I don't find it unfortunate that it's "too" realistic. It kind of sets it apart in that you aren't just magically stronger than everyone for some arbitrary reason. For example, in other RPGs you can get repeatedly stabbed, slashed, and bludgeoned and still survive easily, and everyone dies in a few hits.
I strongly oppose using various skill and attribute leveling shenanigans (like repeatedly grabbing and releasing some creature, choking undead infinitely, throwing dirt at the ground, sneaking in circles.) and yet I still have had a fair number of strong, successful characters without using various cheap tactics, or hiding behind walls of companions. You just need to not play the game like you would with other traditional RPGs. You need to be cautious and careful, just as you would in real life.
As adventure mode gets more fleshed out with various features, you will have a bit more control of your character and more of a choice on things to do. Things like I.R.D.S (instant random death syndrome) will be more avoidable in combat with this increase of control. In terms of general gameplay, with more options being given (Such as living the life of a trader, etc), you won't be forced to kill things just to impact the world. So, getting randomly headshotted by an elite crossbowman won't be something that you will almost inevitably face. Lethal combat is just a part of the life of a warrior. If you really dislike nerve damage and the like, simply become a were-beast. When you do finally triumph against the rail-gun wielders of death, it makes the victory all that much more sweeter.
Remember, Toady understands that losing is fun IF you have control over the outcome, not just an inevitable death.