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Author Topic: Roll to Priest: The End.  (Read 68887 times)

Toaster

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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Milk! Turn Zero: Why Did I Become a Priest?!
« Reply #240 on: October 05, 2012, 10:22:20 pm »

The original version had "by his ear."  The part that never left my head had "by his bollocks by his ear" because we all know how well that worked last time.
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn One: Idontwannabeapriestanymore!
« Reply #241 on: October 09, 2012, 07:47:05 am »

Episode Four: Turn One: Idontwannabeapriestanymore!



The Village of Ardglass…


Seeing as everything is going swimmingly, start singing. If I come across some of those bastard children, show off by ghost riding the whip.

Yeah, that'll show those bloody bastards whose cool in town!
Cruising along in downtown Ardglass, Father Fusco is living the dream.

"Boy, are those feckers missin' out!" he exclaims, referring to his priestly colleagues. "This is the feckin' life right here, it is!" he declares, daringly pushing the accelerator down and watching the speedo rise to nearly three miles per hour.

The wind rushes through his hair.

He starts singing some rather edgy modern hymns and suddenly spots a group of small children by the side of the road. An idea hits him.

Father Fusco drives to the top of the slight incline he is cruising along, past the group of small children, reaches the top, performs a u-turn, and heads back down the hill, m-singing as loud as he can with the windows down.

“Our Lord – is pretty cool,
If you don’t agree, you some kind of fool!
He’s got wicked alloys,
The Devil’s got wack ploys,
So don’t sin! Agin! Or I’ll begin!
To… er… Blast. Aha!
Don’t sin, or you’ll have to begin,
Confessin’?
As I sing my hymn?
Erm. Yo?”


As he approaches the small children, he changes through the milk float’s range of gears from first to neutral, opens the door, leaps out, and runs his foot over.

Diving back into his milk float to escape the jeers of the local populace, he slams the accelerator down, blasting away at nearly four and a half miles an hour!

Suddenly his mobile priest phone rings!


The Village of Ardglass Church…


With this wise antagonizing of his fellow priests, Father Brown sets out to his parish to prepare a village feast on the church grounds. Nothing can wrong there.
Back at Ardglass Church, Father Brown decides he’d rather be at Creggenbaun Church, and rushes off to his parish.

”Yes,” he says to his fellow priests as he leaves. ”And my plan is to stay as far away from you gobshites as feckin' possible. Fecking sad excuses for members of the Catholic clergy, the pair of you!”

Arriving at his parish, he immediately gets out his enormous tea urn and starts preparing enough tea for several villages and then, dashing about the church kitchen like some kind of deranged octopus-priest, starts preparing cake. A cake big enough to feed several thousand. Five thousand, he thinks happily to himself.

He searches for his fish-shaped cake mould.

Minutes later Father Brown is in the churchyard, hanging his second mile of green bunting when he smells a strange smell.

A strange burning smell!

A smell that smells somewhat similar to the terrible smell of burning cake! And burning church kitchen! And, indeed, burning church!

Father Brown turns in horror to see flames dancing out of the church kitchen window.

Suddenly his mobile priest phone rings!


Get to my parish and hold a conciliatory fair/mass to show that the clergy aren't so bloody insane.
"...Eh, true enough," admits Father Reilly as Father Brown ambles off to his very own private culinary inferno.

He realises that Father Brown may actually be onto something, and heads back to Cloonsherevagh, his temporary adopted parish, and starts hanging his own green bunting in the church yard.

Interested villagers pass by, stop for a friendly chat and, gradually, accumulate before the makeshift altar that Father Green has slapped together with a couple of old crates. The moment has come.

”Friends,” begins Father Green. ”Villagers, Islanders… You know, not all members of the clergy are bloody insane. Many of us, including me, are perfectly reasonable, dontcha know. In the wake of the recent spate of church burnings – which may or may not be the work of juvenile church-haters – I want to offer you a Mass. A nice conciliatory Mass. A Mass calling for love, forgiveness in case it was actually a member of the clergy responsible for any of these church burnings, and happiness. As a sign of goodwill, I will make this a Mass for all. Does anyone have any sentiments they’d like to add?”

”Could you say a bit of Mass for me cat?” shouts one villager. ”He’s terribly sick today!”

”Erm… Ok?”

Suddenly his mobile priest phone rings!

Drag Lennan to the TV station from T1 last episode and Mass again on TV with Lennan!
"Righto, Bishop!" shouts Father Lars. "I think that TV station liked our Mass, so why don't we try it again? Come along!"

