Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Gamerlord]

So I finally found my balls for long enough to actually put this up here. Tell me what you think.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Four Great Men
Soldier, Scholar
Artisan and Priest
All kind to those-
Who have the least
*All good men in their hearts*
*All doomed to sin at last*

Scholar learns
Soldier slays
Artisan crafts
Priest prays
*Great men try to do some good*
*The whole world will drown in blood*

Soldier marches
To his wars
Leaving family
His heart is sore
*Killing sons, fathers and brothers*
*Crippling providers, starving daughters*

Scholar tries
To cure our ills
Thinks he can fix it
With a machine and pill
*Unproven cures, harming more*
*People dieing for his lore*

Artisan forges
His tools and wonders
Oblivious to the pain
Caused by his blunders
*Children dieing in the lines*
*Men choking in the mines*

Priest preaches
His god’s word
Ranting masses
By whom he’s heard
*Holy wars burning the world*
*Putting women and children to the sword*

In the reaches of heaven
They are judged
Next to the stain of evil
The good: just a smudge
*Crying and raving they are condemned*
*No absolution for these men*

[Sentientdeth]

Very nice!

[DarkWolfXV]

Actually its pretty nice, and its not very hard to get what you mean.

[Hoggypare]

I say that you hit spot.
It's well written and well thought.
Nice impression it did make,
it resembles me Will Blake.

I love how you cross the verge,
how evil from good emerge.
So conclusion I have made,
it's wise as sage and sharp as blade.

Why do I rhyme in reply,
you may ask shaking your fist.
It is simple I would say
I just never can resist.

[Gamerlord]

 Thanks!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I say that you hit spot.
It's well written and well thought.
Nice impression it did make,
it resembles me Will Blake.

I love how you cross the verge,
how evil from good emerge.
So conclusion I have made,
it's wise as sage and sharp as blade.

Why do I rhyme in reply,
you may ask shaking your fist.
It is simple I would say
I just never can resist.

You sir, are awesome.

EDIT: Another one. Not quite as good as the other.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Too Bad
Even though I watch you with tired eyes
I cannot help you see his lies
As I see you cry, fall and break
I wish your heart was mine to take

I want to protect you from this kind of harm
To hold you close in my arms
To hear your worries, hopes and fears
To kiss your lips and wipe away your tears

But you deserve someone who can provide for you
Someone who can give you the sun and moon
Someone on whom you can always lean
Too bad that someone could never be me.

[Hoggypare]

thanks
Second one is nice too, from technical standpoint, but I personally don't like love/relationship inspired poetry. I love when poems are talking about might, good and evil, what is right or wrong, madness etc. of which the first one is a prime example, or on the other hand when they are lighthearted and funny. Although as I said - it is just a personal thing and just an oppinion.

[stabbymcstabstab]

Both of them Are awesome, continue the good work.

[Gamerlord]

  Thanks!