Whoa, gosh... am I not supposed to drink whiskey straight? Maybe I'm just supposed to not chug it like that. Ow... Sheesh, I just wanted to speed up the intitial "getting drun" process. Well, let's see what these Dorfs are up to.
Hmm... there's a bridge, some dead dudes, some really unhappy dudes, and some shops built in a rather tight space. We seem to have a few more dead dorfs than living ones... fun stuff. Hey, that farm sluice almost looks like it was designed by a sane person! ...Almost. There's a bunch of un-done mining nearby, presumably for a drainage room, and the farm is rather small and doesn't seem to have any floodgates set up. Lemme just get some vod-coke going... okay, continuing on.
The only un-nicknamed dorf is Asob, the metalworker; I'd rather not be "a SOB", and I'd also rather not be female, but whatever, this dorf is mine now. Wait, "forced to drink vomit lately"? The... fuck... Oh, wow, these dorfs have even less booze than I do. Time to draft some peoplez into the farming taskforce. Who's idling... hmm, not the trader... and not me... okay AustralianWinter and whoever that other person was, you are now farmers. Go... farm.
"Bob, the new Nova, has been missing for a week." Off to a flying start, aren't we? Let's check to see if he's in the bookkeeper's records. Yup, there he is, on top of the bridge-y thing.
Apparently Mafiawhale is getting sick of making
beautiful ficking quivers, and is throwing a tantrum.
Hey, why aren't we making use of this underground cave? It's like... free farming. We could be having booze right nowyou guys, come on lt's do this! Just need to remember to wall it off perfectly. That shouldn't be too hard, I'm only drunk. Wait... heheh. Well we're all going to die maybe, but that's okay, it's Dorf Fortress that's the point.
Oh, there's olms down there, that's probably why! Hey do we have a militia yet? ...Sure! There's people in the military screen, and the previous overseers are probably better at using the inventory screen than I am. Two of the dorfs are already training, so let's see if they can fuck shit up worse than I can. ...I meant that in a good way. I want them to fight things, not wreck the fort.
CloverMagic, some kid has been missing for a week. Oh hey that's the kid that was running around babbling right? Well s/he's on the roof too.
Whoa, SanDiego is a weregecko now! I thought Carmen was supposed to make me guess where she is, not what she is... whatever. Do I kill her or not? In unrelated news, Helgoland has been missing for a week. On the roof again. Mental note: avoid the roof. Oh hey, Mr/Mrs weregecko is locked in a small room, so that's all good then. And she's a dorf again. "She admird a fine door lately" and didn't do anything else at all, I guess.
Should have figured out where my printscreen button is before I got drunk, that took me like 3 minutes right there...
These olms are tricky bastards, they look just like trees...
(please excuse my terrible writing, I'm using Paint and I'm a bitt dizzy right now)
Well that sounds FUN but let's ignore the fuck out of that for right now. Even if it does come with a magma pool. We have a volcano areleady right?
Oh gosh I love haveing a fast computer. I told the militia to go back down there and scare away the elf birbds and they were all running around so fast it was funny
A ghostly milker is haunting the fortress! oooooooooo WHO YOU CONNA CALL
THATS RIGHT YOUR GONNA CALL THE STONECRAFTER to... craft a... FUCK do we call those things again
SLAB
I'm sure someone will get to that in short order
WHAT DO YU MEAN I NEED A SLAMB TO MAKE A SLAB but then... how do I make a slab to make a slab with
Whoa that person's a weregocke again
I should really figure out her pronoun
she's a dof again! she's also a girl who doesn't get hungry must be nice
Oh okay so you have the mason create a slab and then you have the crafter's engrave it. I seem ro remembr it being less complitcatied but okay
Hey did you know that Elk birds can run around in a panic for so long they get tired? Weird, I dindnt know that could happen when you weren't actually fighting
Duuude someone just smacked the BITCH out of mafiawhale
Why do the dwarves keep saying we don't have anything to make booze out of, we have like 110 plup helmets
Australian Winter has gone melancholy, can't think why, let's check. Gave someone food, generally being nice to the sick... saw someone die, drank some puke, got haunted by a ghost... is that it? She literally got haunted insane? Fuck. Get that bitch some slabs. Bitches love slabs.
WHY IS NOBODY MAKING MY SLABS
well I guess it's because half the fort is either injured or insane, but still
hey what the fuck you guys we have like a bijillion fish just sitting here someone go make food out of them
Aw, smacking Yoink while s/he's down, that's not cool, Lovechild. Not cool.
aaaaand Yoink has been stricken by melancholy. Sheesh how many sane dwarves am I actually working with here...
Spring is here, and Clover is getting some stuff done, building my underground wall to keep the elk birds out! holy shit a shred of sefficiency
BITCH THE FUCK YOU MEAN WE ALREADY HAVE UNENBRAVED SLABS I HAD SOMEONE MAKE YOU ONE
pardon my french, after living in Japan for three weeks and not saying much out loud I swear a lot more frequently now
also I'm kinda drunk
the elven caravan is here! Perfect then I can stela all their stupid elf wine and get everyone drunk and make them stop smacking each other ond going melancholy and stuff
uhh.. hey chaosvolt, that means you should OH YOUR INJURED
so THAT'S why ChaosVolt didn't go brew some booze like I told him too, he's missing a foot
Okay anyone can trade let's just get this thefitng done
what the fuck is a "tree egg yolk" trees don't liay eggs do they?
