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I have no opinion and prefer to select the zany "other" option on forum polls

193 (52.7%)

Total Members Voted: 364

[Torrasque666]

vadia has been kicked in the unmentionables!
vadia has gives in to pain!

[GoombaGeek]

Spoiler: Battle Report (click to show/hide)

The goblin subsequently bled out.

I know, I know, a dwarf tearing out someone's throat isn't all that uncommon, but nobody reported it yet, so I may as well be the first. Also, the killing blow was actually the heart being torn by a rib broken by a shield bash. Additionally, my militia commander somehow managed to LODGE that shield in the wound, the visual of which eludes my imagination.

That leather sword is exactly how I imagined it

In the recent siege of Firegears, three hastily recruited dwarves and one Marksdwarf beat a troll to death, starting by bashing her teeth out. The Marksdwarf beat on her with her steel crossbow.

Giant mosquitoe bites urist.mc smexy to groin. blood is sucked from the wound. urist has been sucked dry 

i see what you did there.

My human adventurer had just received a beating from a Kobold ambush, but he was able to escape alive by leaving his companions to die while he crawled like hell. Anyway, because of this he can no longer grasp weapons. So I was stranded in an expansive tundra, with no liquid water what-so-ever. I had a waterskin of ice and I was dehydrated, so I decided to sneak into a Labyrinth and melt it. Of course, I got attacked by a minotaur. I tried to equip my pike, but it instantly fell to the ground. The minotaur smashed me around a bit. I decided to make a last ditch effort and throw my copper shield at him. The shield lodged in his skull and killed him instantly. The ice melted and now the adventurer is alive and well.

Derp, never mind me. I misunderstood what the "reports" part of the title meant.

Have you seen the volume of random crap in this thread?

REPOST NAO

'Kay. (A mite belated.)

I was constructing an above-ground hall on top of my fort when, due to a bit of careless deconstruction, I caused a cave in that pierced two z-levels to hit the bed of one of my dorfs, who was apparently sleeping in it at the time. He got smashed under three granite boulders and his bed was destroyed. He survived, but he lost his ability to stand and can't really grasp things any more.

The thing is, I didn't actually notice this until quite a bit later when I was preparing to pave the hall's floor and noticed an open space in the ground and followed it down to the dorf's 1x1 bedroom, which was splattered with his blood.

I am not good at micromanaging.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I don't think I should explain this here.

I hate to say this, but this is pretty boring...

Not a report, but one of my dwarves is missing her left arm and her right leg. Yet she is cutting down trees while somehow managing to stand up and hold, in her remaining hand, both her crutch and axe.

Oh no, I'm just commenting on how often this occurs. One handed dwarves, hell 2 handed dwarves, will often be carrying more things then sanity allows,

It's not just missing an arm, she's missing a leg, and cutting down a tree too.

Regardless, I'm pretty sure we've had plenty of other things that could be considered common posted here.

And on that note, From the world of necrothreat:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Later, thie baby dodged of her mom and punched a troglodyte in the lungs.

All this free fanart comes at a terrible cost - I demand being dwarfed as your most skilled engraver in Necrothreat! If they are already named, I will settle for a skilled mechanic or military-dwarf.

[Cabbagetroll]

As a rule, all of my dorfs are always decked out in robes, trousers, and shoes. I locked my noble and dwarven diplomat in a room. The noble chose, against all reason, to ignore the diplomat until he went stark raving mad. I then locked the noble out of his own room to let the diplomat die in peace. The noble was grumpy for having been denied access to his room, and did not seem to mind finding the diplomat dead by starvation, dehydration, and a case of the crazies.

[ZeroSumHappiness]

Can you make this into an alphabet book?

A is for Axe, driven into a wound.
B is for Baby, murdered by his mother.
C is for Cavy Boar, scaring the lumberdwarves.

[GoombaGeek]

As a rule, all of my dorfs are always decked out in robes, trousers, and shoes. I locked my noble and dwarven diplomat in a room. The noble chose, against all reason, to ignore the diplomat until he went stark raving mad. I then locked the noble out of his own room to let the diplomat die in peace. The noble was grumpy for having been denied access to his room, and did not seem to mind finding the diplomat dead by starvation, dehydration, and a case of the crazies.