Grabbing Bishop Lennan right by his feckin’ bollocks, Father Lars drags the bishop out of the church and down the street before deciding that there might be a more efficient way of transporting a bishop. He lugs him onto his shoulders and sprints to the local television station.

He bursts in, brandishing the bishop at an astonished chatshow host.

”Look!” screams Father Lars. ”This is a… this is a… Feck.”

He addresses the camera directly.

”I’ve got a feckin’ bishop!” he shouts. ”And I’m not afraid to use him! I want five minutes to Mass, a million dollars, and a feckin’ helicopter straight to the feckin’ airport!”

”Erm…”

”Now!”

”Rolly Island doesn’t have an airport, Father Lars…”

”Oh right so. Erm. Well, how about I just do a nice bit of Mass then and I’ll be on me way.”

”Father, put the bishop down. Come on now Father, you’re on live island-wide TV. Put the bishop down before you make a fool of yourself.”

”I JUST WANT TO FECKIN’ SAY FECKIN’ MASS! FOR FECK’S FECKIN’ SAKE! IN NOMINE PATR-”

”PUT THE FECKIN’ BISHOP DOWN! SLOWLY AND CALML-“

”DID YOU JUST GRAB ME BY THE FECKIN’ BOLLOCKS?” asks Bishop Lennan, overcoming his sudden onset state of shock. ”DID YOU JUST GRAB ME BY THE FECKIN’ BOLLOCKS FATHER FECKIN’ LARS I SWEAR TO-”

”Erm, hold on there, Bishop Lennan. I think I’ve got a phone call.”


Interrupting the bishop, Father Lars answers his mobile priest phone.


”Set up a feckin’ conference call with your other gobshite priests, you feckin’ gobshite.” comes the anonymous instruction. ”I can feckin’ see you there on the telly, you big smelly bollock. Do a feckin’ teleconference NOW, or I’ll… do… something really feckin’ terrible.”

Father Lars and the chatshow host scramble about for a minute to set up a teleconference.

”And now feckin’ well put me on loudspeaker so every feckin’ bastard watching this feckin’ shite can feckin’ see what a feckin’ gobshite ye are. Yes, I’m talking about you, Father feckin’ Lars. You and your feckin’ gobshite priests.”

Father Lars puts the anonymous caller on loudspeaker and broadcasts his chilling threat to the nation.

”Right, you feckin’ bastard. Ooh, I can feckin’ hear meself on the television. Hello there ma! Hello there, me! Right. This is Pat feckin’ McCustard, and you’re a feckin’ gobshite. You feckin’ well got me sacked from me feckin’ job AND shot in the arse, and since I can’t make me feckin’ rounds anymore I’ve gone feckin’ crazy from the fever, if you know what I mean. Me arm’s a bit tired, if you see what I’m saying. Me bishop’s a bit bashed, if you catch me drift. I’M MISSING ALL ME LOVIN’ HOUSEWIVES, YOU BASTARD FATHER FECKIN’ LARS, AND I’M GONNA HAVE ME FECKIN’ REVENGE!”

”Erm, right so?”

”Oh yes. I know your priest chum stole me feckin’ milk float. Well. It’ll be the last feckin’ milk float he steals, the little shite. I’ve put a bomb on that milk float, so I have. An ingenious contraption, so I did. And when that little milk float stealing gobshite goes over four miles an hour THE FECKIN’ BOMB WILL ARM! AND AS SOON AS HE GOES UNDER FOUR FECKIN’ MILES AN HOUR, THAT BASTARD FECKIN’ BOMB WILL FECKIN’ WELL EXPLODE! AND WHEN THAT BASTARD FECKIN’ GOBSHITE BOMB FECKIN’ WELL EXPLODES, THEY’RE GONNA FECKIN’ WELL HEAR IT AT THE NORTH FECKIN’ POLE! MUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!”

”Oh feck!” gasps Father Lars. ”Did you hear that, Father Fusco?”

”Idon’twannabeapriestanymore!”

”Don’t worry, Father Fusco!” declares Father Lars. ”We’ll feckin’ well save you! WE’VE GOT TO FECKIN’ SAVE YOU!”

