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[Shoruke]

So I engraved, and set up, three memorial slabs for three different ghosts. Apparently none of them were for that goddamn kid. LAME. At least coffins are getting built now that the manager isn't a total irresponsible dickwad. I've decided to name her after myself, because if I'm going to leave a legacy in this fort, it's going to be someone who's provably not a totally irresponsible dickwad. Would be cool if she were a guy instead of a girl, though. Not sure how comfortable I am being a girl.

COULD BE WORSE

I could be that one cook that's been missing for a week! Somehow.

The Elves made it to the Trade Depot (which is miasmic purple and kinda off-putting) and they're about to leave, and our broker is still being a jerk and putting cages in the traps like I told her to instead of dealing with the time-critical Elves and their theftable loot. So I told absolutely anyone to trade, and some framer totally did, so now all the Elves' good stuff is mine.

I let them keep their crappy wooden equipment but I took all their cloth stuff, their seeds, their plants, their cages (making cages out of wood dorf-style is bad, but making them elf-style and then putting creatures in them is AOK!), their drinks, and their lumber. Now I have wood and they don't. (get it?)

Told the manager to tell the mechanics to make 60 mechanisms. It took me 10 seconds to spell that word. Anyway, the reason being our mechanics suck and you can never have enough mechanisms, so let's kill two brids with one stone and make some. I also told them to set up more cage traps. I suck at dealing with the 'M'ilitary screen, so cage traps are the way to go. always. And if there's any exceptions, I have this lever labelled "burn shit" and a reservoir full of magma so I should be okay.

The coffins are still filling up really fast when I build them. I'm going to run out of corpses soon, right? Well, if I succeed at doing anytihng with this goddamn place, it's going to be making lots of coffins. Knock on wood.

Apparently ghosts can claim coffins and turns them into personal tombs. What bugs me is that the haulers respect their wishes. 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Oh, hey! The corpse records actually helped me find someone this time! The cook that had been missing was one of the two guys who was stuck in those random smoothed-over chamber rooms that have no fathomable purpose. I let the other guy out and forgot to check up on him. Whoops! I wonder why he was in there, but not enough to actually read the previous posts and go check. Naturally, it was a child who went to go remove the construction, because the actual dorfs are lazy as hell.

Whoa, when the kid finished removing the wall, the body wound up outside its little room. I wasn't looking, but did she move it? Or was it air pressure or something? OR MAYBE ITS A ZOMBIE nah probably not. The undead don't exist.

Spoiler: well, usually (click to show/hide)

Maygbe all these unlabeled, fancy rooms with nothing in them were supposed to be a haunted house and this cook just did a really good job of setting it up. I mean, you gotta admire the dedication of someone who uses his own corpse for that.

That guy's guineacock looks like a Goblin.

It's occured to me that I should probably do something more exciting than building graves. So guess what, kids, (miners specifically), we're going exploring! And not the lame "prospecting for colourful rocks" shit on Z121, we're gonna go find a patch of cavern, wall it off until it's airtight, and then gradually expand our sphere of control until Forgotten Beast try to show up and fail. Hopefully those bugbats don't get in my way, because that would be a mess. I wonder if all those Dwarven corpses close to them are an indication of my likelihood of success. GUESS WE'RE GONNA GO FIND OUT THE HARD WAY, AREN'T WE

gratifyingly, the stupid Burrow didn't get in my way.

While the miner is digging his way over there like a snail with crutches, I took another look at the magma cannon or whatever that thing is on the surface, hoping that it makes more sense now that I'm so drunk my tummy is queasy again. As far as I can tell, there's a magma reservoir, stoppered up with two bridges. One bridge opens into the wilderness area some 30 paces north of the front door to the fortress, and the other opens right into the fortress. Both bridges have a mechanism attached. At least the one leading right into the fortress has a small pit in the way.

Whew, lots of writing, lots of drinking. I'm going to get another drink, post what I've written so far (it's the middle of mid-summer now), and leave you all with my chosen Dorf's profile.

