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[TherosPherae]

Jack: Ask him to stop making such a damn racket. Shit's distracting, yo.

[Liber celi]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Awesome flash, a little spoilery presented though

>ACHIM: Stow away mail and jewellery; retreat to front door

[freeformschooler]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Awesome flash, a little spoilery presented though

>ACHIM: Stow away mail and jewellery; retreat to front door

((Good point, I spoilered the second section of it. Also, thanks.))

As you stow away the stuff, you notice there are computer discs sticking out of the small paper slips. Hmm... what could they be?

Jack: Ask him to stop making such a damn racket. Shit's distracting, yo.

(ROLL: 4-2) "YOU WOULD WISH FOR ME TO LOWER MY DEFENSES? TRAITOR! I PROTECT YOU!"

[Ochita]

Jon: OH BOY MAIL GET IT GET IT GET IT.

[TherosPherae]

Jack: Wait, what defenses?

[Liber celi]

>ACHIM:Try to remember if you take part in some...beta testing?

Hm. Hmmm. One of your online friends gushed about this BURBS-thing. You haven't kept up with new games in a while though, so you have no idea what it is. Did you sign up for something?
You have to talk to TB about this...

>ACHIM: Open the door

[freeformschooler]

Jack: Wait, what defenses?

"MY KIND SEEKS TO STEAL YOURS. SOME ARE REBELS. MANY ARE NOT. I CAN HOLD THEM OFF, SAVE SOME OF YOU. BUT MY POWER WILL NOT LAST FOREVER."

>ACHIM: Open the door

BURBS-thing? Oh yeah, you should definitely talk to TB about this. Either way, you head inside. BOOTJACK is still nowhere to be seen, but he only appears if he wants you to see him.

Jon: OH BOY MAIL GET IT GET IT GET IT.

OH BOY OH BOY LET'S SEE WHAT oh look, the mailbox is empty. Someone must have already got it while you were holding off your BRO. Man!!

[TherosPherae]

TB: wat

[freeformschooler]

TB: wat

"YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. SOON. COME SEEK ME WHEN THEY THREATEN TO DESTROY ME."

And with that, you come crashing out of your basement and into the backyard again. Some party last night, huh?

[Liber celi]

>ACHIM: Reclaim room; run disks on your trusty PC

[TherosPherae]

TB: Check loading bar, check crowbar, then retrieve pain medication for whatever sore body part you landed on.

Spoiler: PESTERLAWG (click to show/hide)

