Letter to Urist mcMandude from Azol "Beardbeard" Gazgarba:
Alrighty then...
As you know I'm not overly fond of the weak mindset we have at the mountainhomes, especially with the new "alcohol ration system" which, apparently is all the rage among the politicians now. Eugh... Anyway, I'm very happy to tell you about a recent opportunity. You've surely heard of the true souls who've braved the wilderness to carve a society for themselves amongst the rocks. Seems the 'homes haven't heard from them in a good long while, and they want me to investigate! You know I'm not one for letting things like this pass me by. With some luck I can convince the 'homes to let me stay there once everything's been dealt with. From what I understand, they make the best stuff for drinking this side o' the sea, and in great quantities as well. The 'homes have come to call the settlement "Drunk Fortress", meant with some disdain, I don't doubt. These damn elves! We're dwarves! Drinking is what we do! I'm rambling now, so I'll keep this short. This fortress must be some kind of paradise, and I hear its calling. It's even worth trekking in the sunlight to get there, and you know how much I hate THAT. I'll update you further once we've arrived.
//Beardbeard
So hey forums! As promised I'll take my turn today, and I'm looking forward to it. I bought some of the good stuff earlier, so I'm all set up and ready to go. I've got:
1x Ginger Beer 4.5% 33cl (Actually not beer, though?)
1x Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier 4.5% 50cl
2x Březňák 5.1% 33cl
2x Mariestads 5.3% 33cl
1x Fagerhults 5.3% 33cl
1x A ship full of IPA 5,8% 33cl
1x Captain Morgan Spiced gold 35% 35cl
I'll probably not drink it all, but I make no promises! Once you start you make it count! (There IS a reason I don't really drink anymore...)
I'm now drinking the Ginger beer and writing some kind of intro. Seemed like the right thing to do. I'll probably not remember to stay in character at all times, but there you go. I'll write one more pre drunk message before I start playing. glhf.
Lettr to Urist mcMandude from Azol "Beardbeard" Gazgarba
Some bad news, my man. We met a whole load of dwarves claiming to be from the Drunk Fortress. Their eyes dead, their clothes tattered and their outlook grim. They told me their previous leader had jumped down the well, and nobody wanted the burden of leadership on their shoulders. After some discussion they said something along the lines of "He'll do fine." "Yeah. Sure. Whatever."
They agreed to escort me to the settlement in exchange for my leadership. This is all of course very bizarre, but even stranger was the way they said it. Defeatist nonsense to be sure, but I can't shake off the feeling of unease. Maybe I'll need to put some iron in these dwarves hearts. Maybe this is what I was meant to be doing. Maybe... this is what my life has been leading up to.
Damn it, but I really need a drink...
I don't feel drunk, but operating my belt buckle was not easy, I tell you! I'm starting up the fort now! (Thank god for those squggly red lines which tell you when you can't spell, because I can't spell all that well anymore. There should be squiggly lines for everything in lfe, to tell you that you fucked up so that you can fix it. When I think about it, that sounds like my friends. Friend= squigglu line confirmed!)
Letter to Urist mcMandude from BeardBeard mcWhatshismame
I've arrived! The first thing I notice is that there are lots of dwafs hangng out by the wagon. out in the sun, you know.
IN. THE. SUN.
This is abuse. I expected the overseer to be a real dwarf, but he has no meeting hall underground?
Oh right. he's dead. F
First order of business is to create a meeting place, so these dwarves won't have to see another sun again!
The dwarves here don't seem to mind my sudden ascention to leader, and they are not shy when it comes to work either! I noticed that our miner had ordes to haul everything around, and yall know that nothing'll get done this wy. I told him to quit it, and just focus on his work. He seemed really pleased, so the happiness is mutual? Here's my plan for a beginning meeting hall. This will be 3-4 floors high of course.
Apparently I'm quite drunk, because I fixed some piping issues in a friend's bathroom. I'm very lazy while somer, so that's a good sign! On the other hand I think I broke something in the (water lock? swedish: vattenlås). Anyway. Water's flowing now, so it's an improvement if you don't mind wet floors
The dwerves of this settlement are all confused at to what they think they should be doing! These years of therapy class are finally useful... I was told the ale they make here is top notch, but they don't make anything? BREWING IS A FULL TIME JOB! Don't you ever forget...
Either I'm lost as all lostnees of these guys don't even have a form! I'm setting up some farms now! They don't have a militaray either, so I'm drafting some of the more "unfocused" Dwarves to our new "Enforced friendship" unit. Kamin the Goblin slaughterer of yore'n'lore is their leader now. I've struck galena which is excellent news, as that will make weapon production a cake of cake! I'm really sad that the 'homes issued a ban on lead weapons, or I'd be making lead beaters all year long.
On a happier note, I've discovered that the settlers here aren't much for crossbowing. Ranged combat is an elven conspiracy, and no doubt. The crossbow is meant to be used in overly complex machenery, but in recent years I've seen dwarves use it for warring and even HUNTING. What the hell happened to punching deer in the face? It just seems unfair to shoot them from an elven distance, when you can issue a challenge and let the best creature win!