I mean they have pollen or whatever but you can't make anegg yoklk out of that, can you?
HUE HUE HUE thanks for the swords and the fruits and stuff bitches
wait... they had NO BOOZE WTF
for once I don't blame mafiawhale for throwning another goddamn tantrum
Migrants! Oh thank god, maybe one of them has a shred of effieciency and can brew ups some booze
Clover Magic has been found dead dehydrated... wait what was't she JUST building walls? Maybe that was soeone else
Gee we sure are getting a lot of gem people in this migrant wave
(I was feeling a bit numb, so I ate some of my chocolates and played a round of Smash4... apparently I'm sober enough to win a field match 7 to -2 to -3 to -3, but drunk enough that my extremities are going numb and sitting striaght up is difficult. Being me is weird)
(oh and I'm a third of the way through my second vod-coke, sorry I haven't been posting about my drinking)
I really don't feel up to tailoring these migrants' jobs to their personalities and skills and preferences or whatever, and I'm too desperate to be picky about thing like "specialization of labour", so most of the migtrants get to by hybrid miner/stoneworker/farmer/brewer/fish cleaner/stonecrafter peopel. Fuck it, I need stuff done, I don't care who does it. Hey, one of them is a High Master Mason! Okay you get to specialize. Wait, he's ALSO a novice fish cleaner? This one was sent by the gods, to be sure. I shall name him after my second internet nickname! He even likes doors. He will make us some nice doors in the future. Assuming he lives through the drunkenness.
Is it against the rules to have two dorfs? Ah fuck it I'm the overseer I do what I want
We also got a High Master Wax Worker. Wow. How does one even become a high master wax worker? Well he's also a great hammerdwarf so he's going straight into the militia.
Hey, look, the construction is getting done! MIGRANT POWERRR~
Wow, I should really actually assign all these coffins to be used for buuyring people. That might help.
Also, Mafiawhale just got murdered by Naryar.
It's a great shame to see you go. If not for the fact that I can't keep all these fuckers straight, you would be missed. Thanks for all the awesome quivers.
GODDAMMIT ONE OF THE TANTRUMING PEOPLE WRECKED THE CRAFT SHOP
and now there's bolts all over the place... sure I can just revuilt it but goddamn that's a lot of hauling for no reason
well I guess the new shop won't be cluttered at least
HEY WHAT THE FUCK I GOT MURDERED?!?
lovechild you rat bastard Kal was the chosen one, sent by Armok to lead us to a golden age of efficiency and actually being able to do things, how dare you
wekl after setting up a bunch of graves I've come to realize
we need more graves
WELCOME TO DRUNK FORRETRESS AMIRITE
aaaand we're onto vod-coke number 3
(each one of these has about 3 shots of vodka and a cup of coke if anyone's wondering about dosage)
wait what
okay
well I guess all I had to do was get some coffins going since I still don't have that FRELLING slab made yet
oh by the way the cemetary is just above the caverns FYI
I put it there so we don't have to move all the corpses from the caverns as far
AREN'T I CLEVER LOL
now will someone please make some alcohol
seriously there's like 5 of you new gem-people what are you waiting for
what? Orders? fine make the alcohol out of the FRUIT you dense motherfuckers
OH WOW LOOK AT ALL THEM FOOD
Wait I thought Kal was dead, how does he own a piglet
...whatever it'll all work out
someone seems to have destroyed one of the two farm plots during one of the bajillionty tantrums
how do you even do that? Like...
FUCK YOU GROUND *smack* YEAH
Chaosvolt has gone bersek! Lol. Oh no, everyone run away from the footless wonder. WOW HOT DAMN LOOKIT HIM GO
okay someone get that motherfucker
Welp, Lovechild has gone unofficially insane. I say "unoficially" becase there wasn't an announcement about him going berserk or anything, but he just canecld like 30 jobs because of all of his tantrums and then he killed three people. Scruffy, having been killed, is now too busy being unconscious to put things in a stockpile. OH WAIT WHAT? there's two scruffies, that's how that works. Okay. So uh... mafiawhale (wait wasn't he dead too?), scruffy (at least one of two), and naryar have been found dead. They were found by their murderer, I think. Someone needs to tell Lovechild to take a chill pill, seriously.
Squio went berserk, so I told the militias to kill him, and THAT FUCKER CHOPPED MY FOOT OFF
like, ow. Not cool, dude. I need that for reasons.