Spoiler: !!SPEED!! (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: !!REVISED POPS!! (click to show/hide)
No priests are naked! One church is burning! Father Fusco has a -1 Crushed Foot penalty next turn!
THE SPEED OF THE MILK FLOAT IS 4.5 MILES PER HOUR!
Spoiler: Delivery Schedule (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: GM Notes (click to show/hide)


edit: Yes, we might forego the Lead Priest for this Episode I think. Especially since Bishop Lennan isn't necessarily in the position to confer Lead Priest status on anyone just yet.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2012, 09:08:08 am by lawastooshort »
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn One: Idontwannabeapriestanymore!
« Reply #242 on: October 09, 2012, 08:07:23 am »

Father Brown peered at his church. He frowned. He wasn't the type of priest to burn churches - or cakes, for that matter. Therefore, he deduced, the church couldn't really be on fire. Quickly, reality reasserted itself.

Father Brown decides the church cannot be on fire. He retrieves the perfectly fine cake and tea and serves them outside. Once villagers begin to appear, Father Brown makes them understand this as well.
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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn One: Idontwannabeapriestanymore!
« Reply #243 on: October 09, 2012, 08:31:18 am »

It just wouldn't be an interesting turn if it didn't have someone's bollocks in it.  Father Lars truly shows off his tremendous holy presence, here.

Father Lars addresses the phone.

"Lad, stop this madness!  You'll go straight to Hell if you don't stop this sort of thing!

He then addresses the live TV audience and explains to the audience that clearly priests are not violent nude arsonists, and that clearly this madman is behind the church burnings.



Besides, I wasn't even naked when that movie theater caught on fire.  Oh God, here I go giving the GM ideas again.




I'll be Lead Non-Milkman Priest if no one else wants the job.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn One: Idontwannabeapriestanymore!
« Reply #244 on: October 09, 2012, 09:36:27 am »

((This just gets better and better! :D))
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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn One: Idontwannabeapriestanymore!
« Reply #245 on: October 09, 2012, 10:04:42 am »

"FECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECK. I am so feckin' fecked right now.
Why did I take the keys? Why didn't I just let Lars do it. I never liked the feckin' bastard anyway..."


Use my NON-crushed foot to keep the acceleration down, and try to make my way to Mrs. O' Doherty's place and toss the milk onto the lawn.
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monk12

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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn One: Idontwannabeapriestanymore!
« Reply #246 on: October 09, 2012, 11:43:31 am »

What a TWEEST!

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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn One: Idontwannabeapriestanymore!
« Reply #247 on: October 10, 2012, 03:13:25 am »

Reilly, having just heard all this, quietly slipped his phone into a pocket, and shrugged. Priorities were priorities.

"Sorry bout that, important priestly shite and stuff....I'll do a bit of a mass for ye' cat, but since we're all out here in this feckin' beautiful air, lets sing to the heavens for the gob- um it."

Convince the people to sing the mass for the cat.
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn Two: Rushing Into Action!
« Reply #248 on: October 10, 2012, 07:09:08 am »

Episode Four: Turn Two: Rushing Into Action!



The Village of Creggenbaun Church…


Father Brown decides the church cannot be on fire. He retrieves the perfectly fine cake and tea and serves them outside. Once villagers begin to appear, Father Brown makes them understand this as well.
”Feck!” exclaims Father Brown, peering incredulously at his church before correcting himself.

“Arse!”

He looks a little closer, realises this just isn’t the type of thing he’d do, and rushes into the church to grab his perfectly burnt cake, before strolling back outside to meet his gathering congregation.

He serves tea and cake to a pair of old ladies as his church burns to the ground behind him.

“You know, Mrs O’Dearr, this whole believing in burning churches thing… it’s not really very Catholic, you know. Not even really very Irish. You know, the English are rather fond of believing in burning churches, so they are. Gobshites.”


The Village of Ardglass…


Father Lars addresses the phone.

He then addresses the live TV audience and explains to the audience that clearly priests are not violent nude arsonists, and that clearly this madman is behind the church burnings.
Back in the television studio, all hell, so to speak, is breaking loose. Father Lars is still brandishing his bishop, waving it about in one hand and holding the phone before his face in the other.

"Lad, stop this feckin’ madness!“ he shouts, to the vengeful Pat McCustard. "You'll go straight to Hell if you don't stop this sort of thing!”

The priest paces up and down the studio stage, throwing the phone to the floor, wielding the bishop above his head and addressing the camera again.

"Feck! You know, I wasn’t even naked when I set that cinema on fire! I’ve never been naked! I love clothes! Some of my best friends are clothes! You know, that feckin’ gobshite McCustard is probably naked RIGHT NOW,” he continues, tucking the bishop under his arm as he starts to clumsily kick off his shoes. "He probably likes being naked!”

