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[raaad31]

Don't have the actual report, but this is basically what happened:

-The Axedwarf charges the Coral Snake
-The Axedwarf lunges and bites the Coral Snake's head
-The Axedwarf lets go of the Coral Snake
-The Axedwarf grabs the Coral Snake by the throat
-The Axedwarf strangles the Coral Snake's throat (this went on for quite a while)
-The Militia Commander slashes at the Coral Snake's head and the severed part goes flying in an arc!

so basically a dwarf who really really hates snakes bites one in the head, proceeds to strangle it and is only stopped when his commander walks up and is like "dude...you might've gone a little too far"

[Xantalos]

There's an RL dude in Nepal or something who actually bit a snake to death.

[vadia]

There's an RL dude in Nepal or something who actually bit a snake to death.

That was clearly newsworthy since man bites dog is news

[GoombaGeek]

I was experimenting with stat-training by dropping coins when I somehow got this:

Less a report and more an event.

A dwarf miner dies of dehydration and hunger. Why is this wierd?
1) His colleague went upstairs for food twice
2) Everytime this dorf passed the dying one, he gained Comedian experience
3) The dwarf has weak leg muscles or laziness in his stats, I forgot

:3. Too lazy to walk upstairs for his booze.

I found this one pretty funny. Happened shortly after a bunch of ravens flew inside my fortress.

I severed a goblin crossbowman with my axe, then reanimated it and watched as it strangled him to death.

The entire crossbowman?

MATERNITY WARD DWARF: PILOT EPISODE
Dr. Dwarf: It looks like a malignant tumour that'll be sapping your strength and energy for twelve more years!
Mother: Dr. Dwarf, that's my baby!
*laugh track*

My last fort was plagued by cat heads with only a single hammerdorf to squish them.  Well not only cat heads, but they were the featured random body part with emu corpses, raven corpses, dog corpses, dorf corpses, elf corpses, corpse corpses, and a yak skin in a garbage pit.

Steel barbed wire traps did this.

it r teh kuhwaiy hors
if u pay me 500000 points i draw u rule 34 poits commish u can clop to that desu lov and tolertate~

I remember in one of my fortresses that the last surviving dwarf was the mayor who spent ages being strangled by a dragon. The dragon was over exerted and kept falling over after which it would attempt to strangle the major again. This went on for ages until I abandoned the fort and ended their epic struggle (not really all that epic, the major was unconscious). I have a photo of the battle report some where, I may post it later.

CAN'T DRAW HANDS?
CAN'T DRAW DRAGON HANDS.

From my partially modded game:

A hunter goes berserk and stabs a farmer twice in the pancreas with the bayonet of her bismuth bronze rifle. Then she bayonets a cat's paw, causing it to sail off in an arc. At this point another hunter notices that there's a homicidal maniac running around and that he should probably do something about it with the rifle he has in his hands. The berserk dwarf is hit in the right upper leg, chipping the bone. She falls over and gives into pain, and she is shot twice in the left and once in the pancreas. A few shots hit her legs, opening arteries in the left lower leg and the right upper leg. A few shots hit her arm, opening an artery. Then a -palm round- (I should've mentioned this before, but she was shot with wooden bullets) tears though her guts, and she vomits several times. She regains consciousnesses, gives into pain again, vomits a few times, comes to again, vomits, gives into pain, vomits repeatedly, wakes up, gives into pain, vomits several more times, comes to again, vomits, gathers up the willpower to move 1 tile, and vomits. Another hunter joins the understaffed and incompetent (if not sadistic) firing squad and the two end up shooting the psycho who has become the hero of this tale through sheer sympathy. They shoot her in the right upper leg, chipping the bone and in the left lung (AGAIN). She vomits and gives into pain for the umpteenth time and gets shot in the liver. Then she vomits, gets shot in the leg, and vomits again.

I really needed to post this. I couldn't start playing again until this was memorialized somehow. Oh, and a minor detail: please draw the rifles as bolt action rifles.

EDIT: I just found out the berserker is missing her right arm.

Great thread!

