Actually, Dwarf Fortress is unique in that the developer is tons closer to the community than normal.
No, no, really. The small community size enables that.
He answers all or at least most questions posed in a certain thread, but I think the issue is that your ideas won't be included wholesale. Which is normal in any community. If you mail a super awesome letter to Mojang about guns they aren't going to put your exact guns in Minecraft (if they ever include them in the first place). And Toady wants to finish the game. It's continually updated and has no deadlines, so hypothetically he'll end up adding every desirable feature. But adding laser fruit or dynamite or lye burns or whatever exactly as you describe them? Make your own game if you'd like to have that degree of control, because exact ideas will only be added in that form if Toady agrees with them to the last decimal place. It's a normal part of games, really: Suggestions have the right to be ignored and modified, and I don't understand why you'd want "influence or ownership". It's a free game and it's got a very decent fanbase, who cares about not being able to phone the dev-team and tell them exactly what you want? I mean, those other games probably have less caring developers than Toady, and they're trying to edge into a niche that's already filled.
Sure, they have graphics and accessibility, but do they have charm? I'd say no, because Dwarf Fortress is like a little trip back to the 80's in a safely contained modern vehicle. It gets to combine the depth and calculations of modern computing with the wacky ASCII charm and imagination of those old roguelikes and MUDs. Gnomoria and many more have tried and failed and all they got was a $5 price tag in some forgotten Steam page. Don't bother.