Catalyst Paintedmachine, Dwarven Baby - Imaginary DiaryHi everyone, I'm brand new! That's right, I'm the first baby of Kozothungèg Nokzamkanom Shash, to Mommy Strategia and Daddy Kar. Surely this is a sign of bright futures ahead for our lovely home! ... Hey, why does Daddy smell so funny?
Anyway, it's a super-special exciting day, not just because I'm here now, but because the circus is in town! Wait, why did you all go pale? I meant the animals!
Look at them all come parading in! In... through that thick, dark mist hanging in the air like curtains made of tar... Ooh, yuck, and it looks like they stepped in something slimy and yellow too... uh, okay. Well anyway, there are porcupines, and owls, and water buffalo and muskoxen and... goblins... and... uh... dwarves? And... pieces... of goblins... and dwarves...
Uh, okay! So have I mentioned what
lovely doors and drawbridges we have here? No? That's probably because I just developed a strong appreciation for them, just now.
Yep, nothing is getting by those bad boys, and they aren't being opened anytime soon! So nothing to worry about, I'm safe and secure here with these lovely... three... others. Wow, that's not many. Well, let's see who they are...
First there's some kid named Eric, so sickly he looks like a half-starved elf, who's running around and babbling. I'm sure we'll grow up together and have daring adventures and be
best friends. Right. That's it for dwarves around my own age.
Then there's Newbunkle, a one-armed fellow so tall I think he might be a secret human, who fancies himself some kind of harbinger of the apocalypse, which would be manageable, after all, who doesn't enjoy a good apocalypse story once in a while? But the fellow can barely string two words together coherently - and moreover, lacks the wit to actually come up with a compelling DESCRIPTION of the apocalypse. We're all warned that "Th' gods are gun' kill ya ded, someday I reckon." Not even diseases or floods or rain of fire, forgotten beasts, demonic invasion, or any of that good stuff - get this - he says we'll all be stabbed by kobolds. I swear...
Finally, there's Strategia, my own mother, hobbling around with me and a missing leg, bizarrely happy despite everything. This alone convinces me the woman has more than a few screws loose. If that weren't enough, she ALSO fancies herself a prophet. Not of doom, though, but of the coming of something called "
cheese". I've never heard of a more mad fantasy.
So, I'm locked in here with an insane two year old, two mad, idiot prophets, a few animals, and a whole lot of reeking corpses I am now eyeing suspiciously for any sign of movement. Oh, and several merchants who have gone mad from being locked in here. And their camels. Which have also gone mad.
Nevermind, everything sucks. Guess I better get started on that whole "needs alcohol to get through the working day" thing, huh?
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So I haven't actually DONE anything yet, but that should set the stage a little. If you're wondering how the hell a new born infant is giving a detailed account of the fortress... I have no idea, maybe I'll come up with some kind of explanation later, or not. Here's some visual overview:It's pretty much all up on the top level, with a staircase going straight down til it ends in an opening to the roof of the 2nd cavern... soooo perhaps I will do something about that.Will try to update again tomorrow night!