Spoiler: check out dat custom title (click to show/hide)

[Shoruke]

Time to go conquer the underp-world! Or it will be as soon as the miners stop procrasturbating and go mine my minbe for me.

I have Christened this new area of the cavern Shorktown, after myself. The fact that it already had dead Dwarves in it who don't seem to have accomplished anything down there shall not discourage me!

Spoiler: one of them is even legendary (click to show/hide)

One of the ads on tinypic when I was uploading that scared the crap out of me. I thought it was like a half-foot cockroach crawling across the screen. It was actually a muffin. Crisis averted?

Oh, and there's actually three dead dorfs down there. I missed one in the screencap. Deal with it.

Oh, I'm back to wodka + root beer btw.

Some kid is making a thing!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I should probably go set up that memorial slab! Thanks for reminding me, kid. You're a bro. (Fun fact, he actually is a bro, he's got like 8 siblings)

A cloud showed up, and actually aimed at the fortress, so I was like "sciende time".
Two things: what does it do to... uh, are those camels? Yes, those are cmals.
Also does the fort gate work in time for things.

Spoiler: the setup-up phase of ‼science‼ (click to show/hide)

So, the very second that one camel touched the cloud, I was unable to find it with 'v', so I used 'k' instead, and found out that I'm in Biohazard class. This right here is why we have hazmat suits.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Outside is a SCARY FUCKING PLACE and I'm never going there again, holy shitbiscuits. That was like one second of exposure.

As for the second bit of science, the drawbridge totally did react in time, but it's a retracting drawbridge (I thought I made it raise left, whoops) and is surrounded by fortifications. So basically, this happened.

Spoiler: fuck (click to show/hide)

Apparently I yelled "FUCK" so loud that the whole damn cloud dissipated before it got any further. Clearly this fort is impregnabile.

Which is a shame because if it would have stuck around I would have figured out a way to get this fucking kid to go stand in it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

We call this an "artifuqt", which lis like an artifact but with more FUQ

At least I put that fucking kid to rest by setting up his slab. Toppling my statues, mumble mumble. I don't even know where there *are* statues in here so I can't go set it back up! Rest in piece, ya douche.

Apparently Kobolds are U with umlauts now.I know this because one managed to get the swhit scared out of it by a miner. Then another one did so I retracted the bridge. Hahaha what will you do now



HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I JUST PRANK'D ONE KOBOLD WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T DESEREV THIS

At least the bridge is retracted so they can't get me right?
Hey, these goblins look weird.

Spoiler: oddgoblins (click to show/hide)

And we have a squad of crossbowmen! I hope they don't suck!
Wow these Goblins are slow. Unmotivated, even. I can make them go away if I... Uh. Trap them all in cages? But I don't have enough set up. And they have crossbowdoodz so I am not letting those fuckers in.

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That squad of hammerdoodz up north has an Elite Marksdood for a leadr. I wonder if the magmagun will work on him.
OMG LOL THESE GUYS JUST GOT RAPED BY A CLOUD

Spoiler: I cast Magic Missile I mean Cloudkill (click to show/hide)

They are, naturally, completely unharmed, because fuck.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

But wait!

Spoiler: Gangreen is a bitch (click to show/hide)

Wait how do you spell gangrene. OH GOD I SHOULD NOT HAVE GOOGLE IMAGE'D THAT
Now I feel sick again  and the stupid cloud didn't even get the marksgoblins

And now three of our dwarves are rotting. Fuck.
Sorry, token girl. And Chief Medical Dwarf. And that SwordsDwarf. And Random Peasant #2. I hope modern Dorfical technology can save you.
...(they're so boned)

Wow just look at these fuckers stink up the hospital like fat people

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The floor is supposed to be green like that because it's marble, I guess. Marble is green now. You fuckers and your graphical mods.