Man I sure hope all these immigrants aren't friends with anyone yet or this is going to be going on forever
WOW YOU GUYS HOLY SHIT SOMEONE MADE A DRINK
Other than me, I mean. I just had a Mabinogi moment there. "Shoruke realized that Coca Cola is an ingredient of vod-coke"
It's summer! I need to double-check this cave area and make sure it's airgtight against forgotten beasts, those guys are huge douchebags
I just realized that I have less dorfs now than I did before that migrant wave, and stuff is still getting done much faster now than it was before
well except for all the dying
no wait... that's hapening faster too. Fuck
wow, holy crap! We're ahead of the game in terms of coffins
we have like 3 spares now
Okay, getting stuff done! New craftsdorfs shop: totems, bone bolts, decorate with bone, stone mugs, all that good stuff. New farm plot! All plump helmbets, all the time! Yeah! Now we just need some farmers to actually farm things.
Hmm we sure do have an awful lot of useless injured people, including myself. So I set up a hospital (there's only two beds... dammit), so one person got dumped in a bed and two people got dumped on the floor. We don't have a doctor... HEY YOU, WHAT'S YOUR FACE, MR GEM GUY. I know you're busy doing all those things I told you to do, but ignore that you get to be the medic now.
aaaaand he's asleep.
aaaand now he's harvesting plants. Goddammit. Well at least we have some people using the Rest action now so maybe that'll help the dying people get better. Maybe someone will give me a crutch so I can go be productive again.
Oh wow Zefon is actually doing doctor stuff. Go you. I hope your diagnosis is correct.
HAHAHAHAHA not bloody likely
HAHAHA get it "bloody" because he's a crappy doctor and there's oging to be blood everywhere
...whoa wait holy shit, we've got outpatients. Check out our hypercompetent doctor, he's got me on my feet again. Er, foot.
...I'm having a bad premonition. We have graves, we have booze, we have HOLY FUCKING SHIT a doctor that can actually do things, I' getting worried. I think this is the part where I say "everything is going great" and then something goes terribly wrong
like there's a forgotten beast who finds a whole in my wall in the underground cave or something
or we get sieged
but... everything except my extremities and my tummy is doing okay right now. CLEARLY I NEED TO GET THROUGH THESE VOD-COKES FASTER *gulp gulp gulp* wooo dizzy...
hey what's with atll withis forbidden stuff
it includes corpses
don't care why, unforbid EVERYTHING
go bury them dudes
it's good for them
IT'S AUTUMN
wait ta tick
IT'S FALL
WHICH EANS we're all going to die
because it'ls... fall? Like... we're going to... this metaphor made more sense before I started writing it I swear
we have a bunch of idlers so I ordered the plains on the east side of the map to be clear-cut
fuckk the elf police
you know, I wonder if any of our idlers are actually woodcutters... hmm, looks like one of them actually is! Also, here's the elf caravan, I like their timing lol
Someone go to the depot, I don't care who, we don't have a living broker anyoway
oh hey it's mister medic! Lookit him go
he gets to be the new Kal I guess
WAIT A TICK
THESE ARE THE DWARVES
...lol steal the shit anyway, fuck the police
(the part that tipped me off was that they have metal)
wait WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T
fine let's haul some shit to the depot then
man it's been so long since I actually traded crafts at the depot I don't remember how to search for them... "toy", no... "anvil", no... fuck it. "mugs" and "totem". Good enough. Maybe we can by some wine or something finally.
Hmm... Kal doesn't have any appraisal skill so I have to guess at how mcuh all the stuff is worth
fUCK this is gonna be hard
well I think I got us a terrible deal but it invovlvesd us getting more booze than we sold, so we win
we have like 200 alcohols now
fuck yeah, go drunk fortress
cavies have pups? I thought cavies were birds? Birds have pups? Oh, huh. Cavies are rodents. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
Whyyyyy are we not allowed to make booze out of plump helmets? So friggin' wierd
no migrants this season
CAN'T THINK WHY, LOL
we got spare booze, we got spare graves, I think we even have some extra socks lying around somewhere (they used to belond to dead people), what more culd dwarves want?
I wonder if, maybe, I shuldn't have put my shiny mega gendgar plushie on top of my monitor for this. His creepy ass smile gets illuminated in the weirdest way. RICKGHASTLY WILL EAT YOUR SOUL
(thats his name by the way. rickghastly)
WHOA
did you know, that below this cave, there's a bunch of water? I didn't know that! I guess I have more cave-sealing to do
you know, I wonder if that water goes to the edge of the map, because if it doesn't it would be very easy to drain it... hmmmmmm
THAT MEANS IT'S EXPLORIN' TIME
BUT FIRST, DRINKING *gulp gulp* wauugh I'm dizzy
oh, wait, yup, it goes to the BOTTOM of the map. Boooo. Don't feel up to channelling lava ovr there to solidify it right now, so... I'm just gonna not do that progject right now
hmm, all these idlers. First person I find who isn't a miner gets to be a woodcutter!
Except sandiego. I'm getting tired of your shit, always transforming and untransforming.
WINTER IS HERE
wait, that's one year, right? Okay, my turn is over. Time to sleep some of this alcohol off.
EDIT:
You know, I really should have paused the game before hitting post, because WAIT WHAAAAT
welp, someone else gets to deal with him, I'mma post dat save and make like a tree and leaf or something.
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1239766 times)