So on my very fast trip to cornerstore chinatown county esquisite, I had the luxury to endure two hundred lousy kids screaming?, stashed into a fucking swummingpool. While headacge enducing, this encounter provuded me with inspiration for thus turn, twifold.
The furst half if thus idea is to tyrn the racilll Taco fucj yhis phone....
As i said, we shall turn this taco into our very own submsrine. submsrube. Rad submaribe. this thing.
it will be awesome.
the other part if thus plan, natyrally, is to dtraight out MURDER EVERY CHILD.
...
Thankfully my inability to build safe things coupled wirh children kabor allowung cobsrryction should make this a syrprisingly synergetuc and drowny experience.
* * * * * *
Surprise drowning, I load the fort and the entire entrance is apparently full of: Dead meat, dead dwarves, dead ice. aka, drowning rotting stuff.
sound lovely.
Thats the best defense we can muster save for traps, i spose.
Spiritual devastation.
Morale assault.
Mental dissuasion.
Have we had any goblins opn this fort?
I have not.
In retrospect I never experience any actual enemy in all my turns.
except myself.
Guess what I just cursed it, we are getting goblins and their friends this turn i bet.
* * * * *
Work begins on making the taco water-proof.
as I can see mid-work,. someone apparently made magma go all the way up. Thats a valliant effort, trying to turn the taco full of magma sauce.
alas I have other plans.
the taco will be an underwater haven.
I will use the lava to hum...
I'll make an obsidian sea.
when the goblins attack during winter, Ill unfreeze the sea with magma, drown the goblins, then cast them into obsidian.
Cause the goblins are coming are am sure I.
Oh, btw?
Items marked for trade.
did i do that?
did you do that?
Wtf ISD THAT SHIT.A
iS THAT NEW.
I DONT TRADE MUCH.
If they dont want children we aint trading.
* * * * * *
Gotta prepare. I order a bunch of slabs.
I'm not saying i will murdert dwarves accidentally and also willingly.
cause i dont talk out loud when planning murder.
But hell am I typing about it.
I'm not sure how the lava thing works.
frankly i dont think i know how
anything works.
all I know is that part of the tacos contains a tube that brings magma.
I guess it'll be there when we need it.
sorry shoruke to ruin your work.
the tube can always be used for other tacos.
* * * * * * *
OMG epic planning.
so i know stuff actually.
especuially about like, crumbletons.
Erh
That word
Crumbles.
no.
Efondrementations.
CAVE IN SHIT THATS IT.
So, fun fact, the lower HIGHER levels of the fort are right under the sea.
right?
so im not sure how great water is at stopping devastating cave-ins.
Like at all.
As such i predict that part of the fortress' upper level will crumble, and flood and kill everything.
which in turn will also crumble the other level.
and the one under that
AH!
IM SMART.
In order to prevent such caveins, ill simply fill the whole room underneat with blocks
and move everything already there into a new room.
THE ROOM OF EVERYTHING.
Its like the room on demand from harry potter.
but instead of being magical and generating exactly what you need, well.
tis not magic.
so its just a room.
with everything.
It will be a very huge room tbh.
...
actually the initial plan was to just evacuate the entire fort and condemn half the rooms, allowing a cave in on many levels.
then mid upload and while typing i realised
shit, thats dumb ill just create a buffer.
but maybe im drunk and dumb unlike stated above (not the being drunk, the being smart part)
and maybe just maybe there are unseen consequences to stupid projects.
So ill evacuate the other rooms regardless.
Carve, my friends, carve.
let us usher in the era of the ROOM of EVERYTHING.
* * * *
Oh wow oh what oh fuck?
Sandy clay sand things!
almost drowned the fort.
Which as far as enabling a drowning-contingency plan goes, would be super bad.
Anyway, left a note. dont dig there.
The room of everything
erhm
The ROOM of EVERYTHING will have to be built somewhere else.
where? i dunno.
anywhere.
it's the ROOM of EVERYTHINGWHERE.
...
well no, it isnt anywhere.
its just at any of the possible wheres. but it ios meant to contain everything, everywhere.
OMG
OMG OMG OMG OMG
guys.
guys guys guiys guys guys guys.
It is.
wait for it.
it is.
the room.
It is the ROOM of EVERYWARE.
* * * * * *
Wow.
super wow.
Megawow.
level 99 upgraded with rare candy wow.
So bear with me on this.
we are out of things.
which things?
All of them.
We no longer have things. at all.
We cannot build. anything. we genuinely no longer have ice, wood or stone.
like really.