Oh. Summer has arrived, ad so far I've drunk the Ginger, the Rauchbier, The another beer which I'm unsure of which it was, the another beer of same description, a few mouthfuls of morgan. I'm currently drinking one of the Breznak (spelling?). I was really frustrated that the dwarves didn't "want any of it" when I assigned them tasks, but that's what you call a paused game...
Work on the dining area is coming along nicely! There is one small problem though... Someone have designated the wrong floor to dig out! This will be such a hedache! They were supposed to dig from the top to the bottom, but now they are working on layer 2. And by "they" I mean the only dwarf who wants to dig. I told all our miners to do it, but NOOO. They prefer to have "No Job" whatever that means. I've checked their orders several times, but all they say is "No can do, chief. Too bäng to dräng." I swear. These dwarves may be fifty times better than the ones loitering around the 'homes, but they won't dig. Here is an abstract drawing I made of the state of our hall. "All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality" my ass.
Ålrajt!
I've taken a short break to drink more since I've noticed I was way to sober to run a fort of this calibre! Contemplating labor assignments? not "not caring anymore"?
I mean, relly now? I decided to pulay some pkemon clover and drink more. I really recommend this hack, as it's the best pokemon game so far, but it's not really finished yet. I must warn you that it's a meme wasteland filled with crappy humor, offensive humor and blatant racism. Very tongue in cheek, of course, but I feel a warning is warranted nonethesell.
Anyway. NNow that Iam proper of the way of the drunkfortress I maybe can do.
I will not edid that sentence. And I ll not edit anymore the coming sentences. This probavbly is a good thing, but my inner squiggly line is protesting so hard is dyed its hair blue and screamed things everyone agrees with without understanding of all the parameters involved when idea conflicts with reality.
Yes! I'm sorry for that statement al well! Now I'm going to play some fortress and manage it extremely well!
Current casualities:
1x The ones already stated
Much more morgan
A few more beers.
I know for certain that the current one is Mariestads. If you are a swede and praise this beer; tell me why this instant. I mean, it's fine. It's easy to drink, and it doen't taste ApE. But does it taste GOOD? Well, yes, it does. Because it's beer, and not incompetent. But it has no real taste :/
3x other beers. (Numbers at this point may be a fabrication!)
I found a Dab *Dabs* that I baought today along all the others. I forgot all about it even when sober, so I bet this fort is going to hell just about in 2 seconds...
We're out of wood! The site is also out of wood! I lost my wood at this prospect as well. We need to dig deeper!
Speaking of digging deeper, This staircase is an abobimation! My prefered way of dealing with things is a spiral staircase 3 by 3 metwers with an empty space in the middle reserved for carvings and statues of burning goblins or screaming dwarves of whatever is the current carving trend amongst me citisens!
Hanyway my projects are all started (none finished) so I hope that I can make some coherence out of this mess
Letter to Urisy mc Mandude from Beardx2
I am doing it, but I am drunk :/
Your dearest friend Beardbrd mc gezarbas
Actually, I liead! I made a 5x5 farm (25 sqr meters) and a still, kitchen and other workshop right here! That was a while ago, but I drunk and forgot
Letter to Urist mc Man Man? from urist mc beardbeard
Life at the new fortress is good, but I'm not the most responsible of swarves as you might know. My somethingworker went insane (you'll se from my drawing what I mean) and it made me conflicted. An insane dwarf is as dwarf as it gets, of course, but it will really slow progress down in this fort.
Oh.
OH!
Nononononononononononono
I see it now!
"Don't drink so much. it'll damage production"
I'm terning into one of them 'homes homies!
LET. HIM BE ONSANE!
Yes. This is excellent knews! I cound be happier *sob*! I'll suspend work on the hall, designate something shitty in a large area and focus on military for now! Make silver hammers!
Right. No wood. Diggin' deeper. Hoping I won't make some fool drown or worse.
/ Thob beard beard mcDwarfmandude
These are the caved I hoped to cut some shrooms from. Abandon hope!
To be fair, this is the first thing I saw from this fortres about a week ago, but to be fair I am also drunk.
Thought about digging into the magma infested caves to get to those alluring mushrooms. Somehow I recognized it as a bad idea. This must be a sign from the gods! I WAS MADE TO RULE THIS FORT!
Good descisions all round. What more can one ask for?
We ave 2 miners now! (none of which is an actual miner) Progress is progressing!
In my quest to not drown everyone in magma I almost drowned everyone in clowns instead. I thought better of it in the end. Some pedecessor ha already had a perfect plan al alonk! This here site'll be damn good for some shroomage!
This is ha we do, and s been declared! Now do!
s autumn and I havenät done the thing! I haven't done anything else either for that matter, but brewing is in serious production, and I made over 9000 mug, since the dorfs complainet so much. Heve a mug, you fuck!
Also I made a shit meeting hall, simnce i misdid the other one. It has one chair and a table!
This is probably the least productive turn in Drunk Fortre so far, and I apologos for any inconvenience me following dudes'll have to put up with.
Managed to get shroom. now making silver warhammers.