And so this is my contribution:
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=107909.0

SHIELDMECH

SHIELDBALL

But with "Irony comes in different flavors", you mean Hematite, Magnetite, and Limonite ?

And goblinite. Can't forget about that.

Time to stalk post 1000 like a raptor.
Like a raptor..LIKE A RAPTOR..

THEY CAN OPEN DOORS! (someone needs to make a photo of a dwarf freaking out at a raptor opening a door)

I have an image of a (report of a) dwarven child punching a raptor in the lower body, causing it to explode in gore. From way back in 40d, when body parts could just explode in gore. And I had raptors in my mods.

After nearly a hundred attempts to delve the lost, demon-overrun fortress of Skunksilvers, the luckiest adventurer so far has only managed to glean a masterwork steel axe and a masterwork adamantine high boot before being insta-killed by a tarantula made of snow who pushed him once.

Awesome thread!

I got some stories I would like you to draw, But lets start with this one;


One of my earlier adventurers back in the day was hiking around a forest when he saw a bunch of berries. Being relatively new to the game I tried to pick them up and eat them, only to set stuff on fire because that was the only option. I tried to pick up various berries only to fail miserably and setting them on fire.

Giving up I kept going only to stumble upon a elf village. Figuring I could trade with them or at least sleep there I made camp. After some sleep I wake up and everything is covered in smoke and elves running back and forth. I look for the source of the commotion and lo and behold; the entire forest retreat was burning! The fires I had started and forgotten about had spread and reached this place. I carefully shuffled of, pretending not to notice all the horribly suffering elves that burned merrily.

I liked this story:

So Im in a dungeon where there appears to be several non-hostile creatures. Including a commander and a captain. (There are also few hostile creatures). Are these bandits which dont recognize me as a hostile for some random reason?

When I reported kills to the commander he didnt say "thats good etc" and he also didnt say "foreign news dont help us". He said I love such stories. Also when I ask him about his profession and family he says I rather not talk about the past. So in essence can I kill him, take his loot and report his death to the joy of normal civilians?

Follow-up:

I just lobbed the commanders head off with my steel halberd before he could react. Still got my reputation for it and the whole dungeon instantly turned hostile. He dropped his masterworked longsword, helm and breastplate all made out of steel.

Adventurer dude meets a guy and his gang in the dungeon. They swap some stories, then it's head-chopping time. The gang is not amused.

I spend 10 minutes running away from bogeymen.
Who likes bogeymen anyway?You cant get anything from them,killing them fills your kills page with useless bogeyman kills,always hit and always dodge.
I imagine getting a machine gun and just shooting at a bogeyman.The bogeyman will dodge every 30 bullets and then poke me with his little finger and my head and torso would explode in gore.

When Toady removes them from the game I will donate him a 50 dollar paper and buy him a beer. (not likely that either will happen)

Just stumbled on this oddness in adventure mode:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You are what now?

Its kind of a strange world this one, corpses everywhere, no one seems to mind them.

While delving my demon-overrun fort, Skunksilvers with a professional misc object user, I found a gold statue of two giant narwhals (weighing well over 1000 urists). As soon as I picked it up, I was attacked by a giant scaly butterfly demon. Although I of course died horribly, I was able to knock off one of its hind legs with my massive weapon and send the limb flying across the warehouse I was fighting in.

Have your pictures explained the lag around the space elevators yet?

It's the fluid calculations.

Yeah that.

Lim Scratchwars was a hairy lobster forgotten beast with three stubby horns that undulates rhythmically and has a poisonous sting.

I had just started the reclaim and was still getting my dwarves to relocate everything and somehow Lim made it past the trees that kept him stuck in the caverns. He killed a traderdwarf and chased around my 8, somehow, dwarves until I drafted them all and told them to kill the sonofabitch. The first one to approach it was the miner, Dishmab Axegrasp. After a short dodging match, Dishmab counterstruck and broke one of its legs with his copper pick. He went on to continue striking the beast in multiple non-lethal spots without being hit back. The only hit that the beast got in was a bite that only bruised the muscle through the miner's robe. He continued picking it until a headshot was made. He's only a competent miner.

Anyone mind if I start drawing some stuff from here? I've been super busy lately and have had no time to draw, so something like this would be a good place to start.