Its like a crappy oscar winning story where a man tries to shoot for the stars
then he realise he wants a room that contains all the things.
but then bam, he suddenly has nothing.
Huis room of ev
his ROOM of EVERYWARE. contains none of the things.
No Thing Hill.
At the end julia roberts falls in love with a very average yet handsome dwarf,
She realises that having no thing cant stop real love.
then they drown.
TACO FORT BITCHES.
* * * * *
further investigation (read any at all) reveals something incredible
which ive already revelaed like first paragraph of this turn.
that the entrance is flooded and full of not existing.
thats why we cant get to it.
And have no wood.
new plans
1-build the room o
WAIT
1-Build the ROOM of EVERYWARE, and obtain stone
2-Somehow gain access to outside, obtain wood.
3-store things in the roo
WAIT
3-Store things in the ROOM of EVERYWARE
4-Build subtacorine
5-murder children.
...
easy enough.
* * * * *
I said ''easy enough'', but when i examine our fortress closer i realise it may actually be... hard.
HEYOOOO
...
moving on.
* * * * * *...
Wait scratch that what was meant to be a single-line joke reveals a lever.
OMG there is a lever there. It probably activates the fort's entrance.
PULL IT PULL IT.
wow, step 2 solved maybe.
then i zoom out to see if there are more levers and find...
i find a dong.
LIKE REALLY WHAT WAS I EXPECTING.
i find a dong building, and a lever, and check around to find more levers.
and i find a dong.
GHood job drunk fortress.
Dong fortress.
so i found a dong, and the dong revealed itself to be insertyed into a larger dong.
which in retrospect sound both gay and urethra-shattering.
* * * * * *
Hello, new people.
It seems the death of one of the shoruke has attracted you to the fortress.
Im glad that the danger does not dter you.
for you see.
Shoruke was in fact.
...
YOU(TUM TUM TUUUUM)
* * * * *
sHOCKING CLIFFHANGER.
i take a moment to pause dramatically.
And poor more booze.
also i make cat noises.
meow meow!
tee hee!
* * * * *
we are back.
Look at this, lads and lasses, a problem was solved.
access to outside is now in our possession once more.
all thanks to successfully:
1-locating a dong
2-locating a lever
3-applying the scientific method
4-pulling the lever.
wow look at how good i am at probnlem solving.
Now you may not be able to tell because super frankly, This looks a lot like the early thing i talked about.
The dwarven and meat marinating stew.
but now the stew is aliove and has access to wood once more, and the migrants have a way inside.
STEP 2 is a success.
* * * * * *
at some point apparently, someone died.
Now the only thing that remains is a diablo 3 equipment screen floating in the ocean.
OMG I should take quinn out of the closet and get more gear!
Probably not a good idea to play hardcore acounts in this state tho.
But never ind the screenshot, she has like 56 million thoughness she could go offline for an hour while a pack of mallet lords anal-rape her and sheM'd be 'k.
* * * * * *
Ok, so.
I would like to bring forth my problem-solving skills.
Namely, the fact that to preemptively make room to detach the taco, i removed some useless (possibly not) parts of the magma structure.
the result qwent unoticed by me, because i was busy dealing with the fact we had no materials.
but like, not only did we finally get the outside in control
But ALSO we apparently have tons of materials sitting right next to the taco.
so obviosuly beeing told we have no access to building materials after all that was, hum, surprising.
THEMN i finally noticed that by removing the integrity of an entire floor i also removed access to like, the construction project.
which i guess is why we dont get access to stuff.
so not only did i not solve a problem.
i actually caused a problem, and unmanaged to adress it efficiently. or at all.
in fact, during my turn this fortress made negative progress toward both its goals, AND the goals of other players i decided to disregard.
it also means i pulled random levers and thats not what solved the problem.
aka, we always had access to the outside despite what i was lead to believe.
i am left in a state of utter confusion.
* * * * * *
Oko so>
Its fair to say ui will not be able to amurder all children,. OR EVEN GET CLOSE TO THE POINT I WAS, CONSTRUCTION WISE, TO WHERE I BEGAN THE TURN
SO NO TACO SUBMARINE EITHER.
AND WHILE I WAS PROUD TO SOLVE THE NO THING PROBLEM I OBVIOUSLY INVENTED THIS FALSE PROBLEM BASED ON POOR MANAGEMENT, OBSERVATION, AND LOGICAL SKILLS COMBINED
also caps lock.
