you just daze out and stare at all the weird symbols on the screen for a moment
just did that
ohey it's spring
not quite a whole year but fuck it I need rest
Poll
Author
Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1240128 times)