Lore and history of Drunk Venice
At the time of writing, few if any can agree on the current status of Tangleoil, aka drunk Venice, aka the most beautiful fort, aka the garnierite paradise. In order to make some sence out of all the rumors and legends, here are the collected facts about this mythical place. Keep in mind, all of the acounts mentionned below were dictated, transcribed, and rehashed by drunk people. Hell, I'm drunk myself, it's the only way to make sence of what you bunch wrote during your turns.
Still, with luck, this will help (or worsen) the ongoing embark attempts... Brace yourself.
Turn 1: Camulus After the fall of the fabled dongfort, the dwarf known as Camulus begins the construction of a new fort. The dongfort fell on the middle of 207, so it is fair (or blatantly eroneous) to say Drunk Venice was funded in the spring of 208. The original intent of this fort was to ''start the music and beat the code'' which probably means something. also, to piss off the elves, which arguably is a more understandable, if not noble, goal.
The settlers crumble to their deaths in about a week after everyone realise that Camulus did not bring picks.
Turn 1, attempt 2: Camulus What a great start. Camulus abandon all his followers and bring 6 new fools to a new settlement, which is to become Tangleoil. nothing happens. At. All.
Turn 2: Scruffy The new overseer gets hammered on potato wine ( Really? Ok...) and begins the construction of a lake, which ends up shaped like a moat surrounding a collapsible fort. A trade depot is misplaced, and various dwarves die to collapsing. Legendary named fighters coming from a previous drunkfort arrive climatically to destroy a wereape before it wipes the fort.
The last words of the overseer were ''ghost so many ghosts!'' followed by a game crash. In the following days, Scruffy gets drunk again and uncovers an age-old bug, and it's cause. hurray!
Turn 2, attempt 2: Werescruffy The fort reappears from the void of bugs. Somehow all the dwarves are scruffy, and all the scruffy are werebeasts. All the nonscruffys are also dead. Suddenly the fort is flooded, and nobody can tell if this is a good or an ill-advised event.
...Atlho seriously this doesn't seem like a very confortable dinning hall. Further inspection of the aftermath reveals that
maybe just maybe the drowning went incredibly wellTurn 3: Naryar Naryar takes over the reigns of the fort, which frankly is more accurately described as a ''dwarf soup'' at this point. The answer to mass drowning is obviously to erect a massive wooden dong, as commanded by the poll. Naryar begs Scruffy to finish the giant dong before collapsing in a drunken haze.
Turn 4: Naryar The former overseer grabs back the save, then uploads it back 7 minutes later. Shortest turn ever. Scruffy is begged to finish the wooden dong once more. Random_dragon's spirit is crushed, just like his record.
Turn 5: Scruffy Scruffy decides not to finish the dong, and instead devises a way to collapse it and destroy the fort. He then tests it, for science. The lake disappears. the dong disappears. Everything disappears. The fort is now a realised doomsday device. Third fortress-killing device achieved on this thread!
Turn 5, retconned: Scruffy Time magic. the fort is back. It was just a test. Scruffy knows that the fort CAN be destroyed randomly if it comes to that. He decides not to do this. He also opts against removing the various levers that could end the fort, because that also would be silly. Begin the wooden schlong supremacy. The project is diverted when Scruffy realise he must save the fort from his past swelf, who flooded the whole place and added holes and walls everywhere.
The fort is flooded once more. Get used to it. It happens a lot. Scruffy eventually solves the problem sort of, and resumes the schlong... erm... erection? Look I could sum up the situation at the end of his turn but instead I'll quote him.
lets see...
-building cosntructs on top of treest crashes the game. we ambarked in a forest...
-weresomethings. they are all dea di think
-fortress is surrounded byu water. the parts that arent are directly underneath water
-the fortress is built on top of to supports and is collapsable.
-there are kobolds lurking around. horrfying
-all tha keeps the fort from drowning are a bunch of drawbridges on levers and a few borbidden dors.
-we now have a giant mutilade dong that will drown the fort if soemtgne puills the lever
whats tere not top love?
why do we have a huge water trench?
more to the point, why is the entire floortress a shitty kevin costner movie?
DrStrangeWeird takes over the reigns, and decides to sort out the many and various problems sorting the fort, which is a long way of saying ''willingly descends into madness''. His primary concerns to address are the lack of magma forges, and the non-lack of everyone being horribly dead and a ghost. He also decides to produce food and drinks for the first time in basically two years. The good doctor solves many basic needs before falling asleep, including but not limited to murdering every single elf ever.