But what ui CAMN provide for this fort, is the actual room of
wait
The actual ROOM of EVERYWARE.
Yes iot will be a thing.
i find a nice sound spot for it.
A room that will house all our things.
the spot i choose, quite ironically, is exactly next to already such a stockpiles
wow i suck.
*- * * * * *
Now, building a store-room thats disorganised and next to a better, closer storeroom is probablty not ranked high on the achievement ladder.
regardless i decide it will be my contribution to this fort.
look i made a taco what more do you want.
to compensate the overall ''not being useful'' part of the roo...
The ROOM of EVERYWARE, I decide it will be pretty as fuck.Like it will be smoothed?
Assuming all smootherers are not dead in the sea
(btw if so, oups)
But it will also include awesome pillars and STATUES OMG yes. Just imagine.
or wait and visualize.
your choise.
INTERACTIVE STORYTELLING BITCHES.also i realise i havent checked the unit, animal, combat, or enemy screen once. a forgotten beast could be eating everything while we are under siege and id be none the wiser.
*doesnt check*
9* * * * * *
ok so statues
tjhey require metal bars.
of which we have none really. except copper but really eat my dick.
no copper statues.
Obviously GARNIERITE would be the best.
but we aint got any of that shit.
BUT thankfully io faintly remember building an exploratory drunken mining section, which im sure is full of marvelous gems and ores and...
OMG WHAT THE FUCK
Shoruke wasnt fucking kidding.
what the actual fuck did i just build there. like what.
What
Megawatt.
ELECTRICITY OMG.
WORDS.
* * * * * * *
IMPÖPRTANT interlude you guys.
Look, i wont lie.
the list iof screens i didnt consult at all include also, but is not limited to, the anouncement screen.
Well except that one time it said ''items marked for trade, which btw what the fuck still.
Anyway, sit tight and strap yourswelf tyo your motherfucking chair because something both unincredible and the oposite of that word is about to take place int...
TACO FORT.
the greatest fort.
where a lye-maker is currently building something EPIC.
iM NOT SURE WHAT HE NEEDS.
(cause i didnt check)
nor am i actually sure what lye is.
I'll be honest, ive lived my life 9and my dwarf fortress) not knowing what lye actually isl.
And now this guy.
this fucking
guythis guy is building.
not a good.
not a mastwerwork.
but an
artefact.he's making an artefact lye people. whaaaaaat.
lIKE, i'LL FEEL LIKE ONE OF THOSE GUYS IN ART CLASS WHEN PEOPLE PRESENT THEIR PROJECTS.
OR ALSO LIKE A GUY SNOBBING HIS WAY INTO A WINE-tasting ceremony 9or class, or whatever wine-0twesting take places in0
and I'll be like:
''Jolly good times, fellow lye enthusiasts!
Wh, look at this exceptional piece!
this lye is sublime, truly marvelous!
the color resounds with vigor, while the texture is...
The texture is both refined, and an expression of the artist's soul.
truly whoemever made this lye piece was a conflicted and deeply emotional dwarf
the way he shaped the contours of the lye truly is an alegory of the modern times, and the way we've abandonned our tribal ways to embrace a destructive, if prolific technological era
What a beautiful piece of art!''...
when truly i have no fucking clue what a lye is.
* * * * * *
so many messages about missing tigers.
guys how do you lose a tiger.
like seriously ive misplaced my gameboy charger, but thats because im fucking blind and cant find shit.
but here's the thing
my gameboy charger is small and doesnt scream and chase small preys and begs for food and it isnt like 600 pounds of deadly feline instincts.
When the gameboy charger falls under the bed it doesnt stay there for a week hoping someone will look for it and dont move.
..
ereally.
how do you misplace a tiger.
* * * * * *
Expand the mines. why do we not hit any stupid metal ore really.
Make a new mine.
like a track.
mining must be back on track.
Chhoo choo motyherfucker.
...
It's the choo-choo-mine.
suddenly my dwarf is horrifiesd.
Why am i horrified?
Its not such a BAD mining place.
fine ill add more tracks stop whinning wimp.
** * * * * zzzzzzzzzzzzz *** ** * * * *
While I wait for the dwarves to stumble upon some metal, i dwecide to enlarge the place with a bigger room.
So far we have a ro
a ROOM of EVERYWARE.
But what we truly need is a room OF
everyware.
nO.
A ROOM of
EVERYWARE.
...
...
so sorry room.
ROOM .
but my friend is here.
I must spend time with him.
so long.
take care, dwarves.
Poll
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1239963 times)