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[Splint]

Badger, giant badger, the only difference is it takes small ones more effort to kill a baby and use it's remains as a paintbrush.

[They Got Leader]

Badger, giant badger, the only difference is it takes small ones more effort to kill a baby and use it's remains as a paintbrush.

Nice image to paint

I like the picture as well. Well done.

[Splint]

Got an adventurer one. Goblin came charging at me under a fortress. Decided impaling his face on my axe was a good idea. It basically amounted to him sprinting out of the darkness and my adventurer literally just swung and put it in his head.

I prefer to think of it as him tripping over my dwarf and landing on the axe face first while trying to flee since I accidently all his friends.

[They Got Leader]

I prefer to think of it as him tripping over my dwarf and landing on the axe face first while trying to flee since I accidentally all his friends.

Win.

[GoombaGeek]

Ooo, ooo! I have one!

Don't have the actual report, happened a while ago, but:

A mother went hunting. This was a savage biome, but nothing tougher then giant insects had been seen. Then, all of a sudden, a Giant Jumping Spider appears nearby, assualting her. It bites her arm, knocking her over, and attacks the baby. It drags the baby away, biting it repeatedly till it died from bloodloss. At that moment, the mother all of a sudden wakes up, and strikes it with bolt or 10. Then she walks up to it, it now bleeding on the ground, and beats it to death. Then she takes her baby back, then comes back for the spider. Then she has it cooked and eats it.

"As grief consumed me,
so I consumed it."

the sword master gets strok in the brain by the sea lamprays tail!
Ya... 3rd time thats happend...

Earlier i had a fisherdwarf beat a kobold to death with her own silk tunic

If you are as old as my dad then you should capitalize your Is

Thought this badger got killed a bit fast, was expecting it's head to be cut off as it's a swordsman...




Flying kick to the face!

I had a zombie serpent woman chuck a kid several tiles into a slade wall.

I didn't take a screenshot at the time but this is what happened:

I had a webbed cage trap corridor full of caged crudles, troggolytes and what ever useless critters roam the caverns. Naturally, when I sent my haulers to get the cages some of them got themselves trapped. (Pretty common) Well, I ordered the cages to be built so I could get those useless peasants (and my mayor what was she doing in there?) out of the cages. Everyone was busy so nobody seemed to come release the last 2 remaining cage dwarves.

Then it happened. One of the fortress' last remaining kids (not many survive the first few years) organized a party at a cage. The cage contained his mother..

"Sigun Armorworks the branded Coal of Shrines, champion  has bestowed the name BEKARTHABOST upon a steel battle axe!"

four dwarves spent the better part of summer and autumn in the first year beating an alligator with training weapons before the one with the training sword scored a kill.

I know there's a difference between crocodiles and alligators, and it may be related to the tail, which would make this inaccurate. Unfortunately.

I had a legendary wrestler who grew slowly to power by holding enemy weapons while my men surround and mutilate them.

He died when his group of 20 got jumped by a goblin group of 60.

He was holding enemies weapons with his upper and lower everything and biting while at it.

so... He could hold down 9 goblins at a time.

but with his followers dead, I kind of saw it as the 9 goblins were holding him down as he got stabbed to death by spears..

I have plans for this one. I think it would make a nice t-shirt.

Got an adventurer one. Goblin came charging at me under a fortress. Decided impaling his face on my axe was a good idea. It basically amounted to him sprinting out of the darkness and my adventurer literally just swung and put it in his head.

I prefer to think of it as him tripping over my dwarf and landing on the axe face first while trying to flee since I accidently all his friends.

[Arnarinn]

I don't have the report, but a dwarfen child decied that he wanted to berserk the fortress, with a neccromancer around waiting for him to be killed by the military, so he could re-animate him.

His first victim was the father, who was the one who had to kill him (He was the leader of the guards).

[Sus]

The "dull surprise" look on that adventurer is priceless!

[Sus]

One of my forts got a lot of these:
A Rhesus Macaque has stolen a *steel bolt*!

At first, I thought they managed to sneak in, grab a single bolt and run away thinking themselves the world's greatest thief.
Then I realized the bolt was probably lodged in a wound, but that's a boring explanation.

[Splint]

The "dull surprise" look on that adventurer is priceless!

That was actually pretty much my reaction, cause he stopped bleeding everywhere and I lost track of him until that happened. Then suddenly FAECAXE!

