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[femmelf]

Someone will come up to me or I'll come up to them or we'll find each other in the same area....

At some point, you either actively ignore them or you say SOMETHING. Honestly, I think I'd like to talk to people more, but what the heck do you say? I don't know them. They don't know me. We know nothing about one another. God I sometimes end up standing there smiling politely like a moron. It often seems neither of us knows what to say. We're often polite and stuff, but what the heck do you say? God, I feel so damn dumb.

I swear I know how to talk, but I just have no idea what to say, and I'm not sure that makes me seem any smarter. Ugh. Awkward. I just ugh. What and why can't I say?

Feeling Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid.

[Tellemurius]

Think of a favorite subject you think you can start a conversation with it and go with it from there... I mean, thats how most people meet, theres always something awkward and you just need something to break it.

[weenog]

I'm mostly in the deliberately ignore camp, I don't like people much.  When I do intend to start up a conversation, either because I suspect the other person has information I want, or because they seem interesting, I find "Excuse me" followed by a simple question suffices.  Sometimes I use an incomplete question that invites a question in turn.  It seems to encourage them to engage instead of just standing there staring.  I may volunteer a little bit of information to put the relevance of the question in context.

Recent example striking up a brief conversation with an older fellow whose bike was locked up next to mine.
"Excuse me, Sir?  How's that working out for you?" *subtle gesture which apparently he misses*
"How's what working out?"
"The rear view mirror you have.  I need to get one soon, but I can't decide whether to go for an on-bike or on-helmet type."
"Well, it is a controversy.  I find that..." *3-5 minutes of informative conversation follows*


You say you know nothing about each other.  Pay more attention.  The way people dress, and act, what they carry, even details about their bodies can give you clues.  A man wearing big heavy work boots that are pristine clean and undamaged either just went shoe shopping or is a pretentious asshole (boots you work in don't stay clean and they do get beat up, they're like pickup trucks that way).  A person with faint brownish orange stains near the tips of their index and middle fingers almost certainly smokes, a lot.  Someone sweating their ass off in 60 degree weather is probably nervous or just coming off some serious exercise, check clothes and behavior to figure out which is more likely.  Scarred up hands suggest fighter, hard worker, or accident prone, again clothing can narrow this down (lots of rings is not someone who makes their living putting their hands into circuitry or mechanics).

Think about it.  You can probably come up with a lot more clues you can pick up just by observing people, than are worth me noting here.

[LordBucket]

There are plemty of books, CDs, seminars, and other material on this topic. For example, How to Talk to Anyone has a lot of useful information.

If you have more specific questions it would be much easier to answer those than the general prompt you've given. However...one general solution that often gets good results is to not worry about having anything to say. Instead, express interest in what the other person is saying. People usually like it when others find them interesting. So listen to what they say and give encouraging prompts. When in doubt, one little trick to keep a conversation going is to simply take the last little bit of any sentence given to you and turn it into a question. This convinces most people that you're listening to them, and would like to hear more.

For example:

Bob: Hi, my name's Bob. I'm from California. Nice to meet you.
Alice: Hi, Bob. I'm Alice. You're from California?
Bob: Sure am! Southern california. Orange county.
Alice: Orange County? Really?
Bob: Heh...yeah. I know, I know...there was a movie about it. But it's not all like in the movie. Well, not completely anyway.
Alice: Not like the movie, huh?
Bob: Well...I guess it's a little like the movie. Parts of it anyway. There's actually a great joke about California...(etc.)

Do you see what Alice is doing? She's contributing no new information, but rather simply regurgitating everything Bob says in question form. This is a more complicated form of saying "Oh?" "Right." "Uh-huh." "Really?" "Yeah." but by incorporating what the other speaker is saying you come across as sounding far more involved, and like a good listener who's genuinely interested in what he has to say.

Many tricks of this sort exist. But again...would be easier to answer specific questions.

[Sergius]

Ok, this is just me, but it makes sense to me to talk about whatever is in common, the most obvious choice, where are you and what are you doing.

Are you at the mall?
"Hey there." "Hi, how are you doing." ... (silence)... "Hey, I just came from store X, they're having a sale of Y..."

Are you at a club?
"Hello. Hey, nice music they're playing..." "This drink is so good..." etc

Fan convention?
"Luke I am your father" "no! that can't be true!"

And so on.

[Azated]

I'm terrible at talking to people, too. Always have been, despite my love of languages and pretty extensive vocabulary. I feel that if you have nothing useful to add to a conversation, you shouldn't say anything at all. It took me a while to figure out that people don't really care what you say, as long as it's partially relevant to the topic. This is where rehearsal comes in handy.

Try to remember the conversations you have, then think about possible responses afterward. Try to plan ahead instead of just responding to someones question, and go for generic and simple answers instead of specifics. If someone asks "How are you?" don't say "Well, I'm feeling a bit sick because of that taco I had for lunch". Say something very unoriginal, like "Not bad, yourself?".

It helps to know that people don't really care what you say, as long as it's partially relevant to the topic at hand. You could be talking about the merits of using lightning as a renewable form of energy, and as long as you act like you're paying attention, you'll do fine. Ask questions about things, like LordBucket suggested. It really works.

[LordBucket]

talk about whatever is in common

That works...provided you have something in common.

Bob: Hey, nice to meet you Alice. Do you play games?
Alice: No.
Bob: Ok...umm, well, hey! How was college? I went to Berkeley and it was pretty awesome.
Alice: I didn't go.
Bob: Do you like music?
Alice: No.
Bob: What about pets? Do you like animals? My sister wants to be a vet.
Alice: No. Never had one. Don't have any brothers or sisters either."