A pair of security guards rushes onto the stage.

“Come on now, Father, put the bishop down and no one will get hurt!”

"Feck off! Feckin’ feck off, you pair of feckers!”

“Come on Father, put the bishop down nice and slow and we can all-“

Father Lars throws the bishop at the security guards, knocking them both to the floor! He dashes barefooted over to the nearest lighting stand, picks it up and smashes it down on the head of the nearest member of the public before picking Bishop Lennan back up. The frenzied priest tears off his cassock with one hand and clambers up amongst the audience, swatting them aside with the bishop in the other as he climbs the rows of seats.

He reaches the top and turns, waving the bishop at the studio crew and terrified villagers below.

"Come on, you bastards! I’ll show you, you feckin’ eejits! Come and take me, you gobshites! I’ve had enough! We’re not all violent nudists! I didn’t do any arson! It was him! The feckin’ bishop!”

Murmurs of scandalised astonishment break out amongst the onlookers. The camera zooms in on one of the fallen security guards speaking hurriedly into a lapel microphone.

“This is O’Jones, over. We’ve got a rogue priest in Studio 2 again. I repeat: Code 7: rogue priest in Studio 2! Requesting immediate back up! HE’S GOT A FECKIN’ BISHOP!”

Father Lars suddenly takes a moment to reflect.

“Bollocks,” he realises. He shivers with the slight chill of televised nudity.

His introspection is disturbed by a sudden piercing cry near his ear.

”FATHER LARS. PUT ME THE FECK DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I WILL MAKE YOUR BOLLOCKS INTO TEA BAGS! YOUR ARSE IS GOING TO GET KICKED SO FECKIN’ HARD IT COMES OUT YOUR FECKIN’ GOBSHITE OF A MOUTH! DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PAPUA NEW GUINEA? WHERE THEY STILL EAT MEN? I THINK THEY NEED A FECKIN’ PRIEST DOWN THERE YOU KNOW!

Use my NON-crushed foot to keep the acceleration down, and try to make my way to Mrs. O' Doherty's place and toss the milk onto the lawn.
"FECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECKFECK. I am so feckin' fecked right now." fecks Father feckin’ Fusco. "Why did I take the keys? Why didn't I just let Lars do it? I never liked the feckin' bastard anyway..."

Slamming his foot down, Father Fusco careers off round the corner at the bottom of the hill at over five miles per hour, expertly reaching over his shoulder to grab two bottles of milk as he drives by Mrs O’Doherty’s house. He lobs them through the open milk float window.

They shatter on her front lawn.

“One fecker down,” sighs Father Fusco. “Five feckers to go.”


The Village of Cloonsherevagh Church…


Reilly, having just heard all this, quietly slipped his phone into a pocket, and shrugged. Priorities were priorities.

Convince the people to sing the mass for the cat.
"Sorry bout that, important priestly shite and stuff..." shrugs Father Reilly to his gathered villagers, "I'll do a bit of a mass for ye' cat, but since we're all out here in this feckin' beautiful air, lets sing to the heavens for the gob- um it."

“What a lovely feckin’ idea!” exclaims Mrs O’Dirhh.

“Feck!” concurs Mr McFecarcy.

“Well, that’s decided then!” announces Father Reilly. “We shall sing… Hymn number 23, Thank Thee Lord For All Your Aid to Cats.

The lovely morning air is soon filled with the beautiful praise of our Lord and, in particular, His aid to cats.

“Oh Lord, we pray now for Thine aid,
Oh grant us it before he’s dead.
Your wondrous workings fill our hearts with light,
Oh please Lord save yon feline gobshite.”


The villagers take over for the next verse.

“Oh Lord, we pray not just for ourselves,
But also for our cats stuck up on shelves.
They climb up where they might not descend,
So please send them Your helping hand.”


And then, as joy and faith are spread through the congregation, Father and flock join together as one for the chorus. The sun bursts through a break in the clouds above.

“Thank Thee Lord for all your aid to cats,
In parks and houses and retirement flats.
And if it comes to pass that he kicks it,
Take mercy on the feckin’ arsebiscuit!

Thank Thee Lord for all your aid to cats,
In parks and houses and retirement flats!”