OH FOR THE LOVE OF JISZBISCUITS AGAIN

Spoiler: can't even spell words I made up (click to show/hide)

I wonder if maybe we need more diagnosticiciens I probably didn't spell that right.
EVERYONE WHO IS CURRENTLY NO JOBBING IS NOW A DIAGONSER! ALL THREE OR MAYBE FOUR OF YOU! Except Vampy your cut you dont get to look at bleeding people

So, um, bad news. I think most of our military just totally ate that cloud. Oh, wait, just 5 of them. That's okay then. Two of them are even at their post, still! One of them even gave birth!
That kid is going to grow up needing some serious concelling. Fuck do i spell. I mean how* do I spell.

This seige is boring. Back to the cave!
Weird that this burrow allows me to work here. I guess the burrow encompassess everything except outside? Because fuck the outside it's scary. It has clouds of Gangrene and if I didn't feel queasys right now I'd take another big drink to brain bleach that word away

Hey guys, this would go faster if more than 2 of you would hlep build shit.
Animal Caretaker guy is now a doctor and nothing else. Stupid plants can go brew themselves for all I care we got more people sick than drunk
no we dont
we got more sick than not drunk

It's Autumn! And has been for half a month! I need a break

[Shoruke]

Look at all the fucks these Goblins give about these camels!

Spoiler: all 0 of them (click to show/hide)

Tholtig SumthinOrOther is now a trader... somehow. He isn't one of the 'nobles', he's a fisherman/stoneworker. And now he has Professional Appraiser skill. He has no other Broker skills, but he's the Broker now anyway.

People are cancelling their Construct Building jobs in Shorktown because of a rampaging troll! Oh no! How will we deal with this menace?!?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The dumb fucker showed up on top of the wall somehow. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick up my stuff out of the fortress gate and take some potshots at the Goblins because apparently I'm in the military. I'm also a High Master Marksdwarf. I should have taken note of these things when I picked a Dwarf to... uh... be.

This is how we deal with trolls!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is NOT how we deal with clouds!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And, um, I'm moving the hospital. I'm going to put it somewhere that isn't right between the central staircase and the bedrooms because this guy who got hit by that last cloud is infecting the CMD, an axedwarf, a cow, a woodcutter, and I think a child but I'm not sure. It's also going to be way easier to quarantine over there, assuming it's not too late for everyone already.

One of the ghosts toppled somone else's coffin over like a douche. Good job. At least we have enough coffins now. THere are some unclaimed ones. I got something done! Besides maybe allowing contagion to enter the fort. We've already lost a miner and a peasant and I think the Chief Medical Dwarf is next. Luckily our current CMD is a replacement to the previous one (who's still alive, I think), but still. Bodes ill.

Construction around Shorktown is going just peachy, except for the Cave Dragon that just showed up. It's acting extremely territorial around the patch of wall it appeared on, but this time the wall has access to a staircase, and the rest of the fort. This is important because cave dragons apparently can't fly, they're just big. You know, like dragons.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

One of the masons (who is a farmer?) managed to not only approach, but walk the dragon without noticing it. The good news is that the dragon didn't notice him any faster. The bad news is the dragon totally did notice him.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My favorite part is the bit at the end where the dragon is just like "nom, bitch" and chawmps the guy's head right off.

Soon after, the actual military showed up, and after that the only casualti was one baby, carried into battle in the arms of a marksDwarf who was a big fan of Point-Blank Shot.

While the fuckderpers get back to work on Shorktown, I calculated how many graves we have set up. We have more dead Dwarves- by a good margin- than living ones. And more than a third of the living ones are children.

So I guess the Goblins got bored and left. That or they got sick of rotting to death. I was made aware of this fact by the Dwarven Liason, who was bitching that the wagons couldn't reach our trade depot. Fucking SORRY about that, I was a bit busy conquering the underworld and rotting to death and not getting overrun by goblins with more ranged attackers than me.

One of the Dwarves decided that making his artifact is more important than hauling crap to the depot, so off he goes to the forges.