I'm also sorry for not being consistent with what and hown I'm dranking, but it is natural process, so should I be writing when I breathe too? This s tricky :/
Letter
I know, I know. You've probably read all me letter so far and thought "Whate a a undwarvenly elfish shitcock this is." "OH NOOOE The meeting hall is unEVEN! Who cares? Dorf hungry? eat later! This hall is very important, and if you don't like the wonky celing.... you're right... it's awful.......... Finish this shit! if you have no designated place to drink beer, it'll be total anarchy!
Actually, since production in food and booze is up, our real miners have joined the fray! This is a glorious day indeed!
One of our miners came to me with "an improtant message".
"Milord, The meeting hall can be constructed. Just not the way you want. Y'see the structural inte........."
There's where I stopped litening. Structural integrity? What happened to punching gravity in the face? We're dwarves, damnit! Structural integrity...
And now he's taking a break! I'd like to say these dwarves are a bunch of lazy shitheads, but being honest, I like their style! The balls on this dwarf. Such a lazy excuse... The 'homes would hate him!
Traders are soon leaving? without as much as a hello? Let me get to that real quick!
That oughta pleaseem. I actually have no idea what we need, so I opted for food and beer.
Migrants! Practically useless too, which is perfect! More meat for the army!
Spuing of wich. The sieges have been not. Somehow the gobling and others have decide to spare us. I do not like this one bit, as our army will grow fat and bored. Maybe I'll try out that new invading tjofretski. I'll wait til winter, though. They seem to like it, in my experience.
All my miners are on a strike with garbage excuses, so my new "army" will have to be miners instead.
THISS. HALL WILL BE FINISHED.
When that is done, we'll enter an age of prosperity and kindness, I'm sure!
Urist, my friend. We are out of wood. o be more precise, we are out of wood any of these here dorfs want to cut. I don't know why, but certain shroom s are a no-no to these people. Maybe they are holy? I'm not one to get between a dwarf and his god, so I'll resort to plan A: Dig. Deeper.
None of my dwarfs will dig, and I don't know why. Maybe being drunk as shit while playing a game you don't know much about, that game being overly complex and notoriously user-unfriendly (user-hostile?) isn't such a great idea after all?
Anyway. Hesre a relic of olden time, crafted from mother natures womb:
What in the world is a carbochon? I'm not very english in the best of states. This state does in no way qualify...
Actul,ly strtn to feel sobber again. This is luck that witer is pon us for I have not much todo since miners won't mine, and I don't know what to actual do? Probably need to drink more, but can't find it, so maybe it's finished? Distinctly remember not drinking itall though. Maybe under sofa? Seems strange, maybe, but under sofa is often O,..,O
I f maybe I asleef when you read this I maybe asleep :/ BUT maybe am reconstructing this message tomoorrow when I KNOW! I will try to asign labors that are good for dwarf, but who know what they might thing? Digging is no-no but many others are fin?
I will now try to asign others than digging, but not much will happen, as my plans were most for digging. I will let my year end in any case, and watch the stuff unfold. If anything happens I'll post it here, and then LINK!
Fun posting with you all!
Uh. These are not beds. Iremember butting beds here, but are door?
Now I know why they won't dig! they haven't picks! And previous miners aren't dead. They are lying there, broken an abandoned HOGGING ALL THE TOOLS!
I swear this game is confusing as it is when I'm sober. This took most of winter for me to fugr out though so maybe I am too late. I will try to kill miners and retriev tools, but I'm not sure if it will work.
A forgotten beast has come! it has a name, an it is mde of clear glass! Beware its poisonous stink!
Kill!
nononononononono!All army found dead! I need to build walls! Normally I have a trained army when I do this, but maybe I got ahead of myself? shitshitshit. Kamin is dead. So is dwarf 2-8. Abort Abort!
So noone wanted to build any walls. The beast killed many dwarves in the cave. It then proceeded to attack the fortress. Shit almost hit my pants, but now the beast is slain? How do I even combat log? Someone needs to look into this when I upload this mess, if the fort is still alive after that...
Fort is all but kill. I pray for the next brave dwarf who enter. Many importand guys dead now. A redorfing may be nessecary.
/Letter to urist mv beardbeard
The dwarves have all left me! I try my best but msybe am cursed? However it may be, I can't say it bothers me ovrly much. This was my calling, dream and punishment. Maybe this the end for me? I came her to drink and not have paragraph riders on me back all the times, but now I have no drink and also no friend. I almost miss back to montanhomes but, NOF! IF THIS IS HOW I MEET MY END, THEN SO BE IT. I feel a strange traquility gripping me in my final moments.
I have now acepted that thes is tryly the end. Say what you want of this, but this short year have been the best one in my life. The dwarf her may be worthless fucks, but who isnt? At least they know what it means to be a drarf! I have made many friends here. Two of which have sadly died (I think) to mining accidents, and some which have gon insane, but I tell you this. If you ever think that over next hill is something worth aming for, your probly right! But prepare to die!
http://dffd.bay12games.com/file.php?id=13872
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1241267 times)