Turn 7: Return of DrStrangeWeird The newest addition to the chaos returns, ready to get more drunk less fast. He knows how to do this because he's a doctor and usernames never lie. Status of our military at this point: every single dwarf in the fort is chasing a mule with reed socks after explicitly being told not to. Random_wyrn, who is also possibly a dragon, creates an artefact quern to be the center of this masterpiece that is Drunk Venice.
A giant parrot from hell arrives in the catacombs, but stop instead of attacking, to admire the fortress. It's horrible, it's beautiful.
congrats taupe snd clover 
your babby has your bear
Well done, son. born a day prior, and already taking ownership of the family bear. I'm so proud.
Various things die for various reasons. Nobody is really sure why. The true meaning of drunk fortress. One of those minor thing is a breach into hell itself. Oups? Well I'm sure nothing bad will come out of it.
Turn 8: Taupe Your humble servant returns to drunkfort. Most of the turn is devoted to accomplishing nothing whatsoever.. What did you expect? It's a Taupe's turn. Most of the Year (season? Week? day?) is spent being mesmerized by how beautiful the fort is. The garnierite cult begins on this turn, but it will take another year before any single furniture is made from it.
And then, creeping eyes and demons and whatnot. The fort is no longer beautiful. To be fair, 75% of the turn was spent actively tryiong to sound coherent while staring a wall of text. The other 25% was spent activating levers at random, inadvertently saving the forges. also punching out ghosts. Go away, ghosts!
Turn 9: ScruffyThe fortress.
It's not flooding or drowning. It is just... marinating. in water
Suddenly, all the dwarves are in the draining pipe. Hauling stone. for no reason. Everyone eventually starts dying for reasons Scruffy is way too wasted to even begin to understand. He almost crushed the whole fort to kill the hellish parrot, but the parrot dies suddenly. Good.
THEW PARROT WILL bRING DeATRH TO US ALL!
TGHE DOOM PARROT!
WE MUST COLLAPSE THE FORTERESS TO CRUSH IT!
oh, it died
and we only lost 3/4 of our dorfs and hte rest are sick from the poison blood.
VICTORY!
My prognosis on 70% of the forts dorfs:
He's dead Jim
Well that went better than expected. the fort is made of water once more. every non-water part is also flooded with vomit. a giant mole eats everyone. The settlement crumbles because the pumpstack is clogged with salmons.
FIRST RECLAIM (take a shot) The monster is defeated, but a new team of hammerdwarf is baffled upon discovering that giant lobsters can swim. The surviving dwarf celebrate by being ambushed by a demon. remember that breach into hell three turns ago that nobody addressed? Yeah... Urist tries to activate the lever, but realise that killing himself is counterproductive to having living dwarves left. Urist wanders around.
*something something drunken rambling*
Urist is dead!
Second Reclaim! (take a shot) A new team of dwarves arrive in Tangleoil/ Drunk Venice and seal the demon away, without any prior knowledge of where said demon is located. They build random walls, forget about the monster and call it a victory, is what I'm saying here.
Turn 10: Naryar Coffinmakin' duty turn! The second of many, many more to come! everyone's secret profession is now ''carpenter. Everyone's actual, registered profession is now ''hapless victim''.
...
There are so many corpses. So many ghosts.
Turn 11: Camulus It's not a Camulus turn if people don't forget food, or picks, or what world we are currently playing on. This turn is actually not canon, but takes place on an alternate reality where there are 13 volcanoes on the same spot. Or something? Look i wont lie I'm now currently fucking drunk. Proof-reading the last Scruffy chapter several times reveals an ill-conceived drinking game I set up for myself.
Turn 12: Taupeintroducing another dichotomy between the readability of the turn's events and the amount of alcohol consumed. A 48 hours-hours hangover will follow, but it's all worth it because the fort accomplished many, various and awesome things during this turn. here's the exaustive list:
-setting exactly two stockpiles allowing every single thing
-Five pieces of garnierite furniture.
-...that's it really.
This is yet another coffin-making turn, because ghosts are not going anywhere soon. This one goes poorly due to some misunderstanding:
So, a word about coffins
coffins arent coffers.
And coffers arent good at containing dwarves.
Our cemetary, however, can now house a lot of coins.
Turn 12: Scruffy Jones and the last twig In which we learn that the whole fort is held in place by exactly one twig.