Sure?

I do believe he actually intends to send a dead tree version, as long as postage is not-prohibitive.

Yes. Even if I have to pay Europostage.

Don't have the actual report, but this is basically what happened:

-The Axedwarf charges the Coral Snake
-The Axedwarf lunges and bites the Coral Snake's head
-The Axedwarf lets go of the Coral Snake
-The Axedwarf grabs the Coral Snake by the throat
-The Axedwarf strangles the Coral Snake's throat (this went on for quite a while)
-The Militia Commander slashes at the Coral Snake's head and the severed part goes flying in an arc!

so basically a dwarf who really really hates snakes bites one in the head, proceeds to strangle it and is only stopped when his commander walks up and is like "dude...you might've gone a little too far"

[Xantalos]

AHH DEAR GOD WHY CWC

[Kofthefens]

Just out of curiosity, are you still going to work on your webcomic?

[Tarangini]

You're so hilarious! XD

[GoombaGeek]

AHH DEAR GOD WHY CWC

WHO'S YOUR BRONY

Just out of curiosity, are you still going to work on your webcomic?

Probably not now that my laptop is broken and I'm too cheap to buy one before Boxing Day.

You're so hilarious! XD

awww

This batch took like an hour to draw because I fell behind, though... at least there's a lot of honest content in it.

[Mr S]

I love the depiction of the 31 year old man child.  Spot on.  Right down to the receding hairline!

[hermes]

Oh man, I lost it at SHIELDMECH.  Baby punching raptor was pretty hilarious too.  Between this and the Dumbass thread I've got all the online comedy I need.  Keep up the good work Goomba.     ....  what is the strangled mayor thinking of?  Plump helmet?  He, er, is hungry?

[fred1248]

My 2 year fort was attacked by a flying manticore, a lion with bats wing and scorpion's tail.
My poorly trained 6 dwarf squad of axeman charged out of the fort, trying to put it down before it wrecks havock on the civilians.
The not-so-bright recruit charges in, and gets grabbed by the manticore, and they both tangle together and fall to the ground (the manticore was flying).
While the recruit was busy trying to NOT die, the squad leader approaches the manticore from behind, hacks it with his battle axe once, twice, and the third time.
First hit hit the right rear leg, severing the motor nerve and fracturing the bone. Second hit hit the back of the manticore, fracturing the upper spine and severing the nerves, and the final hit decapitated the manticore, and the severed head flies away... only to hit the other recruit in the face, killing him.

[Just Some Guy]

Good job with my report!

I kind of expected it to be a bit gorier, though.

[GoombaGeek]

I love the depiction of the 31 year old man child.  Spot on.  Right down to the receding hairline!

Oh man, I lost it at SHIELDMECH.  Baby punching raptor was pretty hilarious too.  Between this and the Dumbass thread I've got all the online comedy I need.  Keep up the good work Goomba.     ....  what is the strangled mayor thinking of?  Plump helmet?  He, er, is hungry?

He's hungry and thirsty. He is debating whether to let the plump helmet in his thoughts ferment and become drinkable or to just eat it, but then he remembered he had no plump helmet in the first place

Good job with my report!

I kind of expected it to be a bit gorier, though.

Nobody caught that the wrong arm was missing? Shame!

EDIT: inb4 page 69
EDIT EDIT: loud whispers you don't count stop making us feel inadequate with 50 ppp

[Loud Whispers]

EDIT EDIT: loud whispers you don't count stop making us feel inadequate with 50 ppp

PEHGE TWENTLETY VONE

I love the depiction of the 31 year old man child.  Spot on.  Right down to the receding hairline!

(C) Sonichild

[KirigStonebeard]

Not sure if this is worth a pic, but I did find it amusing.

I had an immigrant stonecrafter/hunter show up and immediately set to work hunting a muskox. She shot it until she ran out of ammo, at which point it wasn't quite dead, so I drafted her to have her finish the job.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This was DF's idea of "the part sails off in an arc":

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Those are ALL teeth. I wish I had a video of the explosion, it was pretty impressive.

Great thread Goomba, keep up the good work!