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Author Topic: You are a peasant  (Read 7352 times)

Urist McDwarfFortress

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #30 on: September 05, 2012, 02:44:07 pm »

You quickly formulate three plans. Plan A: "Hit troll in the eye with a coin." You throw some coins at the ground, but seeing as you're crouched in the bushes, and the ground is about a foot away from you, you hardly think this qualifies you to make such a shot. Therefore, you decide to go with plan B: "Give Kerrek a cold one!" So you leap from the bushes holding your waterskin aloft and loudly offer him a drink. "A good night to you your lordship! Would you honor me by taking a sip of this wine?" The troll roars in surprise and takes a step back. "Crush human!!!" he roars. Somehow you don't think this is working. Well then, to plan C: "Onward to Picklington!" You sprint past the troll and make it safely past him. You're in the clear...ish. He wasn't startled for long. Now he's hot on your trail.

You and the troll engage in a footrace down the road. His legs are much longer than yours, so even though he seems to be move relatively slowly, you can't shake him. You run for about 10 minutes straight with the troll about 15 feet behind you. The road comes to a rather steep hill, and you start to climb. You feel your strength running out, the troll is starting to close the gap going up the slope, but you think you could probably beat him to the top. You see a light off to the left near the top of the hill. Maybe its a house? Or the campfire of a bandit camp? Or possibly even more trolls?? Do trolls make fires? You're not sure.

What do you do? Keep running on the road going up the hill? Head across the grassy hillside towards the light? Turn and face the troll? Put your meager penny-chucking skills to the ultimate test? Something else?
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Sorry, for a moment there I forgot we were all psychopaths.
Someone who has random urges to make mog juice isn't exactly going to care about the cost effectiveness of obtaining it.

Blade Master Model 42

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #31 on: September 05, 2012, 03:11:26 pm »

Go for the hill. If there is a camp up top, sprint on through. Best case scenario, there are soldiers up there who'll kill the troll. Worst case, more trolls, and fear of being ripped apart by trolls is a powerful motivator to get to Picklington.

Slayerhero90

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #32 on: September 05, 2012, 05:01:47 pm »

Jump at the troll, knocking it down the hill!
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terkiey

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #33 on: September 05, 2012, 05:59:55 pm »

Jump at the troll, while in mid-air you throw coins at it, knocking it down the hill with you attached.
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Duncan_McShal

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #34 on: September 05, 2012, 06:25:29 pm »

Climb up a bit before jumping back down and chopping it in the face with your axe like a boss?
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Tsuchigumo550

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #35 on: September 05, 2012, 07:53:27 pm »

Throw coins whenever the troll tries to strike on your way up the cliff wall.
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There are words that make the booze plant possible. Just not those words.
Alright you two. Attempt to murder each other. Last one standing gets to participate in the next test.
DIRK: Pelvic thrusts will be my exclamation points.

Sheb

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #36 on: September 06, 2012, 02:39:40 am »

Run by the camp. Hopefully it'll distract the troll while you run away.
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Urist McDwarfFortress

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #37 on: September 06, 2012, 12:58:27 pm »

"This is a really bad idea," you think to yourself as you pull the coins out of your pocket. Three coins; three shots. *Plink* The first one strikes the troll harmlessly in the chest. You don't think he even noticed. The second shot misses altogether. *Plink* "Huuuuuuh?" The third shot was actualy amazingly good and hit the troll square in the face!! It didn't go in his eye, but the troll is distracted and stops to bat at his face a little.

Fantastic!! Now's your chance! You jump at the troll, swinging your axe at his head. The troll stands there like a deer caught in the not-yet-invented headlights as you bury your axe in his neck. You must have cut some pretty important stuff in there, because his body collapses at your feet! You give his head another good whack, just to be sure, burying your axe in his brain. You retrieve one of your coins.

What to do now? Do you want any troll parts while we've got the corpse here?

Spoiler: Inventory (click to show/hide)

OOC: Holy crap guys! A 96 out of 100 for the penny throw and a 93 out of 100 for your attack roll!!! You guys smoked that guy like a punk! I don't want you to be overconfident in your martial prowess, you got incredibly lucky this time! Don't expect it to always be that easy.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2012, 02:22:43 pm by Urist McDwarfFortress »
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Sorry, for a moment there I forgot we were all psychopaths.
Someone who has random urges to make mog juice isn't exactly going to care about the cost effectiveness of obtaining it.

Blade Master Model 42

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #38 on: September 06, 2012, 02:19:52 pm »

Stop to dance in place and raise your arms over your head a few times, then go around the hill and continue to Picklington. We still have to tell folks about the raid.

Tsuchigumo550

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #39 on: September 06, 2012, 04:11:18 pm »

Attempt to take a trophy or something- maybe axe off a fingernail for a shield.
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There are words that make the booze plant possible. Just not those words.
Alright you two. Attempt to murder each other. Last one standing gets to participate in the next test.
DIRK: Pelvic thrusts will be my exclamation points.

Duncan_McShal

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #40 on: September 06, 2012, 05:35:15 pm »

We should chop it a couple more times to make sure it's dead to be extra safe then drink it's blood for its regen abilities. We could then cut open its belly and sleep inside it.
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Slayerhero90

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #41 on: September 06, 2012, 05:45:32 pm »

Look through it's fur for small valuables, like more money.
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IronTomato

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #42 on: September 06, 2012, 07:55:19 pm »

Do you think troll meat tastes good?
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Tsuchigumo550

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #43 on: September 06, 2012, 08:36:29 pm »

Warriors ate hearts to gain abilities, but I'm doubtful we'd be able to cut it with the axe we have. Blood drinking would work, I assume.

But yeah, a fingernail shield would get you instant recognition.
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There are words that make the booze plant possible. Just not those words.
Alright you two. Attempt to murder each other. Last one standing gets to participate in the next test.
DIRK: Pelvic thrusts will be my exclamation points.

Urist McDwarfFortress

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Re: You are a peasant
« Reply #44 on: September 07, 2012, 02:00:46 pm »

You take one of the troll's thumbnails, but trolls are about twice as big as humans. Picture a shield twice as big as your fingernail... thats not really a "shield," is it?

You decide to take its horns as well for an actually useful trophy. It also has a large loincloth made out of some sort of leather, though you are loath to guess what kind of leather a troll uses for clothing. Attached to the loincloth is a small bag containing 33 copper coins! Thats more money than you've ever seen in your life! ...but then, thats not really saying a whole lot.

You drink some of its blood, hoping it will give you the magic powers of the trolls. It tastes nasty. You feel a bit nauseous as you attempt to swallow it, otherwise you don't notice any difference.

Onward to Picklington! Leaving the field of your great victory, you continue your climb up the road. You come to the top of the hill and see a field of lights in the distance. Picklington! It looks like a truly vast and powerful metropolis... compared to your tiny village, anyway. A few hours later, you arrive at the gates. They are closed. A high stone wall surrounds the city. You see light coming from one of the arrow slits in the gatehouse. It is somewhere around midnight.

What do you do?

Spoiler: Inventory (click to show/hide)
Logged
Sorry, for a moment there I forgot we were all psychopaths.
Someone who has random urges to make mog juice isn't exactly going to care about the cost effectiveness of obtaining it.
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