Bob is trying really hard, but Alice isn't giving him anything to work with. You can't always count on having something in common with somebody. But whether or not you do, odds are good that the person you're talking to has interests. Things that they like. Getting someone to talk about something they like is generally easier than finding common ground.

Try to plan ahead instead of just responding to someones question

Good advice. In the above example, Bob is trying, and Alice is making it difficult for him.

Don't be Alice.

If somebody gives you a conversational lead, take it. Maybe it's not something that interests you. Maybe it's not something you know about. But they're trying...so make it easy for them.

Bob: Hey, nice to meet you Alice. Do you play games?
Alice: That depends. What kind of games?

Bob: How was college? I went to Berkeley and it was pretty awesome.
Alice: Really? Tell me about it.

Bob: Do you like music?
Alice: I don't really know much about it. What do you like?

Bob: What about pets? Do you like animals? My sister wants to be a vet.
Alice: Oh, really? I'm an only child. It must be nice having a sister. What's she like?"

Also, try to avoid yes or no questions and yes or no responses. "Do you like X?" "No." is a conversation ender. It's like bring handed a brick wall to climb. Avoid giving the person you're speaking the chance to compell you to start over.

Let's say that Alice has no interest in music. Consider two scenrios:

Bob: Hey, Alice. Do you like music?
Alice: No.

Ok...now what? Bob has to start over with a different tack. What if instead he asks:

Bob: Hey, Alice. What kind of music do you like?

Doesn't mean that Alice will suddenly like music because Bob phrased the question differently, but it does at least compell her to give a more interesting answer than yes or no. Conversations involve being both a speaker and a listener. Sometimes that means encouraging the other person to speak.

Don't worry so much about having something to say. Focus more on being easy to talk to.

[Sergius]

talk about whatever is in common

That works...provided you have something in common.

No no no, talk about what there is in common about the situation where you are meeting. Read more than one sentence in my post.

[ed boy]

In addition to what is being said, keep in mind that conversational skills, like any other skills, require practice.

[G-Flex]

In response to the OP: Why would you even be in a situation to talk to someone who you don't know, don't have a specific reason to talk to, and don't have anything specific to talk to them about? Are you trying to engage random strangers on the street, or what?

[MaximumZero]

As a salesman (even though I'm technically not,) this is what I do for a living despite being an almost total introvert.

Step 1: Engage in small talk. "Hey, how are you?" "How's it going?" "Are you enjoying the weather?"
Step 2: Attempt to establish rapport. Notice things about the other person, like what they're wearing, especially accessories. "Hey, I see you like [sports team], I like [sports team] too!" "Nice earrings, where did you get them?" "[Movie] tshirt? Best. Movie. Ever."
Step 3: Discover more about the person by actively listening to them. This takes practice, and not many people are good at it at first. Good eye contact, body language, and affirmations of content (once in a while, call back to earlier in the conversation if it's pertinent.)
Step 4: Ask for the sale.

That's really it, just repeat 2 and 3 until you have a sufficient conversation.

That said, all of the previous advice is correct. It does take practice. Talk about the situation at hand, after all, that's something you have in common. Pay attention and be observant. Above all, be decently friendly and talk to someone like you'd like to be talked to.

[LordBucket]

Attempt to establish rapport

Useful tip for doing so: match the manner of speech, language and body language of the other person. A calm, quiet person will tend to feel more at ease with someone who is also calm and quiet than they will with someone loud and intense. And vice versa. Some people are more or less comfortable with physical contact than others. Mimic the cues given by the other person. Observe speech. People from different places and of different socioeconomic backgrounds will tend to use different language. If someone greets you with "sup, dude" they're likely to be comfortable with a different sort of language than someone who greets you with "how do you do."

The point of seeking rapport is to generate a feeling in someone that you're just like them, and consequently, they should be comfortable with you. Being "like" someone takes many forms besides merely having a common topic of discussion. Observe their non-verbal cues.

If someone tells you about their "kids" then talk to them about their "kids." If they tell you about their "children" then talk to them about their "children." Observe word choices. Observe body language. Observe intensity. Observe where they look. Observe their posture. Mimicking the character of their communication and personal presentation will go far to generate feelings of rapport within them.

[MaximumZero]

This part falls into a grey area for me. Do it too little, and it seems like you're not in the conversation. Do it too much, and the person may be put off by you copying them. It's easier to just kind of let this be guided by the conversation, and a good conversationalist can pull someone else into their territory. A good measure of how to tell how much to do this: Lean on something. If they relax, you don't have to go as far into their territory, and they'll probably follow your cues. If not, you have to move in on their mannerisms.

[LoSboccacc]

I'm an antisocial type. They say.
I prefer to think that I hate small talk because it conveys nothing useful and my time is best spent elsewhere.

In the interest of a quiet life due social pressure for not being the lone guy, you can always fake small talk. It is not like you have to be meaningful or informed.

Faking is simple. Weather always work. Just don't focus on the now, make stupid comparisons.
"this winter was soo cold, I'd never expected an estate so hot"
"I remember two year ago it was not this hot, but boy humidity was so much more"


Acceptance is only the first step

Maybe after faking it for a while you'll discover that you like it.

Just focus on something nebulous in the past or future, and make a comparison with the situation at hand. Is a car here? you saw one once with a strange paint. A dog passes by? tell something about a dog you parent owned.

just stay simple and let the conversation flow. Don't make outstanding lies, and don't being too obnoxious in commenting everything. start small and find a balance. Maybe they come up with a joke on the situation, use it with other people. It won't work at first, you'll get on the fun stories slowly as that requires more attitude.

To avoid being obnoxious, avoid telling too much jokes. Stop as soon as one of them fails; don't try until the next week. you don't want to move from antisocial to the unfunny guy.

Yes, it's creepy, but if you really want it, you have to start somewhere.

[lordcooper]

Ask them if they've seen your llama.