One priest is naked! One church is burnt!
THE SPEED OF THE MILK FLOAT IS 5.2 MILES PER HOUR!
Spoiler: GM Notes (click to show/hide)
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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn Two: Rushing Into Action!
« Reply #249 on: October 10, 2012, 08:56:36 am »

If there was an actual burning church, with actual burning flames, they would've crackled actually pretty loud. This wasn't the case, but Father Brown still felt like he needed to lead an improvised mass to distract his congregation. Not that they needed to be distracted from anything.

Mass, mass to block out Bad Things. Not that there are any.
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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn Two: Rushing Into Action!
« Reply #250 on: October 10, 2012, 10:09:58 am »

TO MOLONEY'S HOUSE WE GOOOO! Also, start singing, despite the serious nature of the situation.

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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn Two: Rushing Into Action!
« Reply #251 on: October 10, 2012, 10:27:33 am »

Sweet, glorious 1s.

Wear the Bishop, then convince the audience that they are, in fact, better off listening to the priesthood and generally doing what we say.  Also don't shoot me please
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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn Two: Rushing Into Action!
« Reply #252 on: October 11, 2012, 01:58:59 am »

"That was feckin' great!"

Priorities dealt with, Reilly turned his mind over to the other issue.

"Now...I be needing some help with a friend of mine; his truck's gone a bit crazy with the bombs and needs some help; anyone of ye' a mechanic or one of those feckin' CSI bomb specialists?"

Ask the people if any of them know how to work on a car or bomb.
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Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn Three: In The Nip!
« Reply #253 on: October 15, 2012, 08:33:37 am »

Episode Four: Turn Three: In The Nip!



The Village of Creggenbaun Church…


If there was an actual burning church, with actual burning flames, they would've crackled actually pretty loud. This wasn't the case, but Father Brown still felt like he needed to lead an improvised mass to distract his congregation. Not that they needed to be distracted from anything.

Mass, mass to block out Bad Things. Not that there are any.

Oh feck! thinks Father Brown to himself, realising that his church wasn’t on fire. I wonder what that loud crackling sound was? Only one thing for it: time to Mass!

”Ahem!” he starts, gathering a few of the tea-drinking villagers about him.

”I… er… the… um… That is to say that the… er… Nomine… er…”

”What’s that, Father Brown?”

”Speak up, Father!”

”The… er… Nomine and uh… ah feck!”

”Terrible bloody Masses, Father Brown nowadays…” mutters one old lady. ”No feckin’ heart in it… I think I’m going to have to start going to Father Lars’ Masses, you know. Feckin’ marvellous, I heard. Full of spirit, and energy, and… you know… actual Latin, and everything… Tremendous spiritual presence, I heard… Not like this feckin’ eejit… Come on, Marge, let’s feckin’ feck off…”


The Village of Ardglass…


Wear the Bishop, then convince the audience that they are, in fact, better off listening to the priesthood and generally doing what we say.  Also don't shoot me please

”Erm…”

Father Lars’ opening gambit is not necessarily the strongest defensive move he could have made, he reflects.

”I er…”

His follow up being equally weak, the priest wraps the bishop around his naked body like a feather boa – a rather less feathery and boa-y one than normal, it has to be confessed – and, strengthened by his newfound modesty, addresses the audience and TV crew below.

”You know, I, er, I really think you shouldn’t shoot me, you know…  In fact, what I would say, is, generally, if a member of the priesthood suggests it, then you’re probably better off doing something. Like not shooting me. Or, you know, generally storming up them steps there looking for all the world like you’re about to subdue me with those great big lookin’ truncheons you’re wielding there! Ahem…”

The priest lets a nervous laugh escape.

”Wouldn’t you agree, Bishop Lennan?”

Father Lars blinks at Bishop Lennan standing before him.

”Bish- Feck. How- Oh feck.“

Bishop Lennan turns and faces the security guards wielding great big lookin’ truncheons who are making their way up to him and his priest.

”MY NAME IS BISHOP LENNAN, AND YOU CAN STAND THE FECK DOWN. THIS IS MY PRIEST, AND I HAVE HIM UNDER CONTROL. IF YOU LIKE, YOU CAN WATCH. WATCH AND LEARN. WATCH AND LEARN HOW TO PUNCH A FECKIN’ GOBSHITE RIGHT IN THE FECKIN’ FACE!”

Bishop Lennan punches Father Lars right in the feckin’ face!

Father Lars tumbles down the stand, comically bouncing down each step by painful step as Bishop Lennan tears off a nearby seat and thunders down the stand after the priest with it raised above his head.