[11:27] -- darkeningDork [DD] began trolling testingBeta [TB] at 11:27 --
[11:27] TB: oh sup DD
[11:27] DD: Hey!
[11:28] DD: someone at home?
[11:28] DD: whoa
[11:28] DD: stop doing that
[11:28] TB: stop do|ng what?
[11:28] DD: o, eh
[11:28] DD: answering unasked questions?
[11:29] DD: or am I just slow again... anyway
[11:29] DD: You told me about this building game, right?
[11:29] DD: BurBuS or something?
[11:29] TB: | thought you already knew about the s|ms
[11:29] TB: OH that
[11:30] DD: the last few months are a little blurry
[11:30] TB: yeah, | just got beta d|sks today
[11:30] TB: th|nk |t's supposed to be some awesome mult|player th|ng that ru|ns people's l|ves
[11:30] TB: here's hop|ng |t's not another WoWclone
[11:30] DD: what lives?
[11:30] TB: well | dunno
[11:31] TB: the onl|ne rev|ewers bas|cally sa|d 'don't play th|s |t w|ll ru|n everyth|ng'
[11:31] TB: so |'m tak|ng that to mean |t's add|ct|ve as hell
[11:31] DD: well, if you have a life to ruin, you aren't enough on the internet
[11:31] TB: exactly.
[11:31] DD: As I may have not said, I got this Beta too...
[11:32] TB: oh really?
[11:32] TB: excellent
[11:32] TB: you can jo|n me and... eh, what's h|s face
[11:32] DD: I am not exactly sure why... did you talk me into something?
[11:32] DD: so it is multiplayer? at least something!
[11:33] TB: |t |s exclus|vely mult|player from what |'ve seen
[11:33] DD: hmmkay, let's just hope the servers don't lag too much from here
[11:33] DD: Already installing it
[11:34] TB: yeah |'ve been |nstall|ng |t for l|ke the past hour or so
[11:34] TB: on the sh|tty spare computer
[11:34] DD: ((if Achim made it upstairs in one piece;)))
[11:34] DD: Man, I wish I had a spare computer again
[11:35] TB: rem|nd me what happened to your old one?
[11:35] DD: Bootjack is using the last as a cat box
[11:35] TB: oh.
[11:35] TB: yeah, cats
[11:35] TB: | feel your pa|n bro
[11:35] DD: sometimes he drags it into my room
[11:35] DD: so I clean it
[11:35] TB: ew.
[11:35] DD: your cat seems pretty chilled though?
[11:35] TB: my cat just sh|ts outs|de
[11:36] TB: |n other news, there |s apparently a b|g-ass robot octopus |n my basement
[11:36] DD: shitting is a political act for bootjack, not so much a body function
[11:36] DD: nice viral marketing
[11:37] DD: one of the tin cans tried to sell me a necklace
[11:37] TB: oh really?
[11:37] TB: wow
[11:37] TB: they are everywhere
[11:37] DD: yeah, it labbered on about some revolution and other matrix stuff
[11:38] DD: I gave it my cool new metal arm
[11:38] DD: SO metal
[11:38] TB: m|ne was pretend|ng to be a myst|c or somesh|t
[11:38] TB: | don't even know
[11:39] DD: Mystic octopus? as long as it doesn't pull a Watchmen...
[11:39] TB: Gosh | hope |t doesn't.
[11:39] DD: Oh, these matrixbots will fix it.
[11:39] DD: Any Idea how it got under your House?
[11:39] TB: well whatever |t does | hope |t shuts up somet|me soon
[11:40] TB: | don't have the fogg|est clue
[11:40] TB: |t probably was prebu|lt |n there
[11:40] DD: advertisement is cancer
[11:40] TB: |t's not really advert|s|ng
[11:41] TB: just mak|ng one hell of a racket for no real reason
[11:41] DD: I hope this Beta doesn't turn out to be 400 free hours aol
[11:41] TB: | asked |t to stop and |t was l|ke 'bluh bluh defenses' and bullsh|t
[11:41] TB: that would be the funn|est th|ng
[11:41] DD: defenses? like land mines?
[11:41] DD: reminds me of my newest work of, well...
[11:41] TB: |f that bastard |s putt|ng up land m|nes |n my lawn | w|ll have |ts robot|c head
[11:42] DD: if it is a cephalopod, its head is also it's body
[11:42] TB: well yes but |t |s a robot
[11:42] TB: so | can probably reprogram |t to sell steaks or someth|ng
[11:43] DD: can you reprogramm it to sell calamari?
[11:43] TB: | don't know
[11:43] DD: anyway
[11:43] TB: but |'m go|ng to f|nd out somet|me soon |f |t doesn't keep the racket down
[11:43] TB: | mean geez |t |s no|sy up here
[11:43] DD: I have a terrifying new piece of...
[11:44] DD: maybe incinerate it? that worked out for me...
[11:44] TB: terr|fy|ng new p|ece of what?
[11:44] TB: don't let me cut you off man
[11:44] DD: oooh, it is nothing...
[11:44] DD: ...except the most profound pice of art you can imagine!
[11:45] DD: okay, I might be a little too proud of it
[11:45] DD: Not Unlike a caring Father
[11:46] TB: so what'd you make?
[11:46] DD: wielding a breathing piece of new life in his trembling arms
[11:46] DD: shedding a single tear of
[11:46] DD: metal.
[11:46] DD: a poem, of course!
[11:47] TB: oh
[11:47] TB: a tear of metal, that sounds pa|nful
[11:47] DD: yes, like every creation!
[11:47] TB: ....| w|ll never understand poetry
[11:48] DD: then let me guide you
[11:48] DD: a new Seneca
[11:48] DD: which would make you Nero, and we don't want that
[11:48] DD: ok, just listen/read
[11:48] DD: Iron shells. Ashen stumps. Eviscerated Churches.  Bloodwaves. Bloodwaves.
[11:48] DD:  Deadhead mines. Killing Ground. Lacerated vessels.
[11:48] DD:  Bloodwaves. Bloodwaves. CONGESTION.
[11:49] TB: well that's the most depress|ng nonsense |'ve read |n the past hour or two
[11:49] DD: oh no, pesterchum fucked up the lines. now it is ruined forever.
[11:49] DD: Yes! indeed it is. Just like life.
[11:50] TB: .... Yep, | w|ll st|ll never understand poetry
[11:50] DD: I am glad it could influence you.
[11:51] DD: so, I am still not sure if I signed up for that beta, but hey! at least I get a free game out of the deal
[11:51] TB: yay, free games
[11:51] DD: so, I will try to appease my cat now
[11:52] TB: yes, go appease your fel|ne
[11:52] DD: just so he doesn't eat my cables again
[11:52] TB: | am go|ng to go make sure m|ne d|dn't p|ss on the comb|ne aga|n
[11:52] DD: hopefully...
[11:52] DD: oh yes, the cyberfarm is still up&running?
[11:53] TB: yes
[11:53] TB: up and runn|ng louder than ever thanks to the octoth|ng
[11:53] DD: very fine. Adieu!
[11:53] TB: Seeya.
[11:53] -- testingBeta [TB] gave up trolling darkeningDork [DD] at 11:53 --