I got rid of all the burrows so the Dwarves would stop pestering me about putting someone's "body part" in their tomb. It turns out there were a whole lot of dead Dwarves on the hillside. At first I thought all the Dwarves were dying all at once and "finding each other dead" in the stairs or something.

...Oh gods. That's a lot of loot out there. THe hauling is never going to stop now. What have I done

Can I have some migrants to help haul shit around now?

NOPE IT'S WINTER NOW

[Shoruke]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I thought Weaponsmiths used Craftsdwarves' WOrkshops to make weapons out of bone? Maybe I'm just drunk and don't know things. MOAR VODKA
I don't think he's using the statues to make the artifact, but if he makes a sword that spikes of statues I'm giving the guy the world's coolest tomb.

He made a Silver Spear to celebrate one of the SPeardorfs getting mauled to death by a Cave crawleer. It's worth 85200☼.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

We got a legendary weaponsmith in exchange for a (cloud poisoned) speardwarf. Pretty good deal!

Speaking of deals, I made it so anyone could trade at the depot again. The broker is too busy to... Uh... I don't think I actually know the verb form of the word "broker!" At least he's too busy to drive is broke.

The militia commander finally beat that cave crawler down (it took down another infected infantryman, a swordsdorf).

I bought us about 18 assloads of food, and am now wondering if there was a better way to phrase that.
I also bought a bunch of metal stuff, some of it is worth using, most of it is going to the smelters to get turned into something useful. Like bards of metal. I also told the smelters to start melting all the weapons that weren't useful or nailed down.

For today's episode of Fresh Hell in Shorktown, we have Elk Birds! Luckily they are not actual birds because they are stuck on top of a wall with a platform looking at it. I told the marksdwarves to have fun. They didn't, unless staring at Elk Birds is somehow more fun than shooting them. I also told the masons that holy fuck, there's a ramp connecting Shorktown to the rest of the caverns and we need to seal that shit off. Can't belive I didn't notice that something could have walked into Shorktown from somewhere other than the edge of the map. Heh heh heh...

My cat is helping me type this, by which I mean that I can't use the keybraod proprely because he keeps headbuttignmy hand out of the way.

The CMD gave birth to boy...while asleep. Gotta feel bad for that kid. Also gotta respect how badass that kid is gonna grow up to be, because it can already crawl.

I found another path that one could use to simply walk out of Shorktown. There's some creeping eyes hanging out around it. I doubt they'll be much of a problem if I send the military after them.

Oh god oh wait damn there's a lot of them!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Luckily they're way over there, and so they're no threat at all. Right?
(they aren't)

The kobolds are trying to mess with us. Interrupting lunch time and spooking children. So I'm locking the front doors again so they can't abscond with our loot. I seem to recall that worked reasonably well last time.
Didn't work this time though. Nobody's available to pull the lever now that I've made them work. Boo.

Finally, on the 25th of Late Winter, the mayor and the liaison are talking.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is impressive? There's still more dead people than living. The terrain outside is a barren wasteland, and our primary resource is corpses (besides rock I guess). Half of our military, plus our "doctor" is slowly dying of Gangrene... Do you know what? Yeah we're doing okay.

I asked for booze. They asked for armor and battle axes.

The hammerdwarf led a sortie against the creeping eyes, wielding her shiny new artifact zinc hammer, and her shiny new baby joined the fight too. We won, and the only casualty was the scenery. Turns out vomit and ichor make flourescent green when mixed.

Spoiler: either pretty or gross (click to show/hide)

Welp, my turn is over, so to the next overseer, good friggin' luck, and may thy path be filled with a surplus of coffins. And be careful about sealing people in the caverns.

Gimme a sec to upload the save.
Check out this totally boss save of mine.
Good friggin' luck figuring out the front door.

[Bobnova]

Fresh drunken blood! Awesome!

I had amusement

Also, I'm really surprised the fort still lives. I expected Scruffy's turn to be the end. Or maybe for it to drag out a month or two into the next turn.