Oh, and trees. So many trees. a crusade begins. Trees must be cut, and garnierite must be had. The cult has begun.
what the fuck?
when did 40 dorfs become 7?
no wonder work was slow
ITS THE DAMN DEMON! THE DEMON IS BACK!
Oh, and that demon that was never actually sealed? It's back. cause, yaknow, it was never sealed. Apparently forgetting about something does not cause it to stop existing, because we arent six weeks old.
Altho we sound like it usually. Scruffy begins to save the fort with all the strategy and wits that a wasted human being can muster, which is basically none of it. The fort has ten dwarves, and little hope. But we have our own brand of shampoo!
The save is passed on to Naryar...
Turn 13: Naryar ...Who promptly murders the fort.
WATERMURDERED
15:34 Only three drowned. THIS NEEDS TO BE FIXED
OH ARMOK, GREAT AMONGST THE GREATS, ONE WHO IS TERRIFYING AMONGST THE TERRORS
I AM BUT A HUMBLE SUPPLICANT, AND CALL UPON YOUR MIGHT IN MY HOUR OF NEED
PLEASE MAKE IT RAIN LIKE IT HAS NEVER RAINED BEFORE
His idea is that there are so many corpses, so many ghosts, so many monsters, that this is the best way to go. a single little sign is found lying in front of the watery mess.
welcome to the city of
DRUNKFORT VENICE
Land of "That worked about as well as you'd expect"
some people are shcoked. some people are sad. The most beautiful fort has fallen, to the hands of a seemingly madman. with a reason.
Yes, I bloody killed it because the dwarves did not want to work. Also because they were starting to be "under a great deal of stress" due to seeing dead corpses everywhere, and so dwarves tantruming, punching and killing each other and hence, tantrum spiral was inevitable in a few more turns, really.
It's like a rolling snowball. Made out of corpses.
* * *
I've been drinking the whole time. I'm so wasted. Might take a turn afterward, at this point, if i dont finish this thing too late.
* * *
Turn 14: Taupe This was the end. Or was it6 the fort is flowing with water everywhere. there is no hope. no fun. no unwet square. but the quest for garnierite is stronger. one does not simply abandon the most beautiful fort.
Third reclaim! (Take a shot) well, reclaiming is hard. i spend about an hour trying to decrypt how the dwarven language works, unaware that I simply have to select the last fort on the list. 7 brave dwarves are sent into the fort. the wagon immediately spawns into the fort. Everyone else spawns into the lake. Kamin dies to break a wall and empty so floods, and shoruke is the only survivor. he (she) spends about 2 seasons rebuilding and patching holes, living in a small section in the fort thats surounded by water on all sides, including up, down, left, right, north, south, inward and outward. Shoruke is assaulted by ghosts, corpses, demons, breaches, hunger,c soberness and overall shitinnes, but she remains exctatic, up until she gets buttfucked repeatedly in her sleep by clover_magic.
at the end of this strange asventure, the fort is somewhat no longer drowned, shoruke is alive, safe, and almost not insane.
Turn 15: Shoruke Things are slow. things are dead. Shoruke is bored. he needs a project.
Shoruke begins his turn, in control of... Shoruke. what we learn during this turn, is that in japan, he's known as Wangzilla. he switch his mind about 30 different times, before assumedly locking up the demon for good (lies). At least he has all those ghosts to keep him company. They are lovely, when not date-rapey. water is slowly draining, revealing more parts of the fort, and with it, more horror and despair. Shoruke must fight, and venture upwards.
So I told her to go to the surface with a military 'm'ooooove thing
and she met a crocodile
BUT HAY
I GOT TO BEAT UP A CROC
uon my way... UP?
and now we're both unconscious
OH GOOD THERE'S A TROLL TOO and I'm figthnig it
i'm so good at things
Victory is at hand. Or is it6 Shoruke is strong, armed with like some loincloths, a copper axe and maybe mispl;aced hopes. and yet...
sceeen froze like this sfor a coupple secodns so we know what's up next
fukkin fuckers ruining the internet
Turn 15: Scruffy News from the beautifulest fort are growing scarse, and much, much drunkier. Just like me. Hey-oh!!!! new team is sent to investigate.
Fourth reclaim (take a shot)
...and a shot whenever you proof-read or reload this post... 
Hmm.. we will need a bookkeeper/broker/manager/generally all but useless excuse for a dorfg for sorting our decade worth of random dorf crap littering the place.