[zahmir]

Just had this one happen.  A kobold thief tried to sneak past my barracks, and as soon as he was spotted was met with significant force.  first he was pinned by a wrestler and a few people took some whacks at him.  Then I got this message:

Kobold thief can no longer hold on to "pig tail loincloth."  Great, so now I have a naked kobold running around my fortress. But then I got this message:

"Urist McFeminazi swings at the Kobolds lower body with her battleaxe. The severed part flies off." 

Ohhh... dear....

[ledgekindred]

I know there's a difference between crocodiles and alligators, and it may be related to the tail, which would make this inaccurate. Unfortunately.

I live in Florida, which (I am pretty sure) makes me an unconditional expert on alligators.  The main difference, as you can see in your excellent diagram is the snout.  Alligators have a much more compact, wider snout versus the longer, more slender and pointed crocodilian snout.  Also when an alligator is submerged, the nostrils will still be above water, as they are raised above the rest of the snout.  (Again, painfully obvious in your skilled illustration.)  Finally, alligators have teeth that protrude while the mouth is closed facing downwards, while crocodilians have teeth that protrude upwards.  As your alligator has its mouth partially open, this is more difficult to observe.  However if we examine the dentition carefully, we can see that the upper teeth would clearly overlap the lower jaw if the mouth were closed.

I cannot fault the skill and detail you have put into what is clearly a drawing of an alligator.

[Loud Whispers]

So apparently one of the babies in my fort has decided that it enjoys rolling around in swarms of bees.

[Drazinononda]

All day at work this image kept popping up in my head, and it was hard not to just laugh out loud at it every single time.

[vadia]

....bolt strikes the kingsnake in the mouth, bruising the scale. 

1 in the mouth?
2 how do you bruise a scale?
3 why is there a scale in it's mouth?

[yes I realize now that it meant "strikes the kingsnake's mouth" -- still #2 applies and conceptually misunderstadings (often deliberate) are a major part of this thread.]

[GoombaGeek]

I don't have the report, but a dwarfen child decied that he wanted to berserk the fortress, with a neccromancer around waiting for him to be killed by the military, so he could re-animate him.

His first victim was the father, who was the one who had to kill him (He was the leader of the guards).

Urist McHopeless is waxing poetic because I think he is at the absolute (okay, it's not that hard if he was just Content, but...) literal bottom of the happiness scale, having been hit with many of the worst thoughts possible.
- Witnessed death
- Lost a child to tragedy recently
- Attacked by own dead child lately
- Sustained minor/major injuries recently (I dunno lol)
Fortunately, the necromancer was too prompt for
- Forced to endure the decay of a child lately
That's quite something. If he isn't memorialized his ghost might end up collapsing into a speck of despair and get batted around for eternity by the many ghost kittens every fortress surely has. (Are you cheered up yet? I think that was laying it on a bit thick before, but this game.)

One of my forts got a lot of these:
A Rhesus Macaque has stolen a *steel bolt*!

At first, I thought they managed to sneak in, grab a single bolt and run away thinking themselves the world's greatest thief.
Then I realized the bolt was probably lodged in a wound, but that's a boring explanation.

I looked up if it was an ape or a monkey. It's important!!

Just had this one happen.  A kobold thief tried to sneak past my barracks, and as soon as he was spotted was met with significant force.  first he was pinned by a wrestler and a few people took some whacks at him.  Then I got this message:

Kobold thief can no longer hold on to "pig tail loincloth."  Great, so now I have a naked kobold running around my fortress. But then I got this message:

"Urist McFeminazi swings at the Kobolds lower body with her battleaxe. The severed part flies off." 

Ohhh... dear....

Not shown: the +troll fur bra+ burning session later held with a female kobold thief.

So apparently one of the babies in my fort has decided that it enjoys rolling around in swarms of bees.

I don't know what I'd do without RGB Noise.

....bolt strikes the kingsnake in the mouth, bruising the scale. 

1 in the mouth?
2 how do you bruise a scale?
3 why is there a scale in it's mouth?

[yes I realize now that it meant "strikes the kingsnake's mouth" -- still #2 applies and conceptually misunderstadings (often deliberate) are a major part of this thread.]

All day at work this image kept popping up in my head, and it was hard not to just laugh out loud at it every single time.

It seems you have uncovered my diabolical plot to get every Bay12 member of working age fired. Here's a gif!

as soon as you turn your back