”TALK, LARS! AND IF YOU VALUE YOUR FECKIN’ BOLLOCKS,” yells the bishop, ”YOU’D BETTER FECKIN’ WELL TALK GOOD! NO PRIEST WRAPS ME AROUND THEIR NAKED BUTTOCKS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT WITH THEIR BOLLOCKS INTACT!”

TO MOLONEY'S HOUSE WE GOOOO! Also, start singing, despite the serious nature of the situation.

Meanwhile, somewhere outside the television studio, a milk float blasts wildly down McDougal Street.

As it gets closer and closer to number 23 – Mrs Moloney’s bungalow, as any eejit knows – a strange noise can be heard. A singing noise!

”I’m a priestly milkman!
I like to deliver milk!
Cheese and juice and dairy products,
And anything of that ilk!”


An eerie chorus echoes from somewhere vaguely off-screen.

”Oh, he’s a priestly milkman!
He’s off on his milk float,
Delivering cheese and milk and stuff,
Is the only thing that floats his boat!”


From within number 23 the approaching high pitched whir of the electric milk float drifts towards the occupant on the morning breeze.

”I’m a priestly milkman!
Delivering milk’s what I do!
Milk and bread and even yoghurts,
Eggs and crème fraiche too!”


”Oh, he’s a priestly milkman!
Delivering’s what he does,
Milk and bread and all sorts of stuff
Delivering’s what gives him his buzz!”


The door to number 23 opens wide as the fresh faced young priestly milkman reaches behind him for his bottles and grabs a pair, leaning out the window.

A wide open dressing gown greets him as he rolls past the bungalow.

”Oh, you’re my hairy milkman!
I’m want your delivery,
Pretend that I’m your milk float,
And then why not-“


There’s a piercing scream!

”Arggh! You’re not Pat Mc feckin’ Custard!!”

There’s an even bigger piercing scream!

”Arhhhgg! A woman!”

The door slams hurriedly shut.

Back in the cockpit of the milk float, Father Fusco is so flabbergasted by the full frontal nudity he’s just witnessed that he barely even notices the old lady crossing the road a hundred feet ahead! In his panic he drops the bottles and slams his foot down, reaching over 5.3 miles per hour!


The Village of Cloonsherevagh Church…


Priorities dealt with, Reilly turned his mind over to the other issue.

Ask the people if any of them know how to work on a car or bomb.

"That was feckin' great!" shouts Father Reilly, overcome with joy at the success of his hymn-along. "But now, really, I’ve also got some serious business, dontchaknow."

He puts on his cheery but serious smile.

"Now...I be needing some help with a friend of mine; his truck's gone a bit crazy with the bombs and needs some help; anyone of ye' a mechanic or one of those feckin' CSI bomb specialists?"

”What’s that, Father Reilly?”

”I think he said he wants a bomb?”

”Or he’s got a bomb?”

"No, no, my dears! My friend’s got a bomb, and I need to get rid of it!"

”Your friend’s not got long?”

”And you want to get rid of him?”

”What’s he say, Edna? He’s after the inheritance? Ooh dear, priests these days, eh. Feckin’ gobshites!”

"No, no! I need a bomb specialist because of the truck!"

”Because of the little what?”

”You should be ashamed of yourself, Father! I’ve never heard such filthy language from a man of the cloth!”

”Perhaps we should call the feckin’ police, Mrs O’Leckerty?”

”No, no, definitely not, he says he got a feckin’ gun!”

”A gun?”

”A gun!?”

”A gun!!”

”Quick, somebody call the feckin’ cops, he’s got a feckin’ gun! Run for your lives!”

In a bustle of sudden but rather slow activity Father Reilly’s congregation flee from the church garden in a panic, knocking each other to the ground and trampling the helpless priest in their desperation.

”Run away!”

One priest is naked! One church is burnt! Father Lars has a -1 Bishop’s Punch Penalty next turn! Father Reilly has a -1 Trampled Penalty next turn!
THE SPEED OF THE MILK FLOAT IS 5.3 MILES PER HOUR! AN OLD LADY LAYS 100 FEET AHEAD!
Spoiler: GM Notes (click to show/hide)
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Re: Roll to Priest 4: Speed 3! Turn Three: In The Nip!
« Reply #254 on: October 15, 2012, 09:26:28 am »

I can't imagine why he didn't like that!

Distract the bishop by pointing out sin!  Flee!  Find clothing!
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.
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