TB: Also, make sure your cat is not pissing on things it should not be pissing on.

[ShoesandHats]

>Andrew: Channel your (non-existent) arctic mole-man ancestors and dig! Dig like you've never dug before!

[Blade Master Model 42]

You try to head back to your room with the discs in tow, but you see a statue-like butler blocking your door. He says he's afraid he can't let you do that, Penny. He explains that your room is currently being cleaned, and your esteemed predecessors have strict orders not to let you in while the maids are cleaning. Damnit.

Whaaaaat? This is bullshit. Why the hell do they need to clean your room? Even if you are having company, it isn't like you're going to let anyone mess around in your inner sanctum. Not that there appears to be much you can do about it.

...You briefly consider breaking his legs, but Daddy told you to stop doing that.

>Penny: Politely ask when they expect to be done with your room. Refrain from violence.

[freeformschooler]

TB: Check loading bar, check crowbar, then retrieve pain medication for whatever sore body part you landed on.

You nab a little pain medication. Unfortunately, your farm doesn't carry any of that newfangled pharmaceutical stuff. On top of that, you're a mechanic, not a chemist. Oh well. You check the loading bar...

Hey, it's done! It says "Client install finished, awaiting connection..." You get down with your pestering self in the mean time because there's something trying to reach you.

Spoiler: This is not how you do customer service. (click to show/hide)