[vyznev]

Awesome!

May I sigquote this?

Wait how do you spell gangrene. OH GOD I SHOULD NOT HAVE GOOGLE IMAGE'D THAT

Ps. The hotkeys were mostly my fault, and they actually more or less made sense at the time.  There used to be a craftsdwarf's workshop near the farms, and I hotkey'd it because I kept needing to order so many slabs carved there.   The "drop zone" is actually a small room with an animal stockpile and a pit zone that can be used to drop stuff down into the "temple" some thirty-something z-levels below.  The cow goes "mooooooo... splat!"  So do giants.

[Shoruke]

May I sigquote this?

Wait how do you spell gangrene. OH GOD I SHOULD NOT HAVE GOOGLE IMAGE'D THAT

Yes you may.

[PeterisP]

Is this still alive? No posts in this year... I might be up for something tonight then, first drunk first served, right?

[TD1]

Is this still alive? No posts in this year... I might be up for something tonight then, first drunk first served, right?

Right. May your drunken ramblings entertain the masses, PeterisP!

[PeterisP]

Well, not a night of hard drinking but I'm at home sick with a sucky cold, and my cure is going to be 'grog' - the traditional folk remedy of drinking black tea with alcohol, resulting in internal heat and sweating that has unexplainable curative powers for colds. Yaay DF!

Hmm, it appear's I'm all out of ... tea. So, it'll be hot blackcurrant juice + Bushmills whiskey instead - works very similarly, hot blackcurrant has

18:40 - first blackcurrant+bushmills
18:45 - save downloaded, updated the tiles through lazy newb pack
18:50 - first drink done, feel better and a teensy bit tipsy - in the hot way, it goes straight through your mouth membranes to the blood and brain, not waiting for the stomach...
19:20 - got dinner (hot chicken soup, supposedly works as well), getting ready to play, second drink done
Hmm, It feels like this will get me tipsy (it already has!) but not drunk.. I suppose I'll have to add some shots to the regiment, but a bit later when the kids are put to sleep.
19:30 - ok, time for some screenshots and review while I'm getting prepared.
Haven't read the previous years events yet (I'm at page 100/150 of this thread), but it's probably the appropriate way to do it anyways, the joy of discovery and all such. I'm greeted with a screen of caverns.
 Where should I upload this so it's visible in forums? My dropbox? But then it'd disappear if I move it, needs something better... good thing to try to handle it while still semisober.
 hey, I'm automagicallyu going back to edit my mistakes, had 3 typos in the last sentence byut eent beck to correct them , this is how it lokslike if I' don't do so. I'll brpbably stop ding so in a few drinks, get used to it. or maybe not, it's an automatic thing possibly (just as a old habit of hitting ctrl-s at least every sentence or so, caused by some lost writing a long time ago when autosave wasn't a thing yet)

Initial screen

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Okay, from this I understand that I'm supposed to have an underground fort in caverns. with a single large room. that's half done (the room), and not started(the fort itself). Okay, good enough. I also see a few dwarves (they're blinking so at least one more than in the screenshot) so we're not all dead.

 There's not too much blood around also, so it's hopefully not a save in the middle of dying in combat (is it? Haven't read the last report yet, will do so tomorrow) oh oh.. .the red color in lower right corner starts being explained as 'A pile of mud' but continues to be ...

... oh oh, it's not looking so nice anymore.

 Hey, I'm going back to the previous poster anyway. I won't read it (no time to, busy with soup and screenshots and drinks ceasing to be as hot as needed and must drink them before they're just warm waitasec) but I need to figure out how to put screenshots up in forums while I'ms till able to. and I'll just look at the site he/she has posted hem to.

Hmm it seems to be working, 2.5 drinks and it already takes me 5 minutes to find a 'spoliers'button on this forum. Ahh I have soup half finished in front of me..

[TD1]

Bushmills Whiskey?

Is that internationally consumed, or do you live in Northern Ireland?