What skills does a broker need? I chose profisient liar. Seems suitable
Oh, and we are called the "Drownedlake the Disenboweled Nightmare of Demons"
Interesting fact: only scruffy knows wht floods the fort, and only he knows what stops it dfrom happeneing. aopparently, the fort is alive despite the various willful flooding and self-destruct for two reasons
1-The fort, in al it's integrity, including the hanging gardens, are held up by a single branch of peach tree that grew there randomly.
2-Half the pumps are connected to a device thats now obstructed by some randomly grown spore tree, which allows the fort to flow and get flooded, but prevents automatisation of the priocess, meaning that during my turn, by waiting enough and surviving on slaughtwered dog meat in a damop room for six month, the whole fort somehow stopped being a water fort instead of infinitely getting flooded.
It's like nature wants this fortress dead. guys, i wont lie, i spent three minutes getting the last ''its'' right. I'"m so drunk just reading these posts and explaining them, I wont be able to play a turn. thats right. this fort makes so little sence, just reading every part in quick succssion can only be achieved in quick succession by drinking a ton of booze. Like, i drank more in the last hour than i did in my last turn ( but definitely not in the one i drank like a full bottle of southern, that was both epic and ill advised.
I will be frank, i've been on vacation for two and a half week. spent the first week emptying boxes, and the second and a half emptying bottles. not that im an alcoholoic (altho sorta i guess) but ive been on vacation, my roomates are chill, and tons of people are visiting my new place. ive been on a constant drinking mood for 10 days. reason why i played so many turns is, like someone i cant even remember described, if i stop being drunk at this point i die. i drank a whole 750ml of southern, went to wortk hangover twice, and the only solution was to
take another turn because i was so drunk. disclaimer. nothing on my turns happen not because im a good overseer, but because they last like 5 weeks tops, because im there being confused in pause menus and making jokes on the thread.
Whats happening?
Oh right, sruccys turns.
its a reclaim (take a shot) which frankyl, can almost be considered a full turn. this is so weird, and im so wasted.
Place is rotting. nothing makes sence,. New reclaimers are somewhat surviving andf cleaning the place, but there's a ^pile of forbiden crap so large and so duiscusting that it can only be refered to as ''your mom''. Everyone fights bravely to retake the fortress. everyoen gets injured. in a strange twist of irnony, everyone is injured and slowly dies because
nobody can bring them any water. this is so dumb it hurts. bobnova survives for a time, then perishes.
fifth reclaim (take two shiots. no, fuck you, i dont care. I did, so will you.) Everyone gets back to the fort after everyone else died. a new team. again. but that fort is beautiful, so beauitufl. so full of garnierite. cant let it go to waste. Cant. so beautiful.
the new team arrives, and promptly...
I dont even know. i had something prepared, i forgot. Wals are hazy. lie hazelnut. gotta type fast, gonna finish this. rtheres a campfuire outside, with the roomates and friends an BMO. I have a bmo pillow. so awesome. anyway?
*rereading*
ugh, so drunk.
Ogh yeah, the new
fort d
ong team
dwarf people team successfulyy clears part of the fortress and makes it tolerable.
The fort is livable! No beasts, demons or trolls. Non-flyers can't access the fort via vcaverns. Only a few rooms are flooding.
huge success
it's a happy little place full of happy little midgets butchering killing troglodytes
All seems well and all, except everyone or so beign dead and a thousand corpses, and miasma, and water, and possibly a demon, and omg everything spins. this guy looks like my friend
but he talks differently. !?! plus he isnt blond? anyway. except for the corpses the place is habitable. yay! This is the best fortress we ever had possibly. over 15 posts, and stuff is still alive1 go team
Turn 16: Taupe Ok so i tried to copy/paste this post into this post to sum up the post 16, then kamin posted, then eerror messages, then i punched a wall that i think was the BMO pillow, then error message then seriously im erasing the spoilers containing the whole post urrrgh
no, seriously, this is a turn. i need to barf. I wanted to do it in like maybe ten minutes. Took 2 hours, and my sanity,. an sobrerity. Fuck. cant even type. and typijg while drunk is my supreproeweresss? fuck you guys what have you done.
best syniopŝys NA yall.
IOH FUCKK MY TEXT ISNT RED MY TEXT GONNTAA BE READ
there we go, better.
Thank you all have a nice
read. read. wahat wait no that was correct
read read.
thank you!
(wait furck forgot the red there we go woot)@@@!!!
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1239900 times)