[02:29] -- orchestralMachinist [OM] began pestering testingBeta [TB] at 14:29 --
[02:29] OM: Hello.
[02:30] TB: h|?
[02:30] OM: I have been informed that there was a mistake.
[02:30] TB: oh really
[02:30] OM: Yes. It appears you are without one of your discs.
[02:30] TB: l|ke what
[02:30] TB: oh
[02:31] TB: well that's a bummer
[02:31] OM: Very much. It appears you will not be able to complete to chain.
[02:31] TB: and here | thought everyth|ng could be put on one d|sk nowadays
[02:31] TB: wa|t, cha|n?
[02:31] TB: what?
[02:31] OM: The chain. Dangit.
[02:31] TB: | haven't made any cha|ns
[02:31] TB: |'m at a farm
[02:32] TB: and hey, how d|d oyu know | d|dn't get a second d|sk?
[02:32] OM: We sent it to you.
[02:32] OM: It was an accident. However, it can easily be rectified.
[02:32] TB: ....Just to make th|ngs clear
[02:33] TB: We are talk|ng about the we|rd mult|player s|ms clone, r|ght?
[02:33] OM: Yes. "SUBURB".
[02:33] TB: L|ke you weren't try|ng to sh|p me any we|rd cat porn or anyth|ng
[02:33] TB: | st|ll need to f|gure out how that bastard manages to order th|ngs onl|ne...
[02:33] TB: /\nyways, ok cool
[02:33] TB: So how are you gett|ng me th|s other d|sk then
[02:34] TB: /\re you go|ng to shove |t |n my ma|lbox l|ke an |d|ot l|ke the other one?
[02:34] OM: Oh, sorry, that's not what we meant when we said "rectified".
[02:34] OM: Unfortunately, your alloted discs have run out. But we still need you.
[02:34] TB: so what |'m gonna have to send you a d|sk and have you burn |t onto that
[02:34] TB: that would take weeks even |f | had a funct|on|ng ma|lbox
[02:35] OM: No. Dispatch officers will be ordered to your location to obtain you. Please stay calm while this is happening and do not try to connect to the others in your chain.
[02:35] TB: wh|ch |s actually funct|on|ng, |t just sorts eggs |nstead of tak|ng |n ma|l
[02:35] TB: wa|t what
[02:35] TB: pretty sure v|deo game compan|es don't get to send cops over because they have sh|tty customer serv|ce
[02:36] OM: Like I - we - said, we still need you. It would be unfortunate if we didn't have all six.
[02:36] TB: st|ll though you can't just r|p me out of here l|ke you plan to
[02:36] OM: No?
[02:36] TB: the other d|sk |s already be|ng wr|tten to my sh|tty computer
[02:37] TB: and |'m pretty sure the cat would p|ss on you or someth|ng
[02:37] TB: plus how would you even conv|nce cops to do that
[02:37] OM: We repeat: do not attempt to connect to your chainmates. Unfortunately, there is no stopping the installation.
[02:38] TB: yeah sure whatever
[02:38] TB: maybe th|s |s what octo-fuckass was gett|ng at what w|th the 'protect|on' bullsh|t
[02:38] TB: aw crap | d|dn't turn the m|c off
[02:38] TB: you d|dn't hear that ok
[02:39] OM: Octo-fuckass?
[02:39] TB: noth|ng
[02:39] TB: just a cow that talks
[02:39] OM: Very well. The dispatch may take a few hours.
[02:39] TB: |'m work|ng on a collar that translates from cow to engl|sh
[02:39] TB: and one of the cows |s l|ke protect|ve as hell for some reason
[02:39] OM: Feel free to enjoy life in any manner except connecting to your chainmates until then.
[02:40] TB: |'d suggest you tell your cops to beware of angry protect|ve cow
[02:40] OM: Goodbye.
[02:40] TB: because god damn does octofuckass get angry
[02:40] -- orchestralMachinist [OM] ceased pestering testingBeta [TB] at 14:40 --

>ACHIM: Reclaim room; run disks on your trusty PC

You run back to your room and pop the discs in your PC. Luckily, you have one of those fancy dual-stack CD drives that seemed to come with every desktop for a while there, so you start installing both at once. It looks like it may take a while.

>Penny: Politely ask when they expect to be done with your room. Refrain from violence.

The serviceperson tells you your room will be clean in precisely 1220.4 Earth seconds. The heck is up with these guys? How many seconds is 1220.4 again? You can barely remember. The serviceperson then hands you a cell phone and says you can talk to your Internet friends while you wait. Or do something else aside from enter your room.

>Andrew: Channel your (non-existent) arctic mole-man ancestors and dig! Dig like you've never dug before!

(ROLL: 7) Unfortunately, you channel the wrong kind of MOLE-BASED ABOMINATION.



By the POWER OF THE NAKED MOLE RAT, the ice stings your hands to the touch. Even WITH mittens on. This is a stupid power!

[Blade Master Model 42]

The serviceperson tells you your room will be clean in precisely 1220.4 Earth seconds. The heck is up with these guys? How many seconds is 1220.4 again? You can barely remember. The serviceperson then hands you a cell phone and says you can talk to your Internet friends while you wait. Or do something else aside from enter your room.

After some quick mental math, you realize that this comes out to like twenty minutes or something. Bogus. You take the cellphone and immediately begin installing pesterchum on it.