[PeterisP]

Bushmills Whiskey?

Is that internationally consumed, or do you live in Northern Ireland?

It's exported, I prefer irishes as they're not as 'sharp' as scotch or burbon or whatever, and go well in mixes; it's cheap but quite nice. Kilbeggan also is quite okay, but I don't have one right now.

[PeterisP]

19:50
  I hope the screens work ?

 Okay, the combatlog says that there are recent fights (many!) with something called 'the Creeping Eye' that I have no idea how strong it is or what it is or whatver. so I'm not unpausing untill I look at eerything and am totally drunk.

 Good news is we've got 54 citizens and everyone seems to be working. bad news is half of them are children. Oh, that reminds me - dorfing? Anyone needs dorfing? There's a Bobnova, two alive Clovers and a few others (Scruffy, Shoruke, Kamin3 and Vampy).  Hey ,I should dorf myself probbably.

 Is the fact that there's a dorf nicknamed Vampy with a profession Vampire some kind of hint? Nah, probably a forum nickname, isn't it? I'll go for a sammich and a fourth drink.

20:00
 Hey, it's actually great, we've got a bunch of legendaries (with their professions disabled?) and everybody seems to be happy according to dwarf therapist, so no tantrum spirals right now. Exxcellent! Now, what will be our challenge? ah yes, scrolling away from the initial screen. That may cause more harm. Unpausing will do even more.

  Volcano! I noticed a volcano! It was probably in the first screenshot as well but I didn't see it. Magmaforges here we come! (or are there some already?)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

  okay, the entrance seems solid, despite the fact that it's actually not an entrance as far as I see as everything is blocked with magma. By the way, the map is SO SMALL - it's just barely larger than the screen, I usually play with at least 6x6 embarks.

  Hmm the lever descriptions are strong, I see lever "for the front gate", lever "Unfucks the bridge at our big main entrance I hope", lever "Magma cannon" and an unlabeled lever. If I can't figure out how to defeat something, I'll flip a coin to decide wether to use magma cannon or the unlabeled one. or both. by the way, I fully expect a properly designed magma cannon to kill the exact monster I intend to kill, no matter where it's located.

  20:30 The kids are now in pajamas and going to bed. Hmm, did I add the whiskey to this drink already? I'll do it anyway, if I'm mistaken it'll simply be a double.

    The fortress, on the other hand, isn't going to bed. I currently see five, no, six umm seven different punctures in the volcano, some kind of water maze in caverns, etc. WTF is that?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Some kind of obsidian farm that has no control mechanisms whatsoever? (There's a similar construction one level above, full of water)

    All in all, it looks like something designed by a commitee of drunken dwarves, entirely as expected.
 Kids are in bed now, making this post and the next drink.

20:45
    Okay, getting ready to play. The good news is that the fort is in perfect condition (despite not looking so) - there are enough drinks and food, everybody is happy and nobody is dying. The bad news - well, WTF should I do now if there are no pressing needs whatsoever? Megaprojects here we come?

[TD1]

Eh. It's not Irish. It's Northern Irish. There's a distinct difference. Northern Ireland=Part of U.K. and Ireland=Republic of Ireland, an independent country with a separate government. It's like saying Canadians are American, only if you add in a history of violence between the two.

Also, on a less sombre note, Nice turn so far!

WTF should I do now if there are no pressing needs whatsoever

I suggest magma. On surface, because when the dwarves are above ground they feel home-sick 

[PeterisP]

Eh. It's not Irish. It's Northern Irish. There's a distinct difference. Northern Ireland=Part of U.K. and Ireland=Republic of Ireland, an independent country with a separate government. It's like saying Canadians are American, only if you add in a history of violence between the two.

Who cares about the governments? They don't make the whiskey, and the production between Ireland and N.Ireland doesn't change at the border, the distilleries and recipes are older than the political units anyway.

That being said, magmafall might be an option to decorate the front non-entrance.