CONGRATURATION

YOU ARE MAKE FIVE HUNDRED REPLY

YOU ARE WIN DELICIOUS CAEK

[njolma]

is it sad that when I saw this my first thought was " I hope goomba will draw that " XD

[doublestrafe]

So here's a thing. A while ago I had some goblins over for tea and violence, and the first incident was one of my marksdwarves shooting a goblin in the lower leg with a masterwork steel arrow. What took me by surprise was that the goblin immediately gave in to pain. The marksdwarf was of medium skill, and the goblin didn't seem particularly frail. So I surmised that the deciding factor must have been the ☼steel arrow☼.

So I have to wonder, if it really hurt that much to get hit by it, what does a ☼steel arrow☼ actually look like?

[Cabbagetroll]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

As a rule, all of my dorfs are always decked out in robes, trousers, and shoes. I locked my noble and dwarven diplomat in a room. The noble chose, against all reason, to ignore the diplomat until he went stark raving mad. I then locked the noble out of his own room to let the diplomat die in peace. The noble was grumpy for having been denied access to his room, and did not seem to mind finding the diplomat dead by starvation, dehydration, and a case of the crazies.

CONGRATURATION

YOU ARE MAKE FIVE HUNDRED REPLY

YOU ARE WIN DELICIOUS CAEK

A Diplomat has left unhappy.

[pisskop]

A Diplomat has left unhappy.

You know what?  Fuck them diplomats.  I'm unhappy.  Overseer's unhappy.  You come to me, trying to make me curry your king's favor?  No, You are here in my hall to earn my favor, to cater to me.  Fuck you, I'll drop you into the pit of Armless vampires...

Edit:  actually draw that....

[Splint]

five alligators and seven trogs vs a single soldier with an iron spear anda fungiwood tower shield, three war elephants and a war giant beetle. the beetle's carapace is blue for reference.

If you want to know the details, I'll tell you how badly we lost afterwards.

Alligators and trogs won. They didn't beat the animals but they sure as hell killed all the dwarves.

[birdy51]

Unfortunately, I have no report for this. I only started playing recently, and I'm still very much a noob. Fortunately, the story is still quite interesting on account of that fact.

For a long time, I had no idea how to make weapons. Having no clue how to make weapons yet, I was forced to simply arm my militia with their god-given weapons, their fists. Then it came from the depths.

I had recently dug into a cavern, and made the mistake of not sealing the path back upwards towards the bulk of my base. Needless to say, fun happened.

A troll came from the depths, and killed one of the poor regular dwarves. In desperation, I set nearly my entire force of nine dwarven militiadwarves against him. By the power of Armok and by their fists, they knocked the troll out, then preceeded to punch and kick it senseless. Then it woke up. Then it retched, vomited over my soldiers and then it lost conciousness again. It kept waking up to vomit again and again until it finally gave into pain.

At the same time this was happening, a giant worm was also coming up the stairwell. It too suffered a similar fate at the hands of the dwarves.

[pisskop]

Good ol' fashioned dorf curbstompin'.  Funniest thing ever to picture a bunch of drunk, bearded midgets kicking the shit out of some larger, hairier thing.  And a worm.

[Kofthefens]

Can you make this into an alphabet book?

A is for Axe, driven into a wound.
B is for Baby, murdered by his mother.
C is for Cavy Boar, scaring the lumberdwarves.

Like The GashleyCrumb Tinies?

[Manze]

And? I don't see the problem here. More interesting would be the INFINITE SHIELD Bug.

[Aviator CJ]

Good ol' fashioned dorf curbstompin'.  Funniest thing ever to picture a bunch of drunk, bearded midgets kicking the shit out of some larger, hairier thing.  And a worm.

Just the way you phrased this made me picture the drunk bearded midgets kicking the shit out of a perfectly normal worm. That is an image I'd like to see!